Tune up
To Rei, the dance had been fun, and full of drunken happieness. To everyone else the dance was a disaster. Especially when
Rei found the school's supply of ketchup packets and merclesly thrashed the whole gym. Shinji was barely conscience for the
display of carnage, but even so, he will remeber that day for as long as he lived..which was going to be cut short a few
decades.
"Shinji!!!! How dare you come in my room?!!"
"I...uh.....um....I just wanted to give you your laundry!" Shinji waved the pile of unmentianables in his arms at
Asuka. That didn't have the desired affect. In fact,all it did was piss the German off more. " SO! You not only invade my
privacy, but you fondle my underwear??!!"
"F..fondle???" Was all Shinji could squek out as Asuka closed in for the kill. The butter knife she was weilding
actually severed the flesh of Shinji's neck before Misato snagged the tool of evil.
"Hey! I need that." She spread some butter on her morning toast and chased it down with some Yebisu. "Now, onto the
bussiness of Ayanami. She's incampasitated."
"What??!!" Shinji yelled. Asuka crossed her arms in victory, although she didn't do anything to achieve this
falseified triumph. Misato smirked. "Well, maybe indisposed is a better term. Seems those anxiety pills she overdosed on
screwed up her mind."
"What mind?" Asuka snorted. Shinji glared at her.
Misato pulled some official looking reports from her ridiculously small shorts pocket and waved them in front of Shinji.
"These here reports say that Rei's..uh..clonability...doesn't respond well to medication."
Shinji took a second to let this sink in. "Clonability?"
"I'll get to that later." Misato smiled and produced a large sweatdrop. "The medication is causing her brain to act
like whom ever she's around."
Asuka's brow wrinkled, which ment she was either A) Thinking or B) Getting old. "What!!!??? I AM NOT GETTING OLD!!" Asuka
snapped, but at who, she did not know.... "How come she didn't act like Shinji? She was around him at the dance."
"Cause he was passed out most of the time. You were the last person Rei came in contact with before taking the
medication. So until she get's around someone else, she'll act like Asuka."
Shinji felt something at the back of his mind tell him to faint. //It'll save you from this insanity. And you can go to
your happy place.// It said. //Uh...but won't I miss out on what Misato has to say?// He questioned. //Oh, like you need
to kow that. Just do it, pass out already.// Shinji briefly wondered why he had so many little voices inside him, but the
blackness that overcame him as he fainted flung those thoughts far away.
"What a jerk! Fainting when I'm asking a question." Asuka kicked the prone Shinji. Then she went out the door.
"And where are you going?" Misato asked.
"To Dogma, I can get some hours in my unit-02 instead of wasting time here." Misato was shocked, Asuka was doing
something mature and not self-centered. It was enough to make a woman need a beer, or eight....
"Okay Asuka, begin field testing." Dr. Akagi said. The red mecha picked up a sonic glaive and sliced through several
targets, none of which where the assigned ones.
"Uh..Asuka? The targets are that way...." Ritsuko cringed as Asuka sliced open three billboards, all with Shinji's
face saying, 'Got Eva?'. That's when she steped on a tree. A pine tree, from the pointyness of it. The tree successfully
stuck into unit-02's foot, causing it to fall over.
Later in the Eva cages...........
"What do you mean, you don't have the parts to fix it!"
Ristuko shrugged. "Eva 02 is an import. We only carry Japanese parts. You'll have to cal up Mercedes'-Benz" Asuka stomped
around while swearing in German. Then she looked sympathetically at 02.
"Oh...you poor thing. Does the splinter hurt?"
"Hey! Asuka! Why don't you kiss it and make it feel better?" Asuka whipped around and flung the closest thing she
could find at Toji. It happened to be a ketchup packet. It hit him square in the face, exploding on impact. Toji screamed
and fell to the floor.
"Wait a second...where did that ketchup package come from?" Asuka wondered aloud.
From high in one of the air ducts came a 'hehehehehehehe'
"Rei!" Toji, Ritsuko, and Asuka said at once.
Asuka picked up a wrench and lugged it at the vent. The screws holding it up broke off and the duct fell onto the floor
in a heap of metal. Two figures emerged from the dust, coughing and sputtering.
"Rei, just what the hell are you doing......" Asuka looked closer at the first figure's decidedly masculine form, and
found it was _not_ Rei. Neither was the rather shapley second form.
"Ahem. Sorry for the interuption. We were...er....checking for rats?" Kaji lied. Misato nodded her head in agreement.
Asuka slapped her forhead. "So what was so funny?" Kaji looked genuenlly confused. "I wasn't laughing." they both said.
That's when the lights filckered out.
"Hehehehehehehe" There it was again, that laughing. Well, it was more like a girlish giggle.
Asuka didn't care either way, this Rei chick was getting annoying.
"Come out of there WonderGirl!" She yelled at the ceiling.
