Christmas Sorrow
Summary: Christmas time comes round. Carter is having a little trouble wrestling with his past and Mark and Elizabeth have a little something up their sleeve...
Disclaimer: Own nothing
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Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin, mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace...
"Dave, have you seen Carter?" Kerry asked.
"No, it's his break, remember?" Dave replied, holding the ladder for Luka.
"I know that, Dave!" Kerry told him, "But... I'm worried about him."
"Worried?" Dave asked, letting go of the ladder for a minute to talk to Kerry, "Why?"
"Well, earlier he seemed really down. I'm concerned..."
"If you're worried he's going to do something stupid, he isn't," Luka said from atop the ladder, pinning up the other end of a 'Merry Christmas' banner, "I saw him leave. Said he was visiting a friend."
Carter sighed. The cold snowflakes stung his cheeks and his face was turning red. He looked up at the bright starry night. Lucy used to love the stars. He looked back at the cold gray stone that didn't do the woman buried beneath it justice. He looked at the wilted roses at the foot of the grave. She deserved better, a lot better. She deserved to be the one standing, looking at the grave of Carter. She deserved to live. Carter should have been the one to die that night. At least that's what he always told himself. Which was his mistake. He felt guilty for living. He felt guilty for all the grief he had put Lucy through.
"I'm sorry, Lucy. I just hope you can forgive me. You never really appreciate something... Until it's gone."
"No, Mark, don't!" Elizabeth laughed.
"Why not?" Mark asked, tying the bow on a parcel.
"Because it's cruel!" Though she tried to sound serious, her eyes were sparkling with laughter and mischief.
"It is not!" Mark said.
"Oh Mark! I can't believe you!"
"Hey, you find it funny, too, don't you? So it's not my twisted sense of humor!"
"What are we talking about?" Abby asked as she came in.
"Nothing!" Elizabeth and Mark said together.
"Whatever!" Abby said, pouring herself some coffee, "Gosh, it's slow tonight!"
"We know!" Mark said.
"I should go check and see that Dave hasn't killed Luka yet..." Abby said, becoming uncomfortable with the couple.
"Fine with us!" Elizabeth said. When Abby left, she turned to Mark, a playful expression on her face, "Alright, but I had nothing to do with it!"
Abby walked down the hallway and saw Dave instructing Luka on where to hang the other end of the banner.
"Left... No, a little more to the right... Up a bit... Too far, go down some..."
"Hey Dave!" Abby cried.
"AHHH!" Dave jumped. The voice had come from right behind him. When he was startled, he accidentally bumped the ladder and Luka lost his balance.
"Luka!" Abby cried as he fell. Luka fell onto the hard floor on his back.
"Owe!" he said, rubbing his head.
"Oh sweetie, are you alright?" Abby asked, kneeling down next to him, "Here," she said, and kissed his forehead.
"Oh please!" Dave groaned. At that moment, Carter came in.
"Hello, all, nice fall there, Kovac, good thing your girlfriend was there to catch you! Well, I'd stick around and chat but I have patients to see and jobs to be done, bye!" he said all of this extremely fast before he rushed to the staff room. Luka and Abby looked at each other, concerned.
"I'm going to go talk to him..." Abby said.
"Carter, are you OK?"
"I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer!" Carter plopped down on the couch.
"But why?" Abby asked, "Come on, you can't be serious! If you can't be happy any other time of the year, at least try at Christmas," she begged him. He smiled sarcastically at her.
"You know, it's really hard to look positively at things when your life sucks!" he said.
"Now that's not the spirit I was expecting!" Abby put her hands on her hips, "Come on, Carter, for me?"
"All right, Abby, I'll make a deal with you. I will pretend to be happy, does that work?"
"Perfectly!" Abby said, "thanks!" Carter rolled his eyes as she left the room.
"Yeah, emphasis on the pretend part!" he said to himself. He sighed. This was not going to be one of his best Christmases.
"But... please... oh come on!" a woman chased after Dr. Weaver who seemed not to notice her, "This really gets on my nerves, Kerry! Grr!" she gave up and watched Kerry leave. She looked into the room to her right. It was the staff room and she saw Carter in there. She smiled, weakly and entered. He looked up and she saw him look straight through her.
"Oh, and Carter, by the way," Abby had just come running in, "Have you seen Dr. Greene lately?"
"Mark? What about him?"
"Well, I saw him earlier in here and now, I realized, he's gone and so is Dr. Corday," Abby replied.
