Setting: Inside Wendy's:
*WC sips the rest of her rootbeer. Everyone is sitting around a table with fries and drinks and looking around for suspicious people.*
Fawkes: Damn, I gotta pee.
WC: Don't be long.
Fawkes: Um. Ok.
*Fawkes runs to the bathroom. A few minutes later they hear him yell.*
Fawkes: WTF!?!
*WC runs to the bathroom.*
WC: It it broke-- oh.
*There are two guys and one is handing the other a bag of crack.*
WC: Urgh. It that all this is? A drug ring? Damn.
*Hobbes and Gunn run in.*
Gunn: Men's restroom. You. Not a man.
WC: But he has crack. And I must stop him.
Gunn: Ok. Well I'm gunna go back out there, you don't need me. I'll think of a cool catch phrase.
Hobbes: How about 'I pity da foo?'
*Gunn rolls his eyes and starts to leave.*
Hobbes: You're right, it's been done. Anywho. DRUGS ARE BAD!
Druggie #1: Oops.
Druggie #2: Damn.
Fawkes: I'm afraid we're takin' you in.
Druggie #1: {prounciates all his words} Oh...no, we've.. been.. caught.
Druggie #2: {""} That's... bootie.
*Hobbes and Fawkes slap cuffs on them.*
Hobbes: We are the bomb.
Fawkes: That we are.
*They take them out. After everyone is gone, two guys come out of a stall and are half-nakie.*
Guy #1: They're gone, it worked.
Guy #2: Did you pay the druggies off?
Guy #1: Yeah, $1,000 and a coupon for a free happy meal.
Guy #2: That was close. What was in the bag?
Guy #1: Koolaide. But they'll never think to check.
Guy #2: Now about that happy meal...
Setting: The Lounge:
Lorne: {sings} Oh no not I, I will survive...
*The others have their heads in their hands, bored and annoyed.*
Claire: That can't be the only song he knows.
Angel: It's not. But I don't think you wanna hear his version of "Lady Marmalade."
*The others come in.*
Fawkes: Hey Fat Man, we're hooommeeee!
*The TV's turn on and the Official pops up. He's got something brown on his chin.*
Official: Good work.
Hobbes: Offical, you've got a lil... *points to his chin*
Official: Oh. *wipes it off* Love that Wendy's chilli. Anyways, you did good work in stopping that drug ring.
*Lorne sighs in relief.*
Lorne: Well, I'm hungry... I'm going to... go...
*Lorne sneaks out and goes to Wendy's*
Hobbes: Do we get any kind of special pay for nabbing those--
Official: NO.
Hobbes: Damn. Doesn't hurt to try though.
Fawkes: Good try, man.
Hobbes: I know, but the Fat Man just won't budge.
Fawkes: I know what you mean. There's gotta be a way to get through to him though. He's gotta have a weakness.
Hobbes: A weakness.
Fawkes: They always have a weakness.
Hobbes: That they do my friend, and it is our job to find it.
Fawkes: We must find the weakness.
Hobbes: Yes, we must. The weakness will be fou--
Official: STOP! My god, you guys get started and...
Fawkes: We know.
Hobbes: We're just good at bouncing off ideas to each other.
Fawkes: Yeah, we're partners.
Hobbes: Partners in crime, my friend.
*They high-five.*
Official: BOYS!
Hobbes & Fawkes: Boys?!?
Hobbes: I'll tell you, my friend. I am no boy. I am 100 percent ma--
Fawkes: Ok I think we're done now.
Hobbes: Yes we're done.
Fawkes: Done.
*The Official rolls his eyes.*
Official: O-man out, yo!
*The TV turns off.*
Fawkes: *smiles* We were pretty good.
Hobbes: Yeah we were.
Fawkes: I think we got to him.
Hobbes: I think we did.
WC: DARIEN!!!
Fawkes: Yes, dear?
WC: Please.
Fawkes: Ok, we're just joking around.
Hobbes: Joking.
WC: UUURRRGHHH! *stomps outta tha room.*
Fawkes: I think I made her mad.
Hobbes: No I think--*ahem* Ok.
