Hello everyone. Mr. Aanonymous here.
Cutting to the chase. For the past few months I've been trying to write up as many lemon pilot chapters for stories of different fandoms as I could before Jan first. As you might've noticed, I missed the deadline.
Full disclosure, I came up with eight but only managed to do four. I know I should wait until I've done all eight of them, but its the better part of two weeks into the new year of this god awful decade and I'm tired of waiting.
I'll leave the list of the fandoms I've chosen at the bottom below the actual story. This chapter and fandom is the first I've chosen. Its also been something I've wanted to do for a long time. I hope you like it.
Before anyone says anything, this and the rest of the chapters I'm posting haven't been fully beta read and I acknowledge there are some grammar errors and whatnot. If anyone would like the job of beta or proof reader, please contact me.
Edd LLC
"Dun-dah, don, don. Dun-Dah-dah-Da!"
Double D hummed as he drove down the Avenue, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel as he spotted the traffic light shift from green to yellow. Whistling again, Double D slowed down as he reached the light, stopping at the line before it could change to red. Double D heard more than a few honks from the vehicles behind him. Double D rocked his head from side to side as the wordless music played from his phone perched on his van's dash. That was until his favorite tune was replaced with the tired disco of yore. A glittering ball of such replaced the map to his destination on his phone's screen. Double D sighed as he answered.
"Good afternoon, Double D speaking. How may I help yo-"
"Yeah, I know its you sockhead." The demanding raspy voice of Double D's old friend Eddy groaned over the phone. "Caller I.D. has been around forever and you're still doing that?"
"There is nothing wrong with being polite, Eddy."
"Polite nothing, you sound like an off brand voicemail guy." Double D could practically hear Eddy roll his eyes. "You been taking your meds?"
"I am indeed taking my prescription to the litter of instruction for my Obsessive Compulsion disor-" A loud impatient horn erupted behind him. If Double D hadn't been strapped into his seat he would've jumped right out of his door window. Darting his gaze from his phone to the traffic light Double D discovered that the light had turned green and was already flashing yellow. Double D stepped on the gas and all but floored it when he heard another horn behind him. Look through his rear view mirror Double D could see practically all the cars behind him were giving him dirty looks and very rude gestures. One even appeared to be writing down Double D's license plate down on a note pad. "-Der. O-Obsessive Compulsion Disorder. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."
"Forgot you were at the stoplight again?" Eddy asked.
"I-I do not chose to discuss it."
"That, that right there is why I always drive." Eddy said, his tone smug. "Back to it, I think you should be taking more. I don't think you're getting any better."
"Eddy, why are you calling me?" Double D asked, sighing. "I'm sure its not to inquire about my health."
"Ya think?" Eddy spat as Double D turned a corner. "We got an order and you are the best to handle it."
"Whats the order?" Double D asked as he pulled into the parking lot of a gas station, sliding his van between a hot dog stand and an old Volkswagen. The pudgy bald guy in a smeared long sleeved green shirt at the stand shaking his fist at Double D as he handed his sale to a customer, his hot dog looked more like under cooked foam than anything that came from livestock. Double D ignored the vender as he picked up his phone, giving it his complete attention.
"Computer problem." Eddy answered, Double D could practically hear the quotations in the air as he said it.
"...Anything specific?" Double D asked, slumping back into his car seat.
"That's all the order said, and that's all we need." Somehow Double D could hear Eddy pointing at the phone. "Which means that's all you need."
"Eddy, you can't expect me to just work off that do you?" Double D rubbed the bridge of his nose. "There are so many different variables. I might not have the right equipment for-"
"You've got a whole van full of doohickeys." Eddy barked. "Its dang near bursting. Don't tell me you don't got what you need."
"But Eddy-"
"You know the deal sockhead." Eddy shut him down. "Ed's the muscle and dirty jobs guy. I hammer out the paperwork, book keeping, networking stuff. The face, obviously. You're the tech guy- or was that not your signature next to mine and Ed's when we started this company."
"Yes, Eddy." Double D rolled his eyes. "I did indeed agree to the stipulations there in said contract... such as they were. Though, it must be said that it's a bad sign that you had to get both Ed and I drunk for us to put our names on it."
"We've been over this, sockhead." Eddy groaned, as if they'd discussed this many times before. Which they have. "We were celebrating. Me becoming a paralegal. I-"
"Come to think of it, neither me nor Ed have actually read the contract you made us sign."
"N-now, lets not get into that." Eddy stammered.
"Eddy." Double D tilted his head at his phone, the smiley face emoji with dollar signs for eyes on the screen stared right back at him.
"N-no job is too small or too weird for Ed LLC!" Eddy hollered though the phone, the short leader of the three man company clearly panting nervously in the background.
"They already paid, didn't they?" Double D shook his head.
"Only half, and in cash." Eddy answered, his voice equal part bitter and surprised. "It was right there in a sack outside our office door about an hour after you left."
"Strange." Double D raised an eyebrow at that. "That's never happened before."
"it was mostly in singles and the highest bill was a ten. So unless we're getting a rainy day fund from some old lady, we've got a stripper!" Eddy practically cheered before he took a deep exhale. "But we're probably not that lucky. So expect an old bag, like what I'm dealing with today. Either way, I need you to make sure this new client is good for the second half."
Double D grumbled. "I could be doing so much more- in an office."
"Well to do that you need a degree. To get that you need to get into college. To get into college you gotta pay for it. To pay for it you gotta work for it since our folks tossed us out when we turned eighteen." Eddy sighed. "Listen sockhead, we need this. Ed's doing waste removal at some dead hoarders place. I'm writing up a will for an old lady so everything goes to her cats, her hoard of cats! God, they smell. Your job pays the most."
"Should I be concerned that most of our employment comes from the dead or soon to be deceased?"
"Sockhead, think about it." Eddy said, in his old 'scam' voice he'd been practicing since their childhood. "Jawbreaker flavored booze. As much as you can drink."
"Th-that does sound good." Double D nodded, finding himself suddenly thirsty.
"Glad to hear it. I'm sending you the address. Make us proud... and in the black."
Double D sighed as he set his phone back on its holder on his van's dash, eyeing the location Eddy sent to him. The 'Tech boy' of the LLC was happy to discover it actually wasn't far from where he was currently sitting. Putting himself in reverse, Double D turned back to check he wasn't going to hit anything- instead something hit him.
The pudgy bald hot dog stand guy? It was none other than Kevin. The local bully and golden boy of the Ed's high school. It was said that he was drafted to play college ball after he graduated. Everyone had high hopes for the guy. Everyone expected him to make it big... Apparently he didn't. He definitely got big, though. The boy of muscle Double D remembered now looked like he had actually eaten two Kevin's.
"Is that the same green shirt?" Double D asked just as Kevin had turned back to him, he still had the angry scowl he'd glared at him since childhood-but instead of anger in those eyes it was now tired and dead annoyance. Hell, even his hair was gone. On top of his head, anyway. Now he had a grizzled red beard filled with mustard stains and cheez-its that reached down to his chest. It was the only hair on his head and it matched the grease soaked apron he was wearing. "Is he even twenty five yet?"
"You gonna move or not?" Kevin growled.
Double D pulled back and drove off the parking lot. He never looked back.
xxxxxxxx
"Okay. Okay. Okaaay- Yes, I do have that." Double D smiled as he marked the bottom square of his checklist for the third time. The light coming from the open door of the cargo section of the van just behind Double D, giving him more than enough to see.
Putting the clipboard away Double D grabbed the device, its components a mishmash of old and exposed parts with no casing, and shoved it into his backpack best he could. The pack itself was old and worn, heavily modified on its own with extra pockets and more than a few clues that it had been repaired more than once- More, it was dang near full to bursting already, without the latest part its owner wanted to shove inside. Putting his back into it, Double D used all his strength to pull the zipper shut. The second the tech wizard moved it so much as an inch, the zipper snapped off along with a good chunk of the bag's material going with it- sending Double D back, out of the van and landing on his behind.
"Darn it, not again."
Sighing, Double D got back up to his feet and turned toward the van. It was an old, battle hardened piece of work. Decades older than Double D himself, and the other Ed's combined. The three of them found the o'l gal in a junkyard of all places. Yes, it was just as rundown and rust covered as you'd think. That was when Double D was ten. The Ed's didn't care though. The trio used it as their own personal tree house or hideout for years, and when their parents had kicked them out when they no longer had to legally house and feed their sons, their home. It helped that the old van had its own intact water bed while the rest of it was made from hard American steel- no modern aluminum or other 'keep the driver alive' materials. Even after all that time in a literal mountain of filth, the ol' gal could take a head on collision and wouldn't have a dent. The perfect soft, yet safe- if more than a little cramped- home in a pinch.
