Hand
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK
Rowling, My Name Is Remus Lupin belongs to Sarabeth, Erin belongs to Kaydi(
Sirius' crush, see my name is Sirius Black for more info, or a walk in the
park) and the song Hand belongs to Jars of Clay
A/N:
Oh boy. Well first before you read this you need to understand certain
things. My friend Sara Beth (another fanfic author, quite good if I do say so
my self.) is writing My Name is Remus Lupin (I know the title is a rip-off from
My Name is Sirius Black written by Kaydi, who is also quite talented, but she
is a good friend of ours and she's quite alright with it). The two chapters
that go along with this song fic are
right out of her story, and I have special permission to do this, bc she said I
could. She hasn't posted My Name is Remus Lupin yet so when she does, I don't
want any of you who read that to think that she has copied off me, it is quite
the other way around. By now you are probably confused so Ill just give you a
brief overview of her story so you understand this song fic… My Name is Remus
Lupin is an autobiography about, duh Remus Lupin. The part I'm using for my
song fic is about when Sirius, James and Peter figure out that Remus is a
werewolf. Remus, who is a bit suicidal, which you will figure out once Sara
Beth posts the story, automatically thinks that now they aren't his friends
because they know what he is and tries to kill himself in a "very original"
way. Any way then it tells about how they don't care what Remus is, the fact
that he's their friend is all that matters. The song tells kind of how Remus
feels about the whole thing, about how he's been "shunned" away before bc he
was a werewolf and how he thought that when/if James, Sirius, and Peter figured
out, they would do the same. Then it tells about how they all become friends
and Remus learns that now he actually has "real" friends. It also kinda tells
about how Remus slowly comes to trust them, that explains the hand part. Anyway this starts with Remus' (in his point
of view of course, right after they did odd things to Snape apparently, and
when he says we and us he is referring to the Marauders) first full moon at
Hogwarts and leads up from there…
Ps: the song doesn't come in for a bit… here
goes poop…
Chapter 1: Full Moon
. We did some odd things to Snape, who I think
became more afraid of us than anything.
Erin and Lily became good friends with us. I felt like I'd known all of them forever, even though it had
only been a few weeks. We started to
become well known and respected for our pranks. Teachers everywhere feared us.
James' invisibility cloak and his innocent smile and Sirius's talented
lying abilities were the only thing that kept us out of constant
detention. I was having such a good
time with all of them, that my problem had almost left my mind completely. Then before I knew it, it was the day of
full moon.
We
were in Potions Class that morning.
Professor Beaker was teaching us how to make a potion to cure
boils. Sirius, Peter, James and I were
all working at the same table.
"Now,
don't forget to remove the cauldron from the fire before adding the porcupine
quills," said Professor Beaker. In the
mean time, James and Sirius were busy coming up with the most creative way to
mix the ingredients.
"Let's
see," said Sirius. "How about a little
of this, hmm…maybe some more of that…oh and definitely a whole lot of this." He was randomly dumping ingredients into the
cauldron while James selected new ones to be added. Peter and I, now well aware of the disasters that could be caused
when you let the two of them have anything capable of exploding, kept our
distance. Either by careful planning,
or just good luck, just as Snape was passing by our table, there was a loud
bang and acid green smoke began pouring out of the cauldron.
"Aggghhh! Ouch!" he screamed as the liquid burnt his
skin. "You idiots!"
"All
right!" said Sirius. "That was the
perfect explosion!"
"What
is going on here?" Professor Beaker rushed over, raging with anger. "You! Go to the hospital wing!" he shouted
at Snape. "As for you," he pointed to
Sirius. "You're responsible for this,
aren't you?" Sirius stood, his eyes
wide.
"It
was an accident, Professor," he said.
"Accident!"
Professor Beaker bellowed. "You call
this an accident? Why half of these
ingredients aren't even in the recipe!"
"They're
not?" James pretended to be astounded.
"I
guess you had something to do with this, too?" Professor Beaker asked.
"Something
to do with what?" James asked innocently.
"Yeah,
what did we do wrong?" asked Sirius.
"That's
it! Detention all week! All four of you!" shouted Professor
Beaker. "Starting tonight! And you'll be working hard, Black. I'll be sure of that!" The bell rang then and we rushed out of
class.
"That
man is insane!" shouted Sirius angrily.
