Mission's End
By Snow Tigra
Heero's POV
The war is over.
Those are four words I never thought I'd hear. Four words that have such a simple meaning, but yet they scare me. The war is over and now I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and I feel like a child, a child swimming out in the depths of space with nothing in sight save for the stars which are far away. I feel alone. I feel lost.
Of course they can't see that. I don't let them see how I feel, I never do. It occurs to me that I've never shown anyone my feelings and I begin to wonder if I even can anymore. That thought also scares me.
We're on earth, out in one of the many parks in the Sank Kingdom. Relena invited us over for a kind of celebration, but not what you would expect. This celebration of the end of the wars wasn't marked by large frilly dresses and roses and expensive foods. Instead she met us at the door to the Sank Kingdom palace in a simple outfit, something I've never seen her wear before. No frills, no fancy flowers… just Relena.
It's an interesting sight and it makes me wonder about the others as well.
Duo and the other gundam pilots are all wearing normal clothes. Gone are the flight suits and battle outfits I'm used to seeing them. Duo has shed his priest's outfit, and I wonder if his inner battles have some how come to a close, allowing him to live as himself and not as Shinigami anymore. Though, to us and to me especially, he will always be Shinigami, the beautiful god of death.
Wufei has exchanged his traditional Chinese wardrobe for something a little more light-hearted. He's even smiling as he walks beside me now, and it's a welcome expression on his face. I can tell just by looking at him that he is happier and perhaps he has found his 'justice'. Or maybe he has just realized that it isn't something that is needed now that the battles are over.
Quatre and Trowa on the grass next to each other, and the blond pilot seems to be the happiest of all of us. His smile is positively glowing as he looks up at Trowa who is standing next to him. Quatre seems like a happy child, and it isn't hard to see the love in those soft blue eyes as he gazes up to our silent companion. I wonder when Quatre will come out and say how much he loves Trowa. I wonder what Trowa will say to him in response. I don't know them well enough to venture a guess, but something tells me those two are perfect for each other and they probably know it. One of them just has to say something…
And me? Where am I now? I stop pushing the small yellow scooter Duo had brought with him and leave it to him to play with. Instead I stand off to the side watching the group as Duo attempts to get the scooter to run. It's an old relic he rescued from one of the many storage sheds behind Relena's home. We have no idea if it'll run but we've all fixed our own gundams, we should be able to fix a scooter.
As Duo fiddles with the insides of the scooter, and Relena leans over him watching in interest, I stand off to the side; visibly distancing myself from the group. I'm not like them.
All of them had lives, all of them were human. Quatre had a family. Trowa has his circus and sister. Wufei had his colony of elders and his noble heritage. Duo has his sense of humor and his smile. Relena has her kingdom and her beliefs.
And me?
I am the robot soldier in the background. I am the cold, heartless being that held the gun and fired until all the enemies were destroyed. My only point in life is to destroy and kill, kill and destroy. Follow the mission. Execute the mission. Destroy the base. Blow up the mobile suits. Kill the enemy. That is all. That is all Heero Yuy is.
Heero Yuy isn't even my name.
I don't… I don't even remember my real name.
That thought shoots through me and I can feel my body tremble as the others laugh when a cloud of black smoke hits Duo in the face. They don't see me.
For a person whose entire life was defined by missions and orders the fact that the war is over is a scary one. What am I supposed to do now? I'm so used to following orders and carrying out missions that there seems to be nothing else. If there are no more missions then what is the point of my still living? Can a person actually live if their heart has been taught not to feel?
Duo looks up at me and grins, the blackness from the smoke still dusted across his face.
"Hey, Heero, come give it a try! Come on!"
He jumps on the scooter and pats the seat behind him, waiting for my answer.
"Heero?" Relena looks at me in question, and I wonder if she can see my distress in my face.
They must know what I am. I am the perfect soldier. I am made for war, just as Wufei has said so many times. And yet… and yet can a creation of war and such hard times grow to become a creation of its own?
Can I regain what I never had and what they all have obtained so easily?
I step forward and climb onto the back of the scooter with Duo. Without hesitation he takes my hands and wraps them around his waist.
"You better hold on," he says with a grin and starts up the scooter.
Pushing off he hits the gas and the scooter shots down the hill path, smoke pumping out behind us. I can hear the others laughing and cheering, as they watch us fly down the hill. Unconsciously I tighten my hold around Duo's waist and close my eyes, content to feel the air across my face.
"Aww… shit."
I open my eyes and find Duo pulling on the breaks, but the scooter doesn't respond.
"No brakes." I state quietly, yet I know he still hears me.
Duo nods and tries to steer the scooter, but we aren't even halfway down the hill yet… and there's a pond straight below us.
"We're going to have to jump… or learn how to pancakes."
Holding tight on to his waist, I pull us off the scooter, landing on the ground in a roll. We hit the ground hard but its soft grass so I know there will only be minor bruises. We keep rolling as the hum of the scooter's motor disappears down the hill and as we stop there is a splash.
I just lay there, my arms wrapped around Duo's waist. He says nothing, and I am thankful for his silence. In my mind everything hits me again.
