"A conscious heart is not immune to change.

It takes because it wants everything, and gives because it deserves nothing.

A human heart is one that has the willingness to forgive oneself,

to have love for oneself,

And, to have mercy for oneself."

Chapter 1 — Sincerely, a Liar

A hundred tree leaves swayed. Tiny, dancing shadows formed to a ruffled promenade under a star-filled sky. From this high perch—overlooking the walkways and distant courtyard of the school grounds—both the bright and dim shades of dusk were sprawled in clear, unobstructed view as one shade bled into the other.

Captivating, just as well as it was cold. The accompanying chill of the approaching evening had made the lone student realize just how much of her mind she had let wander so aimlessly, collecting those wistful, impassioned thoughts. Thoughts both endearing and sad, both bitter and sweet. Warmth of her breath formed to short-lived puffs whenever her hands cupped over her nose.

"What am I doing?" Ichika muttered with a slow shake to her head.

One room. One room for each of them—her and her sisters. That was the promise they had all made for each other; the rule to yet another game. No matter what may come of the next few moments—whatever choice Uesugi Fuutarou would make—the five of them shall accept the outcome, knowing that this past year had given them ample time to lay their hearts bare. It was closure. Closure for themselves, for any harsh feelings left to bury, and for the person fate had humorously twisted between them.

Ichika took long back and forth strides across the balcony, running her fingers across the cold metal rails. "Sorry, Fuutarou." Ichika muffled a short giggle. "We haven't always been the most fair to you, have we? From the very beginning, things always ended up being a little harder than they needed to be. We've troubled you. We've placed burdens on you. Not like this time is any different, either."

She breathed slowly again into her palms. "I wonder... just what kind of face would you be making right about now? How slowly you must be walking through these empty halls. After all this time, do you have any doubts behind that door you're standing behind? Whether it be Nino, Miku, Yotsuba, Itsuki..."

The short puffs of her breath grew in tandem with the time she spent in this lonely silence. Ichika wondered, between the large wave of change that was the entirety of this past year, just when had she found the time to appreciate a moment where time moved slowly? A long, tranquil moment to simply think without distraction.

Adolescence and youth seemed like such a strange thing to look back on now. She had thought of it as something much older people would do for the times that had already fleeted. For both pleasantries and for regrets. Eighteen years to a lifetime. Eighteen years as the eldest of her sisters. Even if they were all quintuplets, the responsibility of the eldest sister had a funny way of finding itself onto her shoulders. To be the first shoulder to cry on; to be the first to turn to for advice; to be the first to take a step forward.

Eighteen years. Eighteen years, yet, nothing ever did quite compare to the journey she would call this past year. Debuting as an actress, owning their first apartment, making it to graduation—a fitting finale to these past years of high school and onto that even stranger thing called adulthood.

It was those collective moments across a single year that made the past Nakano Ichika seem so simple and wide-eyed in comparison. It was the fresh fallen snow that molded ambitious footprints marched forward. It was slow dribbles of an early rain, oblivious to any warnings of the coming storm. It was the insufferable fluster of summer heat—a swelter so harsh, the world would hardly blame you for hesitating and turning back. It was everything. Everything that resembled her true self, collected to these fateful days.

And, it was the bittersweet taste of her first love.

"...and, whether it be me too." Ichika leaned onto the railings so that her chin tucked into her arms. "Would it be...okay for me to dream just a little bit? At least that much? After all, how much longer do we have to hold onto these feelings?"

Perhaps time moving so quickly had always been a blessing in disguise. This long, patient silence bled like the trickle of sand through an hourglass. It only took one long gaze for time to move to a crawl; like eyes were the invisible hands that somehow choked the thin, fragile neck of the glass. Slow, trickling passage.

This seeming pause of time was not just time spent alone by herself, but with herself—with Nakano Ichika. What right did she have to be proud? If this past year was everything that encompassed her—down to the true colors of her heart—then she deserved nothing.

No matter how much she may think that she may have grown, Ichika knew one thing that would not change; that being the oldest of the five sisters, trust was inherent. Trust was something that seemingly fell right into place without any question. An elder sister who could tell no lies. An elder sister who should tell no lies. Naturally, that also meant convincing lies—even a little white lie here and there—trickled off the tongue as easily as it was to breathe. Truth and lies were the bow and strings of an instrument, and if dissonance could disguise as melody, then Nakano Ichika was a virtuoso.