Before anyone says anything- yes. A decades old rust bucket, abandoned in a junkyard, housing three very sweaty and hungry young men... it smelled exactly how you'd think.
Needless to say, once it was Double D's eighteenth birthday and time to call the van home, it was the first thing he worked on. It was far from new car smell, but the trio could go inside anywhere without being told it wasn't a homeless shelter... besides Ed, anyway. Double D didn't stop there. The tech boy of the trio got the van new wheels, transmission, engine. The works. All of it from parts found in the city's junkyard. Add a new coat of paint... well, you couldn't tell anyone it was new but no one would guess it was pulled out of a scrap heap.
Double D doubted the van was street legal, but it was his.
It was also his own mobile lab and work space. Looking inside of the van, Double D was met with rows upon rows of homemade gear, equipment, parts. Tools of every shape and size that could come in a pinch. As Eddy would put it, doodads and doohickeys galore. All neatly organized and sorted to Double D's exact specifications and convenience. Tying it all together was a utility workbench bolted right into the metal frame in the middle at the far end of the van door Double D had open... Eddy demanded Double D left enough room so he could have the seat down.
Opening the cabinet to the side of the workbench, Double D pulled out just what he needed. It was a cobbled together homemade gadget that looked like a mix between a glue and staple gun with a wheel of zipper material attached to the back.
Can you guess what Double D did with such a device?
Needless to say Double D's backpack of jury-rigged gear was good to go in minutes, if not less. After he was done, Double D checked his gear for another three times before finally turning around and got a good look at the home of his client. It was an apartment building. One of the newer ones too. It wasn't exactly a beauty. What with the blocky, multi-neutral colored ugly modern 'art' look that many were built with these days-but still a delight. It was tall too. Not exactly a high riser, but it was up there. Definitely a place that the Ed's couldn't afford while at community college... at least that's what Double D was sure Eddy would say.
"Nifty-gah." Double D nodded as he shuffled on his filled to the brim backpack, and dang near fell over when he did it. "Curse these noodle arms, a-and non-e-existent back muscles."
Forcing himself to stand straight, or as straight as he could holding something that probably weighed more than he did, Double D held in a breath as he stepped onto the sidewalk to the front door- only to discover that the walkway was decorated with different shaped stones. Double D groaned before he all but danced to the home of his client. Double D always carefully positioning his feet so they would perfectly fit inside of the decorative stones. Needless to say, the Ed with the least love for exorcise had a bit of trouble.
"Pant. Pant. Pant." Double D panted as he finally made it to the blasted front door, managing to buzz himself in before dropping his backpack or collapsing from its weight. "S-Sweet mercy. I-I really need to build one of those utility cabinets with wheels."
Thankfully the building had a working elevator. Because there was no way this side of an Obituary that Double D was going up any amount of stairs carrying his utility bag on his back, no matter the pay or Eddy's complaining- let alone eleven stories worth. Eventually Double D made it to his floor, and his door. The scrawniest Ed wanted nothing more than to just collapse into a puddle on the floor right there, but he couldn't. Because if he did, Double D knew he wouldn't be able to get back up. At least not with the bag.
"Huh, getting back down is going to be a pickle." Double D thought out loud as he turned to the door of his client- and had to do a double take. "K-69? No, that can't be- ugh, its just a number Eddworth. Its not middle school. Someone was going to live here."
With a sigh Double D knocked. Once loudly to get the attention of his client, two more quietly for himself.
"Excuse me, hello? This is Eddworth from Edd LLC." Double D announced, forcing himself to say those words. Double D swallowed the bile. "You ordered help for your... internet proble-"
"The door's open." The client hollered through the door, its voice clearly female. Double D gulped at that, a girl. "Come on in."
Double D tilted his head at that, the girl client. Her voice. It somehow sounded familiar. Walking inside his client's home, Double D discovered the apartment fit the delightful exterior. It was big, spacious, but homey. The paint on the walls were excellent, even if they did match the muted colors outside. Comforting over disgusting. There was nothing separating the kitchen from the living room and it was because it was built that way, not because the walls were removed.
That's not to say the place was spotless. It was clear whoever lived here had no interest in keeping the place clean. It wasn't quite the mess Ed was famous for- nothing was, but it was in the same family. Clothes and wrappers littered everything. More than a few lady... undergarments dotted the floor. All that with what the very categorical and cleanliness obsessed Double D could only describe as odd smelling stuff laying around.
"Oh dear." Double D whispered as he tiptoed around an enticing blue pair of pantie-uh, lady undergarment- and nearly fell over doing it. Double D was forced to grab hold of the nearby couch to regain his balance. Of course, the second he did Double D discovered his hand had landed on the cup of an oversized red bra- lady undergarment."
"Gah!" Double D pulled his hand away, instantly reaching for travel sized case of purell in his back pocket only to stop himself as he took a second look at the huge bra- lady undergarment. It was truly oversized. Double D wouldn't be surprised if just one of the cups would fit over his face. Double D wanted to measure it. The tech wizard of the Ed's bit his lip as he looked at the bottle of purell and decided he didn't need it. "Uh, hello?"
"Just a second." The lady client announced from the door just down the hall, rushing water in the background. Looking over, Double D found steam puffing out through the frame of a door.
"I-I can come back l-later. I-If that's alright." Double D stuttered, cursing himself as he imagined if the same woma-person who owned the oversized bra- lady undergarment- was naked under the hot stream of water just over a dozen feet from him. Double D was shaken from his thoughts when he heard the shower stream stop and the puffing steam disappear. "I-Is this a b-bad time?"
"What are you talking about?" The female client asked, predictably, as she opened the steaming bathroom door. "You're right on time."
Double D, the tech boy of the Ed's and team nerd stood there- stiff as steel. Silent as a statue as he stared forward at his client as she stood at the door frame of her steaming bathroom in nothing but a scarlet red bath towel. Everything went white with little more than static in the background. Double D didn't know how long he was like that, but eventually he heard the voice of his favorite homemade SIRI program.
REBOOTING REBOOTING REBOOTING
"H...He...Hello?" The voice of his client from the shower asked. "Anyone there?"
"Huh?" Double D shook himself awake, and dang near fell over again. Luckily, Double D managed to balance himself before he had to grab anything... again. "Apologies, I b-believe I just e-entered a fugue sta- zoned out. As a frie- co-worker would say. Um, salutatio-oh dear."
Double D suddenly remembered that his client had just stepped out of the shower, dripping wet and near naked. Always mindful of his manners, and not wanting to look like a gabbering fool, Double D turned away.
"Ha." The client laughed. "I get that a lot."
"W-Would you l-like me to step ou-outside?" Double D stuttered, doing his best not to sound like a tongue tied idiot. For the sake of it, Double D couldn't stop stealing side glances at his client. Good lord, even though his peripheral vision Double D could tell this was one curvaceous woman. He could already hear Eddy's whistling and Ed's goofy cat calls behind him. "J-Just for a m-moment while you..."
The client laughed again. Despite himself, Double D stole another peak. The girl's ample bosom jiggled with every giggle.
"Oh Double D, you're still a cutie." The client chuckled. Her voice was deep, guttural- as smug as it was teasing.
"Wh-What?" Double D stammered, he could feel himself blushing now. "M-Madam, do w-we know e-each other?"
"Awww, Double D. Did you really forget about lil o'l me?" The client asked, mock pain and sadness in her voice. "Pretty surprising since me and my sisters busted up the neighbor kids and chased you Ed's around all the time."
"Lee!?" Double D all but shouted as he turned to look straight at her- and his brain almost crashed again. "Oh, my."
Lee and her two sisters were the Kankers. They were from the trailer park, the small town equivalent of the wrong side of the tracks. Something they proudly lived up to. Pranking, bullying, sometimes even straight mugging the other kids in town. As for how they treated the Ed's? Well, they got the special treatment.
Its a known fact that kids pull the hair or throw things at other kids because they like them. Usually this stops when they get older. Imagine if they didn't. Oh yes, warm hearted bullying that got more and more 'loving' right up until the Kankers moved away as the Ed's entered high school. No one knew what happened to them. Least of all the Ed's, who did not miss the stalking or the bruises.
"Hello handsome." Lee smirked, waving at Double D with one hand as she held up her towel with the other.