No more missions.
Nothing.
What now?
"Heero? You ok?"
I don't respond to Duo's voice, instead I tighten my grip around his waist and I can feel my whole body shake. I'm trembling. And I can feel the unfamiliar sensation of burning around my eyes as the tears try to come out.
"He… ro?" Duo twists around in my hold until I'm pulling myself tightly against his front burying my face in his chest. I know he's confused, after all I bet he never expected to see me break down.
I never expected to break down.
Yet, he wraps his arms around me tightly and holds me in a comforting embrace as I tremble against him. And as a single tear slides down my cheek he kissed my mop of messy hair. I pull away and glance up at him, the tears and fear gone from my eyes. All that is left is a look of confusion on my face, and the damp trail that single tear had taken.
I glance away quickly; not wanting to see the pity I'm sure is in his eyes.
"I know how you feel," he says quietly.
I glance back to his eyes and find no pity there. Instead there is a kind of brotherly understanding. No… not brotherly, it's deeper than that.
"I… I don't know what to do anymore." I scarcely even realize I'm speaking until the words leave my mouth and I watch him closely, trying to read his expression. I can't. He's not joking now; he's completely serious.
Instead of speak he simply tightens his embrace around me for a second, and I feel comforted. Strange.
"So… what do we do now?" I ask him quietly.
At that he smiles softly. "Now we live Heero."
Slowly I pull out of his embrace and sit up, my back to him. I can't see the others; we're blocked from their view by a row of trees and bushes. "I don't know how," I admit in a shaky voice.
I can hear him moving behind me and his arms encircle my shoulders, holding me tightly once more. His chin rests on my shoulder and he lightly kisses me on the neck. I don't protest, because even though he's never kissed me before it feels so right.
"Then let me teach you," he whispers softly in my ear.
I turn my head and gaze into his deep violet eyes. I was right… the expression there isn't brotherly understanding. It's love. But that's not the shocking thing. The shocking thing is me, and my discovery that his love is echoed in my own eyes.
"Let me," he repeats softly. "Let me show you how to live. Without war, without hate. Without missions."
I open my mouth to say something but I can't. I don't have anything to say to him. So instead I just nod and he sits there in silence, his arms still wrapped around me.
Beyond us I can hear the others in the water, trying to pull out the scooter. I don't care. In fact I find myself hoping it takes them a long time to get the scooter out.
Because for the first time in my life I feel alive. I still don't know what to do now that the war is over but I have no doubt Duo will show me that. And then there is this most startling feeling in my heart.
For the first time, in Duo's arms, I feel safe and at home.
By Snow Tigra
Heero's POV
The war is over.
Those are four words I never thought I'd hear. Four words that have such a simple meaning, but yet they scare me. The war is over and now I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and I feel like a child, a child swimming out in the depths of space with nothing in sight save for the stars which are far away. I feel alone. I feel lost.
Of course they can't see that. I don't let them see how I feel, I never do. It occurs to me that I've never shown anyone my feelings and I begin to wonder if I even can anymore. That thought also scares me.
We're on earth, out in one of the many parks in the Sank Kingdom. Relena invited us over for a kind of celebration, but not what you would expect. This celebration of the end of the wars wasn't marked by large frilly dresses and roses and expensive foods. Instead she met us at the door to the Sank Kingdom palace in a simple outfit, something I've never seen her wear before. No frills, no fancy flowers… just Relena.
It's an interesting sight and it makes me wonder about the others as well.
Duo and the other gundam pilots are all wearing normal clothes. Gone are the flight suits and battle outfits I'm used to seeing them. Duo has shed his priest's outfit, and I wonder if his inner battles have some how come to a close, allowing him to live as himself and not as Shinigami anymore. Though, to us and to me especially, he will always be Shinigami, the beautiful god of death.
Wufei has exchanged his traditional Chinese wardrobe for something a little more light-hearted. He's even smiling as he walks beside me now, and it's a welcome expression on his face. I can tell just by looking at him that he is happier and perhaps he has found his 'justice'. Or maybe he has just realized that it isn't something that is needed now that the battles are over.
Quatre and Trowa on the grass next to each other, and the blond pilot seems to be the happiest of all of us. His smile is positively glowing as he looks up at Trowa who is standing next to him. Quatre seems like a happy child, and it isn't hard to see the love in those soft blue eyes as he gazes up to our silent companion. I wonder when Quatre will come out and say how much he loves Trowa. I wonder what Trowa will say to him in response. I don't know them well enough to venture a guess, but something tells me those two are perfect for each other and they probably know it. One of them just has to say something…
And me? Where am I now? I stop pushing the small yellow scooter Duo had brought with him and leave it to him to play with. Instead I stand off to the side watching the group as Duo attempts to get the scooter to run. It's an old relic he rescued from one of the many storage sheds behind Relena's home. We have no idea if it'll run but we've all fixed our own gundams, we should be able to fix a scooter.
As Duo fiddles with the insides of the scooter, and Relena leans over him watching in interest, I stand off to the side; visibly distancing myself from the group. I'm not like them.