If it was just one truth she could tell herself, it was that someone who takes everything deserves nothing. Starvation fitting for a black heart.

And still, she continued to watch. To watch and wait, with nothing but the repetition of branches, leaves, and especially, the passing breeze. It was sweet, blissful, repentant silence.

A silence a little less lonely.

"Cold out here, isn't it?" the voice candidly surrounded her.

A voice she knew far too well. One capable of both frustration and fluster. A voice that spoke sweet, endearing words, and just as well scolded with patience so thinned—all behind the gentle hand caressing over head. "...Ichika."

It was almost too easy.

She had thought herself as content with the way things were, as complacent with anything else but this. She tried. She tried as hard as she could, but it was all too easy. Nothing else in the world could ever make her betray the peace she had long tried to settle in her mind. Nothing else in the world could quickly make every other thought meaningless.

"...yeah." Ichika muttered. "It is, Fuutarou-kun."

A stiff, hesitant silence was not something to be surprised with when it came to Fuutarou. That was fine. This moment was enough. Anything more, and Ichika would not have the first idea on what to do, or what to say. It gave her more time to calm her rapidly-beating heart, but even if the stars in the sky would eventually fade, Ichika felt like it would hardly slow a beat.

Fuutarou took a deep breath. "Ichika—"

"Fuutarou-kun." Ichika straightened her arms with a long, slow pull of the railings. "Is it alright if we just stand here quietly for a little bit longer? Sorry, but, a part of me is still trying to convince me that you picked the room with the wrong quint. I won't be mad if you did." She laughed to herself. "You do know you can't just go sneaking up on a girl like that when she's alone, you know?"

Her eyes turned to the evening sky. "Just a moment ago, you seemed so far away, Fuutarou-kun. I've had a long time to think it over. More than I thought I would ever need. A year has come and gone, just like that, and we all have changed so much. It's almost bizarre. Ever since you entered our lives... there are times where I just can't find the right things to say or think when it comes to you. Right now, I just want to stay right here. You don't mind, do you?"

Please, Ichika begged her own beating heart, please slow down. Just a little bit. Otherwise, I hardly will be able to to think strai—

"Actually," Fuutarou interrupted with an unexpected harshness to his tone, "I do mind. I mind the absolute hell out of it."

"Huh?" Ichika finally turned to him, hardly able to contain the stiffened expression on her face. Far too quick that the sentimental tears in her eyes had hardly started to surface. "Come again..?"

"I said it bothers the hell out of me, Ichika."

She gave a long, confused look. So, that was the kind of face Fuutarou was making. A rosy flush across his cheeks. The tight wrap of his fingers over the metal rails of the balcony. Brows furrowed deeply with a nervous drop of sweat to its side. Fluster and frustration, perfect to the last letter.

"You have a lot of nerve trying to make any more demands from me," Fuutarou said. "After all the trouble you girls keep putting me through. Especially you, Ichika. All of the constant teasing, the insubordination, nearly dropping out of school and making me spend so much of my hard-earned money to drag you back, and... that... kiss..."

Fuutarou rushed a cough, seemingly to mask the sudden slow cadence of his voice. "...and for making me search for you all the way up here, and for picking the furthest room on the highest floor of the entire school! Of course I mind it!"

He paused only to collect his breath. "I was the one who owed the five of you an answer. I thought long and hard about how I should handle this. All this time... all this time I took to muster the courage, yet you all still find ways to get right under my skin with your mischievous games." He placed a firm hand over his chest. "I think it's about time I put down some of my own rules too! Starting now, I am going to tell you everything about how I feel, Ichika, and you are going to listen."

"Huh...?" Ichika repeated again. If, by any chance, Ichika would imagine the way Uesugi Fuutarou would confess to a girl, then she had hardly expected it to be like this. Such a thought could only lead to a sudden puff of her cheeks that quickly escaped into laughter. "What the heck is all of that, Fuutarou? Here I was, trying to make a special memory of this; I should have known you'd pull something unexpected. Like, I knew you were fussy, but this is something else! It's hilarious! Were you really holding all of that in, all of this time?"