No one expected Asuka's drunken yells were going to caox the lunatic Rei down, so everyone was shocked when she nimbly
dropped to the floor.
"Someone call me?" She asked. She went over and gave Toji a hug. Toji just 'acked' and recoiled.
Asuka was nearly delirious with anger. "Hey! Just what do you think you're doing??" Rei stopped hugging Toji, who was
attmpting to flee and looked at Asuka. "Isn't it obvious?"
That's when an incredibly pissed off Asuka advanced on Rei.
On the bridge Makoto stared intently at the screen. Nothing. And for the past two hours there had been absolutly
nothing going on.
"Sigh...Life is so dull." An alarm sounded to his right. He looked at it and nearly fainted. "Uh..Commander Ikari!
Blue Pattern detected in the Eva cages!! An A.T. Field is present!"
Asuka was thrown against the far wall of the cage. The far, far wall. Rei looked innocently at Ristuko and Toji.
Her A.T. Field was up, giving her a rather creepy shade of violet.
"Uh.....What do we do, uh...Doctor?" Toji asked, backing away.
Ristuko was half scared half angry. That little doll must've spent some time with Lillith. "Crap...." That summed it up
nicely.
To say the least, Gendo Ikaru was not a happy camper. His field stove and lantern had quit on him and his tent did a
sorry job of keeping the misquitos out. the door opened to Ikari's office and the sub-commander entered.
"Ikari, I have word that.....uh...Commander?"
Gendo hurried up from his tent on the office floor and sat at his desk, Gendo stlye. "What is it Fuysuki?"
"There is an Angel in the Eva cages."
"Oh really? Which one?"
"Oh....This one looks a lot like Rei..."
Gendo spit out the soup in his mouth back into the thermos he was drinking it from. "What? Rei?"
"Yes...she over-dosed on some medication and whenever she spends a certain amount of time with someone she developes
their personalities." The sub-commander said.
"I see. Looks like I'll be taking a visit to Central Dogma." Gendo started packing his camping goods.
Fuysuki stared, this had to be some kind of joke...
Shinji entered the Eva cage, he was looking forward to a day of synch tests and listening to Asuka nagging him.
As he walked onto the platform he was expecting to see Asuka standing there asking why he was late, but instead he found
Rei holding up and A.T. field and Ristuko firing a hand gun at her repeatedly. Shinji thought this was a great time to
run. And run he did, right over the side of the railing. Seeing her child in danger, Eva-01 reached out a hand and
caught the young boy. Shinji opened his eyes to find a giant purple demon stareing at him affectionatly. Shinji's brain
told him to faint, but seeing Asuka, Toji and Ritsuko in trouble ,made him grow a pathetic temporary backbone.
"Hey! Shinji-kun!" Rei yelled and floated towards him. Shinji jumped into the entry plug and started up 01.
Rei stopped, why was Shinji running from him? She only wanted to hug him, and the join with Adam so they could start the
third impact.....
Shinji manuvered 01 to stand in front of Rei. 01 begged him to let it go berserk, but Shinji had a feeling he would
need his sanity.
"Rei...what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to be nice to you." She put her hands on her hips. "And merge with Adam...."
"You can't do that?"
"Why not!" Rei started to pout.
"Because! You'd kill everyone!"
Rei wasn't convinced. "So?"
Shinji thought for a second. Then another second, then a third second. Then he came up with what some would call sheer
stupidity, others would call half-baked, and what Shinji called a plan.
"If you start the third impact, then I'll die too."
Rei stopped and thunk a bit. "Hmmmm...fulfill my entire reason for existance, or save you....hmmmmm."
Down in the depths of Dogma, Gendo was comming upon the the massive tanks that held thousands of Reis.
"Mwhahahahah. Now to get the spare." Gendo got out a big net and stuck it into the tank. A second later he pulled out
a Rei. "There you are. I'll need you for a while." Gendo carried the body up to the Eva cages. He hoped this would work,
unit-01 was in danger.
Meanwhile at a Mercades'-Benz Dealership/repair place.
"Boss, you got a call from Nerv." said the greasy...uh..gease monkey.
The boss, some old fat guy picked up the phone. "Hello? Oh? Hmmmm, I have the part, but it'll cost you." The boss held the
phone away from his ear as a string of impolite German followed. to the grease monkey he said, "They need and Eva part."
"Duh...what's an Eva?"
The boss snuckled. "I have no clue, but I'm sure they'll pay big for a part that looks like it's important. Bwhahahahahaha
hahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahha-hyuck! Ohh, coughed somthing up."
"It looks like George Washington!"
Continued........
*Authors Note. There, I made Shinji faint less. Happy???!! Feh. In other world news, yes, I know...some of the chars are
a bit OCC, but I could imagine the _real_ Rei wanting to initiate the third impact...dun worry, it'll get better.