"I-I-I D-Don't Be-Believe-"
"Believe it buster." Lee barked out a laugh, pointing at Double D and then to herself. Of which the tech wiz of the Ed's couldn't help but notice that the tip of her finger was pointed right between her breasts. "Did you really think you'd get away from the Kankers for good?"
"I-I did indeed." Double D nodded, jerkingly. "Its been 10yr's since we've last seen each other."
"Really, huh." Lee asked tilting her head back thoughtfully, her hand on her hip. It was more than apparent to Double D that the top part of her breasts, the slim- bursting section that was not covered by the towel undulated back and forth in a smooth milky white wave. "Its been that long?"
"10 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour, and...37 minutes." Double D answered, pure clarity in his voice- and he meant it.
"...Wow." Lee stared at Double D for a moment, real surprise in her voice. "You would be the guy to know, wouldn't you?"
Here's the thing about Lee, she was the oldest of her trio and their leader. Back during their childhood that didn't make Lee any taller or bigger than anyone else Double D knew around the Cul De sac. She was just as skinny and lanky as any other 12yr. But even when Double D and the other Ed's first met the Kankers as a trio of 10yr's, no one would call any of them pretty. Least of all Lee who was- look, Double D was not one who liked to insult others, but people could and did call Lee ugly. The fact that she was the meanest of her trio didn't help. Lee always reminded Double D of a stray Pit bull at the junk yard with the broken jaw that healed wrong.
Of course that was all back when the Eds and Kankers had met each other as children.
Things have changed.
Skinny and lanky?
No, not anymore.
While Lee wasn't exactly a large or plus sized woman, Double D could hear Eddy hollering in the background behind him calling his one time tormentor 'thicc'. While the word had poor spelling, Double D had to admit it was an apt description. While most girl-women Double D knew at least tried to stay on the skinny side or watch their weight, Lee clearly had no concern for such things. Even through the thick towel wrapped around herself Double D could see the lead Kanker had a bit of a gut. For some reason, Double D found rather refreshing.
Lee's thighs alone. Wide, round, and clearly strong. With legs that seemed to stretch on forever. As enticing as that was... Good lord, her boob- bosom. Large, loose, and gelatinous with a natural respect for gravity. Or as many less... articulate fellows might call 'natural low hangers'. The very inquisitive and curious Double D would have to measure to be sure, but he would not be surprised if each one was the size of his head. Which in most cases sounded ludicrous, but in this instance seemed... proportional.
While Double D doubted that Lee still wore the good will blue jeans and a hand-me-down polka-dot shirt as she did before- it was hard for any type of clothing to beat what she had on now, or didn't as the case may be. The wet bath towel Double D mentioned before, it was just wide enough that when it was wrapped around Lee's torso it barely covered anything that would let a movie Keep a PG-13 Rating. Double D was sure that if he examined close enough he could see Lee's- personal lady area's.
Oh, and a second towel wrapped around her head for her hair. Hanging over just enough so that her eyes were hidden, styled just like her hair when they were young.
Even when the lead Kanker was just standing there, her breasts seemed to jiggle like milk colored pudding.
"Oh Double D, come're you cutie." The Kanker hollered happily at the tech wiz of the Ed's as she strutted toward him.
Before Double D could even gather enough brain power to put words together Lee had already made it across the room and wrapped the arm that wasn't holding up her towel around him- pulling Double D in for a hug. Yes, she pressed her chest into his but to Double D's own surprise that wasn't what knocked him back into shock. The Kanker kissed the Ed. Actually kissed him. Something all three girls loved to do when they were young and the mere threat of which sent the boys running. Now? Lee was kissing his cheek. His cheek. It was a long wet smooch, and a loud one. Soft. Enticing. Like a lightning bolt of pleasure had slammed into the side of Double D's face.
'Why did I ever run away from this?' Double D asked himself, his vision getting more and more blurred even as his eyes were wide open.
"Mwahh!" Lee laughed, breaking the kiss. The eldest Kanker looked the Ed in the eye with a smug smirk- impressive given that her own eyes were covered by the bath towel on her head. "Don't ever change."
Just like that, the Kanker let go of the Ed- and just like that Double D remembered he was carrying a pack full of gear on his back that weighed more than he did. Double D's knees buckled, his back collapsed, and he fell to the ground in a heap. The tech wiz of the Ed's was brought down by a girl's kiss and his own creations.
"D...Doub... Double D, hello?"
"Huh?" Double D asked, shaking himself awake as he lay there on the floor. The tech wiz's head was still spinning, his back was killing him- but his cheek still felt like it was kissed by a well endowed angel. Oh, and the front of his orange polo shirt was suddenly damp. Looking down, Double D discovered that the entire front of his person until his knees were wet. "What, how di-oh."
It was Lee. The elder Kanker was loomingly standing over him like the thicc angel of death. As it turned out Lee was even curvier than Double D thought. her legs were long and thick. Smooth, and like most red heads her skin was so pale she was almost as white as milk- aside from the random freckles. More, now that Double D had a closer look he could see that Lee actually had a bit of muscle. Not the buff kind like Double D knew from Ed that came from constant work and mutant genes. The careful kind you had to work for and maintain, added to her curves-it really hit Double D just how graceful and beautiful this stray junk yard dog of the cul de sac had become.
All the while this near naked girl was standing over him in only a towel that barely wrapped around her so shortly that they did nothing to actually hide her legs and her pu- private lady area was covered more by the towel's shadow and poor lighting than anything else. The tech wiz of the Ed's gaze climbed higher up her legs inch by inch.
"What're you looking at Double D?"
"Uh..." Double D gulped, forcing himself to sit up. The tech wiz slid his arms free of his pack as he did. "N-Nothing."
"Ha, I always knew I was a good kisser but I didn't know you'd drop like that."
"Gee, I- my..." Double D stuttered, his brain and mouth failed to make words as he stood up. Leaving his pack on the floor. "My util-ility bag i-is kinda heavy."
"You always did like to stay prepared." Lee took a step back, visibly giving Double D a once over for a moment, ending with a happy nod. "And its doing you some favors, and not just at work."
"Huh?"
"You finally got some meat on your bones, hot stuff." Lee said as she bent over and reached out-padding and prodding the scrawniest Ed. From his shoulders, his arms, to even his chest. Double D himself was frozen. He couldn't move. Even if the Kanker hadn't been touching him, the fact of the matter was Lee was close and bent over in a towel that barely covered anything. Double D got a front row seat to her cleavage and discovered that his earlier estimates might have been on the low side as her milky breasts jiggled- wobbled before him.
She smelled like Irish spring.
"I knew you'd be solid when you came in here, but not like this." Lee said, grabbing his right bicep. "Keep it up handsome."
"Er, solid?" Double D asked, doing his best not to stutter or skitter away as Lee continued to pat him down. Truth be told, he couldn't have if he wanted to, his legs felt like wet noodles.
"Ah-hem." Lee smirked, pointing to his crotch. Double D discovered that he had undeniably gone erect in a most undignified- and now that he was aware- uncomfortable way. "That's quite the summer sausage you've got there. Don't know why a smarty pants like you would pack your lunch there, but I'm not the egg head."
"Gah!" Double D gasped, he could feel his face becoming as hot and red as a lit coal as he jumped back and adjusted himself. "Em-embarrassing."
"If you wanted a peak, all you had to do was ask."
The Kanker snorted as she bent over again, giving the Ed an even better view than before as she put a finger at the top of her breasts, glided it down her cleavage, hooked it on the tip of her towel, and pulled the damp red cloth as far down as she could go without unwrapping the towel- her breasts all but spilling out right then and there. Double D might've been imagining it, but he could've sworn he was seeing the outline of Lee's nipples right there on the edge of the cloth.
"I-I-I believe I-I'm not here f-or that." Double D stuttered, he had no idea how he managed it. His eyes were focused like a laser pointer. The wimp of the Eds could hear the other voices of his trio behind him. Ed hollering to rip off her towel and wrap Lee's legs around his face. As for Eddy? Grabbing and insults. Double D ignored the voices of his friends in his head. Instead, he closed his eyes, turned away and took a deep breath.
"Business first." Lee nodded, clearly impressed as she readjusted her towel. For some reason Double D felt like he passed some sort of test. "Good to hear."
"Th-This has to be some kind of mistake. My client must have sent me the wrong address." Double D said, managing to only stutter once as he pulled out his phone. "I apologize for the intrusion."