"Well I haven't seen either one," Carter sighed. The woman in the room giggled.
"I have!" she volunteered, knowing that, like the others, Abby would ignore her.
"Oh well. He seemed really... Weird earlier," Abby said, "Thanks anyway. Bye!"
"Bye," Carter waved feebly after her. The woman sighed and sat down next to Carter on the couch.
"Hey, big guy, how you doing?" she whispered into his ear. Carter sighed and leaned his head back.
"I miss you, Lucy..." he sighed.
"Shh... I know," Lucy said, stroking his hair, "But you'll be fine," To her surprise, he began to cry, "Carter?" she asked.
"It hurts so much... More than the knife..." Carter sighed. He wiped his face clean. He had cried too much over the years. He wasn't going to cry now. He had promised Abby he would pretend to be happy and crying didn't make him look happy. He leaned back into the couch and fell asleep.
Carter... Carter...
Carter looked around. He was on the couch in the lounge of the ER. He looked around. It was Lucy calling his name. Carter was shocked at first, but then everything started to feel normal.
"Carter, wake up. We need you're help in Trauma 3." Lucy told him. Carter just yawned and lied back down.
"CARTER!!!" Lucy yelled. She shook him and he finally got up.
"It's a friend that got stabbed by a schizophrenic more than once. They need your help." Lucy told him. Carter got up fast and got dressed. He headed to Trauma 3 and was met there by Kerry.
"Carter you have to help us. It is really bad." Kerry told him. Carter walked into the room and saw Lucy lying on the table. He was stunned.
"Is Lucy the patient?" Carter asked.
"Yeah," replied Kerry, "she was stabbed by her patient Sobriki. We find her lying on the floor and we need your help to save her!" Carter got to work and started to work on Lucy. No matter how much he pleaded and begged, all the others just stood back and watched him work. They wouldn't help him.
"You have to do this yourself, Carter, we can't save her," they said. He worked furiously to keep Lucy alive. In the end he could do nothing. Lucy was gone...
"It's all your fault, Carter. You couldn't save her. It's all your fault. You couldn't save her..." his friends kept taunting him and their voices haunted his mind.
"No, no, stop, NO!"
Carter woke up trembling. It was 3 AM. He had been asleep for three hours.
"Weaver's going to have my head on a platter!" he said, standing up and quickly straightening his tie. He was in such a hurry he ran head on into Elizabeth.
"Carter!" she said, shocked, "We've been looking all over for you! Oh my! You're flushed... And you're sweating. Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine, Dr. Corday, I'm sorry, I just fell asleep and had this bad dream..."
"Why don't you tell me about it?"
"No, it's OK..." Carter's face took on a puzzled expression as he felt something tugging on the hem of his jacket. He looked down.
"Have you seen my mommy?" a little girl asked.
"What's your mommy's name?" Carter asked.
"Mommy!"
"Um..." Carter started, "What's your name."
"Kyra."
"Um... Your last name, please?"
"Carson. Can you help me find my mommy?"
"Well..." Carter turned to Elizabeth. The girl seemed no more than four, "Dr. Corday, do you know a Mrs. Carson?" Elizabeth didn't reply. Instead, she looked at the young girl and kneeled down to her level.
"Was your mother's name Joan Carson?" Elizabeth asked.
"Um, I tink so. She pwomised she'd be home for Christmas," the little girls eyes were sparkling blue and her long strawberry blond hair cascaded down her back.
"Your mommy won't make it home for Christmas, Kyra honey. Where's your father?"
"Daddy?" Kyra asked. As if on cue, a tall man with brown hair came down the hallway.
"Kyra, there you are!" he said, scooping the toddler up in his arms, "I'm sorry if she caused you any trouble."
"It's fine," Elizabeth said, "Are you Mr. Carson?" she asked.
"Yes," the man said.
"Your daughter was asking about her mother, Joan Carson, who came in with multiple stab wounds to the neck and upper back."
"Yes?" the father asked, "Is she alright?" when Elizabeth didn't answer, tears began to glisten in his eyes, "Oh God no!" he pleaded, "Not on Christmas."
"Your wife died at 2:56 this morning, Mr. Carson." Elizabeth replied. At that moment, Carter remembered his dream. Lucy died at 2:56, Joan died at 2:56 and he woke from his dream four minutes after Joan died. This was too freaky for Carter and he started to feel very queasy. He then got dizzy and fainted on the spot.
Carter found himself on the couch again and he saw Lucy.
