SNAPE: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!?
RON: ...Not really...
SNAPE: 1,000,000,0-
DUMBLEDORE: All right, Severus, I do think you are being a bit unfair. :::Snape looks at Dumbledore angrily, and tries not to yell.:::::
SNAPE: Yes, Headmaster. :::::Walks off angrily, muttering swearwords:::::
::::::Dumbledore looks at Harry and Ron:::::
DUMBLEDORE: Don't worry. There aren't any points taken from Gryffindor.
HARRY: Phew. Thank you.
IN TRANSFIGURATION...............................................................
MCGONAGALL: All right... Is everyone here? Hmm... The short bald one... Yeah, he's here... the tall bald one... Yeah, him too... The guy with the red hat thing.... yeah, he's here.... The fat person.... Uh-huh..... Girl with the loud voice... yep. Well, I guess that's enough people.
FRAU: What about Scott?
MINI ME: He comes later!
MUSTAFA: Oh no! I've been turned into a newt!
::::People look at him strangely:::::
MINI ME: I think you need to lie down.
DR. EVIL: And I think you watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail a few too many times.
MUSTAFA: What types of noises do newts make?
MINI ME: Um... I think they just say their names over and over, like Pokémon or whatever..
MUSTAFA: Newt! Newt Newt Newt!
DR. EVIL: Uh-oh.
MUSTAFA: I AM A NEWT! HAIL TO ME!!!!!!!
MCGONAGALL: Somebody get that man to the hospital wing AT ONCE!
SCOTT: Hey, how come I'm not mentioned in here?
MCGONAGALL: Who are you?
SCOTT: I'm Scott! Frau's son!
FRAU: Son!
SCOTT: Mom!
MINI ME: ::points middle finger at Scott::
SCOTT: We have to keep this at a PG rating, stupid!
MINI ME: Ketchup-breath!
FAT BASTARD: Ketchup? Did someone say Ketchup? I love ketchup!
SCOTT: Meat face!
FAT BASTARD: There are many different varieties of ketchup, you know.
MINI ME: Pork-chop breath!
FAT BASTARD: It even has a different variety of names! Some people call it Ketchup, and others call it Catsup! I prefer Ketchup, personally.
SCOTT: Computer-moniter!
MINI ME: Street Light!
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FAT BASTARD: Some ketchup is red, others are green, and some are yellow... but you should really stay away from the yellow kind. It can have some nasty purple stuff in it.
MCGONAGALL: ACCIO FAT GUY!!!!!!!!! :::::McGonagall points her wand out the window, and Fat Bastard gets sent in that general direction and crashes through the window (or almost):::::::
FAT BASTARD: Mmmf- I'm stuck!
MINI ME: Like I said before, we're not paying for repairs for any Fat-Bastard shaped holes.
SCOTT: Mini-Me, your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries!!!!!
MINI ME: Hey, you stole that from Monty Python! Just like Mustafa! And how dare you insult your own father, you pig-breath!
SCOTT: Horse-teeth!
MINI ME: Herring!
SCOTT: Credit card!
MINI ME: Be-Wait, did you just call me a credit card?
SCOTT: Washing machine! Come on, I'm ahead of you!
MINI ME: You are- wait!- a piece of gross stuff and you have a head of lettuce! Ha! NOW who's winning?
SCOTT: You're an oven, or any other house appliance!
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MINI ME: Frau can yell louder than you! Ha!
FRAU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MCGONAGALL: :::taking deep breaths::: Please. Do you want to learn Transfiguration or not?
DR. EVIL: Can I have a hot pocket?
MCGONAGALL: Listen. Each of you, take a wand.
FAT BASTARD: MAGIC STICKS OF MANY VARIETIES!!!!!
::::All of a sudden, all the wands turn into magic sticks!::::::::::
MINI ME: I guess if he says a wand is a magic stick, it turns into a magic stick!
MCGONAGALL: Magic stick or not, you still need to learn. Now- there is a toothpick on each of your desks- Mr. Fat Person, do not use the toothpick!... all right. Now repeat after me: Toothandus felinus!
:::McGonagall's toothpick turns into a cat. Fat Bastard managed to turn his into... can you guess?
FAT BASTARD: KETCHUP!!!!!!!!! OH BOY!!!
MINI ME: He got it sort of right. It has whiskers.
FAT BASTARD: This ketchup is alive?!?
DR. EVIL: I'm afraid so.
FAT BASTARD: Pleeeeeeeease, can I keep her? I'll feed her and play with her and clean up after her! Oh- and her name's Brenda! Brenda Bastard Ketchup! It's a good name, isn't it?
MCGONAGALL: Enough! Now- put your cats down- or in Mr. Fat Person's case, ketchup- and we will be transforming it into a giraffe.
FAT BASTARD: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I WILL SAVE YOU, BRENDA!!!!
:::Fat Bastard and Brenda Bastard Ketchup are out the window completely, and they fall right on top of the giant squid!!!!:::::::
FAT BASTARD: Uh-oh.
SQUID: RRRRRRROOOOOAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------
to be continued..............................................
please review! maybe I should add some more characters to this... who knows how many chapters it's going to have?