All of them had lives, all of them were human. Quatre had a family. Trowa has his circus and sister. Wufei had his colony of elders and his noble heritage. Duo has his sense of humor and his smile. Relena has her kingdom and her beliefs.
And me?
I am the robot soldier in the background. I am the cold, heartless being that held the gun and fired until all the enemies were destroyed. My only point in life is to destroy and kill, kill and destroy. Follow the mission. Execute the mission. Destroy the base. Blow up the mobile suits. Kill the enemy. That is all. That is all Heero Yuy is.
Heero Yuy isn't even my name.
I don't… I don't even remember my real name.
That thought shoots through me and I can feel my body tremble as the others laugh when a cloud of black smoke hits Duo in the face. They don't see me.
For a person whose entire life was defined by missions and orders the fact that the war is over is a scary one. What am I supposed to do now? I'm so used to following orders and carrying out missions that there seems to be nothing else. If there are no more missions then what is the point of my still living? Can a person actually live if their heart has been taught not to feel?
Duo looks up at me and grins, the blackness from the smoke still dusted across his face.
"Hey, Heero, come give it a try! Come on!"
He jumps on the scooter and pats the seat behind him, waiting for my answer.
"Heero?" Relena looks at me in question, and I wonder if she can see my distress in my face.
They must know what I am. I am the perfect soldier. I am made for war, just as Wufei has said so many times. And yet… and yet can a creation of war and such hard times grow to become a creation of its own?
Can I regain what I never had and what they all have obtained so easily?
I step forward and climb onto the back of the scooter with Duo. Without hesitation he takes my hands and wraps them around his waist.
"You better hold on," he says with a grin and starts up the scooter.
Pushing off he hits the gas and the scooter shots down the hill path, smoke pumping out behind us. I can hear the others laughing and cheering, as they watch us fly down the hill. Unconsciously I tighten my hold around Duo's waist and close my eyes, content to feel the air across my face.
"Aww… shit."
I open my eyes and find Duo pulling on the breaks, but the scooter doesn't respond.
"No brakes." I state quietly, yet I know he still hears me.
Duo nods and tries to steer the scooter, but we aren't even halfway down the hill yet… and there's a pond straight below us.
"We're going to have to jump… or learn how to pancakes."
Holding tight on to his waist, I pull us off the scooter, landing on the ground in a roll. We hit the ground hard but its soft grass so I know there will only be minor bruises. We keep rolling as the hum of the scooter's motor disappears down the hill and as we stop there is a splash.
I just lay there, my arms wrapped around Duo's waist. He says nothing, and I am thankful for his silence. In my mind everything hits me again.
No more missions.
Nothing.
What now?
"Heero? You ok?"
I don't respond to Duo's voice, instead I tighten my grip around his waist and I can feel my whole body shake. I'm trembling. And I can feel the unfamiliar sensation of burning around my eyes as the tears try to come out.
"He… ro?" Duo twists around in my hold until I'm pulling myself tightly against his front burying my face in his chest. I know he's confused, after all I bet he never expected to see me break down.
I never expected to break down.
Yet, he wraps his arms around me tightly and holds me in a comforting embrace as I tremble against him. And as a single tear slides down my cheek he kissed my mop of messy hair. I pull away and glance up at him, the tears and fear gone from my eyes. All that is left is a look of confusion on my face, and the damp trail that single tear had taken.
I glance away quickly; not wanting to see the pity I'm sure is in his eyes.
"I know how you feel," he says quietly.
I glance back to his eyes and find no pity there. Instead there is a kind of brotherly understanding. No… not brotherly, it's deeper than that.
"I… I don't know what to do anymore." I scarcely even realize I'm speaking until the words leave my mouth and I watch him closely, trying to read his expression. I can't. He's not joking now; he's completely serious.
Instead of speak he simply tightens his embrace around me for a second, and I feel comforted. Strange.
"So… what do we do now?" I ask him quietly.
At that he smiles softly. "Now we live Heero."
Slowly I pull out of his embrace and sit up, my back to him. I can't see the others; we're blocked from their view by a row of trees and bushes. "I don't know how," I admit in a shaky voice.
I can hear him moving behind me and his arms encircle my shoulders, holding me tightly once more. His chin rests on my shoulder and he lightly kisses me on the neck. I don't protest, because even though he's never kissed me before it feels so right.
"Then let me teach you," he whispers softly in my ear.
I turn my head and gaze into his deep violet eyes. I was right… the expression there isn't brotherly understanding. It's love. But that's not the shocking thing. The shocking thing is me, and my discovery that his love is echoed in my own eyes.
"Let me," he repeats softly. "Let me show you how to live. Without war, without hate. Without missions."
I open my mouth to say something but I can't. I don't have anything to say to him. So instead I just nod and he sits there in silence, his arms still wrapped around me.
Beyond us I can hear the others in the water, trying to pull out the scooter. I don't care. In fact I find myself hoping it takes them a long time to get the scooter out.
Because for the first time in my life I feel alive. I still don't know what to do now that the war is over but I have no doubt Duo will show me that. And then there is this most startling feeling in my heart.
For the first time, in Duo's arms, I feel safe and at home.