" Carter, there is a woman in Trauma 3 who was stabbed multiple times." Lucy said, "They need your help for the operation." Carter hurried down to Trauma 3 and found Kerry waiting for him.
"Carter, we need your help. This is a really bad case." Kerry said. Carter walked into the room and saw what looked like a grown-up Kyra, with strawberry blond hair, lying on the examination table.
"Is this the patient?!?!" Carter asked surprised and questioningly at Kerry.
"Yeah. This is her." Kerry replied, "Hurry" Carter got to work but for some reason, nothing he did helped the woman. Just like nothing he did had helped Lucy.
"Someone help me here!"
"There's nothing we can do!" they protested.
"We have to do something!" Carter pleaded, working frantically, "We have to save her!"
"She's gone, Carter," Kerry put her hand on Carter's arm.
"Time of death, 2:56," Elizabeth said, dully.
"Carter!" Elizabeth called, "Excuse me, Mr. Carson," she appologised and kneeled down next to Carter.
"Carter? Are you all right? Carter!" she shook him. Carter blinked and muttered something about pink elephants.
"Carter?" Abby came over, "What happened?" she asked, kneeling down with Elizabeth.
"He just fainted. He was sweating earlier, I think he may be sick."
"It could be the heat. Someone turned up the heating in the staff room," Abby told her.
"But it's not that hot, is it?"
"I don't know!" Abby protested.
"Is he going to be all right?" Mr. Carson asked.
"Yes, Mr. Carson, he will be fine," Elizabeth assured him. Lucy knelt down with them and put her hand to Carter's forehead.
"Oh Carter, don't do this to me now!" she pleaded. She removed her hand just as Abby pressed her own to his forehead.
"He doesn't seem to have a temperature..."
"But he's broken out into a cold sweat!" Elizabeth cried. Then, it hit her. She knew what was happening, "Earlier, he said he had had a dream."
"A dream? About what?"
"I don't know!" Elizabeth told her, "But he said that was why he was perspiring."
"You think he's having another dream?"
"Maybe..."
"But that still doesn't explain why he fainted." Suddenly, Carter sat up straight. He looked around.
"Oh God..." he sighed. He then saw Kyra and shook his head, "Dr. Corday? Take me to Joan Carson."
Summary: Christmas time comes round. Carter is having a little trouble wrestling with his past and Mark and Elizabeth have a little something up their sleeve...
Disclaimer: Own nothing
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Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin, mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace...
"Dave, have you seen Carter?" Kerry asked.
"No, it's his break, remember?" Dave replied, holding the ladder for Luka.
"I know that, Dave!" Kerry told him, "But... I'm worried about him."
"Worried?" Dave asked, letting go of the ladder for a minute to talk to Kerry, "Why?"
"Well, earlier he seemed really down. I'm concerned..."
"If you're worried he's going to do something stupid, he isn't," Luka said from atop the ladder, pinning up the other end of a 'Merry Christmas' banner, "I saw him leave. Said he was visiting a friend."
Carter sighed. The cold snowflakes stung his cheeks and his face was turning red. He looked up at the bright starry night. Lucy used to love the stars. He looked back at the cold gray stone that didn't do the woman buried beneath it justice. He looked at the wilted roses at the foot of the grave. She deserved better, a lot better. She deserved to be the one standing, looking at the grave of Carter. She deserved to live. Carter should have been the one to die that night. At least that's what he always told himself. Which was his mistake. He felt guilty for living. He felt guilty for all the grief he had put Lucy through.
"I'm sorry, Lucy. I just hope you can forgive me. You never really appreciate something... Until it's gone."
"No, Mark, don't!" Elizabeth laughed.
"Why not?" Mark asked, tying the bow on a parcel.
"Because it's cruel!" Though she tried to sound serious, her eyes were sparkling with laughter and mischief.
"It is not!" Mark said.
"Oh Mark! I can't believe you!"
"Hey, you find it funny, too, don't you? So it's not my twisted sense of humor!"
"What are we talking about?" Abby asked as she came in.
"Nothing!" Elizabeth and Mark said together.
"Whatever!" Abby said, pouring herself some coffee, "Gosh, it's slow tonight!"
"We know!" Mark said.
"I should go check and see that Dave hasn't killed Luka yet..." Abby said, becoming uncomfortable with the couple.
"Fine with us!" Elizabeth said. When Abby left, she turned to Mark, a playful expression on her face, "Alright, but I had nothing to do with it!"