"I would have liked to cover him in that potion even more than Snape!"
"It's
all right, Sirius," I said. "We'll all
be in detention together. It can't be
that bad."
"Well
it's not fair!" said Sirius. "He didn't
have any evidence that it wasn't an accident."
"Hey,
I didn't even do anything!" said Peter.
"And I got detention too."
"Oh
get over it!" Sirius snapped at him.
"Stop
fighting, guys," said James. "I mean
after all, it is worth all this to see Snape get burnt like that, right?" He did have a point. And detention couldn't be that bad. Then I remembered. How was I supposed to go to detention when it was full moon? I'd have to report to detention at the same
time I should be leaving. If I didn't
show for detention, I'd get in more trouble, and even worse, Sirius, James and
Peter would think I abandoned them.
What was I supposed to do?
Later
that evening, we sat in the common room.
Detention started at six-thirty, the same time I should have been
leaving. I stared at the clock. 6:00.
We decided to actually work on our homework. 6:10. Our homework was
long forgotten and Sirius and James were planning more pranks. 6:15.
I was too worried about what to do to pay attention to what was going
on. 6:25. I knew I had to leave, so I got up my courage.
"I'm
not feeling so well," I said.
"Really? You all right?" asked James.
"I
don't know," I said. "I think I'm gonna
head down to the hospital wing for a while."
"Trying
to get out of detention, huh?" asked Sirius.
"No,
honestly," I replied. "I really need to
go now!"
"Let
him go," said James. And when he
thought I was out of earshot, he said, "We don't need any chickens in our
group."
I
felt tears forming in my eyes as I left the common room. I hurried to the front door so that they
wouldn't see me leaving when they left for detention. I ran to the whomping willow and entered the passageway. I hated it so much in there. I ran as fast as I could, tears stinging my
eyes and now running down my cheeks.
Why did it have to be this way?
What would I ever tell James, Peter and Sirius? I arrived at the old rundown house. As Dumbledore instructed, I made sure all of
the doors were locked. I looked at the
sun setting. It wouldn't be long now. I
lay down on the floor and watched the last traces of sunlight disappear from
the sky. I drew in a deep breath as I
felt myself being overtaken by the horrible, ugly, hideous monster that I'd
become.
I
awoke the next morning on the floor to sunlight casting shadows through the
windows. I didn't even try to move,
because I knew the pain would be too great.
Blood stained my shirt, and my arms and legs were covered in
scratches. I ached all over. My head was throbbing. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again. But in my subconscious thoughts, I could
remember the night before. Becoming
that horrible werewolf, pacing around, growling, thirsting for human
blood. Clawing and biting ferociously
at whatever I could find. And
changing. The most painful part of all. Taking human form again. Twisting and turning as paws become hands
and fur disappears until I am once again an eleven-year-old kid.
Moaning,
I tried to bring myself to my feet. I
struggled and nearly fell over getting up, then stumbled to a nearby chair and
collapsed into it. Panting, I attempted
to stand again. Regaining balance, I
headed back through the passageway. I
stumbled through, my vision still blurred from the throbbing in my head. I finally found my way back to
Hogwarts. I headed immediately to the
hospital wing, not wanting to be seen by anyone.
"Oh,
hello dear," said the nurse. "Why are
you—oh you must be… right this way."
She led me to a bed where I could lye down.
"I'm
Madame Pomfrey," she introduced herself.
"You are Remus Lupin, correct?"
"Yeah,"
I managed to mumble.
"All
right then," she said. "Dumbledore has
told me about your—um—condition. You
can come here whenever you need to. Now
you need plenty of rest." She pulled
the curtains closed around my bed and I slept.
When
I awoke, it was a lot later because the sun wasn't shining as brightly. I yawned, feeling a considerable amount better
than I had earlier, but still sore and tired.
"Oh,
you've awaken," Madame Pomfrey entered the room. "How are you feeling?"
"Better,"
I said.
"Well,
that's good," she replied. "Your
friends were up earlier asking about you.
They thought you were sick, and I told them you were." I nodded.
"When
can I go back?" I asked.
"I
want you to stay here tonight," she said.
"Perhaps tomorrow if you're feeling up to it." I nodded. All the energy
I'd had when I woke up seemed to have faded and I fell back asleep.
