~~~ is a flash back.
As I stare at this blank piece of paper, I wonder how I should start this. I'm no writer, I can write things such as essays, or speeches, because those don't require emotion. But this story that I must tell is so full of pain, grief and emotion, that I fear I can never get across how much this story means to me. My name is Heero Yuy, or rather, that is the name I live under. I have just lost my closest friend, and my first comrade. The first person to show kindness towards me. Well, if you can call that kindness. That crocked smile of his, and that long braid. He was such a joker. All he ever caused for me were problems. And yes, as I write this I can feel a faint smile cross my lips..though I don't want to admit it. And yes, I'm laughing inside. He was the one that saved my life so many times, though I did my share of saving his life as well. I only wish I would have been there for my friend this last time. I'm sure I could have saved his life this time as well. But no. I had a damn mission. I couldn't be there for my best friend, when he really needed me. I'm sorry. I should get to the point. I got the biggest shock of my life last night when I returned to the apartment me and my friend, Duo shared. His room was locked. I'm sure you can guess what I found after I broke down the door. Yes, I feel the tears coming down now. He taught me how to live, and how to love. He taught me what life is all about. I know some of you reading this maybe be getting the idea that me and Duo were more than friends. And yes....we were, and still are. I love him, as my best friend in the world. You would love a person like him if he had done for you what he did for me. I have no romantic interest in that braided baka though. Oh god..no. Look I didn't just call him that, did I? I'm sorry. I should just get to recording down my story....before another mission comes and I must leave again, this time with no cheerful smile to wish me luck, or tell me how he should have gotten the mission because he's so much better than I. I will try my best to write this with enough emotion.....but I don't think I can. Gomen...gomen nasi.
~~~ "I want to die when I see myself in this blasted mirror. Look at me. My black clothes, my cheerful smile. Cheerful...hm. Yeah. If only anyone understood me. No one understands how I feel. Maybe it's because I'm the only one of us that has a heart. But, Quatre, is so nice. Quatre would cry so much if I did what I want to," Duo said as he looked at the razor he held in his hand. "Is it really the only way out?" he mussed as he looked to the gun on his dresser. "Quatre will be the only one to cry. Quatre's the only one that could cry over the death of the God of Death. Hm. The death of the God of Death. The enemy will laugh, that a mear child got himself so caught up in war that he felt the need to end his miserable life to wash away the guilt. Heero would just go on as if nothing had happened. Trowa wouldn't even notice, I fear. Wufei would most likely just say I was a 'braided baka' with no sense of justice. Hm." Duo said once again eyeing the blade in his hand. "What will Heero say when he comes home to find my bloody and dead body sprawled on my bed, I wonder," Duo's thoughts raced. "It's not just the guilt," he said talking to the darkness of his room, still looking at his dim reflection in the mirror. "My whole life, no one understands me. I can never get close to anyone and tell them how I feel about anything, because no one understands. I'm forced to just hide behind my mask and act cheerful...and be careful not let many have a glance into my deep life, and my twisted mind. They will ask to many questions I can't explain. Questions even I am still trying to answer," Duo said. ~~~
I still don't know what lead him to do that. My only guess is he felt guilty. We all thought we understood him so well. I thought this mission was something he would want to follow through till the very end. Even though we are beyond Operation Meteor, we are in a sense, still fighting it. Because we do still have our Gundams. We are still fighting for the Colonies, and the Earth. I thought Duo loved the colonies more than anything, and would always keep fighting for them. I guess something just went wrong in his mind, and he wanted out. We all want out, I'll admit that. But to end ones own life? Duo... We never asked many questions, about those few times he let his guard down and we got a glimpse into who the real Duo was. We were all afraid. We weren't sure if he would become angered if we pried to deep into his life. I know I would have become angary.