Abby walked down the hallway and saw Dave instructing Luka on where to hang the other end of the banner.
"Left... No, a little more to the right... Up a bit... Too far, go down some..."
"Hey Dave!" Abby cried.
"AHHH!" Dave jumped. The voice had come from right behind him. When he was startled, he accidentally bumped the ladder and Luka lost his balance.
"Luka!" Abby cried as he fell. Luka fell onto the hard floor on his back.
"Owe!" he said, rubbing his head.
"Oh sweetie, are you alright?" Abby asked, kneeling down next to him, "Here," she said, and kissed his forehead.
"Oh please!" Dave groaned. At that moment, Carter came in.
"Hello, all, nice fall there, Kovac, good thing your girlfriend was there to catch you! Well, I'd stick around and chat but I have patients to see and jobs to be done, bye!" he said all of this extremely fast before he rushed to the staff room. Luka and Abby looked at each other, concerned.
"I'm going to go talk to him..." Abby said.
"Carter, are you OK?"
"I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer!" Carter plopped down on the couch.
"But why?" Abby asked, "Come on, you can't be serious! If you can't be happy any other time of the year, at least try at Christmas," she begged him. He smiled sarcastically at her.
"You know, it's really hard to look positively at things when your life sucks!" he said.
"Now that's not the spirit I was expecting!" Abby put her hands on her hips, "Come on, Carter, for me?"
"All right, Abby, I'll make a deal with you. I will pretend to be happy, does that work?"
"Perfectly!" Abby said, "thanks!" Carter rolled his eyes as she left the room.
"Yeah, emphasis on the pretend part!" he said to himself. He sighed. This was not going to be one of his best Christmases.
"But... please... oh come on!" a woman chased after Dr. Weaver who seemed not to notice her, "This really gets on my nerves, Kerry! Grr!" she gave up and watched Kerry leave. She looked into the room to her right. It was the staff room and she saw Carter in there. She smiled, weakly and entered. He looked up and she saw him look straight through her.
"Oh, and Carter, by the way," Abby had just come running in, "Have you seen Dr. Greene lately?"
"Mark? What about him?"
"Well, I saw him earlier in here and now, I realized, he's gone and so is Dr. Corday," Abby replied.
"Well I haven't seen either one," Carter sighed. The woman in the room giggled.
"I have!" she volunteered, knowing that, like the others, Abby would ignore her.
"Oh well. He seemed really... Weird earlier," Abby said, "Thanks anyway. Bye!"
"Bye," Carter waved feebly after her. The woman sighed and sat down next to Carter on the couch.
"Hey, big guy, how you doing?" she whispered into his ear. Carter sighed and leaned his head back.
"I miss you, Lucy..." he sighed.
"Shh... I know," Lucy said, stroking his hair, "But you'll be fine," To her surprise, he began to cry, "Carter?" she asked.
"It hurts so much... More than the knife..." Carter sighed. He wiped his face clean. He had cried too much over the years. He wasn't going to cry now. He had promised Abby he would pretend to be happy and crying didn't make him look happy. He leaned back into the couch and fell asleep.
Carter... Carter...
Carter looked around. He was on the couch in the lounge of the ER. He looked around. It was Lucy calling his name. Carter was shocked at first, but then everything started to feel normal.
"Carter, wake up. We need you're help in Trauma 3." Lucy told him. Carter just yawned and lied back down.
"CARTER!!!" Lucy yelled. She shook him and he finally got up.
"It's a friend that got stabbed by a schizophrenic more than once. They need your help." Lucy told him. Carter got up fast and got dressed. He headed to Trauma 3 and was met there by Kerry.
"Carter you have to help us. It is really bad." Kerry told him. Carter walked into the room and saw Lucy lying on the table. He was stunned.
"Is Lucy the patient?" Carter asked.
"Yeah," replied Kerry, "she was stabbed by her patient Sobriki. We find her lying on the floor and we need your help to save her!" Carter got to work and started to work on Lucy. No matter how much he pleaded and begged, all the others just stood back and watched him work. They wouldn't help him.
"You have to do this yourself, Carter, we can't save her," they said. He worked furiously to keep Lucy alive. In the end he could do nothing. Lucy was gone...
"It's all your fault, Carter. You couldn't save her. It's all your fault. You couldn't save her..." his friends kept taunting him and their voices haunted his mind.
"No, no, stop, NO!"
Carter woke up trembling. It was 3 AM. He had been asleep for three hours.
