Theon fucking Greyjoy. Of all bodies that asshole could put me in. It just had to be this one. Hold on a second, I'm sure you're a bit confused. Well let's rewind a bit, shall we?

So there I was, dead as a fucking- you know what? I can't think of any words for that simile. Just know I was fucking dead. I expected it to happen eventually but not so soon. I mean, it was only my second robbery. I'd turned to a life of crime out of a combination of boredom, laziness, and poverty. I was too poor for anything else, too lazy to get a job, and too starved of dopamine to sit on my ass for too long.

Where was I again? Ok, got it. So, I break into the house and rummage around a bit. Stole a couple of things- nothing really worth anything but then my night turned around when the lady of the house caught me and emptied a pistol's magazine worth of bullets into my body before I even got the chance to surrender. Fucking bitch.

I die and then I'm in this weird-ass void. Fellow introduces himself as Rob with one 'b'. He was very particular about that. So, he offered me the chance to be reborn with two boons. In exchange, he'd get to choose when and where I got reborn and then he'd get to keep my soul after I died. After rejecting my choices for being too OP for the setting, he gave me a list of options to choose from and I ended up choosing, 'sexy as fuck' and 'super soldier'. He explained that the super-soldier boon would show up as I aged which should have aroused my suspicions- ha! aroused- nice one.

Anyway, you're all caught up. I found myself in the body of a ten-year-old Theon Greyjoy. Freshly made hostage of one Eddard Stark, Warden of the North.

I was to put it politely- fucked. I wasn't in the show universe since this body clearly remembered having a sister named Asha and Eddard looked nothing like Sean Bean. This meant I was in the book universe.

The books which I never got around to reading. I knew some plot points like Euron being a scary fucker and the White walkers being called Others instead, and there being no night king. That meant there was no simple way to just chop off the head.

To re-iterate, I was fucked. I am fucked. I will be fucked. Fucked is me. No use crying over spilled milk though. Rob did show up with his boons- at least one of them. I was, to put it simply, sexy as fuck. Even for a ten-year-old. I had shoulder-length black hair, a cute childish face, that would surely develop into extreme handsomeness, and a tall, lean build. Theon in the show had looked a little rat-like but I looked like a God among men.

That's enough appreciation of my fine form. A servant had come in about 10 minutes ago to ask me to prepare to see the Lord. I walked outside the room I'd been given and met the same servant outside. She was a teenager, 16-17 to my well-trained eyes. She asked me to follow her, and I did. I enjoyed the walk to the solar. Sure, my new life was fucked but it still beats being dead and the way her hips swayed in front of me gave me a whole new appreciation for being alive. She led me to the door, and I just had to ask, 'What's your name, my lady?'

'My name is Serra, milord. I am no lady, simply a servant' That much was obvious from the get-go, but I had her name and the blush she gave me showed her joy at being mistaken for a lady- not that I was so mistaken.

I took a deep breath to prepare and then knocked on the door. Unlike what I'd expected, there weren't guards in front of the solar or anything and when the voice inside tells me to come in, I marvel at the simplicity of the place. It was large, don't get me wrong, but apart from the several animal skins on the walls and the shadowcat's head above the chair, it was absent of decoration. Speaking of the chair, on it was the man I'd come to know as Eddard Stark. He had black hair, a beard, and a long face and nose. He was average in looks- not ugly but not handsome either. I decided to start things off since he was yet to speak.

"Good day, My Lord" I spoke out- calmly and clearly. He took a long look at me and sighed. "Theon, may I call you Theon?" It clearly wasn't a question since he continued without waiting for an answer. "Contrary to my own wishes, you have been made my hostage. To ensure your father's good behaviour, you see?" At my nod, he proceeded. "I despise the word hostage. That is not how things ought to be. You are a boy- no more than nine namedays"-

"Ten" I interrupted him reflexively. His look said he couldn't care less. "Mind your manners, boy. You are a boy. Nothing honourable about punishing you for your father's misdeeds. I'll treat you as my ward. You behave yourself; you get benefits. If you don't... Do you understand me?"

"Yes, My Lord" I replied in shock. I knew he treated Theon well in canon but with what this body's memories told me, the Ironborn had fucked up. They'd gone on a bloody murder spree all across Westeros. No one liked us. I'm sure he could use me as a servant, and no one would bat an eye.

"Good. You're a fair bit older than my boys so your lessons will be different. You will report to the yard first thing in the morning. There, you will be trained by the master-at-arms. He will be in charge of that. After that, you will break your fast with me and my family, if you finish early enough. If you don't, you will break your fast in the kitchen. After that, you will attend lessons with Maester Luwin. Once he dismisses you, you will have the rest of the day to yourself. You will receive an allowance of 20 silver stags a month, that you may spend in the town on whatever catches your fancy" He seemed done with his speech and after confirming that I understood my schedule, he gave me a purse with the silver and dismissed me.

The day was young, and it seems that I was free for the rest of it. I left the solar and stopped. I had no idea where I was supposed to go. I didn't pay attention on the way here, so I had no idea where to go to get to my room. Fuck it.

I picked a direction and started walking. I'd either come across someone sooner or later. Twenty minutes and several stairwells later, I was well and truly lost. I hadn't met a single person throughout my journey. It seems like the Lord's solar was in a genuinely deserted part of the castle. I didn't even notice how long the journey to get there took with an ass like Serra's swaying in front of me.

After what felt like an hour, but was probably just five minutes, I found another occupied room. This one was the library. It was fucking gigantic. Bigger than any room I'd ever been in - in both lives. It was also empty, but this seemed like a good place to wait to be found. The maester had to come here eventually. With my worries assuaged, I found a seat and searched for something to read.

The first thing I lamented was a lack of a proper sorting system. I might not have visited libraries much in my first life, but I knew that they tended to be well organized. This one seemed determined to defy that generalization. There seemed to be no method to the madness and since most of the books and scrolls had no exterior markings or adornments, I had no idea what was what.

After searching for a while, I came across a particularly interesting one, 'Dragons, Wyrms, and Wyverns: Their Unnatural History' by a Septon Barth. Hadn't heard of it from the series but it was clearly about dragons, so I was interested.

I settled down on a chair and started to read. I wasn't found till one of Luwin's serving boys came to fetch a book after sundown.

AN; Like it? Hate it? Can't tell? Let me know. ASOIAF seems like an interesting sandbox to play in.