*Fawkes goes after her. Hobbes laughs to himself, then goes to sit next to Claire.*
Hobbes: Hey there, hot stuff.
Claire: EXCUSE me?
Hobbes: Eeep. I'm sorry, it slipped.
Claire: Mmmhmm.
Hobbes: Remember when I died?
Claire: When you..? Oh! Yes.
Hobbes: That speech you made?
Claire: {a lil uncomfortable} Yes?
Hobbes: Then I asked you if...
Claire: Yes.
Hobbes: You we're lying, huh?
Claire: Ye-- um. I...
Hobbes: I am something, ain't I?
*Hobbes laughs to himself and puts his hands behind his head. He leans back. The chair falls over. Claire giggles.*
Claire: Yes, you are something.
*Hobbes stands up and brushes himself off. He tries to play it off.*
Hobbes: You know you want me, baby.
Claire: {sarcasm run-a-muk} (don't ask) Oh yeah bbaaaabbaay I wannnnnt you soooooooooo bad.
*Hobbes sorta-blushes. Claire sees this and laughs. He gives her a hurt look.*
Claire: I'm sorry. *looks away*
*Fawkes and WC come back in, laughing.*
Hobbes: Is everything ok now?
*WC hugs Fawkes' arm*
WC: Oh it's wooonndderrrfuulll... *looks up at him*
*Fawkes looks at Hobbes to Claire and back to Hobbes. He raises an eyebrow.*
Fawkes: We *points from Claire to Hobbes* interuppting...
Claire: No. *stands up* I was just about to go... run some... tests.
*Claire quickly leaves.*
Fawkes: O...k...
*Fawkes and WC sit down.*
Fawkes: Bobby, just tell her.
Hobbes: *not good at playing things off* Tell her what.
Fawkes: Come on, I'm your partner. No one knows you better than me.
Hobbes: I do not know what you are talking about.
Fawkes: Uh huh.
Hobbes: I don't.
Fawkes: No you don't, Hobbes.
Hobbes: I have not a clue.
Fawkes: You never have a clue.
Hobbes: Let me tell you, I have clues. A lot of clues. Just not right now.
Fawkes: Now and every other now.
Hobbes: That made no sense.
Fawkes: Yes it did. It was full of sense.
Hobbes: Yeah full of something.
Fawkes: That was not nice.
Hobbes: We sometimes you can't be nice, my friend.
Fawkes: Yes, sometimes you must be mean.
Hobbes: There are certain times where it is good to be mean.
Fawkes: Because you have t--
WC: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Fawkes & Hobbes: What?
WC: You're doing it AGAIN!
Fawkes: We're sorry.
Hobbes: So sorry.
WC: Aw. Well. It's ok. It's actually kinda cute. *smiles*
Fawkes: Would you like is to continue?
WC: _No_.
Fawkes: *shrugs* Ok.
*Lorne runs back in.*
Lorne: OMG! HEEELPPPP!
*Wesley runs back in, enthusuastic*
Wesley: A demon!?!?
Lorne: No. Just Dave Thomas. Which, now that I think about it... URGH!
WC: WHAT is it?
Lorne: They are shutting down the Wendy's on 35th and Main!!!
WC: SO?
Lorne: They have only the finest.... chilli!
WC: But there are plenty of other Wendy's.
Lorne: But their... chilli... is not as... spicy.
Angel: Lorne.
Lorne: Yes?
Angel: We know your secret.
WC & Lorne: What secret?
*Angel jumps off the desk he was sitting on and stands in front of everyone.*
Angel: Well, when you busted the drug ring... that wasn't the organization you were supposed to bust. That was a cover.
Fawkes: Then what was it?
Angel: *Goes on to explain what REALLY happens at Wendy's*
Fawkes: OM...
Hobbes: FG...
WC: That's sooo... gay.
Lorne: You have a PROB with it?
WC: *scared* No!
Lorne: PLEASE! Don't shut it down! It's not hurting anyone!
Angel: Ok well, I won't tell if...
Lorne: If what?