"Tch." Fuutarou clicked his teeth. "Go ahead, keep teasing me. Get it all out of your system."

Even if she were the only one, Ichika laughed. What on earth could she ever call this feeling? It felt like all the restlessness, all the anxiety had been snatched away, and all she could do was laugh. "Sorry, sorry," she said. "I really just don't know what to say right now or how to feel at all right now. I've been trying my hardest, but lately, I just can't think straight at all when it comes to you." Ichika collected herself, then faced him. "It's been hard for you, hasn't it, Fuutarou? All this time... just... sorry. Please, go ahead. I want to hear all of it. What exactly is Uesugi Fuutarou thinking right now?"

The reddish flush to Fuutarou's face had already made it all the way to the ends of his ears. His hand covered the twist and squirm of his lips and Ichika wanted nothing more than to pry his hands away so that she may savor every last detail of his embarrassed face. She wanted to. She wanted to do all of that and more, but for now, Ichika knew Fuutarou deserved at least this much. This bashful face of Fuutarou's did nothing to hide the embarrassment in his eyes and Ichika dared not to look away from them for a second. She tucked the fringe of her hair behind her ear, facing Fuutarou earnestly. "I'm all ears."

Fuutarou steeled himself. There was no turning back now. "For the longest time, all I was good for was studying. All I strived for was studying. At school, at home, weekends, holidays, before bed and almost every other waking moment, I studied. I thought I was doing something good for myself and for my family. Walking by and seeing my name on top of that list everyday, it convinced me that I was doing something right And so I stood, unchanging."

He took a slow breath. "But soon, life will throw more at me than just papers to tests and marks for quizzes. Even if I go on to a good college, get a job, and help pay off the family debt, what else would there be left for me? At what point during all of that will I have considered my life has begun? A year ago, I would not have seen a problem with any of it. A year ago, I could not have cared any less for something like the school festival, or going to the beach with classmates. And even further than all of that, I would have scoffed over the idea of it, but... well, love is... I... I never really understand liking someone, or affection, or intimacy, or... any of that stuff at all, really. It was all just a waste of time. But then... you five somehow ended up in my life"

He paused, looking into her eyes.

"You five... the, without a doubt, most... troublesome. Annoying. Idiotic group of sisters I would ever have the misfortune of getting tangled up with."

Ichika gave a nervous chuckle.

"The five of you didn't give a damn about studying or your grades. I thought the five of you were near-hopeless; that you were all lost, spoiled brats without a shred of discipline, and it was my job to correct that. It was just business. I was going to help you all reach graduation. Then, I found myself getting more and more involved with more than just your studies, but your futures as well. I wanted nothing more than to see bright futures for all of you, even going as far as to thinking it was my responsibility, when all I was really doing was meddling."

"Meddling?" Ichika raised a brow. "You're giving yourself too little credit, Fuutarou. You don't realize just how much you've helped us when we were just five fools."

"No, you don't get it." Fuutarou sighed. "In the end the most foolish person of all was... me. As if I were any better beyond academia. You asked me before, 'why does a tutor like you have to care so much about this?' And, you were right. But before I could come up with a real answer to it, it was already too late. I let myself fall and drown in everything that has happened in the past year. Like everything I knew didn't matter anymore. Like I was slowly betraying the ideal I had long set for myself, but that wasn't true at all; I was only realizing the truth I had always rejected and kept away. You five aren't the ones who were lost. I was."

"What do you mean, Fuutarou?" asked Ichika. "All I can really think of were the countless times we've been nothing but a bother to you. Saying something like that is... well..."

"You're not wrong." Fuutarou bluntly stated.

Ichika knew better than to be surprised over something she so willingly stated, but it was hard not to show it on her face "You really don't mince your words, do you?"

"Ha." Fuutarou gave a dry laugh. "If that were true, then I'd have unleashed hell on you and those four living-headaches you call 'sisters' a long time ago. You don't know half of the things I've always wanted to say."