I
awoke late morning the next day. I was
now feeling mostly back to normal. I
sat up.
"So
how are you feeling?" asked Madame Pomfrey.
I thought.
"Hungry,"
I said. She laughed and then got me
some soup. After finishing, I didn't
feel much like sleeping anymore.
"Would
you like to go back to your common room now?" she asked. "Lunch will be in about twenty minutes."
"Yeah,"
I replied, standing up, shakily. She
handed me my black robe, which I put on over top of my still bloodstained shirt. I headed back to the common room. Luckily, that day was double Transfiguration
Class, so James, Sirius and Peter weren't there. I went to our dorm room to change out of my bloodstained clothes
and get ready for lunch. A few minutes
later, I headed down to the Great Hall.
"Hey
Remus!" I heard James' voice behind me.
"Wait up!" Oh, great, I thought. They're going to yell at me for not coming
to detention. They're going to leave me
just like all of my other friends had.
"Hi,"
said James, in a friendly tone.
"Hi,"
I replied.
"So
you were sick?" asked Sirius. I nodded.
"Oh—uh
sorry about the other night then," he said.
"It's
okay," I said. So they weren't
mad. "How was detention?" I asked.
"Not
that bad," said James. Peter acted like
he wanted to protest. "We had to go to
the forbidden forest with Hagrid. You
know, the giant guy that was helping us with the boat?" I nodded.
"You're
coming tonight, right?" asked Sirius.
"Yeah,"
I replied. "Was Beaker mad that I
wasn't there?"
"I
think so," said Peter. "Then Dumbledore
told him that you excused because you were sick. He didn't say anything after that."
"The
forbidden forest is the best!" said Sirius.
"Yeah,"
agreed James. "We have to go exploring
down there sometime on our own," he added.
" and I wonder why that Whomping Willow tree is there? It has to be there for a reason." I didn't say anything.
Chapter 2: The Secret's Out
We
took the rest of our detentions, which weren't that bad. James and Sirius didn't go to explore the
forest on their own any time soon after, though. Snape was furious with us every since the explosion. He'd been healed by Madame Pomfrey, but he
claimed it still hurt. If he expected
our pity it just made him all the more pathetic.
The
weeks went by. Full moons came and
went. I lied my way out of them. Once I was sick again, and twice I went to
visit my ill mother. Halloween came and
went. We had a big feast. James, Sirius, Peter and I went from being
good friends to being absolute best friends. Our pranks became better, too.
Christmas neared and we all stayed at Hogwarts that year.
It
was Christmas Eve and we were in our dorm room, studying. We wanted to finish all of our schoolwork so
we could have a good break. I had
missed a lot of the things we'd learned in class.
When
did we learn this?" I stared blankly at a puzzling page in our A Beginner's Guide to 101 Simple Potions book.
"Oh,
that?" said Sirius, checking his calendar.
"That was when you were sick."
He explained it to me. I finished
and continued on to the next assignment, which was for History of Magic class.
"When
did we ever learn about the Salem Witch Trials?" I asked, confused. Sirius checked his calendar once again.
"Well,
I can't be positive, because I'm pretty sure I slept through that class," he
said. "but I think that was when you were visiting your mum."
"Oh,"
I said, realizing that I shouldn't mention anymore about things I'd missed in
class. I went back to studying. The room was quiet. Too quiet.
I glanced up and sure enough, Sirius and James weren't there. I walked out of the room too look for
them. I found them standing on the
stairs, talking quietly.
"Hey
guys," I said. "What are you doing out
here?" They both jumped, startled and
Sirius shoved something behind his back.
I looked at them, and they stared back, blankly.
"What?"
I asked. "What is it."
"You're a werewolf," Sirius said it
as though he'd just said the sky were blue.
I'm here waiting for something new to break my
heart
So callous laden, I can't feel a thing at all
Will You catch my fall?
I
stared at him stunned with shock. He
stared back, looking as surprised that he'd just said it as I did to hear
it. The delayed reaction finally came
to me. They knew. I turned and ran as fast as I could.