Angel: You never do karaoke of "Lady Marmalade" or "I Will Survive" ever again. At least while there are other people in the room.
Lorne: Aw...
Angel: Oh Offi--
Lorne: OK! OK!
Angel: Good.
*Angel goes back to sit on the desk.*
WC: Angel, how did you know about...
Angel: I was gay once, remember?
WC: Ohhhh yeeeaaaaaahhh.
*crickets*
WC: OH! Where's Spike and Buffy? They've been gone for awhile. *thinks* NOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SPPPIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*Spike comes running in with bedsheets tied around his waist*
Spike: WHAT!?!?!
*WC goes up to Spike and slaps him*
Spike: OW! What the bloody hell was that for???
WC: How DARE YOU!
Spike: Well damn you were all busy with Invisible Boy.
WC: URGH!
Magic Guy(os): I told you this would happen! You want Spike but you want Spike and Buffy to be together! Sorta!
WC: SHUT UP MAGIC DUDE!
Magic Guy(os): Eep. *leaves*
WC: But Spikey...
Spike: Please, don't call me that.
WC: *grins* Spppiiikkeeeeeyyyyyy...
Spike: *covers his ears* NOOO!
*The sheets fall*
Fawkes: NOOO!
*Fawkes and Hobbes and Angel turn around. Lorne looks and tilts his head*
Lorne: Damn. Now I know why you want hi--
Spike & WC: Shut up, Lorne.
*Spike picks the sheets back up. WC's eyes tear up. She sits on the floor.*
WC: I hate my life.
*Fawkes sits next to her and puts his arms around her.*
Fawkes: You don't need him. You have me. Would you feel better if I took my shirt off?
*WC nods yes. Spike rolls his eyes and goes away. Fawkes starts to take off his jacket but WC stops him.*
WC: Not now, dear.
*Darien hugs her. Claire runs in. Silence.*
Hobbes: Yes, Claire, something to say?
Claire: Um. No. Not really.
Hobbes: Then what was it with the.. running...?
*She quietly walks to Hobbes. Then she KISSES him! YAAAAAAYYYYY!*
Claire: Nothing.
*WC sips the rest of her rootbeer. Everyone is sitting around a table with fries and drinks and looking around for suspicious people.*
Fawkes: Damn, I gotta pee.
WC: Don't be long.
Fawkes: Um. Ok.
*Fawkes runs to the bathroom. A few minutes later they hear him yell.*
Fawkes: WTF!?!
*WC runs to the bathroom.*
WC: It it broke-- oh.
*There are two guys and one is handing the other a bag of crack.*
WC: Urgh. It that all this is? A drug ring? Damn.
*Hobbes and Gunn run in.*
Gunn: Men's restroom. You. Not a man.
WC: But he has crack. And I must stop him.
Gunn: Ok. Well I'm gunna go back out there, you don't need me. I'll think of a cool catch phrase.
Hobbes: How about 'I pity da foo?'
*Gunn rolls his eyes and starts to leave.*
Hobbes: You're right, it's been done. Anywho. DRUGS ARE BAD!
Druggie #1: Oops.
Druggie #2: Damn.
Fawkes: I'm afraid we're takin' you in.
Druggie #1: {prounciates all his words} Oh...no, we've.. been.. caught.
Druggie #2: {""} That's... bootie.
*Hobbes and Fawkes slap cuffs on them.*
Hobbes: We are the bomb.
Fawkes: That we are.
*They take them out. After everyone is gone, two guys come out of a stall and are half-nakie.*
Guy #1: They're gone, it worked.
Guy #2: Did you pay the druggies off?
Guy #1: Yeah, $1,000 and a coupon for a free happy meal.
Guy #2: That was close. What was in the bag?
Guy #1: Koolaide. But they'll never think to check.
Guy #2: Now about that happy meal...
Setting: The Lounge:
Lorne: {sings} Oh no not I, I will survive...
*The others have their heads in their hands, bored and annoyed.*
Claire: That can't be the only song he knows.
Angel: It's not. But I don't think you wanna hear his version of "Lady Marmalade."
*The others come in.*
Fawkes: Hey Fat Man, we're hooommeeee!