To Rei, the dance had been fun, and full of drunken happieness. To everyone else the dance was a disaster. Especially when
Rei found the school's supply of ketchup packets and merclesly thrashed the whole gym. Shinji was barely conscience for the
display of carnage, but even so, he will remeber that day for as long as he lived..which was going to be cut short a few
decades.
"Shinji!!!! How dare you come in my room?!!"
"I...uh.....um....I just wanted to give you your laundry!" Shinji waved the pile of unmentianables in his arms at
Asuka. That didn't have the desired affect. In fact,all it did was piss the German off more. " SO! You not only invade my
privacy, but you fondle my underwear??!!"
"F..fondle???" Was all Shinji could squek out as Asuka closed in for the kill. The butter knife she was weilding
actually severed the flesh of Shinji's neck before Misato snagged the tool of evil.
"Hey! I need that." She spread some butter on her morning toast and chased it down with some Yebisu. "Now, onto the
bussiness of Ayanami. She's incampasitated."
"What??!!" Shinji yelled. Asuka crossed her arms in victory, although she didn't do anything to achieve this
falseified triumph. Misato smirked. "Well, maybe indisposed is a better term. Seems those anxiety pills she overdosed on
screwed up her mind."
"What mind?" Asuka snorted. Shinji glared at her.
Misato pulled some official looking reports from her ridiculously small shorts pocket and waved them in front of Shinji.
"These here reports say that Rei's..uh..clonability...doesn't respond well to medication."
Shinji took a second to let this sink in. "Clonability?"
"I'll get to that later." Misato smiled and produced a large sweatdrop. "The medication is causing her brain to act
like whom ever she's around."
Asuka's brow wrinkled, which ment she was either A) Thinking or B) Getting old. "What!!!??? I AM NOT GETTING OLD!!" Asuka
snapped, but at who, she did not know.... "How come she didn't act like Shinji? She was around him at the dance."
"Cause he was passed out most of the time. You were the last person Rei came in contact with before taking the
medication. So until she get's around someone else, she'll act like Asuka."
Shinji felt something at the back of his mind tell him to faint. //It'll save you from this insanity. And you can go to
your happy place.// It said. //Uh...but won't I miss out on what Misato has to say?// He questioned. //Oh, like you need
to kow that. Just do it, pass out already.// Shinji briefly wondered why he had so many little voices inside him, but the
blackness that overcame him as he fainted flung those thoughts far away.
"What a jerk! Fainting when I'm asking a question." Asuka kicked the prone Shinji. Then she went out the door.
"And where are you going?" Misato asked.
"To Dogma, I can get some hours in my unit-02 instead of wasting time here." Misato was shocked, Asuka was doing
something mature and not self-centered. It was enough to make a woman need a beer, or eight....
"Okay Asuka, begin field testing." Dr. Akagi said. The red mecha picked up a sonic glaive and sliced through several
targets, none of which where the assigned ones.
"Uh..Asuka? The targets are that way...." Ritsuko cringed as Asuka sliced open three billboards, all with Shinji's
face saying, 'Got Eva?'. That's when she steped on a tree. A pine tree, from the pointyness of it. The tree successfully
stuck into unit-02's foot, causing it to fall over.
Later in the Eva cages...........
"What do you mean, you don't have the parts to fix it!"
Ristuko shrugged. "Eva 02 is an import. We only carry Japanese parts. You'll have to cal up Mercedes'-Benz" Asuka stomped
around while swearing in German. Then she looked sympathetically at 02.
"Oh...you poor thing. Does the splinter hurt?"
"Hey! Asuka! Why don't you kiss it and make it feel better?" Asuka whipped around and flung the closest thing she
could find at Toji. It happened to be a ketchup packet. It hit him square in the face, exploding on impact. Toji screamed
and fell to the floor.
"Wait a second...where did that ketchup package come from?" Asuka wondered aloud.
From high in one of the air ducts came a 'hehehehehehehe'
"Rei!" Toji, Ritsuko, and Asuka said at once.
Asuka picked up a wrench and lugged it at the vent. The screws holding it up broke off and the duct fell onto the floor
in a heap of metal. Two figures emerged from the dust, coughing and sputtering.
"Rei, just what the hell are you doing......" Asuka looked closer at the first figure's decidedly masculine form, and
found it was _not_ Rei. Neither was the rather shapley second form.
"Ahem. Sorry for the interuption. We were...er....checking for rats?" Kaji lied. Misato nodded her head in agreement.
Asuka slapped her forhead. "So what was so funny?" Kaji looked genuenlly confused. "I wasn't laughing." they both said.
That's when the lights filckered out.
"Hehehehehehehe" There it was again, that laughing. Well, it was more like a girlish giggle.
Asuka didn't care either way, this Rei chick was getting annoying.
"Come out of there WonderGirl!" She yelled at the ceiling.
