ONE

Early Years

During the first few years of his life, there was a softness of manner in Fitzwilliam that his mother, Lady Anne, tried to encourage and nurture to the best of her ability. He was indeed a sweet boy, caring and loving to all those who knew him. And because of it, much cherished and loved in return —especially by his parents.

The love, dedication and quite noticeably, the time that she bestowed on her son was a thing rarely seen in the circles in which she had grown. The strength of her conviction, was likely in reaction to the distant and indifferent way in which she felt she had been raised. But also, due to how difficult it had been for her to finally be able to carry a babe to term.

The child Lady Anne had so longed for was finally in her arms. The little boy was indeed precious to her. For her to have been able to keep her dearest Fitzwilliam in her womb, and deliver him into this world, safe and healthy, was a blessing she was most thankful for.

~~~oOo~~~

It was common practice in a great number of families in high circles, that children be taken care of by staff. Sometimes they were fostered by other relatives living far from their parents' homes. At least until a time they were out of leading strings, and could act and behave with some decorum and according to their station.

Among nobility families, it was usual to leave their children in the care of their nurses, and later on, under the supervision of their governesses. Hardly ever were they allowed to spend time with their parents for extended periods of time.

Young sons and daughters were mostly confined to their nurseries. Except perhaps, for a few moments at the end of the day, when their parents visited them, if such indeed happened. In other cases, the children were briefly paraded for 'inspection' in front of the Master and Mistress of the house and their guests when the former had any.

Close bonds between children and both parents were varied. Mothers of course, naturally love their children, independently of their sire. But women must also follow the latter's decisions. Life in each household depended on them.

Children as a rule, were to be seen, but not heard. Unless they had to display their lessons or show an accomplishment. For girls, more often than not, these were the playing of a music instrument or the learning of a language, possibly French or Italian. In boys' cases, showcasing their tutor's lessons in subjects that would be needed at school, likely Ancient Languages, such as Latin and Greek. Arithmetic, Logic and Science were usually taught as well. Fencing and Riding were two examples of more active pursuits.

These subjects were included in Fitzwilliam's education. He spent time learning his letters, History and Contemporary Languages with his Governess. As well as Latin and Greek, wich were taught by a tutor. George Darcy was the one in charge of teaching his son about Fencing and Riding. And Lady Anne also took an active role in his education. As a result, aside from all the former, she was the one to instill in him a love of art and music. Teaching him herself at first, and after, by introducing him to masters.

As a result, Fitzwilliam developed a keen sense and natural intuition in playing musical instruments, and such circumstances were quite happily welcomed by his mother. So it was that through her guidance and encouragement his talents started to grow.

His biggest interest was dedicated to the Pianoforte, and later, the Violoncello. From quite an early age, he showed a marked interest for both instruments. Years later, it would become apparent that his love of music was not particular to him only, but to his younger sister as well. If this was a talent gotten through a hereditary proficiency, or the result of many hours of dedication and practice, in the end, all of it has little bearing. In the future, some people might be of the opinion that his gifts quite surpassed those of many a master, and had he not been born to wealth and privilege his life would have taken quite an interesting path.

This was how, by the time in which most boys have experienced their fair share of mischief, Anne's son spent time enjoying his music lessons. Quite happily forgoing other activities. Most boys his age were prone to run around and play in the mud when free from their lessons. At those times they could, in a manner of speaking, enjoy some of the freedoms childhood allowed them. While on such pursuits, many a bruised knee was likely to be the norm.

Yet, this was not often the case for the young Master of Pemberley. Though he dedicated some of his time to running and playing, his preferred activities were of a different sort. Fitzwilliam attended his lessons, not by force, but because he enjoyed them.

Lady Anne Darcy would not let anyone say differently, however Society may frown upon it, as music was not usually taught to boys, but was more on the line of an accomplishment a proper lady of good breeding should look forward to learn. In spite of such limitations, they would not have a say on how she decided to raise her child, what his lessons were, or were not.

Of course she kept in mind there were rules that could not be ignored. But to leave her son solely in the care of others, or learning only what boys were usually made to learn, or were supposed to learn, she could not accept. Regardless of whether it was out of the norm, if he enjoyed some activity, encouragement was not far behind.

Thankfully her husband –dear George— would not have it any other way. What his Lady wanted was what his Lady received. That certainly included anything related to their boy. And thus, the heir of Pemberley, their most cherished and long awaited son grew in a far less restricted manner than was expected. Even when the result of those choices left little time for leisure.

These freedoms, or demands –if one saw them as such— were not a chore for this child. If asked about them, they were not an imposition, for him they were a gateway to express what otherwise he would keep to himself. Many a time Lady Anne had wondered and worried about this, and thought that she may be imposing her will on her Fitzwilliam.

On the times when she asked him about this, her boy was quick to assure his Mamma that there was nothing furthest from the truth.

And the truth was easily discerned. For when trying to lie, unbeknownst to him, his ears colored a bright pink, or his lips pressed into a thin line, or he fidgeted more than his wont. One could easily see any of these telling signs... Or the sum of all three. Thus, he learned quickly enough that truth always prevailed. Sooner or later it always came to the surface.

After this, and for the rest of his life Fitzwilliam Darcy endeavored to adhere to the truth without fail.

Such efforts did not mean that he did not make mistakes anymore, nor that he did not committ errors in judgment, for he did. And paid dearly for them. The young man would eventually learn to keep a vigilant watch over what he said. He also learned that people can be the owners of what they keep silent and slaves to what they utter aloud.

However there would be times when he would not be able to keep silent, and speak his mind believing to be right when –clearly, to many others— he would not be. In such instances his honesty might work to his detriment.

Though that is a story for later, much much later.

