Disclaimer: Gundam wing or its characters are not mine…if I ever said that I did I'd be bouncing off rubber walls.
Warnings: Yaoi, 1x2, 3+4, comic violence.
The Perfect Manager
Heero Yuy brushed down the stripped polyester shirt before making sure the paper hat was straight. Checking his image once again in staff room mirror, the Japanese man slammed his locker shut. He pinned his nametag on and was set.
Opening the staff room door Heero surveyed the Kitchens and disillusioned workers.
He was Heero Yuy, the Perfect Fast Food Manager.
With his clipboard he went to check everything was running smoothly in his restaurant chain.
The manager passed the fair-haired boy, Quatre who was working on the tills. "Would you like fries with that?" He chirped, as if he hadn't already said it thousands of times before.
Nothing wrong there, Heero thought.
Pausing to the over side of the Kitchen, Trowa was scooping fries into cardboard holders, and leaving them in the heat of the infrared lamp. Grease could be seen soaking through the cardboard. Heero wondered momentarily if he should make Trowa wear a hair net but decided the paper hat was sufficient.
Glancing over he noted that Wufei was teaching the new recruit how to assemble burgers.
Then Heero arrived at the griddle fryer.
A young boy with his long chestnut hair pulled back tightly into a braid hummed obliviously to himself. The long locks still looked beautiful despite the fat that hung in the air.
Duo still hadn't noticed the Manager's observations as he flipped the half cooked lumps of beef. Heero let his eyes trail down to the dark synthetic trousers, that were tight enough to show off that as—
The Manager was broken from his thoughts when Duo finally looked up and grinned, "Hiya Heero."
"Duo, that should be Mr. Yuy."
The smile never left the American's face as he winked, "I know Heero."
Sighing, Heero scribbled down something onto his clipboard and asked, "Duo, has anyone found the freezer door keys."
A row of burgers was flamboyantly flipped onto a wire mesh to let the excess grease drip off, "Nope."
Heero sighed and massaged his temples, "It's been 3 days, how could you lose them?"
"Keys are easy things to loose."
Glaring at Duo, the Manager could feel is patience slipping away, "But they were attached to a foot long spanner [1], How could you loose that?!"
There was a pregnant pause, and the braided worker looked deep in thought, "I must admit, it is a new one on me."
Sighing Heero scribbled furiously onto his clipboard. It was no use; Duo was back to frying burgers.
The sizzling of the fat bored into Heero's mind as his eyes travelled over the American's body. Duo never seemed upset or depressed, despite working in this generic hellhole.
Something in Heero snapped, "Wufei!"
Said Deputy Manager looked up from his burger assembly lessons, and Heero directed, "I'm going to my office with Duo, you're in charge."
The Chinese boy nodded and turned back to the troublesome recruit.
Duo heard his name and looked to see hungry Prussian blue eyes and they certainly weren't hungry for the artery clogging steroid injected meals they served.
The burger flipper yelped and dropped his metal spatula when the Manager grabbed his braid and started pulling him in the direction of his private office.
~~
Wufei ground his teeth in frustration. The recruit was hardly new and yet he still couldn't do this simple job after a month.
"Now," The Chinese Deputy started, "I like a nice centralised burger."
Alex nodded, but Wufei doubted if anything was sinking in. It hadn't the last hundred times.
"You start with the bottom half of the bun, then put the beef patty in the centre of that."
Another nod.
Wufei fished out two gherkin slices and laid them down on the burger patty, "As you can see, the pickles go in the centre."
Alex remained silent and only nodded.
"Then all you need is the ketchup and mustard, in an even circle shape."
His black eyes glanced up at Alex.
"The other half of the toasted bun goes on top…in the centre."
Wufei lifted up the complete burger, showing Alex. "This is a centralised burger. You've been here a month, I do not want to see any more sloppy burger assembly from you."
Alex started making another burger, immediately just slapping a meat patty haphazardly onto the synthetic bun.
The Deputy's teeth threatened to crack from the pressure. He pulled the half-completed burger away and threw it into the bin.
"If I see you doing that again, I will make you drink a pint of pickle juice!" He saw Alex glance to one of the half-empty pickle jars, before looking back to Wufei to give a dopey smile.
Wufei tore his paper hat from his hair and stormed out to the back to have a cigarette break.
~~
Quatre was slowly starting to panic; they had run out of sachets of ketchup!
He paced around from behind the counters and through Kitchens. He couldn't find Heero or Wufei anywhere!
The blond passed Trowa who was still dutifully piling thin fries into cardboard cartoons.
"Trowa, have you seen Mr. Yuy or Wufei?"
The green-eyed boy stopped his shovelling for a moment and replied, "I saw Mr. Yuy go into his office."
The cashier's face lighted up and he gratefully hugged Trowa.
With the fry boy trying to fend off a blush from the contact, Quatre beamed "Thank you!" Before scurrying off in the direction of Heero's office.