No one expected Asuka's drunken yells were going to caox the lunatic Rei down, so everyone was shocked when she nimbly
dropped to the floor.
"Someone call me?" She asked. She went over and gave Toji a hug. Toji just 'acked' and recoiled.
Asuka was nearly delirious with anger. "Hey! Just what do you think you're doing??" Rei stopped hugging Toji, who was
attmpting to flee and looked at Asuka. "Isn't it obvious?"
That's when an incredibly pissed off Asuka advanced on Rei.
On the bridge Makoto stared intently at the screen. Nothing. And for the past two hours there had been absolutly
nothing going on.
"Sigh...Life is so dull." An alarm sounded to his right. He looked at it and nearly fainted. "Uh..Commander Ikari!
Blue Pattern detected in the Eva cages!! An A.T. Field is present!"
Asuka was thrown against the far wall of the cage. The far, far wall. Rei looked innocently at Ristuko and Toji.
Her A.T. Field was up, giving her a rather creepy shade of violet.
"Uh.....What do we do, uh...Doctor?" Toji asked, backing away.
Ristuko was half scared half angry. That little doll must've spent some time with Lillith. "Crap...." That summed it up
nicely.
To say the least, Gendo Ikaru was not a happy camper. His field stove and lantern had quit on him and his tent did a
sorry job of keeping the misquitos out. the door opened to Ikari's office and the sub-commander entered.
"Ikari, I have word that.....uh...Commander?"
Gendo hurried up from his tent on the office floor and sat at his desk, Gendo stlye. "What is it Fuysuki?"
"There is an Angel in the Eva cages."
"Oh really? Which one?"
"Oh....This one looks a lot like Rei..."
Gendo spit out the soup in his mouth back into the thermos he was drinking it from. "What? Rei?"
"Yes...she over-dosed on some medication and whenever she spends a certain amount of time with someone she developes
their personalities." The sub-commander said.
"I see. Looks like I'll be taking a visit to Central Dogma." Gendo started packing his camping goods.
Fuysuki stared, this had to be some kind of joke...
Shinji entered the Eva cage, he was looking forward to a day of synch tests and listening to Asuka nagging him.
As he walked onto the platform he was expecting to see Asuka standing there asking why he was late, but instead he found
Rei holding up and A.T. field and Ristuko firing a hand gun at her repeatedly. Shinji thought this was a great time to
run. And run he did, right over the side of the railing. Seeing her child in danger, Eva-01 reached out a hand and
caught the young boy. Shinji opened his eyes to find a giant purple demon stareing at him affectionatly. Shinji's brain
told him to faint, but seeing Asuka, Toji and Ritsuko in trouble ,made him grow a pathetic temporary backbone.
"Hey! Shinji-kun!" Rei yelled and floated towards him. Shinji jumped into the entry plug and started up 01.
Rei stopped, why was Shinji running from him? She only wanted to hug him, and the join with Adam so they could start the
third impact.....
Shinji manuvered 01 to stand in front of Rei. 01 begged him to let it go berserk, but Shinji had a feeling he would
need his sanity.
"Rei...what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to be nice to you." She put her hands on her hips. "And merge with Adam...."
"You can't do that?"
"Why not!" Rei started to pout.
"Because! You'd kill everyone!"
Rei wasn't convinced. "So?"
Shinji thought for a second. Then another second, then a third second. Then he came up with what some would call sheer
stupidity, others would call half-baked, and what Shinji called a plan.
"If you start the third impact, then I'll die too."
Rei stopped and thunk a bit. "Hmmmm...fulfill my entire reason for existance, or save you....hmmmmm."
Down in the depths of Dogma, Gendo was comming upon the the massive tanks that held thousands of Reis.
"Mwhahahahah. Now to get the spare." Gendo got out a big net and stuck it into the tank. A second later he pulled out
a Rei. "There you are. I'll need you for a while." Gendo carried the body up to the Eva cages. He hoped this would work,
unit-01 was in danger.
Meanwhile at a Mercades'-Benz Dealership/repair place.
"Boss, you got a call from Nerv." said the greasy...uh..gease monkey.
The boss, some old fat guy picked up the phone. "Hello? Oh? Hmmmm, I have the part, but it'll cost you." The boss held the
phone away from his ear as a string of impolite German followed. to the grease monkey he said, "They need and Eva part."
"Duh...what's an Eva?"
The boss snuckled. "I have no clue, but I'm sure they'll pay big for a part that looks like it's important. Bwhahahahahaha
hahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahha-hyuck! Ohh, coughed somthing up."
"It looks like George Washington!"
Continued........
*Authors Note. There, I made Shinji faint less. Happy???!! Feh. In other world news, yes, I know...some of the chars are
a bit OCC, but I could imagine the _real_ Rei wanting to initiate the third impact...dun worry, it'll get better.