Chapter 4
"All I'm saying is that nobody really kills sock
puppets," Nick said.
"And all I'm saying is that it's not someone who
kills sock puppets, it's a killer sock puppet," Steve retorted.
"Well I think you're wrong," Nick said.
"It's my screen name! How can I be wrong?!"
Steve yelled.
Nick just ignored him.
"HALT! This is property of HER HIGHNESS the Queen
of Hearts!" someone yelled behind them.
They spun around to see who was speaking. Standing
directly in front of them were three card guards holding pikes.
"STATE YOUR BUISNES HERE OR PREPARE TO SUFFER THE
CONSEQUENCES!" one yelled.
Nick immediately stepped in front of Holly. He figured
he could outsmart these guys but he wanted to be there to protect her if things
turned violent.
"Um..I think you know why we are here," Nick
said.
This seemed to confuse the guards. They thought about
this for a minute.
"Then you must be the lawyers the queen sent
for?" one guard asked.
"Of course we are! I'm the prosecutor and this is
the defense attorney," Nick said pointing to Steve.
"Wha..I'm not..I can't...."Steve started.
"It's okay Stevie," Holly said squeezing his
shoulder, "You'll be a great defense attorney."
Nick didn't get it. Sure, he was constantly hitting on
Holly, but then he goes and does something noble like protecting her from
death, and she was still hung up on Steve, who obviously wanted nothing to do
with her. No matter how much he said he did, Nick didn't understand girls.
"MOVE ALONG NOW! WE MUSTN'T KEEP THE QUEEN
WAITING!" the 4 of hearts yelled.
And so they hurried along.
"What's this trial about anyway?" Eric asked
the 5 of hearts.
"The White Rabbit was picked up the other day for
attempting to buy a prostitute," the Four answered.
"Who'd the rabbit attempt to buy anyway?"
Nick asked.
"Her," the four of hearts said pointing to
something up ahead.
"Whoa. She's a stone cold fox!" Nick
exclaimed.
Indeed he was right. The four of hearts was pointing
to a stone statue of a fox.
"You can't be serious!" Holly said, rather
shocked.
"Of course we are serious. Why would we lie to
you?" asked the six of hearts.
"You're all mad!" Holly yelled.
Everyone just ignored her. After a little more walking
they reached the area, which would serve as the courtroom. The Queen and King
of Hearts sat at the front of the court room. They would serve as a judge. The
jury was made up of birds, ducks, a Billy goat, and a cat. They sat in a bench
off to the side. The guards lead Eric and Holly to their seats and then sat
down themselves. The courtroom was quite packed. This was in fact the social
event of the season. Everyone who was anyone was here. But of course Nick and
Steve didn't realize this. If they had well, Nick wouldn't have cared and Steve
would've probably wet himself. They both approached their desks and sat down in
the chairs that had been set up for them.
A hedgehog in the corner spoke, "Wonderland vs.
The White Rabbit, the honorable Judge, her majesty, the magnificent Queen of
Hearts presiding."
"The prosecution may commence with their opening
statements," the queen said.
Nick stood up, turned around, and faced the crowd, and
began to speak.
"Ladies, gentlemen, ducks, goats, Her Majesty, I
intend to prove that the White Rabbit is guilty. Because we all know rabbits
suck....and stuff. They are filthy disgusting WHORES!" Nick yelled.
The crowd erupted with applause and cheering.
"In short WONDERLAND RULES!" Nick yelled
pumping his arms up and down.
The applause got even louder.
"Poor Steve. He's screwed," Holly whispered
to Eric.
"Well you have to admit Nick is pretty
convincing," Eric said clapping his hands together furiously.
The Queen appeared rather pleased. "The defense
may proceed with its opening statement," she said.
Steve stood up. He was sweating heavily.
"Um you see...my client is innocent
because...um...well...yeah," Steve said.
The boos were deafening. The crowd even began to throw
fruit at Steve. Eric pegged him in the head with a cantaloupe.
"Eric!" Holly yelled scolding him.
"What? Steve sucks!" Eric yelled.
"Order! Order!" The Queen yelled.
The courtroom immediately quieted down.
"The prosecution may now examine the
witness," the queen said.
Nick stood up and received much applause. He walked
over to the White Rabbit who was sitting in a steel cage.
"Rabbit, did you or did you not attempt to pay a
women for sexual favors?" Nick asked.
"Yes, yes I did," the rabbit said.
"Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids," Nick
said.
The applause continued for at least ten minutes.
When it died Nick said, "The prosecution rests
your honor."
The Queen began whispering something to the King.
"After further examination the King and I have
decided that it is not necessary for the defense to proceed. Has the jury
reached a verdict?" the Queen asked.
"Yes your excellency. We the jury find the White
Rabbit guilty of first degree murder," said a rather gruff billy
goat.
The crowd roared with approval.
"First degree murder? I thought the charge was
prostitution!" Holly yelled.
"Holly you are SO crazy," Eric said.
"Very well then. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" the
Queen yelled.
Cheers arose from the crowd.
"I've got to go console Stevie," Holly said,
"He's probably devastated."
"I should go congratulate Nick," Eric
thought.
So they both left their seats and made their way to
the front.
When Nick saw Holly he said, "How'd you like that
Holly? I was great wasn't I?"
"Nick you jerk!" she said, "You made
poor Steve look like a moron!"
"Is there no pleasing women?" Nick thought.
None of them noticed that the Queen had left the bench
and was standing behind them.
"Excuse me!" she bellowed.
They turned around to face her and were rather shocked
that she was addressing them.
"You both did well. This truly was a landmark
event in Wonderland history. We are throwing a banquet to celebrate and only
nobles are invited. Would you do the kingdom the honor of attending?" The
Queen asked.
"How could we turn down someone as beautiful as
you?" Nick asked rather charmingly.
The Queen blushed. "The Banquet is in three
hours. Your friends may attend as well. My guards will show you to your living
quarters. You will wait until you are summoned," she said.
"Thank you for this magnificent opportunity, your
loveliness, uh...I mean Highness," Nick said.
Then the Queen winked at him. At least some women
understood him. The Six of Hearts appeared and they followed him to their
rooms.