Double D called the client's contact number and instantly a phone started wringing- and it was coming from inside that very room. Lee put her hand on her hip, giving Double D another smug smirk before she strutted over to- what appeared to be a brand new emerald IKEA couch. The eldest Kanker decided to bend over the arm rest instead of walking around it to dig in the cushions. With her side facing him, Double D could see the already short towel rise up. Showing ALL of lee's legs and her behind almost as much.
Yes, it was just as milky white, large and... gelatinous as you would proportionally expect. For whatever reason, Double D was hearing both Ed and Eddy singing the lyrics to 'baby got back'. they got more than a few words wrong, the word 'shrek' was in there more than a few times, and it put nails on a chalk board to shame- but you could make out what they were trying to do.
'Maybe there is something wrong with me.' Double D thought as Lee popped her leg up, giving herself more leverage and him a better view.
Double D wanted to bury his face in it.
Soon enough Lee decided to quit pretending to route around and pulled out her phone from a discarded pair of genes sitting on the middle cushion. It was just as red as her towel with a white 'K' on the back. The Kanker waved at the Ed before she answered it.
"Hey Double D, I hired ya." Lee smiled, hanging up and actually burying it between her breasts. It was so deep that there was no hint it was even there.
Double D gulped. "I-I was afraid of that."
"You gotta relaaax." Lee told him, stretching out the word. "If you're the tech wiz I remember, you'll do the job in a snap."
"What exactly is the job?" Double D asked, remembering the mystery of the assignment and Eddy's stuttered secrecy. The tech boy of the Eds took his eyes off his client, enticing as she was, and looked around her apartment again. Once again, he saw how spacious it was. Clean. Modern. Each square foot of it told how only those of lucrative means- relatively- or little in savings, could afford it. Yes, it had been a decade since he had seen any kankers and they were mere children at the time, but this was quite the change. Double D should've been proud, but he felt suspicious of his former bully. "Whatever your conundrum is, it appears that you could afford a proper technician from a larger company. Is there a reason of my- our more... modest operation?"
The Kanker said nothing to the Ed, she just grew a simile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Quite a feat since her eyes were covered by her towel.
"I-I know its rude, but i have to ask..." Double D raised an eyebrow at his client. "How can you afford such things?"
"Oh, yeah. You're the one that asks questions." Lee nodded thoughtfully, but Double D knew it wasn't at him. "I'll have to do something about that."
"What precisely do you-oh."
The Kanker folded her arm under her chest, her milky white bosom all but spilling out and over the top of the scarlet towel. The Ed promptly shut his mouth and turned away.
"Never mind, shouldn't be a problem." Lee smirked haughtily before blowing a kiss at the Ed. Double D couldn't help himself and rubbed the same cheek from earlier before he started stuttering again. Though his mind and mouth couldn't form any words. Lee laughed. "Ah, why not? Just for the fun of it."
Lee all but jabbed her arm inside her breasts and pulled her phone out. The eldest Kanker whispered something to it and started sniggering before she showed Double D the screen. It was the very Ad photo for the Ed's own LLC. It was a rich purple background, the Ed's themselves were white silhouettes. But there was no mistaking who was who and what their job was. Ed was at the right, a filled back of garbage in one hand and a rake in the other. Double D himself was in the middle, his own hands holding a tablet and a wrench. Eddy, he had a pen and a phone. At the top, in bold gold it read the LLC name and slogan.
"Ed LLC, no job is too small or too weird." Lee laughed as she put her phone back, in the same spot. Double D tried not to stare. "How could I turn you boys down?"
"Oh lord." Double D sighed. "For the record, I had no say in the naming."
"Hey, if it fits- it fits." Lee shrugged, Double D felt his eye twitch as her breasts jumbled around in her towel. "I gotta... problem, and i need a 'specialist'."
"I don't suppose someone's finally going to tell me what it is?"
"Double D, you cutie pie Brainiac. What do you think me and my sisters do for a living these days?"
"I seem to recall the three of you were good at cooking." Double D said, replaying the one good memory he had of the Kanker sisters. Ironically it was the first time they met. "Though, I also remember Marie was handy with a set of tools- what am I saying? I've been hanging around Eddy too much."
"Ha!" Lee burst out into a giggling fit. The laugh were hard, from the gut cackling. They were the kind of laughs a witch would make just before she sneared 'I have you know my pretty'. "I-I was h-hoping you wouldn't catch on. Th-That would've been fun."
Double D turned away again, not just because of the usual... jiggling, but also because of how heated his face was getting again. Though, he was kind of proud how it was Lee that was stuttering now.
"Ah, hell with it." Lee shrugged with a sigh, a smug grin on her face. "Yeah, we all still cook and Marie still knows how to work her tools."
Lee said the last part holding up her hand and twisting it around like she was using a wrench, or at least that's how Double D chose to believe she was demonstrating. Though his imagination had other ideas.
"Oh, really?" Double D asked, trying not to stare. He failed.
"Yeah, we all do." Lee said. "After we sold the trailer and moved into the RV, we all had to learn how to keep it going. We might even know more about cars than you, Mr. Smarty pants."
"Oh... that, that makes sense."
Lee gave Double D a knowing smile as she raised her towel over her head enough to give him a wink.
'She has blue eyes?' Double D asked himself.
"Hand job."
"Gah!" Double D jerked to the side, the surprise dang near trip over himself.
"S-Sorry, I-I'm sorry." Lee cackled again, doing her best to hold back another laughing fit. "I had to do it. Y-You're face. So g-good."
Out of sheer curiosity, Double D pulled out his phone and looked at his own reflection on its black screen. Even though it was dark as night, Double D could see that his face was as red as a lit coal- felt like it too. The 'smart' Ed had no idea what was so enticing about that. Double D wanted to curl up into a ball.
"As much as I'm sure you're fond of belaboring a point," Double D paused for a sigh. "Please inform me of the issue of which you hired me for."
"Oh-ho. Hit'n me with lawyer speak." Lee laughed as she took a step back, a smug smile on her face. "Double D's mad."
"Yes, well. I..." Double D stopped when he turned back to the well endowed Kanker and discovered that her towel had all but come undone. The wet cloth only hanging on because of the sheer size of her brea- *special lady area*.
"Have it your way." The Kanker smirked before grabbing the towel with both hands and yanking it open, exposing herself to the Ed, and wrapping it around herself. All in a flash that seemed too fast to be real. Truth be told, it was too fast for The Ed with glasses to really see anything. Double D cursed himself for not being the type of genius with an eidetic memory. "Finally getting to it, me and the girls each work part time. Something to have on the books... you can pick your jaw off the floor now."
To Double D's surprise, his mouth was indeed open and hanging there. So much for not looking like an idiot.
"I was wondering what would make you do that." Lee blew Double D a kiss as she closed it. "We got those, but most of our cash comes from, ah, shows we do. Right here. In our apartment. Hey, Mr. egg head, can you guess the show? Here's a hint: Laptop and camera."
"I-I'm sure its very..." Double D stopped as lee folded her arms under her chest, again. He tried not to gulp, again. He failed... again. "Lucrative."
"Yes, yes it is." Lee nodded haughtily. "But we Kankers are still cheep skates. Me and the girls hate pay'n for things we don't need to. Ya haven't forgotten that, did ya?"
"It is difficult to forget the muggings and the bribes." Double D remembered all the wallet's he'd lost to the kankers before the sisters moved on.
"Ha, right." Lee smirked. "Well, these days that includes our own wifi. We wanna use our snooty neighbors without'em knowing. for that we can't use an egg head from some fancy smancy joint."
"You need a specialist." Double D remembering her words.
"I need a specialist." The kanker eyed the Ed, even though the towel on her head. "Hey double D, you ed's live together?"
"I am unable to disclos-"
"That's a yes, and if Eddy's changed as much as you have I'm guessing he's too cheap to pay for his own electricity. Forget wifi."
"I... have installed a few homemade solar panels." Double D admitted. "Among other things."
"The Kankers want the same set up as you Eds." Lee tilted her head at Double D. "To do that I need a tech wiz who's fine doing jobs off the books, for a fair price."
Lee said the last part opening her mouth in an 'O' shape and poking her cheek out at the side with her tongue at the Ed. Double D wanted to say something. Double D felt like he should say something, but then he remembered the kiss Lee gave him.
"So, is the Ed ready to for the Kankers job?"
The Ed... accepted the assignment.
xxxxxxxxxxx
"Okay, this here. Hook this up to that." Double D said, mumbling off step by step of his process aloud as he worked. The tech wiz's utility pack lay there beside him, open and half empty. Double D himself was kneeling there in front of an old crate on couple of cylinder blocks. Its door open to the Ed and his project inside of it. The smell of old metal, salvaged wires, and welded parts filled the air.
