Nermia Update

Nabiki Tendo was enjoying her bento in the auditorium, when she was approached by all the other major Ranma characters, who were all glaring poison tipped daggers at her. "What's with all of you?" she asked nonchalantly. Ranma merely shoved a video in a nearby TV and VCR. The Weekend Update theme was playing. Nabiki soon appeared on screen behind a news desk

"Hello, I'm Tendo, Nabiki. And now for Nermia Update." She shuffled the papers in front of her and began. "Today, the Tendo-Saotome Wedding was announced to the general public. And this time they mean it." She threw up her hands with un-pent frustration. "Yes they are actually going for it, and the general mass says,' It's about damn time!' The fathers said that they had always loved each other and always got along. They also said that they were Genghis Khan and King Richard before passing out in a drunken stupor."

"Also at the top of the news…Ryouga Hikibi gets nailed! No I'm not kidding."Nabiki shook her head and continued." Apparently, the Eternally Lost Boy got drunk over his loss of Akane was seduced and screwed by a women who was equally intoxicated. The women you ask, why none other then a heart-broken Shampoo! Witnesses say that the two meet on the street talked then…did a little dance, made a little love, and got down that night." All this was said in a non-humorous tone. "In related story, Uyko Kuonji and Mousse just became an item. When asked they said, and I quote: 'why the hell not?'"

The extortionist then grabbed a new set of notes. "In Other News today, Ranma Saotome was hit with a mallet 42 consecutive times, then the mallet broke and the martial artist got a concussion. The Police knew who the suspect is, but are afraid to get a beating from her if they try to book her in on assault and battery."

"On a slightly sadder note, Kodachi Kuno, the insane gymnast  committed genocide over the loss of her 'Ranma Dear.' She killed over 1,032 federal works with a Popsicle stick before finally taking her own life with a sponge. I a related event, Tatwaki Kuno was hit one too many times in the head and gained actual intelligence. The ladies for Furiken High go wild over the 'new' Kuno, meanwhile, I still hate him."

"And finally, everyone's favorite lech, Happosai was run over by a semi truck parade today. Leaving the question of: 'who gets to clean up the mess?' Mean while, the women of the world rejoice and a national holiday was called. That's it for Nermia Update, I'm Tendo Nabiki and that's news to me."

Nabiki turned towards the angry mob forming in front of her. "Can't you guys take a joke? Um, what are you doing with that tar and those bags of feathers. Guys? Guys?"

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Please R&R and no flames, please.