He arrived at the ominous door with 'Manager. Heero Yuy. Private.' Quatre was about to cautiously knock when he heard sounds from the other side of the door.
Various moans and groans were coming from within the office, accompanied by a rhythmic thumping of office furniture.
Quatre held his breath, and rapped on the door with his knuckles. He tried to calmly ask, "Umm Mr. Yuy, can I have the keys to the store room?"
The thumping never ceased with it's steady rhythm and the sound of papers and pencil holders falling to the floor was added.
An irritated reply came from the office, "No. Go away. Ugh…"
Quatre started to break out in a cold sweat…and backed away from the office.
~~
Wufei finished his cigarette and walked through the back door to the kitchens. Positioning his hat back onto his head he walked through the kitchens checking to see if everything was okay.
Nothing seemed out of order until he passed the burger assembly.
Alex was just finishing up one of the messiest burgers Wufei had ever seen. Ketchup and mustard dribbled everywhere; the patty has hanging half out the mashed up yellow bun.
The Deputy Manager had enough.
"Right, you!"
Alex looked around to see his fuming supervisor, and he started to grasp the seriousness of the situation.
Wufei emitted a blood-chilling scream.
~~
Heero stepped out of his office, a smirking Duo following.
The American gave him a pat on the ass before wondering off to resume his griddle station.
The Manager glared at the worker, before tightening his tie.
With his clipboard he walked through the aisles in the kitchen. He turned a corner to see Wufei, Alex and a pickle jar empty of pickles.
His Deputy had the new recruit in a strangle hold on the floor, the jar of vial pickle juice at Alex's lips.
Wufei cried, "I told you I'd make you drink this, now do it!!"
The off green liquid spilled into Alex's mouth, making him gag and choke. But Wufei forced his mouth shut and held his nose, making him involuntary swallow.
"That will teach you for not making a centralised burger! Justice will be served!!"
The Manager turned so his back was to the scene, and tapped his clipboard.
He hadn't seen that at all. Nope.
Heero Yuy, the Perfect Manager wondered off to check on the rest of the restaurant.
~~
It was several hours after the 'pickle jar' incident. Heero was indignantly cleaning out the Milkshake machine.
Sometimes being the manager really wasn't what it was cracked up to be.
Heero had just about finished emptying the machine when he looked into the top.
Something at the bottom of the storage tank made him pale.
He reached into what was left of the sticky dairy gloop and pulled out the object from the bottom.
In his hand, he held a cold, calcified object…shaped like a spanner.
"Duo!"
A few seconds later, the burger flipper pocked his head from behind some silver kitchen equipment. "Yes Heero?"
The Japanese man turned and held the spanner shaped object in front of Duo's face, a pair of key shaped objects dangling from the end.
Duo's mouth hung open before he whispered. "Oops."
"Oops?! This could get us shut down!"
The worker's eyes went wide, trying to look as pitiful as possible, "I don't know how it got there."
Before Heero's blood pressure got a chance to explode, raised voices could be heard from the tills.
Looking around the corner, both Heero and Duo saw two customers fighting, with Quatre in the middle. The argument seemed to be about a woman called 'Trisha'.
The slight boy was trying to break them up, waving his arms pleading, "Please, there's no reason to fight! If you just calmed…"
One of the customers took a look at Quatre, and seemed to dislike the intrusion. Pulling his fist back he hit the Cashier square in the face.
Quatre was on the floor, holding his bloody nose. But before Heero could even register what was happening, Trowa had grabbed one of the large heavy metal scrapers used for cleaning the fryers.
With a feat of acrobatic skill, Trowa had leapt over the counter and using the metal scraper landed a blow onto the man that had hit Quatre.
The attacker was knocked out cold on the floor, before the rest of the restaurant slid into chaos. The other customer jumped on Trowa and they both started battering each other.
Heero saw Duo run past him, and slide over the counter to help his work mate. Before long, Wufei had jumped over the counter screaming a ferocious war cry.
In a matter of seconds all the staff and customers were involved in a brawl.
The Manager looked around the Kitchens; no one was there. He looked down at the spanner in his hand, dairy chemicals dripping over his hand to the floor.
Heero Yuy, the Perfect Manager, dropped the spanner and jumped over the counter. Someone immediately grabbed him from behind, but the Japanese man shoved his elbow into his assailant's ribs.
The Perfect Ex-Manager continued to fight viciously with the other customers, fully aware of the security cameras that were recording the whole incident.
No doubt they'd be use by head office to sack him and the rest of the employees.
But Heero was having too much fun.
The End.
[1] Spanner…ummm…wrench? I dunno, sometimes Americans have problems with that word.
Author's Notes:
All based on true stories, as told by my friend John. Yup, the spanner in the milk shake, the shagging in the office, the pickle juice, and the brawl…all happened.
Please review, is senseless violence as amusing to others as it is to me?