Sometimes you want to make it all just go away. There are two ways to do that. One's easy. One's not so easy. I thought I always wanted to be a doctor, above all else. To help people. Become a surgeon, save people's lives. A noble thought, sure, but seeing what it's like...I don't know anymore. I got through Organic Chemistry. It was supposed to be the hardest class, the one that makes people drop out of pre med programs. And I took it, and passed. I thought I could get through anything, as long as it meant I could live my dreams. But my dreams are different now.

I thought that once I was in a hospital, I would love every second of it, or at least most of it. Instead, it's been hell. Benton takes it all out on us. The man's an ass, simple as that. He doesn't sleep enough for his own good, and he needs more coffee. Being an intern was supposed to be bad, but not like this. I saw some interns in other departments. No one gets the shit we do from their residents.

But til now, it was cool. I had John to crack on Benton with, survive the late nights, early mornings. He's a great friend, or I thought he was. And when things with Monique started to go wrong, he listened. For a little while. I thought *man what a good friend, the guy's busy and he's still taking time to deal with my problems* but I guess after a while, being a good friend isn't as exciting as being with your girlfriend. He tries to keep it secret, can't blame him for wanting to. But I can tell. And I hate him lying to me, like everyone else. It's supposed to be different with us. We used to tell each other stuff. Now it's like I'm all alone, and all this junk going on's just for me to deal with.

The hard way would be to talk to Monique, talk to John, talk to Benton. Not that any of them would listen. The easy way is seeming like a better option every second. The next train comes in three minutes. Standing here on the El platform, I know it's what I'll have to do. It's become too much, and there's no escape but the final escape. Death.

It's too damn dark out here, I can't see my watch. But this train is late, and I don't know if it's coming at all. If I have to stand here until the next one comes, I'll loose my damn nerve. And I want to do this...don't I? I could quit. I could find a new job, waste all that money on medical school, and get away from it all. Monique I can talk to, it was Benton I was worried about confronting. I can fix this all, it'll be hard, but...I think I can do it. I can't be sure, but I think I can just transfer to another internship, someone's gotta need me. This isn't the only answer, even if it would help. Damn the moment of clarity, I thought I was gonna do this for real. Don't know myself like I thought I did. Shit, none of that matters, if I switch my specialty, I can deal. El's coming, figures it comes just when I decide not to do it. I'm standing dangerously close to the edge of the tracks, I'd better step on back before I fall.

The train's almost here, I can just get on it and go home. I can hear the usual commmuter sounds, people grumblin' about the train being late, talking to each other...

"Gimme that wallet, lady!"

"Someone stop him! Please!"

Shit, he's heading my way. He'd better not try to get mine too, I'll knock some sense into him...even if he is bigger than I am. No one's gonna mess with me anymore. And suddenly, he's turning to get to the stairs, and I'm in his way. *WATCH OUT, BUDDY* I want to scream, but it's too late, too damn late. I'm falling...falling...I'm down, people are screaming, the man's footsteps are pounding down the stairs, but that's not what's making the ground shake.

I can't get up, I'm stuck here...the train's whistle is coming closer, and the driver doesn't see, he can't see, it's too damn dark and I'm too low down on the tracks. I didn't want to die, dammit! I changed my mind! But it's too late to change my mind. I can feel the tracks shaking harder and I can hear the yells as my face connects with the front of the train. This is it, man. Last stop. Everybody out.