~~~oOo~~~

After all the years since their marriage, and all the losses Anne and George suffered through –all the miscarriages, and two stillbirths— the Darcys were heartbroken, and had begun losing faith of ever having a babe. That it be a boy or a girl did no longer matter. What did matter was that this baby be born healthy and safe.

In due course, and on the heels of all their unending prayers, at last they were rewarded with the birth of their precious son. Their little boy was everything perfect, wrapped in a tiny bundle. Wiggling and smiling, and captivating everyone with a set of deep blue eyes.

He had surprised his parents arriving a little sooner than what was expected. Though not by much, it still worried the anxious parents. Both of them had the suspicion that he had likely been conceived the night of Christmas Eve.

Thankfully, Anne did not have to labor for too long. though the hours did seem to be so. Upon his entrance into this world, the babe did not cry too loudly. At least that was the midwife's opinion. Instead, he seemed to observe everything around him with wise and attentive eyes, though it did take him a few minutes to finally open them. He was able to do so soon after he was given into his mother's arms, and then those eyes captivated her completely. Never again was her life to be as it had been.

When George Darcy was allowed at last to go and see his wife and son, he did not wait to be introduced to his child with all the consequence such occasion deserved. He ran to his wife's bed and kneeled beside her over the bedcovers. Once there it only took one look at them. His smile was blinding.

And though Anne felt tired, all was forgotten as her gaze centered on her baby boy. She could only smile at her husband, before returning her eyes to the miracle in her arms. She was so incredibly thankful and blissfully happy that she might have acquiesced to anything that was asked of her.

He then suggested a possible name for their boy.

She nodded. Though never took her eyes away from her son.

Fitzwilliam Lucius Alexander Darcy, was thus welcomed by the happiest of parents on a sunny, though cold Saturday morning on the one and tenth day in the month of September, in the year of our Lord 1784. They named him so in honor of his mother's family. As for a middle name, the joyous parents chose to name him Lucius because for them, he was without a doubt their light. Feeling that he also deserved a strong name, they decided Alexander fit that description. And well... There was no denying that in a way, this precious child was their savior too.

There could not be any doubt about how precious baby Fitzwilliam was to both his parents, how blissfully happy Lady Anne and George Darcy were. Not any kind of social or economic position, rank in Society, or title could ever matter aside from the treasure that then fed at his mother's breast. The bond this would engender was so wished for by the new mother, that not a soul would deny her, no matter what tradition in high circles dictated.

Indeed, even when the decision to feed her child at her breast, and not leave him to a wet nurse was frowned upon by their acquaintances and relations, or by some of their friends, she soldiered on. And if at best, it was seen as an eccentricity in the first circles, her resolution to feed her child herself was firmly in place. Thankfully her husband accepted and encouraged her decision.

Later, after nigh on a year, where she had been blessed with the ability to nurse her babe just as was her wish, she would thank the heavens for the chance. Following up on the same conviction, she decided she would continue to see to the raising of her child herself.

This strengthened a bond which mother and son would share for all their years together on this earth. And Fitzwilliam Darcy held it dear even long after that time, when Anne left this world. He would cherish every moment and every memory shared with his mother.

These memories would be kept in his heart until his last breath, holding on to the hand of one other woman, one with whom his future was by fate and by deed entwined.

However that story comes later, much much later.

~~~oOo~~~

For now, let's go back some years, to the true beginning of this couple's tale.

George had recently become a widower. Meeting Anne had surprised him. He never thought, after experiencing wedlock in the conditions that he had, that such an institution could bring any sort of happiness. He never suspected what a union with Anne might bring. It was then when life took a new meaning for both of them. Their experiences had not prepared either of them to expect what they had found. Their love made everything a source of wonderment, freedom, and safety.

She had fallen in love with him as deeply as he fell in love with her. He was a new man.

After the six months of full mourning were over, they began a courtship. Perhaps the need to be away from Society and their strictures, helped the couple become friends first. And through it, gain a stronger understanding of each other. At the end of the year they married by Special License.

It had taken her some time and no little effort to convince her guadian and family to accept her wish to marry George Darcy. They had a Viscount in mind, though nothing had been agreed yet. All they could see was a second son, a widower to boot. It was the rank and status of his family and his relations with the Ton, what had finally convinced her family.

This further convinced her that station and wealth were not what really should matter.

And so she married her dearest George. It was a love match, and the gift of parenthood, though it was indeed their wish, was not the only thing on their minds. It was after their shared sadness about the first loss they experienced, that they realized how important having a family was for them.

Even if this brought its own brand of trials, they became stronger together for it.