"Well aren't you just the charmer, Fuutarou." Ichika chuckled. "But I guess saying something like that is just like you. Then? What good could five pretty little disasters have brought into your life?"

"To be honest with you..." Fuutarou looked to the stars in the sky. "More than I could have ever imagined. You five were the ones who taught me what I needed to learn about was myself. Even if that part about being a bother was true, not every day was unpleasant. Meeting the five of you... I feel like I finally understand now. I can come to understand some things that really do matter."

Ichika remained silent. The look in Fuutarou's eyes was enough to tell. They were not the same like she had always looked into. They were wiser, a little more mature. It was a brief glint much like her own. One that had starred into the budding spirit of foolish adolescence, gathered all of its precious memories, and tucked it somewhere that will never be forgotten.

"Nino is harsh, brash, and sometimes, that girl can be downright terrifying." Fuutarou said with a nervous glance over his shoulder, as if Nino were somehow listening. "She's a bullet train whose stops are only to hell and back. Right when we met, the two of us could hardly get along, much less think on the same page. Though, with time, I've come to understand a little bit about her. Nino is that way because she is proud, and because she is honest to a fault. She has something she values more than anything in the world, and anything or anyone else be damned. What she wants may eventually change, but if its anything Nino knows, it's that everything she needs, she already has. She never hides who she is, she never stumbles when it comes to her feelings, and I cannot help but have nothing but respect for her. Nino has taught me that there is no time in this world for nonsense, and there is nothing more frivolous than second-guessing yourself."

"Miku has always seemed like that shy, meek kind of girl." Fuutarou's expression softened to a calm smile. "She was someone whose feelings only mattered for herself. Even with four identical sisters, Miku looked lonely. A mysterious, soft-spoken quint with her own dorky tastes, but riddled with self-doubt. She was a student that I thought I had to carefully handle so that she could fully bloom, but all she needed... was nothing more than a tiny push. Just a little nudge in the right direction. Miku has always been strong, and has never been any less than capable, and the person that she has become can make any sister, friend, and teacher proud. Staying beside Miku it's taught me that who you are isn't the kind of person you've always convinced yourself to be."

"Yotsuba... where do I even start with Yotsuba?" Fuutarou pinched his chin, thinking of all the words for her. "From the very start, Yotsuba was the only compliant one with me being your tutor. She was someone who I felt fortunate for having stood by my side, but I realized, so did she with everyone else. Her tutor, friends, clubs, and especially her sisters. She is loud, a little too outgoing, and it may look like that girl wears her heart right on her sleeve, but no one is ever that simple. She is a terrible liar with a lot to hide. Someone who selflessly keeps her distance, where all her secrets can be safe. From Yotsuba, I've come to understand that selfishness is sometimes deserved, even if it means to disagree with others."

"Itsuki is... well... hmm..." Fuutarou furrowed his brows. This quint was a bit of a struggle for him. "Well, Itsuki and I never see eye to eye, and I don't think we ever will. We argue and we fight the moment we walk into the same room. But, there was a certain nosy older sister that helped me realize something. That we fight like we're friends; that we are too alike. Itsuki may be dense, she may stubborn—no, she one hundred percent is—but so am I. She is so awkwardly stupid that she doesn't even know how much of an idiot she can be—and I am guilty all the same. However, the Itsuki I never got to see was someone who tries every day live up to to the expectations she put onto herself, and when she fails, there is no one harder on her than herself. As much as we disagree with one another, I can't help but acknowledge it. Itsuki is earnest, but more importantly, she is humble."

Fuutarou took a deep breath, then faced forward. "And you, Ichika..."

"Oh no..." Ichika's cheeks flustered. She definitely knew this was coming, but even if she did, nothing could prepare her how anxious her heart grew. "I'd never have thought I'd say this, but a part of me wishes you'd keep talking about other girls, Fuutarou."

"Ichika." Fuutarou stood straight. "You are a lot of things. You are the oldest, the hardest-working, and the one whose always held her head highest. You look after your sisters more than anyone else, and there is nothing you wouldn't give to see the best for them. Before I knew it, I already started relying on you too. When things got tough and I unsure of what to do, you always noticed and gave me advice. When I told you acting was a waste of time that would get in the way of your studies, you did nothing but prove me wrong. Truthfully, I sometimes am envious of you. You sometimes might act as spoiled as the rest of them, but you really do give it your all. You really are one heck of an older sister. Always looking at your future, working hard on your dreams, studying during your rehersals... it's no wonder the rest of them can look up to you. I could do well to learn all of that from you."