RON: ...Not really...
SNAPE: 1,000,000,0-
DUMBLEDORE: All right, Severus, I do think you are being a bit unfair. :::Snape looks at Dumbledore angrily, and tries not to yell.:::::
SNAPE: Yes, Headmaster. :::::Walks off angrily, muttering swearwords:::::
::::::Dumbledore looks at Harry and Ron:::::
DUMBLEDORE: Don't worry. There aren't any points taken from Gryffindor.
HARRY: Phew. Thank you.
IN TRANSFIGURATION...............................................................
MCGONAGALL: All right... Is everyone here? Hmm... The short bald one... Yeah, he's here... the tall bald one... Yeah, him too... The guy with the red hat thing.... yeah, he's here.... The fat person.... Uh-huh..... Girl with the loud voice... yep. Well, I guess that's enough people.
FRAU: What about Scott?
MINI ME: He comes later!
MUSTAFA: Oh no! I've been turned into a newt!
::::People look at him strangely:::::
MINI ME: I think you need to lie down.
DR. EVIL: And I think you watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail a few too many times.
MUSTAFA: What types of noises do newts make?
MINI ME: Um... I think they just say their names over and over, like Pokémon or whatever..
MUSTAFA: Newt! Newt Newt Newt!
DR. EVIL: Uh-oh.
MUSTAFA: I AM A NEWT! HAIL TO ME!!!!!!!
MCGONAGALL: Somebody get that man to the hospital wing AT ONCE!
SCOTT: Hey, how come I'm not mentioned in here?
MCGONAGALL: Who are you?
SCOTT: I'm Scott! Frau's son!
FRAU: Son!
SCOTT: Mom!
MINI ME: ::points middle finger at Scott::
SCOTT: We have to keep this at a PG rating, stupid!
MINI ME: Ketchup-breath!
FAT BASTARD: Ketchup? Did someone say Ketchup? I love ketchup!
SCOTT: Meat face!
FAT BASTARD: There are many different varieties of ketchup, you know.
MINI ME: Pork-chop breath!
FAT BASTARD: It even has a different variety of names! Some people call it Ketchup, and others call it Catsup! I prefer Ketchup, personally.
SCOTT: Computer-moniter!
MINI ME: Street Light!
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FAT BASTARD: Some ketchup is red, others are green, and some are yellow... but you should really stay away from the yellow kind. It can have some nasty purple stuff in it.
MCGONAGALL: ACCIO FAT GUY!!!!!!!!! :::::McGonagall points her wand out the window, and Fat Bastard gets sent in that general direction and crashes through the window (or almost):::::::
FAT BASTARD: Mmmf- I'm stuck!
MINI ME: Like I said before, we're not paying for repairs for any Fat-Bastard shaped holes.
SCOTT: Mini-Me, your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries!!!!!
MINI ME: Hey, you stole that from Monty Python! Just like Mustafa! And how dare you insult your own father, you pig-breath!
SCOTT: Horse-teeth!
MINI ME: Herring!
SCOTT: Credit card!
MINI ME: Be-Wait, did you just call me a credit card?
SCOTT: Washing machine! Come on, I'm ahead of you!
MINI ME: You are- wait!- a piece of gross stuff and you have a head of lettuce! Ha! NOW who's winning?
SCOTT: You're an oven, or any other house appliance!
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MINI ME: Frau can yell louder than you! Ha!
FRAU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MCGONAGALL: :::taking deep breaths::: Please. Do you want to learn Transfiguration or not?
DR. EVIL: Can I have a hot pocket?
MCGONAGALL: Listen. Each of you, take a wand.
FAT BASTARD: MAGIC STICKS OF MANY VARIETIES!!!!!
::::All of a sudden, all the wands turn into magic sticks!::::::::::
MINI ME: I guess if he says a wand is a magic stick, it turns into a magic stick!
MCGONAGALL: Magic stick or not, you still need to learn. Now- there is a toothpick on each of your desks- Mr. Fat Person, do not use the toothpick!... all right. Now repeat after me: Toothandus felinus!
:::McGonagall's toothpick turns into a cat. Fat Bastard managed to turn his into... can you guess?
FAT BASTARD: KETCHUP!!!!!!!!! OH BOY!!!
MINI ME: He got it sort of right. It has whiskers.
FAT BASTARD: This ketchup is alive?!?
DR. EVIL: I'm afraid so.
FAT BASTARD: Pleeeeeeeease, can I keep her? I'll feed her and play with her and clean up after her! Oh- and her name's Brenda! Brenda Bastard Ketchup! It's a good name, isn't it?
MCGONAGALL: Enough! Now- put your cats down- or in Mr. Fat Person's case, ketchup- and we will be transforming it into a giraffe.
FAT BASTARD: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I WILL SAVE YOU, BRENDA!!!!
:::Fat Bastard and Brenda Bastard Ketchup are out the window completely, and they fall right on top of the giant squid!!!!:::::::
FAT BASTARD: Uh-oh.
SQUID: RRRRRRROOOOOAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------
to be continued..............................................
please review! maybe I should add some more characters to this... who knows how many chapters it's going to have?