~~~oOo~~~

His mother loved Fitzwilliam dearly, as did his father. He was however, not his father's only child, as the man had had a daughter from his previous marriage.

But, in spite of the notion that all children are loved equally by their parents is widely accepted and repeated by all, in some cases this favor does not fall on them quite so evenly. In George Darcy's case, this disparity of favor was all too true.

This was how little Fitzwilliam found he had a stronger claim on his father's affections, and so, a claim on his heart. Anne owned it completely, and thus Fitzwilliam was included in this, it was only natural that George's baby boy was possessed of his heart as well.

~~~oOo~~~

Though George Darcy had been married once before, the match had been one of duty, and only of duty. A bargain struck between his family and another family of the first circles, that if not titled, was one well regarded by the Ton. This union was a typical one, pure business. A tool to further connections and consequence, as it should be done.

There was not enough time –or willingness for that matter— for the two new spouses to develop at least some measure of closeness between them. However, even if they had availed themselves of that time, their marriage was doomed from the beginning. The few months before a pregnancy was confirmed were fraught with difficulty.

Like many a young lady of good and 'gentle' breeding, the girl was taught to suffer the marriage bed as a duty and a task. Perhaps given the detached attitude in her husband, it was a blessing in disguise, for if she had developed any tender feelings for him, they would have been one–sided.

The young man felt confused, and angry. That anger led to his treating her with indifference. Which further encouraged her own detachment.

They did not talk, each dedicated to their own pursuits. Thus the lack of response during the marital act was not something either of them knew how to deal with. Mayhap if he had tried to talk to her, they might have developed a modicum of understanding. All this did not help either of them to develop any kind of closeness in any other aspect. How could that happen? They had nothing in common. Thrown into an untenable situation by their families and 'tradition.'

Both families soon regretted their decision. It was then that the news of Helen being with child reached both families. Perhaps having a child may bring them some solace.

Helen gave birth to a girl, and passed soon after due to childbed fever. The little girl achieved then what her mother was unable to do. When George held her in his arms he was able to understand what love was. He named her Eleanor, as she had brought light upon his hardened heart.

Eleanor was sent to live with her mother's family, they had pled with him to allow them to do so. They were surprised to hear he did not find any reason why they should not take her with them. He had seen the love his child engendered in her grand parents and aunt. He might not have loved her mother but he did love her. So he acquiesced.

After the year of mourning, Eleanor was to be returned to her father, but upon being asked by her maternal aunt to keep her niece with her and her new husband, the request was granted. He visited his child often and saw how happy she grew beside her aunt. At least he was able to give her that.

Over the years, when Eleanor visited Pemberley, relationships with her younger brother and her father slowly developed. The age gap between the siblings was considerable, proximity was not constant, so their relationship took some time to grow. Later in life it improved noticeably.

It was interesting however that the one person with whom Eleanor felt more at ease, was her father's wife. Lady Anne's honest love for the child had made it possible. How could she not love the little girl? She was a part of her George after all.

~~~oOo~~~

During his childhood, Fitzwilliam's inclination tended to a decidedly introverted nature. It did not appear to be shyness, for when he did spend time with other children, he was able to, if not too easily, interact with them. It appeared he found it difficult to share activities with other children, if he did not know them well enough.

Despite his sweet demeanor, it was not easy for him to befriend boys his own age. There were quite a number of sons of neighboring estates, who were often invited along with their parents. Yet, the only two boys with whom he could relate with any degree of ease were his cousin Richard –who was a year older than him— and young George Wickham –the boy was of an age with him, there was a difference of only a fortnight between them, George was the younger one.

The boy was his father's godson, and Mr. Wickham's only son. The Steward of Pemberley and his father shared a deep friendship, as they had known each other from their youth. That apparently accounted for the fact that the younger boy was mostly raised with the Master's son.

When the time came that Fitzwilliam turned eight years of age, a most important question pertaining his education arose. Should he be sent to school? Most boys were sent away from home at this age.

He did not go, it was decided that Richard –who spent a lot of time in his aunt's home— himself, and little George Wickham were to keep studying under the care of their tutors for at least a few more years. Until they could better weather the trials of school. As it was commonly known that these places were hard on a younger child. Both his father and uncle agreed on that.