"What you got there really gonna steal wifi?" The Kanker asked behind the Ed.
"The device will do more than that." Double D announced as he put his soldering tools away. "Personal internet, streaming services, home phone, gaming platforms. Whatever the residents of this building have wireless access to- the Kanker sisters will have it as well."
"Will we get caught?"
"Oh no." Double D shook his head, closing the crate and hiding his creation. "Thanks to my custom software and personally designed VPN, they can suspect all they want but no one will have any evidence the Kankers are complicit in anything."
"We get all that," Lee paused, Double D heard the fridge door open and close behind him. "from this? It looks like a pile of junk."
"I did get many of my materials from... unorthodox sources." Double D admitted, zipping up his utility bag. It was much easier than before. "A good amount of our clientele come to us for waste removal. Junk is usually involved."
"Still dumpster diving, huh?" Lee asked, before the sound of a soda can being opened fallowed. "Meh, you were the kid who made his own city out of some old pieces of wood, cardboard, and tape. Why not? Good work."
"Why thank you, its always nice to be apprecia...ted." Double D said as he stood up and turned around. It would appear that while the tech wiz of the Ed's was working, Lee had finished drying off and had changed.
In many ways she was wearing a more adult version of what Lee wore when Double D knew her as kids. Obviously, the towels were gone. In their place? For starters, Lee's hair was open to the world. Bright, red, and curley... oh and beautifully 'thicc'. Impossible to ignore and just long enough so it hung over in the front of her face to cover her eyes so you couldn't see exactly what she was thinking of or looking at.
Very fitting.
After that, unsurprisingly, what stuck out to the eye first was the white tank top she managed to slide on. Maybe white wasn't the right description, or at least it looked more gray when compared to Lee's milky white skin that can only belong to a natural red head. It was clearly a size or two too large for Double D, though on Ed it would probably fit just fine. As for Lee? It might 'officially' be her size but clearly it didn't account for her... enhanced build. It was already thin material to start with, stretched out like that? The tank top did little to hide what it was meant to cover. Color, not so much. size and shape, yes.
'They would fit into the palm of my hands.' Double D thought as he focused on a few certain somethings in the middle of each.
As for the... bottom half? Lee had on a pair of absurdly small jean shorts, or as Eddy would describe 'short shorts' that stopped at Lee's upper thigh and showed off her legs in all their entirety. All with the added addition that the shorts were unbuttoned with the zipper all the way down, showing off exactly what was beneath those shorts to all the world. And no, it wasn't nothing. A black thong with the straps pulled above the waist line of the shorts.
she wore no shoes.
Oh, and she was coming right at him. Just like last time, the smart Ed couldn't gather enough brain power to mumble before the Eldest Kanker had strutted over and wrapped her arms around him. Another hug, and Double had no idea how but it numbed his mind even worse. More than likely because she no longer had to hold up her towel and used both hands.
It was too much really. Too much. Double D's mind was gone. It wasn't images that flashed through his head, it was sensations. A soft heaving weight onto his chest. Someone pressing a wide thigh in-between Double D's legs and against-something else. Of course there was a kiss. Yes, and the numb mind of Double D might be wrong but he could've sworn he felt someone's hand reach behind him and grab his... behind. They had a strong grip.
Double D didn't know how long he was like that but eventually the trance broke. The Kanker let the Ed go and backed away. Double D didn't even know he'd collapsed until he hit the hard wood floor.
"Good work Double D." The Kanker's teasing voice rang out to the Ed.
Double D shook his head as he forced his eyes to focus. Unsurprisingly, he was met with her legs. They were just as thick, strong, and curvy as the last time he fell apart. Double D suddenly understood Ed's constant desire to wrap such pieces of a female's anatomy around his head.
"Th-Thank you, Lee." Double D stuttered as he rubbed the cheek she just kissed. This time it felt like an actual cloud instead of just touched by one. It also felt sticker than before. Pulling his hand away, Double D discovered that Lee had applied a layer or lipstick to her new outfit when she changed. Needless to say, it brought back a lot of memories. Not many of them good. For the first time, Double D could see the appeal.
"Ya got knocked down again." Lee snorted. "You can't blame the fancy backpack for that one."
"N-No." Double D sighed, grabbing it right where he left it. Next to him on the floor. "I can't blame the fancy backpack."
"There isn't a Mrs. Double D in the picture, is there?"
"Y-You would have no problem kissing me if there was?"
Lee smiled at that. "Nothing wrong with showing thanks for a job well done."
Double D grumbled at that.
"Are you gonna get up or are you gonna keep staring at my legs all day?" Lee asked, and to Double D's own surprise he had indeed been doing just that. Feeling his face heat up, Double D started to mumble out an apology as he got to his feet only for Lee to playfully swat his shoulder. "Nothing to be sorry for. Honestly, I thought you'd be more of a boob guy."
Lee said the last part tugging the bottom of her tank top. Can you guess how that affected her... substantial chest, or how it effected Double D?
"Uhhh, about my payment?" Double D asked, forcing himself to break his gaze and look at Lee's hair veiled eyes. "You said you payed half up front?"
"And in cash." Lee nodded approvingly at Double D as she let go of her her top. The material snapped back into place like a spring board and her chest bounced around until Lee turned and strutted into her kitchen. The Kanker pulled out a couple of cold beers. "Want one?"
"N-Not when I'm on the job."
"I've got a professional in the house." Lee shrugged as she opened one can and took a swig as she put the other down next to a crushed empty one on the counter.
"Sooo, my jobs done." Double D said, trying not to stare as Lee tilted her head back and her chest out as she drank. "I'm guessing the second half is going to be in cash too?"
"Don't like to leave a trail. Don't worry, it won't be in quarters." Lee burped. "But if your that worried about what you got in your wallet, you could do a second job while you're here."
"Sounds splendid." Double D pulled out his phone. "I'll contact Eddy, he'll write out another contract and-"
"Nope." Lee announced as she outright swiped the phone from Double D's hands. The Ed reached for it by pure reflex only for the Kanker to back away and slide his phone between her breasts just like she did with her own. Just like before, the phone was buried so deep that there was no evidence it was even in there as the milky white breasts undulated back and forth in separate waves. "Off the books, and just you."
"Y-You can actually fit two in there?" Double D stuttered, staring at the spot where his phone disappeared. "How is that possible?"
"Oh honey, you have no idea what I can fit in here." Lee winked at Double D as she grabbed the front of her breasts and gave each a good squeeze, her fingers practically sinking into the thin cotton of the tank top. Double D didn't need to be told this time, he knew his mouth was on the floor with his tongue hanging out. Lee smiled at that. "Sooo, a Kanker wants to give the Ed another job. He up for it?"
"I accept the assignment." Double D heard himself say. "Dang it."
"Fallow me, and try not to stare at my ass..." Lee teased as she strutted past Double D, putting extra swagger in her step as she pulled her thong straps up- letting them go and slapping against her. "Too much."
For some reason, Double D doubted he could do that.
Keeping a respectable, and safe, distance behind the Kanker- the Ed did indeed fallow his client as she walked down her hallway. Yes, Double D did look at her the whole time. Lee did know how to wear those shorts. At the end of their short trek, Double D was so entranced that it took walking head first into a door frame to snap him out of it. Lee laughed as he rubbed his head.
"Told ya." Lee teased as she swatted her own behind at him.
Double D grumbled at that, embarrassed. Sighing, the Ed looked around the Kanker's room she led him into like a pet. It matched the rest of her apartment. Spacious, cluttered, terrible neutral colors and over priced Ikea furniture. Lee herself was leaning against a wall facing him and pointing at the desk to her side.
"You mentioned a show?" Double D asked, eyeing the laptop and camera sitting on the desk.
"Yup." Lee nodded as she finished her beer, crushing the can and just letting it drop there right on the floor. "Thing is, we're not so good at editing and other computer stuff. We ain't geniuses. The Kankers just happen to know one."
"Oh, no." Double D bit his lip, but it was too late.
"What?" Lee asked. "Don't tell me this is the one thing you don't know how to do."
"No no. I can do it just fine." Double D nodded. "Its just, negotiating is more Eddy's area of expertise."
"Negotiate, huh." Lee tilted her head to the side at that as she smirked at Double D. "What do you want from me?"
Lee said the last part as she painstakingly pulled up her thong strap again.
"U-Uh..."
"I'm sure we could think of something."
'What would Eddy do? What would Eddy do? What would Eddy do?' Double D asked himself, then he felt his mouth open and his leader's voice come out. "I want a percentage."
