Stay Together For The Kids

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It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut

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Matt stretched out in his bed. It was dark in his room, as usual. It had been like that a lot lately. He slowly opened his eyes and studied the patterns the Saturday morning sunshine made as it filtered through the blinds and fell on his bedroom walls. The ten-year-old knew it was early, but he climbed out of bed anyway.

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This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all

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Opening his door, Matt stepped out into the hallway. His home seemed strange to him. There was an uncomfortable feeling shrouding the house that made it seem sickly and dead. Matt was confused by this. To him, a home shouldn't have felt like this, it should have felt welcoming and safe. Matt felt the exact opposite as he crept slowly down the hall to the stairs.

From his perch, Matt's blue eyes could take in his mother in the kitchen, going through the motions of making breakfast. On the table was the newspaper, folded back together in a messy pile, and an empty coffee mug rested on the counter. This signalled to Matt that his father had already left.

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I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away
What stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day

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Matt could think of a million things he wanted to scream out loud at that very moment. They flashed through his mind...

I hate you... why do you fight... can't you be friends? Please?... Go away!... Don't talk to me!...

... but he forgot about them in an instant when he heard his mother walking towards the stairs. Matt bolted back to his room and crawled under his blankets. He wanted something so desperately that could fix the problems that were in his home, but he couldn't find it... every night he thought about it... what was wrong... how to repair it... where to find it... Nothing...

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So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine

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That memory was as vivid to Matt today as it was the moment it happened. He was grown up now, had a family of his own, but every time he saw that picture... the one of his family on the camping trip in the mountains... he cringed at the thoughts that flooded his memory.

Matt remembered going away once. Camping or something, without his parents. He'd figured it was like a vacation for his parents. They'd only recently started fighting, and Matt thought that if he went away they'd stop. How that would help himself he had no idea, but it sounded right. When he came home, he'd found that some of his stuff was missing. Gone. He threw a fit. His parents explained that he was too big for it. Matt argued that it didn't matter, it was his. They never understood.

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So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night?
Twenty years now lost
It's not right

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Would they remember things like that? Matt often wondered. It'd been twenty years since they'd gotten the divorce... why he kept track he didn't know, but it seemed like something he had to do.

Nothing about it was right as Matt slipped back down Memory Lane...

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Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years

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It had only really started a couple of months before T.K. was born. The fighting, that is. It continued on and on until T.K. was seven and Matt was ten before Matt really started to get concerned. Before he had thought it was only pretend, that they didn't mean any of the horrible things they said to each other. Then he decided that nobody could pretend to hate each other that much.

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Rather than fix the problems
They never solve them
It makes no sense at all

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She had forgotten to do x. But she said he was going to do x! No. He does y, remember? He does y, w, and z, and she does x, t and n! She never agreed to that!

The variables were replaced by many things: chores, picking someone up, writing this letter, getting these groceries... The possibilites were endless, and many involved Matt. Somehow it also inadvertantly led to Matt Being Sad, Matt Being Disappointed, and Matt Feeling Left Out. However it happened, Matt Hated It. And he Didn't Get It.

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I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?

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Day after day, Matt watched the events unfold. He and T.K. had the usual sibling rivalry, but they mostly got along well. This was mainly to prevent any more tension in the household, but Matt couldn't understand why his parents couldn't be as happy together as he was with his little brother.

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If this is what he wants
And it's what she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

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Didn't they want to get married? Didn't they want to have kids? Wasn't it a mutual agreement? If so, Matt couldn't quite comprehend why they hated each other so badly.

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So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine

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Snapped back to the present, Matt gripped the steering wheel tightly as he drove home from work. He was late, he was late, he was going to be in shit, he was late, there was a soccer game, he was late, dance recital, late, dinner, late... Being a parent himself now was stressful, but he liked it. He had a boy and a girl, the boy being the spitting image of himself but acting like his mother and the girl acting like Matt but appearing like her mom. He was proud of them, loved them to pieces, and tried his best to keep the family together. Luckily for him, he didn't have marital problems like his parents. Matt would never be like them. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't submit his children to what his parents did. He'd never go on a "holiday."

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So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night
Twenty years now lost
It's not right

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He burst through the door, twenty five minutes late. "I'm sorry I'm late!" were the first words out of his mouth. He could feel it: this was home. This felt good. It felt comforting. He felt love.

It was right... for a while.

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So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine

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The kids were out, but apparently they'd be home any minute for dinner. This is what Matt's wife informed him of quite harshly when he arrived. Then she started at him for being late.

"... You didn't even call! The third time this week!"

Matt took a deep breath. He could do it. He could yell at her, he could get angry... but didn't. "I apologize for not calling," he said calmly.

"I'm still angry."

"You're allowed to be angry. Do you want to talk about why?"

She looked at him strangely. Matt was being completely unlike what she'd expected. "Okay..."

They sat down in the living room and talked it over, like civilized people. Matt found a welcome sense of relief when they ended up agreeing on something and making up. If only his parents could have done the same...

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So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night
Twenty years now lost
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right

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As Matt and his family watched the soccer game and the dance recital, he knew that he would remember this night. There wouldn't be twenty years lost... and it would be right.