*The TV's turn on and the Official pops up. He's got something brown on his chin.*
Official: Good work.
Hobbes: Offical, you've got a lil... *points to his chin*
Official: Oh. *wipes it off* Love that Wendy's chilli. Anyways, you did good work in stopping that drug ring.
*Lorne sighs in relief.*
Lorne: Well, I'm hungry... I'm going to... go...
*Lorne sneaks out and goes to Wendy's*
Hobbes: Do we get any kind of special pay for nabbing those--
Official: NO.
Hobbes: Damn. Doesn't hurt to try though.
Fawkes: Good try, man.
Hobbes: I know, but the Fat Man just won't budge.
Fawkes: I know what you mean. There's gotta be a way to get through to him though. He's gotta have a weakness.
Hobbes: A weakness.
Fawkes: They always have a weakness.
Hobbes: That they do my friend, and it is our job to find it.
Fawkes: We must find the weakness.
Hobbes: Yes, we must. The weakness will be fou--
Official: STOP! My god, you guys get started and...
Fawkes: We know.
Hobbes: We're just good at bouncing off ideas to each other.
Fawkes: Yeah, we're partners.
Hobbes: Partners in crime, my friend.
*They high-five.*
Official: BOYS!
Hobbes & Fawkes: Boys?!?
Hobbes: I'll tell you, my friend. I am no boy. I am 100 percent ma--
Fawkes: Ok I think we're done now.
Hobbes: Yes we're done.
Fawkes: Done.
*The Official rolls his eyes.*
Official: O-man out, yo!
*The TV turns off.*
Fawkes: *smiles* We were pretty good.
Hobbes: Yeah we were.
Fawkes: I think we got to him.
Hobbes: I think we did.
WC: DARIEN!!!
Fawkes: Yes, dear?
WC: Please.
Fawkes: Ok, we're just joking around.
Hobbes: Joking.
WC: UUURRRGHHH! *stomps outta tha room.*
Fawkes: I think I made her mad.
Hobbes: No I think--*ahem* Ok.
*Fawkes goes after her. Hobbes laughs to himself, then goes to sit next to Claire.*
Hobbes: Hey there, hot stuff.
Claire: EXCUSE me?
Hobbes: Eeep. I'm sorry, it slipped.
Claire: Mmmhmm.
Hobbes: Remember when I died?
Claire: When you..? Oh! Yes.
Hobbes: That speech you made?
Claire: {a lil uncomfortable} Yes?
Hobbes: Then I asked you if...
Claire: Yes.
Hobbes: You we're lying, huh?
Claire: Ye-- um. I...
Hobbes: I am something, ain't I?
*Hobbes laughs to himself and puts his hands behind his head. He leans back. The chair falls over. Claire giggles.*
Claire: Yes, you are something.
*Hobbes stands up and brushes himself off. He tries to play it off.*
Hobbes: You know you want me, baby.
Claire: {sarcasm run-a-muk} (don't ask) Oh yeah bbaaaabbaay I wannnnnt you soooooooooo bad.
*Hobbes sorta-blushes. Claire sees this and laughs. He gives her a hurt look.*
Claire: I'm sorry. *looks away*
*Fawkes and WC come back in, laughing.*
Hobbes: Is everything ok now?
*WC hugs Fawkes' arm*
WC: Oh it's wooonndderrrfuulll... *looks up at him*
*Fawkes looks at Hobbes to Claire and back to Hobbes. He raises an eyebrow.*
Fawkes: We *points from Claire to Hobbes* interuppting...
Claire: No. *stands up* I was just about to go... run some... tests.
*Claire quickly leaves.*
Fawkes: O...k...
*Fawkes and WC sit down.*
Fawkes: Bobby, just tell her.
Hobbes: *not good at playing things off* Tell her what.
Fawkes: Come on, I'm your partner. No one knows you better than me.
Hobbes: I do not know what you are talking about.
Fawkes: Uh huh.
Hobbes: I don't.
Fawkes: No you don't, Hobbes.
Hobbes: I have not a clue.
Fawkes: You never have a clue.