~~~ "That's it. I just need to end my life. I'm so damn selfish it makes me sick! I can't think of anything but my own pain! What about the others? They've been through as much as I have..Heero 10 times more. Yet he still lives, and still fights. And I know it hurts him to do so," Duo yelled out as he swiped the razor across his wrist. He cringed in pain, and slashed it again, "1, for Mom, 2, for dad, 3, for solo, 4, for farther Maxwell, 5 for sister Helen, 6, for those innocent souls I slaughtered, 7, for all the kids killed in this war, 8, for people like Zechs that have just recently died in this damn war, 9, for people like Trieze, that fought for what the believe in till the very end, unlike me and 10, for all those I've shamelessly killed in the past. I want to be with you...all....now..."he said as he slashed 10 times, all up the inner part of his arm. "Damn it! I'm not dying!!!" He yelled as he grabbed for the gun. "Oh God..please forgive me. Quatre...forgive me..don't cry...." Duo said as he held the gun to his heart and pulled back on the trigger. His face became over overwhelmed with fear and pain as he dropped back onto his bed blood gushing from his heart as he breathed. "No....I..." he choked out. Duo's thoughts raced. 'No...I don't want to die now. Why is it you only realize how much you want to live until it's to late? why?' Duo thought as he breathed his last breath. "Quatre...gomen nasi....." Duo's voice trailed off and all become dark in his mind. He lay dead and bloody on his bead gun still in hand and razor tossed on the floor. ~~~
Though I only thought good of Duo..okay..almost only. I must comment on how damn selfish he was!! He never took into account how much this would hurt me!! I'm sure he told Quatre he was sorry. We all know Quatre would cry over something like that. Hell, he even cries over the enemies death! But what about me??!! He never thought about how much my heart would hurt! It was all about him! Damn him! Yes...I can feel the tears roll down my checks as I write this. He didn't think about me. He didn't care. His friendships were never deep enough to care. He kept himself so distant, yet so close. Damn it! I'm sorry, I didn't want to write this to speak badly of him.
~~~ "Duo!! Taidima!" Heero yelled as he was home. Happy to be back from his last mission. "Duo?" Heero asked, looking at the TV. Usually that braided boy was watching TV, or eating food. Heero looked into the kitchen, but to no avail. "He better not have left! There are people out to kill us and that braided baka probably went out shopping or something," Heero grunted.
Two hours later, Heero having not heard from Duo at all, was increasingly worried about his best friends safety. He went to Duo's room, and found the door locked. Heero's thoughts raced. Duo's door wouldn't be locked unless he was inside, and he would have woken up by now..if he ere still alive. Heero mussed. "Damnit!" Heero grunted out as he kicked the door. "Damnit! Let me in!" Heero yelled as he shoved his whole body up against the door. The door broke down, and Heero looked on his shock. "No..." was all that Heero could manage. Heero's eyes surveyed the scene. Suicide. "Damnit...no...." Heero said as he walked to the bed, tears falling down his checks. "Why Duo?? Why...you never showed that things where that bad," Heero choked out through tears. "If only you would have talked to me...I loved you. You where my best friend in the world. But when it came to the end....there was nothing I could do to save you. Gomen nasi...go...gomen," Heero went on, finally telling Duo that he didn't hate him, and that he thought of him as his best friend. Heero stayed and cried, because crying is the only thing you can do when you lose someone that close to you. ~~~
I got home from my mission and didn't find him any place. About two hours after I got back with still no sign of Duo I went to check his room. The door was locked. I figured that it would only be locked if he was in it, which meant he was a sleep or..well..dead. My mind raced with terrible thoughts. What if they got him? Oh God no. I broke down the door. I felt my heart break and the tears fall at the sight I seen before my eyes. He was laying sprawled on his bed, bloody, and very much dead. His left inner arm was covered with numerous cut and he was still loosing blood. I seen the razor laying on the floor close by. I looked at the gun in his right hang in disgust as I seen where the bullet had flown right through his heart. His heart was as broken as mine now was. I had lost my best friend in the whole world...all because I was on a mission and hadn't been there for him. I wanted to kill myself. But...I realize that would have done nothing. So now I must live on. I know no one will read this....I don't dare let Quatre know. He'll cry for sure. I also can't let anyone see my tears, for that braided baka. You know how you have this love for your friends? You're closest friends? You just want to spend time with them, and you pray they'll always be safe. Well...I never prayed..... and look at him now. I feel I must find a lesson somewhere in Duo's death..or rather, suicide. There must have been some reason that he did this. I don't think Duo would let his thoughts or grief get to him to make him do this. The funeral will be in a few days. I think....I'm supposed to say something about him. Maybe...all I can say is that I loved that braided fool more than anything. He was my best...and only true friend. You could call the other boys friends...but they were never there for me like he was. Damn, I'm gonna miss him. I'm sorry, I'm now crying to much, I'm shaking...I can't type much anymore. I'm going to have to end this. I want to go to my bed and cry...no. I don't want to go to my bed...I don't want to remember the state I found Duo in. Oh God...I need to go and talk to someone. Though...I don't want to....maybe..Relena could help....no. Kari....that's it. That one friend of Duo's. She'll understand. Her and him think a like...only they were never that close. Duo was to afraid to get to close to anyone. Maybe he would have found he wasn't alone if he had let her into his heart. I need to go talk to Kari...gomen. And yes...my tears are still falling.
-Heero Yuy A.C. 199 June 5th.
YES!! I FINISHED SOMETHING!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! IT'S DONE!!!! I FINISHED SOMETHING!!! OH YEAH!!!! Please review!!