"S-Say that again?" Lee stuttered, she seemed honestly surprised as she walked up to him. "Oh right, business first."
"What are you doing?" Double D asked as he backed up a step. He didn't get far as Lee reached behind Double D and shut the door.
"Negotiating." Lee told Double D as she grabbed him by the collar and yanked him close. Right in front of her. So close his glasses steamed up. Though that might've just been him. Then the Kanker kissed the Ed, on the lips. It was simple and quick. More of a peck really. Didn't matter though. Still a kiss. The second she pulled away and let go of him, Double D collapsed on the bed behind him. His knees hanging off the side of the mattress.
"What do you say, Edd?" Lee asked, towering over Double D like before- yet somehow even imposing as she reached down and unbuttoned the top of his pants with a flick of the wrist. "Ready to negotiate with a Kanker?"
Obviously, the other Ed's screamed in his head at Double D. Both their voices telling the middle Ed to just agree to whatever this voluptuous junk yard dog told him to. They only grew louder and louder as Lee bent over, giving Double D perhaps the greatest view of her chest than even the 'peak' she showed him earlier in the living room. The voices grew so loud Double D couldn't hear his own thoughts- if he had any to start with.
"Well, Double D..." Lee licked her lips as she pinched the fly of his pants. She tried o pull it down smooth but it got caught on, something, so lee had to tug it down in yanks.
'Ha-ha.' Double D laughed in his head. 'Who knew I could make jokes when a girl has a hand on my...hea-huh?'
Double D was interrupted from his own thoughts when he noticed that the brea- bosom dangling over his thighs were vibrating. Actually vibrating. Buzzing even. Funny enough, it reminded Double D of a bowl of half melted ice-cream on top of a vibrating pho-
"Uh, I think someone's trying to get our collective attention." Double D said- not stammering as he pointed at Lee's substantial chest.
"Huh?" Lee asked. The spider was clearly dumbfounded as she looked where the fly in her web was pointing, loosing the mad smirk that Double D just now noticed. Sighing, Lee jabbed her hand right between her breasts and plopped out her vibrating phone. The Kanker's chest went back to its glorious and expansive equilibrium. "Dang. Speaking of business, we gotta cut it here Double D."
"Ummm..." Double D blinked as he forced himself to lean up on his elbows on Lee's bed, watching her turn over and pick up something right off the ground at her feet. The nerd, and least girl 'acquainted', of the Ed's had to admit- he was more than a little disappointed- and dare he say it, relieved at the same time. Though, he did miss both Lee's attention and the feeling of her hands on his crot-their previous location. "This is quite the turn of events."
"I dunno, seems pretty on brand to me." Lee shrugged as she slipped into what she picked up, which turned out to be a lime green short sleeved button up shirt with the words 'pick up artist' stitched on the left breast. Double D tilted his head at that. Lee sighed as she buttoned up the shirt. "I did tell you I had a legit job, didn't I?"
"Yes, yes you did." Double D sighed back as he collapsed on her bed. A certain something below his belt was screaming at him. Double D bit his lip as he adjusted himself. For some reason, Double D couldn't bring himself to care if Lee saw. "I'll... I'll just take my payment and go."
"No can do Eddworth." The Kanker announced. Double D looked up, surprised, as lee looked back down at him. Her blue eyes vailed by her curly red hair. Hands on her hips, her head shaking. "Don't have the cash for it."
"You don't have money?" Double D asked, looking around the spacious and modern room.
"I have money...ish." Lee gave a so-so gesture. "Just not the cash. The sack of bills I dropped off at your office was full of my tips. You want the rest, you're gonna have to wait a bit."
"Wait, you paid half the invoice for my services- through tips?"
"You three don't charge that much." Lee shrugged, which as Double D noticed, her new shirt over her tank top did absolutely nothing to hinder her chest's gelatinous movements to such an action. "I'm guessing that's how you guy's haven't been muscled out- yet."
"I believe Eddy said something about 'word of mouth'." Double D answered, remembering when he asked his famously scheming leader about profit margins.
"He always was 'all eggs in one basket' kind of guy. You boys gotta to learn how to side hustle." Lee snorted as she reached out her arms to Double D. The Ed exhaled as he grabbed her hands and hoisted himself up. Predictably, it was too much and he ended up bumping himself into her. Thanks to the fact that Double D was a head shorter than Lee was, he landed face first into her chest. It really did feel like Double D padded his face against a silk bag of pudding. "Wow, your face is warm- and red. Its like I'm shoving a room heater between the girls."
"GAH!" Double D jerked his head away and dang near fell back on the bed. Luckily lee grabbed him before he could. Though his reflection off Lee's name tag, Double D could see his face was so red it made his normally orange shirt look yellow. "Em-Embarrassing."
"Don't get me wrong Double D, I liked 'where your head was at'." Lee laughed at her own joke as she pointed at his face. "But we don't have time for that. My boss told me if I'm late one more time, I'll take a pay cut."
There wasn't much to say after that. The Kanker silently led the Ed to the front door and out of her apartment. No stops along the way. All the while Lee was gripping his collar with one hand as she twirled her keys on a lanyard with the other. Each and every step of the way, the only Ed who was not a proud perv, couldn't help but stare at the Kankers behind in those short shorts. Double D still wanted to bury his face in it.
DING
Just like that Double D was snapped out of his trance by the ring of an elevator. Lee let go of Double D and gave him a smirk. Surprisingly, he wasn't used to it yet.
"Ya gonna hit your head again? Hold on, let me record it." Lee laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket this time as she pointed it at him. "No broken nose or busted lip now. Scares away too many viewers. Learned that the hard way when I tried that with my sisters."
"I've already done a hard day's work for no pay." Double D sighed as he walked in next to his long lost- now found teasing tormentor. "Please do not add to my plight with humiliation."
"Sorry, not the Kanker way." Lee smiled as she took a picture of him with her phone. Double D knew he looked miserable... and probably a few other things. "Cheer up Eddworth... is that really your name?"
"The third." Double D answered with a three fingered salute, in a tone that only came with explaining something for a lifetime.
"The third. Sounds about right." Lee shook her head, amused as she hit one of the buttons and the elevator went down. Which to Double D's mild surprise, its incremental movement actually caused gelatinous momentum more than when Lee shrugged- or as the other Eds would say 'make her boobs bounce'. "Well, cheer up Eddworth the third. You ran into an old stalker you haven't seen in a decade, just like I met up with an old punching bag. I'm calling that a good day."
"I admit, I do find this a surprisingly enjoyable experience."
"Ha, I bet." Lee blew Double D another kiss. The middle Ed rubbed his mouth this time, instead of his cheek. Remembering the short peck lee had given him. What Double D wouldn't do to go back five minutes to do it all over again. "Hey, remember when we were kids. That time me and meh sisters tricked you Eds into marrying us?"
Double D shot his head up at that. An old memory he hadn't thought about in years. You'll be spared the details. Just know that a few years before the Kankers moved away, a dare to enter an abandoned house ended with the Eds standing naked in trash cans and forcibly 'married' to the Kankers. Actually, that's not true. It ended with the Eds chained up to a red wagon and rushing off down the street on all fours, the Kankers in tow. For all the neighborhood to see.
"It is hard to forget something so... elaborate."
"Yeah, I'm still proud of that one."
The Kanker lifted up her hair just enough to give the Ed a wink. Double D suddenly got a very sinking feeling something was about to happen. He was right. Suddenly Lee's face was less than an inch away from his own. Double D's shoulder and upper part of his arm was surrounded by that same warm pudding feeling his face felt before. More than that, Double D felt Lee's hand was exactly where it was just minutes ago- on the fly of his jeans, hovering over his undoubted priapism. Or as Eddy would call it- 'raging boner'. Double D stood here, stiff as steel as Lee whispered into his ear. Her voice deep, low, and guttural. Smooth as broken glass. She was by far the most amorous thing Double D had ever heard.
"If you ever feel like playing house..."
Double D felt the zipper of his pants being pulled up. To keep it all in one swift action, Lee pressed her hand down and around...him as she did so. Double D had no idea that someone so famous for knocking out teeth could have such soft hands. He couldn't help it, Double D moaned out a wordless blessing at that.
"You know where to find me... Ya know, before 9 or after 5-whoops." Lee said the last part as she pulled her hand away and instantly Double D's pants feel down around his ankles. As it turns out, while Double D's zipper and button had been refastened, his belt had become undone. "Sorry Double D. Old habits."