Hobbes: Let me tell you, I have clues. A lot of clues. Just not right now.
Fawkes: Now and every other now.
Hobbes: That made no sense.
Fawkes: Yes it did. It was full of sense.
Hobbes: Yeah full of something.
Fawkes: That was not nice.
Hobbes: We sometimes you can't be nice, my friend.
Fawkes: Yes, sometimes you must be mean.
Hobbes: There are certain times where it is good to be mean.
Fawkes: Because you have t--
WC: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Fawkes & Hobbes: What?
WC: You're doing it AGAIN!
Fawkes: We're sorry.
Hobbes: So sorry.
WC: Aw. Well. It's ok. It's actually kinda cute. *smiles*
Fawkes: Would you like is to continue?
WC: _No_.
Fawkes: *shrugs* Ok.
*Lorne runs back in.*
Lorne: OMG! HEEELPPPP!
*Wesley runs back in, enthusuastic*
Wesley: A demon!?!?
Lorne: No. Just Dave Thomas. Which, now that I think about it... URGH!
WC: WHAT is it?
Lorne: They are shutting down the Wendy's on 35th and Main!!!
WC: SO?
Lorne: They have only the finest.... chilli!
WC: But there are plenty of other Wendy's.
Lorne: But their... chilli... is not as... spicy.
Angel: Lorne.
Lorne: Yes?
Angel: We know your secret.
WC & Lorne: What secret?
*Angel jumps off the desk he was sitting on and stands in front of everyone.*
Angel: Well, when you busted the drug ring... that wasn't the organization you were supposed to bust. That was a cover.
Fawkes: Then what was it?
Angel: *Goes on to explain what REALLY happens at Wendy's*
Fawkes: OM...
Hobbes: FG...
WC: That's sooo... gay.
Lorne: You have a PROB with it?
WC: *scared* No!
Lorne: PLEASE! Don't shut it down! It's not hurting anyone!
Angel: Ok well, I won't tell if...
Lorne: If what?
Angel: You never do karaoke of "Lady Marmalade" or "I Will Survive" ever again. At least while there are other people in the room.
Lorne: Aw...
Angel: Oh Offi--
Lorne: OK! OK!
Angel: Good.
*Angel goes back to sit on the desk.*
WC: Angel, how did you know about...
Angel: I was gay once, remember?
WC: Ohhhh yeeeaaaaaahhh.
*crickets*
WC: OH! Where's Spike and Buffy? They've been gone for awhile. *thinks* NOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SPPPIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*Spike comes running in with bedsheets tied around his waist*
Spike: WHAT!?!?!
*WC goes up to Spike and slaps him*
Spike: OW! What the bloody hell was that for???
WC: How DARE YOU!
Spike: Well damn you were all busy with Invisible Boy.
WC: URGH!
Magic Guy(os): I told you this would happen! You want Spike but you want Spike and Buffy to be together! Sorta!
WC: SHUT UP MAGIC DUDE!
Magic Guy(os): Eep. *leaves*
WC: But Spikey...
Spike: Please, don't call me that.
WC: *grins* Spppiiikkeeeeeyyyyyy...
Spike: *covers his ears* NOOO!
*The sheets fall*
Fawkes: NOOO!
*Fawkes and Hobbes and Angel turn around. Lorne looks and tilts his head*
Lorne: Damn. Now I know why you want hi--
Spike & WC: Shut up, Lorne.
*Spike picks the sheets back up. WC's eyes tear up. She sits on the floor.*
WC: I hate my life.
*Fawkes sits next to her and puts his arms around her.*
Fawkes: You don't need him. You have me. Would you feel better if I took my shirt off?
*WC nods yes. Spike rolls his eyes and goes away. Fawkes starts to take off his jacket but WC stops him.*
WC: Not now, dear.
*Darien hugs her. Claire runs in. Silence.*
Hobbes: Yes, Claire, something to say?
Claire: Um. No. Not really.
Hobbes: Then what was it with the.. running...?
*She quietly walks to Hobbes. Then she KISSES him! YAAAAAAYYYYY!*
Claire: Nothing.