"Yeah..." Ichika looked down, a half-hearted smile forming on her lips.

No, she thought to herself. Just how much do you think you could understand in only one year? She was a liar. From the very start, she has always been a liar. The wise, older sister who can be blindly trusted without a hint of doubt. The actress who knew a million words for a thousand faces. A liar who deserved nothing, especially not envy. "Thank you, Fuu—"

"But, more than just the oldest," Fuutarou loudly proclaimed, "you are also an identical quint. The 'oldest' one only by a few seconds before your other sisters. Ask yourself how ridiculous that might sound sometimes. Your confidence has always been your greatest strength, but past that cool and mature exterior, I saw someone who learned to fake all of it. I saw someone who held their head the highest because she had to. But, for once you need to tell yourself that it's okay for you to make some mistakes of your own too. It's okay to forgive yourself when you are wrong. You are a lot of things, Ichika. You are air-headed, lazy, undisciplined, and a complete slob. You are also mature, composed, and right now, you are the most beautiful I have ever seen you."

Fuutarou suffered one moment of hesitation when he saw just how wide Ichika's eyes grew. He saw how suddenly her body jerked, how quickly her face grew red, and the twitch of her lips, no doubt empty of any words to react, that the only sound she could make was something between a choke, a gasp, and a quickly-muffled yelp, all at once. "Fuutarou-kun..." Ichika begun, but he would not let her.

"You are human," Fuutarou said. "You are you. Someone who always shined brightest in my eyes. A proud and troublesome student who went beyond all of my expectations. A kind, loving older sister with a heart sometimes too big for her own good. A partner whose true smile tells me everything I already know. And, a girl who knows the exact words to make every piece of my mind scatter, and if it means having to spend the rest of my life confused, defenseless, and embarrassed, then it will all be worth it if it meant that person beside me was you, Ichika."

Ichika was hopeless.

Honest, sincere feelings, stripped bare with no more lies left to hide behind. It was not fair. It was not fair for there to be someone in the world that could see straight through her. It was not fair that he was standing right here in front of her. Uesugi Fuutarou. That one troubled boy she had curiously approached in the school cafeteria. The memory of the boy she had once met five years ago in Kyoto. The pry of his fingers, pulling apart the fake smile she had always thought perfect. His tired, meddling head that rested peacefully on her lap on that park bench. His unending stubbornness that rivaled her own. The abiding sweetness of his lips.

Everything. Every last moment. Pure, simple love reminiscent from the smallest flicker of a campfire in that dim camp storeroom. The lingering scent of smoke, the brief rain of the sprinklers, the dance she always wanted, the small glint of a dainty, little campfire in his golden eyes. A year's worth of glowing memories that fanned that stubborn, relentless flame.

And all Ichika wanted to do was burn.

"Ha... How's that?" A trickle of sweat fell from Fuutarou's brow, and still, he forced a cocky grin. The heaviness of his breath had finally broken through, but the only sensation he would concern himself with was the loud throbbing at his chest. "Where has that cool, playful older sister gone? Have I finally won one over you? Isn't this when you always have something t—"

"Fuutarou."

"Hu—"

Fuutarou felt thin arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer. One last lie. It would be the last lie Ichika would ever tell. Just one last lie.

"Fuutarou-kun." Ichika repeated.

"Hey... Ichi—"

That day in Kyoto. The slight shift of his embarrassed gaze. The small poke of his helpless cheekbones. The isolated streets where she conceded the last of her feelings.

'Everything's a lie' she had then said. Desperations of a deceiver who could never manage to lie to herself. Let that be the absolute last.

Ichika leaned closer.

Nothing was ever a lie.

Fuutarou felt soft lips pressed harshly against his, knowing there were no other feelings holding them back. He tightly grasped the cold, metal rails pushed against his back, leaving only his shoulders to lean over the edge of the balcony. A hundred different thoughts raced through his head, yet he could hardly remember a single word of any of them. Only the cold of the evening breeze and the warmth of her lips. That much was enough to make every muscle in his body, and every bit of his heart, want nothing more than to stay like this.