~Kari
As I stare at this blank piece of paper, I wonder how I should start this. I'm no writer, I can write things such as essays, or speeches, because those don't require emotion. But this story that I must tell is so full of pain, grief and emotion, that I fear I can never get across how much this story means to me. My name is Heero Yuy, or rather, that is the name I live under. I have just lost my closest friend, and my first comrade. The first person to show kindness towards me. Well, if you can call that kindness. That crocked smile of his, and that long braid. He was such a joker. All he ever caused for me were problems. And yes, as I write this I can feel a faint smile cross my lips..though I don't want to admit it. And yes, I'm laughing inside. He was the one that saved my life so many times, though I did my share of saving his life as well. I only wish I would have been there for my friend this last time. I'm sure I could have saved his life this time as well. But no. I had a damn mission. I couldn't be there for my best friend, when he really needed me. I'm sorry. I should get to the point. I got the biggest shock of my life last night when I returned to the apartment me and my friend, Duo shared. His room was locked. I'm sure you can guess what I found after I broke down the door. Yes, I feel the tears coming down now. He taught me how to live, and how to love. He taught me what life is all about. I know some of you reading this maybe be getting the idea that me and Duo were more than friends. And yes....we were, and still are. I love him, as my best friend in the world. You would love a person like him if he had done for you what he did for me. I have no romantic interest in that braided baka though. Oh god..no. Look I didn't just call him that, did I? I'm sorry. I should just get to recording down my story....before another mission comes and I must leave again, this time with no cheerful smile to wish me luck, or tell me how he should have gotten the mission because he's so much better than I. I will try my best to write this with enough emotion.....but I don't think I can. Gomen...gomen nasi.
~~~ "I want to die when I see myself in this blasted mirror. Look at me. My black clothes, my cheerful smile. Cheerful...hm. Yeah. If only anyone understood me. No one understands how I feel. Maybe it's because I'm the only one of us that has a heart. But, Quatre, is so nice. Quatre would cry so much if I did what I want to," Duo said as he looked at the razor he held in his hand. "Is it really the only way out?" he mussed as he looked to the gun on his dresser. "Quatre will be the only one to cry. Quatre's the only one that could cry over the death of the God of Death. Hm. The death of the God of Death. The enemy will laugh, that a mear child got himself so caught up in war that he felt the need to end his miserable life to wash away the guilt. Heero would just go on as if nothing had happened. Trowa wouldn't even notice, I fear. Wufei would most likely just say I was a 'braided baka' with no sense of justice. Hm." Duo said once again eyeing the blade in his hand. "What will Heero say when he comes home to find my bloody and dead body sprawled on my bed, I wonder," Duo's thoughts raced. "It's not just the guilt," he said talking to the darkness of his room, still looking at his dim reflection in the mirror. "My whole life, no one understands me. I can never get close to anyone and tell them how I feel about anything, because no one understands. I'm forced to just hide behind my mask and act cheerful...and be careful not let many have a glance into my deep life, and my twisted mind. They will ask to many questions I can't explain. Questions even I am still trying to answer," Duo said. ~~~
I still don't know what lead him to do that. My only guess is he felt guilty. We all thought we understood him so well. I thought this mission was something he would want to follow through till the very end. Even though we are beyond Operation Meteor, we are in a sense, still fighting it. Because we do still have our Gundams. We are still fighting for the Colonies, and the Earth. I thought Duo loved the colonies more than anything, and would always keep fighting for them. I guess something just went wrong in his mind, and he wanted out. We all want out, I'll admit that. But to end ones own life? Duo... We never asked many questions, about those few times he let his guard down and we got a glimpse into who the real Duo was. We were all afraid. We weren't sure if he would become angered if we pried to deep into his life. I know I would have become angary.