"Gah! Wait, you've undone so many men's pants its a reflex now?" Double D asked as he reached down and pulled up his jeans. Lee, for her part, just crossed her arms at him with a smirk. Of course, at that exact time the elevator hit its destination and the doors opened just as Double D slipped his pants over his knees. Predictably, there was someone waiting there for the elevator. A very attractive woman no less. She gave the two of them a quick glance before turning away and deciding the stairs were the better option. "This...This has to be some kind of beautiful nightmare."
"Awww, you do think about us." Lee cooed mockingly as she swatted Double D's behind and strutted out of the elevator. The Ed sighed, finished getting dressed and fallowed his teasing tormentor.
To Double D's own surprise, they weren't outside on ground level, but in an underground parking garage below the building. Of which were filled with very expensive, and very old or very new cars. Some of which were so covered in dust it was obvious hey haven't been driven or even touched in years. Double D recognized more than a few of the models. Each one was meant to show off how wealthy and connected someone was, not for actually driving.
Apparently Double D was looking too hard, because Lee noticed.
"Don't even think about it. There are camera's everywhere." Lee pointed at several as they walked by. "All the free goodies in these cash boxes on wheels ain't worth getting tossed in the slammer."
"What, I wasn't-"
"Besides, if you think you'll be left off with a warning…" Lee said suddenly grabbed her chest with both hands and squeezed. "You don't have the tits for it. Trust me."
Predictably, Double D got so distracted he walked right into the rear bumper of a red Volkswagen bug, bounced back and landed on his behind. Double D didn't know what was worse. The concussion tweety birds chirping over his head, the beetle's alarm echoing in the garage, or Lee's hysterical laughter.
That wasn't true. Double D knew what was the worst.
Eventually Lee stopped laughing and helped Double D up again, but this time she dropped any and all pretense- intentionally and forcibly pulling his head to her chest. All but burying his face into her breasts. One lesson Double D learned that day- human mammary glans can be just as literally suffocating as they are figuratively.
Double D honestly couldn't say if he minded dying that way.
"I have missed you, Eddworth the third." Lee said before she kissed his forehead. It was just as heavenly as all the other times she put her lips to him. "Now, get in the car."
"The car?" Double D asked as Lee let him go- and yes. She held him up so he'd stay on his feet. To the Eds embarrassment, there was no denying it was needed.
"Yup, my parked car rear ended you." Lee said turning off the bug's alarm with her key's. "Luckily I had a couple of giant air bags for ya."
This time Lee just pointed at her chest.
"Yes, yes you did." Double D nodded, ignoring how he hit the pavement before the suffocating safety feature. As Lee got into her car, Double D finally gave it a look. It had the classic dome shape of the VW Bugs, but it was clearly one of the new models. Maybe the last of its type before they were discontinued. It was clearly expensive but far from the 'look at how rich I am' breed of its neighbors.
Can you guess what was on the license plate?
"Get in." Lee told him as she opened the passenger door. Double D did exactly that. Unsurprisingly it matched the apartment. Messy, but homey.
"Kink69?" Double D asked, buckling up.
"Caught that did ya?" Lee asked as she turned and looked through her rear window as she backed up. Predictably, she did so by shoving her chest right into Double D's face. So much so the buttons of her shirt were barely holding together. That was without the added pressing of a seat belt. "Believe it or not, I had no say in that. Just like the company name on this stupid shirt. Before you say anything, I pick up crap at grocery stores and drop'em off at people's houses."
"I am familiar with 'pick up artists' work." Double d turned his gaze away as lee finished backing up and drove out. "Quite lucrative for today."
"Gotta love the pandemic." Lee let out a bitter laugh. "Personally, I think it hasn't killed off enough stupid people- goofy dummies like Ed and May not included."
Double D coughed as Lee's Irish spring scent filled the car. The image of Lee dripping wet and in nothing but towels came rushing back.
"Are you just going to drop me off at my van?"
"That's... part of the plan. Yeah." Lee answered as she drove up to the garage door, and with a click of a button it opened. The van itself was right around the corner. Lee herself parked her red bug just behind its orange back doors. "The rest of the plan is give'n you an offer."
"Didn't you already?"
"That was business." Lee answered as she unbuckled Double D's seat belt with a flick of her wrist. "This is for pleasure."
Double D didn't so much as ask as blubber at that. Lee had to shut him up by putting a finger to his lips. Smirking all the while.
"As much fun as it is manhandling you- and it is." Lee gave him a wicked smile at that. "I want you to know that me and meh sisters aren't the same as before. We've grown up."
"You've made that...abundantly clear." Double D couldn't help it, he looked down at Lee's chest.
"True, true." Lee nodded, admittingly. "But I'm offering some good will here- partner."
Double D didn't know how to handle that. He truly didn't. "I thought you wanted to negotiate?"
"Negotiating, reward, gift, I want to- All the above." Lee said the last part whispering in his ear again. Double D gulped at that as if on reflex. "To prove I won't bully you around- much, I won't molest you in my car."
"R-Rare s-s-sentence, that." Double D stammered, Lee smirked.
"You have to ask for it."
"Y-You want me to ask you to molest me." Double D stared hard at the hair vailed blue eyes, it was more of a statement than a question.
"Oh, we don't have the time for that kind of fun honey." Lee said, tapping a non-existent watch on her wrist. "I'm thinking more of a goodbye kiss."
Surprisingly, to the both of them, Double D didn't turn into a blabbering idiot at that- or melt into the car seat. Instead he remembered all the times her lips were pressed against him. Thankfully, just that day and not when they were children which always sent the young Ed's running for the hills. He knew what the other Ed's would say today. Their voices were screaming in his head right now... and he agreed.
"Yes, please kiss me."
Lee said nothing. The Kanker just held her hair up to give the Ed another wink. Double D knew it was pointless to try and prevent himself from gulping, so he just let it happen as the 'smart Ed' prepared himself for the first kiss from a girl that he actually wanted. Though, just when Double D debated on whether or not he should pucker up, Lee did something unexpected.
"Uh, Lee..." Double D asked as Lee reached over his crotch and as if by some erotic magic, unlocked and removed all interference from his genitals with a simple flick of her wrist. Double D's pants, button, zipper- even his boxers were loose and somehow pulled half way down his thighs. "D-Didn't you say K-kiss?"
"I never said where I'd kiss you." Lee giggled, her freshly showered face right next to his own. Her guttural deep voice whispered against his ear. Honestly, Just that right there was almost too much. Then, as if by some mad reflex or rogue nerve, the Ed truly turned into a babbling imbecile. The tech wiz of the Ed's mouth took on an incoherent mind of its own. Double D's own mind was gone, or at least so lost in an aroused haze that it could only focus on the Kankers almost impossibly soft hand wrap around his freed erection.
"Shhh, Shhh, Shhh. We don't got a lotta time sweety." Lee hushed, the kanker was so close she was all but kissing his ear right there as he throbbed in her hand, which to his surprise- her hand couldn't grasp even half of him. The rest peaking out at the top of her hand. "Just sit back, relax, and enjoy what we both want. Can you do that?"
As if by a switch- Double D shut his mouth. So tightly in fact it actually hurt his teeth and jaw.
"I need an answer, handsome." Lee said, her hand gliding up and down. Double D actually slammed his head back against her car seat at that. "You have to say it."
"Y-Yes." Double D barked, his eyes shooting open and glaring at Lee... well, as close to glaring as Double D could get. "Yes, I'll be quiet. I'll do what you tell me. Anything."
"I'm so happy ya said that, sweety." Lee giggled, giving Double D a quick peck on the cheek before doing what she had threatened to do and he had hoped... and dreaded- The lead Kanker's head lowered down to the 'smart' Ed's lap. Lee stopped just a hair's breath away from making actual contact. Double D could actually feel her breath and her body heat, she was so close. "Here's that kiss I promised."
She kissed him.
Lee's grip over his shaft tightened as her lips puckered tightly around the tip, keeping it in place. Her tongue circling around the head and teasing the center. Double D himself shuttered uncontrollably at that. It was no surprise that the Ed with the least experience with girls had never felt anything like this before, and being the best inventor Double D knew had tried. Oh boy, had he tried. So when Lee lowered herself down, her lips descending inch by inch, there was only one thing on his mind.
"Dear lord, i-is this what I've been missing out on?" Double D asked. The girl at his crotch giving him such a wonderful feeling giggled at that, the vibrations of such nearly sent him into a seizure. "W-wait, I said that o-out loud?"