"Weaver's going to have my head on a platter!" he said, standing up and quickly straightening his tie. He was in such a hurry he ran head on into Elizabeth.
"Carter!" she said, shocked, "We've been looking all over for you! Oh my! You're flushed... And you're sweating. Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine, Dr. Corday, I'm sorry, I just fell asleep and had this bad dream..."
"Why don't you tell me about it?"
"No, it's OK..." Carter's face took on a puzzled expression as he felt something tugging on the hem of his jacket. He looked down.
"Have you seen my mommy?" a little girl asked.
"What's your mommy's name?" Carter asked.
"Mommy!"
"Um..." Carter started, "What's your name."
"Kyra."
"Um... Your last name, please?"
"Carson. Can you help me find my mommy?"
"Well..." Carter turned to Elizabeth. The girl seemed no more than four, "Dr. Corday, do you know a Mrs. Carson?" Elizabeth didn't reply. Instead, she looked at the young girl and kneeled down to her level.
"Was your mother's name Joan Carson?" Elizabeth asked.
"Um, I tink so. She pwomised she'd be home for Christmas," the little girls eyes were sparkling blue and her long strawberry blond hair cascaded down her back.
"Your mommy won't make it home for Christmas, Kyra honey. Where's your father?"
"Daddy?" Kyra asked. As if on cue, a tall man with brown hair came down the hallway.
"Kyra, there you are!" he said, scooping the toddler up in his arms, "I'm sorry if she caused you any trouble."
"It's fine," Elizabeth said, "Are you Mr. Carson?" she asked.
"Yes," the man said.
"Your daughter was asking about her mother, Joan Carson, who came in with multiple stab wounds to the neck and upper back."
"Yes?" the father asked, "Is she alright?" when Elizabeth didn't answer, tears began to glisten in his eyes, "Oh God no!" he pleaded, "Not on Christmas."
"Your wife died at 2:56 this morning, Mr. Carson." Elizabeth replied. At that moment, Carter remembered his dream. Lucy died at 2:56, Joan died at 2:56 and he woke from his dream four minutes after Joan died. This was too freaky for Carter and he started to feel very queasy. He then got dizzy and fainted on the spot.
Carter found himself on the couch again and he saw Lucy.
" Carter, there is a woman in Trauma 3 who was stabbed multiple times." Lucy said, "They need your help for the operation." Carter hurried down to Trauma 3 and found Kerry waiting for him.
"Carter, we need your help. This is a really bad case." Kerry said. Carter walked into the room and saw what looked like a grown-up Kyra, with strawberry blond hair, lying on the examination table.
"Is this the patient?!?!" Carter asked surprised and questioningly at Kerry.
"Yeah. This is her." Kerry replied, "Hurry" Carter got to work but for some reason, nothing he did helped the woman. Just like nothing he did had helped Lucy.
"Someone help me here!"
"There's nothing we can do!" they protested.
"We have to do something!" Carter pleaded, working frantically, "We have to save her!"
"She's gone, Carter," Kerry put her hand on Carter's arm.
"Time of death, 2:56," Elizabeth said, dully.
"Carter!" Elizabeth called, "Excuse me, Mr. Carson," she appologised and kneeled down next to Carter.
"Carter? Are you all right? Carter!" she shook him. Carter blinked and muttered something about pink elephants.
"Carter?" Abby came over, "What happened?" she asked, kneeling down with Elizabeth.
"He just fainted. He was sweating earlier, I think he may be sick."
"It could be the heat. Someone turned up the heating in the staff room," Abby told her.
"But it's not that hot, is it?"
"I don't know!" Abby protested.
"Is he going to be all right?" Mr. Carson asked.
"Yes, Mr. Carson, he will be fine," Elizabeth assured him. Lucy knelt down with them and put her hand to Carter's forehead.
"Oh Carter, don't do this to me now!" she pleaded. She removed her hand just as Abby pressed her own to his forehead.
"He doesn't seem to have a temperature..."
"But he's broken out into a cold sweat!" Elizabeth cried. Then, it hit her. She knew what was happening, "Earlier, he said he had had a dream."
"A dream? About what?"
"I don't know!" Elizabeth told her, "But he said that was why he was perspiring."
"You think he's having another dream?"
"Maybe..."
"But that still doesn't explain why he fainted." Suddenly, Carter sat up straight. He looked around.
"Oh God..." he sighed. He then saw Kyra and shook his head, "Dr. Corday? Take me to Joan Carson."