~~~ "That's it. I just need to end my life. I'm so damn selfish it makes me sick! I can't think of anything but my own pain! What about the others? They've been through as much as I have..Heero 10 times more. Yet he still lives, and still fights. And I know it hurts him to do so," Duo yelled out as he swiped the razor across his wrist. He cringed in pain, and slashed it again, "1, for Mom, 2, for dad, 3, for solo, 4, for farther Maxwell, 5 for sister Helen, 6, for those innocent souls I slaughtered, 7, for all the kids killed in this war, 8, for people like Zechs that have just recently died in this damn war, 9, for people like Trieze, that fought for what the believe in till the very end, unlike me and 10, for all those I've shamelessly killed in the past. I want to be with you...all....now..."he said as he slashed 10 times, all up the inner part of his arm. "Damn it! I'm not dying!!!" He yelled as he grabbed for the gun. "Oh God..please forgive me. Quatre...forgive me..don't cry...." Duo said as he held the gun to his heart and pulled back on the trigger. His face became over overwhelmed with fear and pain as he dropped back onto his bed blood gushing from his heart as he breathed. "No....I..." he choked out. Duo's thoughts raced. 'No...I don't want to die now. Why is it you only realize how much you want to live until it's to late? why?' Duo thought as he breathed his last breath. "Quatre...gomen nasi....." Duo's voice trailed off and all become dark in his mind. He lay dead and bloody on his bead gun still in hand and razor tossed on the floor. ~~~
Though I only thought good of Duo..okay..almost only. I must comment on how damn selfish he was!! He never took into account how much this would hurt me!! I'm sure he told Quatre he was sorry. We all know Quatre would cry over something like that. Hell, he even cries over the enemies death! But what about me??!! He never thought about how much my heart would hurt! It was all about him! Damn him! Yes...I can feel the tears roll down my checks as I write this. He didn't think about me. He didn't care. His friendships were never deep enough to care. He kept himself so distant, yet so close. Damn it! I'm sorry, I didn't want to write this to speak badly of him.
~~~ "Duo!! Taidima!" Heero yelled as he was home. Happy to be back from his last mission. "Duo?" Heero asked, looking at the TV. Usually that braided boy was watching TV, or eating food. Heero looked into the kitchen, but to no avail. "He better not have left! There are people out to kill us and that braided baka probably went out shopping or something," Heero grunted.
Two hours later, Heero having not heard from Duo at all, was increasingly worried about his best friends safety. He went to Duo's room, and found the door locked. Heero's thoughts raced. Duo's door wouldn't be locked unless he was inside, and he would have woken up by now..if he ere still alive. Heero mussed. "Damnit!" Heero grunted out as he kicked the door. "Damnit! Let me in!" Heero yelled as he shoved his whole body up against the door. The door broke down, and Heero looked on his shock. "No..." was all that Heero could manage. Heero's eyes surveyed the scene. Suicide. "Damnit...no...." Heero said as he walked to the bed, tears falling down his checks. "Why Duo?? Why...you never showed that things where that bad," Heero choked out through tears. "If only you would have talked to me...I loved you. You where my best friend in the world. But when it came to the end....there was nothing I could do to save you. Gomen nasi...go...gomen," Heero went on, finally telling Duo that he didn't hate him, and that he thought of him as his best friend. Heero stayed and cried, because crying is the only thing you can do when you lose someone that close to you. ~~~
I got home from my mission and didn't find him any place. About two hours after I got back with still no sign of Duo I went to check his room. The door was locked. I figured that it would only be locked if he was in it, which meant he was a sleep or..well..dead. My mind raced with terrible thoughts. What if they got him? Oh God no. I broke down the door. I felt my heart break and the tears fall at the sight I seen before my eyes. He was laying sprawled on his bed, bloody, and very much dead. His left inner arm was covered with numerous cut and he was still loosing blood. I seen the razor laying on the floor close by. I looked at the gun in his right hang in disgust as I seen where the bullet had flown right through his heart. His heart was as broken as mine now was. I had lost my best friend in the whole world...all because I was on a mission and hadn't been there for him. I wanted to kill myself. But...I realize that would have done nothing. So now I must live on. I know no one will read this....I don't dare let Quatre know. He'll cry for sure. I also can't let anyone see my tears, for that braided baka. You know how you have this love for your friends? You're closest friends? You just want to spend time with them, and you pray they'll always be safe. Well...I never prayed..... and look at him now. I feel I must find a lesson somewhere in Duo's death..or rather, suicide. There must have been some reason that he did this. I don't think Duo would let his thoughts or grief get to him to make him do this. The funeral will be in a few days. I think....I'm supposed to say something about him. Maybe...all I can say is that I loved that braided fool more than anything. He was my best...and only true friend. You could call the other boys friends...but they were never there for me like he was. Damn, I'm gonna miss him. I'm sorry, I'm now crying to much, I'm shaking...I can't type much anymore. I'm going to have to end this. I want to go to my bed and cry...no. I don't want to go to my bed...I don't want to remember the state I found Duo in. Oh God...I need to go and talk to someone. Though...I don't want to....maybe..Relena could help....no. Kari....that's it. That one friend of Duo's. She'll understand. Her and him think a like...only they were never that close. Duo was to afraid to get to close to anyone. Maybe he would have found he wasn't alone if he had let her into his heart. I need to go talk to Kari...gomen. And yes...my tears are still falling.
-Heero Yuy A.C. 199 June 5th.
YES!! I FINISHED SOMETHING!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! IT'S DONE!!!! I FINISHED SOMETHING!!! OH YEAH!!!! Please review!!
~Kari