"Hmmm-hmmph." Lee nodded through another giggle, a part of him still in her mouth.
Double D's usual feeling of embarrassment was tossed to the side and forgotten when Lee finally made it to the bottom... or as close to the bottom as she could go. The Ed could feel that the Kanker couldn't fit the entirety of him inside her mouth, even when she tried forcing it down her throat- he was too much. The the inquisitive and nerdy part of his brain wanted to theoretically measure, but Double D couldn't focus enough to do it when Lee decided not to try and swallow all of him. Instead she decided to pull back, the bottom length of Double D glided against her flattened tongue from the near base to the tip and back again- but Lee never entirely let him go.
"Pant. Pant. Pant." Double D panted, even through the haze of everything that was happening- the ingrained habit of saying what he was doing still prevailed.
Of course that changed when Double D bit down hard on the seat belt as Lee started sucking on the top part of his erection while her hand started pumping up and down on his shaft. His recent go in her mouth acting as lube. Through some sheer instinct he didn't recognize, Double D shut his eyes hard but he forced them back open- he would not be denied this. When he did, Double D noticed that the one hand Lee wasn't using to give him the greatest pleasure he had ever known, was between her own legs and inside her own shorts. Lee was rubbing herself a lot rougher than what she was doing to him. While Double D doubted it, Lee was just as aroused as he was- or as he was sure Eddy would say, that's one thirsty bitch.
Double D didn't know why, but that made a world of difference. He felt his knees twitch, his lungs stop working, and his Phallus throb.
"L-Lee. Lee, I-I'm... oh lord!"
To Double D's surprise, Lee did not remove him from her mouth. Quite the contrary, she actually lowered her head as far down as she could while she let out a guttural moan so deep it actually vibrated him more than a certain mechanical aid Double D developed built specifically for that purpose. The tech wiz Ed slammed his head back against the head rest of the car seat as his first experiment appeared in his mind: a baking soda and vinegar volcano the size of a car. Only when it exploded now, the white foam didn't destroy his kindergarten homeroom, it just filled up the inside his childhood bully's mouth.
Double D didn't know how long he was like this. A couple years. Forever. Probably just minutes at most before Double D could breath again as he collapsed in the car seat, his head feeling like someone smacked him with a sludge hammer made out of a pillow. Of course that had nothing on the rest of his body, damn near every last nerve felt like they were vibrating inside him. Worse than any sneeze he had ever had, and Double D had sneezes.
"V-volcanoes?" Double D panted. "H-have I been reading too much Sigmund Freud?"
"HMMMM!" Lee groaned, her face still hovering over his crotch. Double D cringed at that, discovering that he was both still inside of her along with how great that and Lee sliding off of him felt. Sitting back up in her own seat Lee arched her back in a stretch as she tilted her head back, her mouth still open. Double D's eyes widened as he saw Lee slog her tongue around in her mouth, chomp her jaw a few times before she... swallowed. Lee actually swallowed in a big audible gulp. He didn't know how, but the sound echoed off the walls of the car. "Someone was sure backed up, eh handsome?"
"Uhhhh..."
It was the closest thing to words Double D could put together as he forced his head to tilt to its side. The Ed wanted, no, needed to see the Kanker who had just given him the best five minutes of his life. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, Lee was looking at herself through her rear view mirror. Probably checking to see if Double D left any kind of... 'mess'. Even though the daze he was left in and his brain going into sleep mode, all Double D could see was the face of a stray junkyard dog with a broken jaw that grew into an angel.
"Well sweetie, its time to get out."
"H-huh?" Double D stammered, his eyelids getting heavier and heavier by the nanosecond.
"A kiss knocks you on your ass, a blow job knocks out you. Makes sense." Lee shrugged with a smile. "You're not gonna die, are you?"
"I-I, maybe." Double D answered, taking in a breath before noticing he couldn't feel his legs. "I might need help getting up."
"Nah, you don't." Lee shook her head. "I've run into this problem before cutie pie."
The Kanker suddenly leaned over and blew a breath of her own into the Ed's face. Double D's eyes shot wide open as he sat up straight in the car seat, the smell something he chose not to describe filled his nostrils and lungs. The stench was overwhelming., overpowering, and... arousing. Double D covered his nose with both hands, about to ask Lee how her breath could smell like that before he remembered.
"Works every time." Lee smiled smugly.
"E-Every time?" Double D asked.
"Would you believe having cock breath actually increases my tips?" Lee leaned back into her car seat, her elbow laying on the open window of her car door. "Go on now. I got work and I'm sure you'll find something to do brainiac. I'll text you when I have the money ready. Oh, and one last thing."
Lee leaned over one last time, her face actually leaning into his- touching his. Her forehead resting against right temple. The tips of their noses touching. The same scent as before filled the air near them as her breasts enveloped his right arm. Her one hand sliding up Double D's thigh until she was cupping the entirety of his crotch. She was so soft, so warm. So strong. Double D could feel himself hardening, again.
"Whenever you wanna play house..." Lee's grip tightened. "Any time. I'll make time."
Suddenly, the Kanker kissed the Ed- on the cheek. Amazingly, it felt just as heavenly as it did when Double D first walked into her apartment. Not one hour ago. But to his own surprise, he noticed that Lee's free hand was bent around him and on the handle to the passenger door- which then opened. Double D spilled out like an overturned can of beans. Double D landed on his behind before collapsing on his back, not unlike when he first arrived. But now he had no anvil heavy sack of gear as an excuse, only the kiss of a beautiful girl... who drove off and left him there. Double D managed to peak his head up just in time to see the Kanker's red Volkswagen bug turn a corner and go out of his sight.
"Am I... Is this... I have to be dreaming." Double D said as he picked himself up, and as if magically his pants were pulled up and fully fastened. Even though the last he'd seen them they were loose and half way down this thighs. "That's a pretty good case for yes- wait a moment."
Double D just remembered something of monumental importance.
"Did I just leave half of my inventions inside her apartment?"
xxxxxxx
So yeah, that was the first chapter of Edd LLC.
As you might've guessed this is not the usual pairing, for either character. And you would've guessed right.
Oh yeah. For all the chapters I'm writing for this lemon project, I won't be using the standard partner for the pairing. And before anyone says anything. This chapter and story is not meant to be serious.
Open fun time for all.
Now, onto the list of fandoms I've managed to do.
1. Total drama hook ups- Cannon but not shown hook up moments between characters of the show. Think of winky dink media and their stuff for 'cartoon hook ups'. Any requests for this one, either contact me or just leave request review.
2. Danny phantom- this one focuses on Paulina, a side character. Its a mix of serious 'real life' bad stuff and fun super heroics. It gets more light hearted and erotic over time.
3. Ed edd'n eddy- 10 years after the events of the show- recurring theme-. The main character everyone loves meet the most hated. and both have filled out! Its very much- handy man gets paid in hand jobs- kinda thing.
4. Kim Possible- This one I had to cut in half. Stopping just at the lewd stuff. Don't worry, I'll release that part with the other half I didn't managed to finish. Just know its a fun cam show type thing. Of which, I will turn into its own story.
List of fandoms I didn't manage to finish writing. I'll try to get'em done by end of the month or beginning of February.
1. Gravity falls- Also 10 yr after the show. Poor-ish inventor is the sidepiece of the rich girl from the show. The latter is forced to associate with 'her own kind' (snooty rich) by her parents. She really wants to be with the main character of the show- who has saved her and her families life more than once. And that was during the events of the show- by a 12 yr boy.
2. Star vs the forces of evil- Part of my AU 'verse'. Got this weird vague relationship with cannon. Meh, either way. It involves the hunk adult version of the show's secondary main character hooking up with the queen- specifically after capturing a rebelling lord that's been stalking her for years. But that's not important. What is- the queen has been all but stalking the main character- thirsty bitch. And yes, that is the polite term.
3. Loud house- Another 10 yrs. Anyway, the token lesbian relationship of the show is Bi here and want to have a kid together. So they go to the main character- the brother of one and the sidepiece of the other. This one actually has two lemons. The first is more of a lime. The sister is getting railed by the best friend/ roommate. The second lemon is immediately after. The former two are passed out. The main character doing it with not- his sister. low bar.
4. Power puff girls- either 10 yr's after or near the start of the show. Meh. The girls are world wide famous heroes. The prof is at the mayors office to collect his grant money and then move on to his next project. The brains behind the office, Ms. Bellum, wants to keep the prof on as a permanent asset for not just city but the mayor. The offer of public money won't do the trick, so Ms. Bellum falls back on the lonely horn dog's famous weakness.