Lady Anne was in agreement. She did not want to blindly follow tradition, and so called propriety if it went against her son's best interests. The wish to raise him well, and not just in a way that was considered proper was paramount to her. She wanted to give her child as much freedom and comfort as was possible without it being harmful or detrimental to him. She wanted her son to grow into an honorable and good man.

~~~oOo~~~

Lady Anne Fitzwilliam had been born to the highest echelons of Society. She was the daughter of an Earl in the Peerages of Great Britain and Ireland. Soon after her birth she became the sister to one –only five months after the fact, actually.

Her mother had been the daughter of Thomas Watson Wentworth, 1st Marquess of Rockingham. Also, the Lady's brother served as Prime Minister —even if such distinction lasted only for a year. And thus, she had raised her daughters to adhere to certain expectations, as was appropriate for their rank.

Because of those restrictions, from a very early age she came to believe her mother's way was not the only, nor the better way. She had spent her childhood observing the behavior of the strictest mother she could possibly imagine. That had molded her opinions in such a way as to be diametrically opposed.

Lady Anne, that is to say the elder Lady, for whom she was named, had married the 3rd Earl Fitzwilliam. By him she had had nine children, and her namesake was the youngest among them. Young Anne's twin sister, named Catherine, was older than her by only a few minutes.

The elder Anne –upon becoming a widow— found herself in a difficult role to fill. She was the mother of an Earl, a boy of not yet nine years. How did one go about raising an Earl?

She had also a boy of two years under her supervision, as well as twin girls of mere months to take care of, not to mention five more girls who would in a few years enter Society. Her husband had been still relatively young, and she had learned to appreciate and yes, love him, which may have been one of the reasons the woman had, by necessity, become hard. The need to close off one's heart can do that.

Looking back, it took many years and going through the experiences and the life of a married woman, for the youngest daughter to understand the older Lady. Her mother had turned into a decidedly stoic woman, and continued to be so until her passing 11 years later. Stories told to a younger Anne by her siblings, nurses, and governesses were her source to become better acquainted with her mother. Later, when she became a mother herself, experience helped her understand much more than she had before.

As a result of all those experiences, she grew in the belief that an open mind and a light heart would better aid her in the endeavor of raising any child she may have.

She believed that when the time came, when she had children of her own, her children would trust her, not fear her. Her assurance served her well, her son was becoming a tender hearted, yet strong boy. He trusted her, loved her, and was open with her about all his little, innocent worries and concerns. Her resolution had paid wonderful fruits in deed!

Even when his intrinsic nature was a cautious one, and led him to be reserved, his heart was pure, his actions toward others inclined to aid, to help. He would grow up to be the best sort of man, a good man, Anne was sure of it. It was true that at first, the way he was overly cautious may hide the affectionate nature behind, but anyone who learned to see past that, accept it, would gain much more.

They would gain his friendship, affection, and his trust. Once his trust was gained, his invariable and fierce loyalty would be theirs,

This aspect of his character had the risk of becoming troublesome though, if not approached in a favorable light. Who knew, this earthly world had so many people in it who thought, felt, loved, reasoned in such a variety of ways... Misunderstandings were such an easy trap to fall into.

Anne could only hope that her Fitzwilliam's future would be bright and happy. Doesn't any mother wish this for their child? She could only hope, and pray, and wait to see his child succeed and thrive.

What do you think PnP fandom?

This was my first attempt writing JAF.

I've read so many of your stories out there! Please be kind with mine?

I've a lot to learn and these are my first steps in the fandom. Also, English isn't my first language, Spanish is. So if you find there are any mistakes/ errors/ typos/ grammatical inconsistencies, I'll be thankful for your input. Constructive criticism will be much appreciated!

Tried my hand at writing before, my ADD tendencies did not help. So I'll do my best to update as often as possible. Encouragement by way of reviews will also be immensely appreciated!

I'll go with the widely accepted names for many of characters, eg. Madeline and Edward Gardiner. The name 'Matlock' though won't be included. Instead, I'm basing Fitz's uncle on RL William Fitzwilliam, 4th Earl Fitzwilliam, who had only one son, Viscount Milton, I'll need to make the latter a little older than he was so I can fit "The Colonel" there.

This Earl's mother was named Anne, she had eight children instead of nine. I had to add dear old Lady Cat somewhere! Among the R.L. children there WAS a Lady Anne, she was the eldest. I moved her down the line to be the youngest. Lady Catherine deBourgh had to be a minutes older twin (the different looking type) I didn't want to change the 3rd Earl's age too much, he died young.

I'll try to be as accurate as possible. No guarantees though, this is fanfiction after all!

If you have any knowledge that can help, write a PM! I'll gladly take any help I can get.

Will update as I write, this is a WIP

Alrighty! See you all soon!