Fear is keeping time with the beating of my heart
Doin' way too much thinkin'
And it's tearing me apart
But I, I feel You reach for me
Finding the closest place to hide, which happened to be the bathroom, I
locked myself inside. I sat down in the
corner and cried. I sobbed loudly and
didn't care. My only friends had found
out my terrible secret. And I was
certain of one thing. No one wanted to
be friends with a werewolf. Other
people had made that quite clear. I
wanted to be dead. There was no reason
left for me to live. I sobbed even
harder. I could hear the voices of
James and Sirius shouting, but I didn't listen to what they were saying. I didn't want to know. What's the use to live when you've got no
one to share your laughs, to comfort your tears, to stand by your side no
matter what, to be a true friend forever?
I thought I'd found three people who I could consider true friends. Why did everything always go so wrong for
me? Everything I'd ever wanted seemed
impossible to have. I'd rather die a thousand times over than
live this miserable life, I thought.
I wanted to die, to be free from this living nightmare. But what could I do? I didn't have my wand with me. There was a sink. Could I drown myself?
Still
sobbing and wishing it didn't have to be this way, I plugged up the sink and
began to fill it with water. I heard
sounds of someone at the door. It
sounded like they were picking the lock.
Just get it over with, I told
myself. I leaned over, hanging limply
from the sink, most of my head immersed in the water. I couldn't breathe. At
first it was terrifying and painful, but then the pain faded and became dull. I could feel myself slipping away to
unconsciousness.
From lost and not found, to run and not hide
My hand inside... (Your hand)
Losing my grip falling so far
My hand inside Your hand
Just
before I did, I heard the bathroom door creak open.
"Remus!"
I heard Sirius's voice shout. "Remus!"
he pulled my face out of the water. I
coughed and gasped for breath.
From lost and not found, to run and not hide
My hand inside... (Your hand)
"No,"
I whispered as I lye on the floor. "It
was so close to being all over." Sirius
stared at me, puzzled.
"What
were you thinking?" he shouted. "Trying
to get yourself killed?" James came
running in. He looked at Sirius then at
me with a confused expression.
"Why
don't we go back to the dorm room?" he suggested. They got up and left. I
followed. This was it. It was all over now. They knew and they didn't want to be friends
with me anymore. They'd go tell
everyone that "Remus Lupin is a werewolf."
I entered the dorm room, where Sirius and James were sitting, silently. I ignored them and began packing my things
in my trunk. I couldn't stay at
Hogwarts anymore. I couldn't face the
humiliation. I'd have to leave and
return home to spend the rest of my life locked away from the world because no
one could accept me for who I was, what I was.
James watched me packing and opened his mouth as though he wanted to say
something, but no words came out. Then,
suddenly, Sirius burst out laughing.
Yes, laughing. James stared at
him, surprised. Oh great, I thought. He's not going to waste any time on making
fun of me. And Snape thought he had it
bad. But that wasn't it at all.
"You
honestly think that we'd stop being your friends just because you're a
werewolf?" Sirius continued hysterically laughing. "I thought you knew us better than that!" James slowly began to smile, then he was
laughing, too. I looked at the two of
them and began laughing through my tears.
Looking back, the whole thing was kind of ridiculous. You have to be able to trust your friends. (Until, of course they murder your other
best friends and laugh about it, but that doesn't come until later.)
I hear Your
voice and follow
So hard to believe, and still I go
"You
are our friend, Remus," James said kindly.
"We would never like you any less because of a small little thing like
that." He smiled that infamous smile that could brighten any room. I couldn't fight the smile forming in the
corners of my mouth. They were still my
friends. They had accepted me for who I
was. I had found my true friends.
"Now
you quit packing right now because you're not going anywhere!" said Sirius.
"One
more thing," I said quietly. "You guys
won't tell anyone, right?"
"Of
course not," said James, and Sirius nodded.
"Are
you guys serious?" I asked to reinforce their answer.
"No,"
Sirius said. James looked at him,
confused. This was it. They'd been lying. They hated me.
"He's
James and I'm Sirius!" Sirius shouted,
grinning. We laughed at his old joke.
"I
think we need to tell Peter when he comes back, though," said James. "He should know." I agreed. He was our
other friend.
"So,
where do you go when it's full moon?" asked Sirius. I told both of them about the house, which was now known as the
Shrieking Shack. I'd heard that people
thought it was haunted. Of course I
knew better than that. When I finished,
Sirius looked interested.
"Wow,"
he said. "A secret passage." I knew I'd said too much when I saw that
mischievous smile appear on his face.
