Cooking With Seifer and Squall
A short story by: Shiva Diva
Seifer: *loses his composure for a moment* Oh… um… (Shit) Hello everyone out there in the cooking world!
Squall: Uh… crap… hello…
Seifer: Today we're… uh… (Psst, hey Squall, what the hell are we doing today?)
Squall: Umm… *looks at white sheet of paper* Oh yes! We are making Roasted Turkey Cake…?
Seifer: Gross! *rips up paper and throws it offstage* Who made this menu anyway? … Okay, instead of that crap, we're going to make some of Seifer's Awesome Lovely Sweet Cool Eat-Some-Until-You-Puke Liver and onions! *he beams and grins at Squall*
Squall: Ungh… I think I'm gonna be sick…
Seifer: Okay! Let's start…. Now the ingredients are—
Squall: NO! Seifer, let's just make some pancakes okay? Innocent food please?!
Seifer: *sighs, looks disappointed* Okay sure.
Squall: Okay, the ingredients you'll need are: pancake mix, two eggs, ½ cup of water, 1 ½ cup of milk—
Seifer: And a full grown moose!
*. . .*
Squall: Ah, anyway, first get out a large mixing bowl… *Squall looks around for one, and suddenly realizes the countertop is empty* ahem… I said, a large mixing bowl… *glares at director*
Director: *shrugs, indicating that there is no mixing bowl*
Seifer: Well, this little snafu won't hold us back, will it! I guess will just have to make that Cool Eat-Some-Until-You-Puke Liver and—
Squall: NO! Um, okay, I'm sure we can improvise. *pulls out cutting board* Okay Seifer, pour that pancake mix on this cutting board, please.
Seifer: *looks confused* Ya sure, Squall? I don't want to embarrass y— Okay! *opens pancake mix, pours whole contents on the floor*
Squall: What the hell are you doing Almasy?!
Seifer: Um… *looks at what he's doing* Crap! Sorry… I wasn't concentrating.
Squall: Ugh! *slaps forehead with hand* Okay, help me clean this mess up! *reaches down and scoops up some mix, places it on cutting board*
Seifer: Eww I'm not getting my hands dirty!
Squall: #&E%$&%$@@$@&$#%&$#% Seifer! Help me!
Seifer: *pretends to ignore Squall and picks his nails, humming*
…a few minutes later…
*Squall is covered with white pancake mix. Seifer is clean as a whistle*
Squall: Okay, now we have this pile of err… pancake mix. Seifer, what do we do next?
Seifer: Um… well… uh… put the eggs in the mix and stir.
Squall: *eyes Seifer* Are you sure?
Seifer: Yeah I'm sure I'm sure.
Squall: Okay… *Squall cracks both eggs on top of the pile of mix, then starts to stir it up*
Seifer: Hey man you're getting it all over the floor!
Squall: Crap not again!
Seifer: I ain't cleaning that mess up!
Squall: Argh!!!
…another few minutes later…
*Squall is now covered with sticky egg goop and more floury mix, by now he is seething with anger for Seifer*
Squall: Seifer… what the hell do we do next?
Seifer: Um…. Add the milk and water I guess.
Squall: You guess?! Argh!! Are you even reading the directions?!
Seifer: There are directions? Where?
Squall: !@$$^%& Seifer you **** and ****!
Seifer: Hey man calm down! Your face is getting purple!
Squall: *holds his breath and counts to 200*
Seifer: Um… I guess I'll do it then, Squall. Okay, let's add the milk and water. *Seifer carefully balances the cutting board on one hand and places it under the faucet. Then he turns it on as high as it'll go… mix, eggs, and water fly everywhere, somehow missing Seifer but hitting Squall square in the face*
Seifer: Oops… Uh, sorry man!
Squall: *turns to Seifer in utter disgust, balls his hands into tight fists and raises them, then his expression suddenly softens and he forces a crooked grin* …it's okay, Almasy.
Seifer: *looks uncertain* Mmkay… Will you clean this up Squall? I don't want to get dirty.
Squall: *a flicker of anger flashes through his impassive face for a fleeting moment, then he calms himself* Sure, Seifer. *he bends down and begins to scoop up a bunch of the mess in his hands*
Seifer: *turns to camera* See, folks, teamwork is an imperative part of successful cooking. It is absolutely important to… *he drifts off as he notices that Squall is holding the whole of the mess in his two hands, and what isn't in his hands is tucked inside his curled up apron*
Squall: Die you idiot scum!! *Squall flings the mix directly at Seifer's face, hitting him on bull's eye*
Seifer: *emits a high-pitched squeal and rubs his hands on his face, trying to wipe off some of the sticky mess* You PAY for that Leonhart!
*Seifer tries to make his way towards Squall, but gets his feet stuck in the muck and falls forward*
Squall: *laughs hysterically until he is pulled down by Seifer's strong hands and falls on his rear end in the sloppy goo* Seifer you **** **** ****! ****!
Seifer: *starts laughing* Ha ha you got some eggs in your hair Leonhart! *Seifer doubles over with laughter*
Squall: That's it… you asked for it you girly pig!
*they begin an all-out wrestling and boxing match*
*camera turns off stage, yelling and curse words are heard in background*
*the crowd is screaming, "Jerry! Jerry!"*
The End
=+=+=+=
Hope y'all guys liked this one. I don't think it was as good as my other one, the Klondike Bar. But still good nonetheless. Please R+R and if you review me I'll return the favor. ^_^