"I love you, Fuutarou-kun." Ichika said, smiling. An honest, sincere smile. "From this moment, and for the rest of my life, that is all I'll ever need to say to you. From now and forever, there is nothing else that I can hide from you."

All at once, the evening sky had never shone brighter in Fuutarou's eyes.

"Well?" Ichika pressed a finger to her lips. "How's that? All of my wishes, my hopes, and my heart—everything. Every last thing. It's all yours, Fuutarou. Please don't ever forget any of it."

Author's Note:

Looks like you found your way here! In most cases, that would mean you finished the first chapter from beginning to end! Let me start by saying thank you so much for taking your time to make it here, and if that also means you ENJOYED what you have read, then my happiness knows no bounds. 'Everything' is the first time I've ever decided to attempt fanfiction, and it came after long nights contemplating the ending of the manga, which I finished one month before writing this fic. My plans are to make this a story centered around the five years that lead from high school to marriage, focused purely on romantic development, maturity, and mutual understanding. Basically, it's gonna be a LOT of fluff. No major drama, no rivalries, no darker elements. Just lovable characters, all the sisters included, and their lives into becoming adults.

Gotoubun no Hanayome is a wonderful series that has earned its place as one of my favorite romance series. The characters were quick to find their way to my heart and make me care for all of them, and if it weren't obvious enough already, Ichika Nakano had earned my number one spot from beginning to end. Everything from her charisma, her maturity, and especially her strong chemistry with Fuutarou which I felt unrivaled among the other sisters.

While I would be lying to say that I was completely satisfied with Gotoubun's ending, I can at the very least respect it. There was always going to be 1 winner and 4 runner-ups, and of course there was some bitterness for Ichika losing. However, what never sat right with me was the lasting impressions of Ichika following her more questionably-written arcs, even to the point where her presence shrunk towards the end. Negi needed a villain and Ichika was the one who took the fall. She has been called a snake, evil, underhanded, and generally is the least liked of all five girls by a large margin, which I felt to be a bit unfair. She was a girl in love, who made some serious mistakes, and suffered the consequences, and it's not as if every eighteen year old is a shining example of morality and emotionally stability.

While all sisters are wonderful, I stand by with the fact that Ichika possessed the strongest romantic chemistry with Fuutarou. Their interactions throughout the series show a relationship that complimented one another, without outright depending on each other. It was one of the main reasons that drew me into the series in the first place— Fuutarou was a well-grounded MC whose ideals weren't centered solely on romance. His relationship with Ichika was not two halves, but two wholes that stood by each other as equals. It was mature, natural, and amicable—just like any realistic relationship should be. They understood each other, helped each other out, had some of the most natural intimate moments, and carried on with their responsibilities like mature adults.

Not to mention the fact that Ichika has been an overwhelmingly strong, supportive character throughout the series. For both her sisters, for Fuutarou, and for herself. She plays the role of an eldest sister flawlessly, deeply understanding her siblings and watching over them. Her natural charisma helped build the relationship between Fuutarou and the quintuplets, and helped naturally pace the story forward. She passionately chases her dream to become an actress—so much that it affects her sleeping schedule—while also trying to keep up with school, and pay rent to support five people by herself. I could go on and on, but that's pretty much the idea.

That is what I feel people keep forgetting. They call Ichika a snake. They write her off as the worst. They eagerly wait to see her fall. Ichika was so much more than a convenient villain to force the plot forward.

As for updates, I can't say that I'd be able to stick to a very consistent schedule, but since writing is my hobby, I will be focusing a lot of my creative effort towards this story. I plan on extending this story, hoping to deeply explore the romantic chemistry between Ichika and Fuutarou, as well as explore a lot of the unused potential story elements that seemed kind of glossed over after the festival. Things such as a proper closure for all five sisters, the moments that lead up to marriage, Ichika's path towards becoming a famous actress, the amount of absence we've had from Fuutarou's perspective, etc.

Once again, thank you! I hope to see you in future chapters! :)