Far and Away
By: Kyoryoku Nazo
Part 1
:I'm crying again. I hate it when I cry. The look in my eyes negates the mask I must wear.
Therfor, I hate it.:
Heero looked away in disgust as he passed the open door to the bathroom.
:He's gone again. Every time he leaves, this happens to me. It only gets worse.:
He sighed with exhaustion and collapsed into a chair beside the window.
"Perfect Solider," he scoffed. "I can't even deal with this."
Without even realizing it, Heero looked down to see the golden crucifix in his hand. As
usual, his hand drifted to his pocket and pulled it out as if with a mind of it's own.
Fighting back more tears, he turned his gaze to the window, only to be met with his own
reflection in the glass. Those eyes filled with emotion and sadness that he hated to see so
much.
Duo would have only told him how beautiful his eyes looked when he cried. He always had the
right thing to say. Perhaps that was why he loved him so much.
Choking back sobs, he let the tears run down his face, clutching the cross to his chest.
:It's as if this is all I have left. I should have gone with him.:
"No!" he shouted, jumping to his feet. He would not let himself be controlled by his
emotions like this. With the perfect reflex of the perfect solider he sat down in front of
his laptop and began typing away.
Mission reports. Status reports. Maintenance reports.
With surprising anger he threw the beat-up computer across the room. Swearing to himself,
he vowed that he wouldn't hear the word 'report' again for at least another hour.
In disgust he threw himself onto the bed that he and Duo shared, hugging the pillow of his
koi to his body. It still carried that scent that was perfectly Duo.
Heero sighed and eventually fell asleep to his own sobs, exhausted.
"Do not think that the God of Death shall let you live!" shouted Duo with his usual
psychotic glee. Becoming one with DeathScythe once again, the mighty gundam swung around to
take out another group of mobile dolls.
His face a mask of death and killing was the shell to a completly different person. Very
few knew the real Duo Maxwell.
Letting out another impressive battle cry, he finished his mission with only a few scratches.
Taking his usual pose of triumph as if he had an audience, Duo tossed his braid aside with a
cocky grin.
:Pathetic. You even have to act when there's no one around. Who do you think you are
anyway?:
He quickly shook the thoughts out of his head. About to make a smart-ass remark, he realized
that his inner voice was right.
:Retorting to yourself, now that's a good one.:
Shinigami sighed and headed back to the base for repairs. In mid-turn, he grasped at his
neck, all the air in lungs escaping before he could breathe in more.
:Where is it? WHERE IS IT?!:
Frantically, he searched the cockpit for the golden cross, not able to find it anywhere.
Blinded by the knot in his throat, Duo didn't see the mobile doll on his screen.
Going so far as the leave the chair of the cockpit, he crawled on the floor, searching for
the crucifix.
Heero woke up some odd hours later, still cradeling the pillow. Laying awake for those
first few innocent moments of consciousness, he smiled and rolled over to grasp for his
love.
"Duo," the words passed his lips on a whisper. Ever so slowly, the realization hit him that
he was alone.
And the pain returned.
The cruciefix was still wrapped around his hand.
:He's probably wondering where it is. It's not like him to leave it behind like that.:
He sighed, rolling onto his back to face the ceiling.
:I almost wish I had a mission right now. At least then I'd have something to put my mind
to.:
Heero jumped to his feet as he heard the door creak open, drawing his gun with clumsy hands
and trying to hold it still despretly.
When Quatre saw the mess before him, he couldn't help but almost cry himself.
"It gets worse every time, doesn't it?" he asked kindly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Heero cold-heartedly, sliding the gun
back into that little dimensional pocket in his spandex. However, nothing could hide the
light red swell of his cheeks or studdering in his voice.
"You don't have to hide it from me. Or any of us. It's not like we don't know."
"Baka," muttered Heero as he sat down in his usual chair at his usual desk to type away on
the laptop. It wasn't until he reached his hands out for the keyboard that he saw it wasn't
there. Looking over slowly, Heero saw the computer laying upside down on the floor half way
across the room.
Quatre must have read him like a book. Following everything from the eye movements on the
floor, back up to where Heero now had in face in his hands, crying out loud.
"He'll be okay. He's always ok," the blond pilot told him assuringly.
Under his skilled hands, Heero finally started to relax. Looking up against the wall he let
himself smile for a moment.
But the moment didn't last. Sure the touch on his neck was relaxing, but it wasn't the touch
he wanted. It wasn't the familiar hands that he could recognize in a heart beat.
:It's....not....DUO!:
Just when Quatre thought he'd gotten his friend to calm down, Heero lept up out of the chair
and ran out of the room.
It took the third shot of a beam cannon for Duo to realize he was being fired upon. On the
floor of the cockpit and with no restraints, the braided pilot fell hard, still trying
despretly to search for the only remaining memory of Maxwell Church.
:It has..to..be..here......somewhere!:
Wufei came over the com, calling out despretly to his fellow pilot.
"What the hell are you doing?! You're not attacking! Duo, can you hear me?!"
By now though, Duo couldn't have responded if he wanted to. Passed out over the seat of the
cockpit, the enemy started to catch on that DeathScythe wasn't fighting. All guns were
targeted on him and there was nothing Duo could do.
Sensing something horribly wrong, Wufei turned his attention to the dolls attacking Duo.
"Help me Nataku!!" yelled the pilot, whirling around for another attack while DeathScythe
just sort of hovered there in space, eerliy still.
Hours later, Heero returned to his room. Sitting sadly on the Duo's side of the bed, he
opened the drawer on the bedside table.
:Duo's things.:
A few months ago, he would have thrown it all out on the spot. The pre-Duo Heero saw no
need for usless sentimental trash. But now...
:I wonder what he's go in here, anyways. Not much from the looks of it.
Candy. Candy wrapers. More candy.:
The Japanese pilot smiled and cursed at the same time.
:A diary? Hmm. Doesn't really seem like him to keep a diary. I've certainly never seen him
write in it.:
But there was something underneathe it, wedged into the cracks at the back of the drawer.
Setting the little book back in it's place, he tugged gently at the small slip of paper,
just to almost drop it in shock.
:It's..a picture..of......me..:
Indeed, Duo did seem to have a sentimental side to go along with his manically happy one.
Although the picture itself was fairly new, it seemed aged somehow. Almost as if it had been
damaged in some way.
Heero didn't even see Quatre's reflection in the mirror before the blond boy was at his
side.
"Whenever you'd go away on a mission, he'd sit back here just like you do. Except after a
while, he mourned with that, instead of just his own thoughts," he spoke gently, gesturing
towards the picture. "He never let on, and he'd kill me if I knew,"
A faint smile passed over Heero's face. But the smile turned into a look of slight confusion
as his fingers slid over the rough surface.
"But why-"
He couldn't even finish before Quatre cut him off. "He cried whenever he looked at it,"
Heero leaned back into his friend's shoulder, feeling his body relax.
:He does care about me. He truly does. It's not just....company.:
As the Japanese boy's fists unclenched, the cruciefix fell onto the sheets with a light
*plink*.
"Did he give it to you?" asked Quatre, eyeing the little gold cross with interest.
"No...I think he forgot it. The mission was really last notice. It kind of caught both of
us off guard."
"Still though...I thought he never took that thing off."
"Well," replied Heero with a slight blush, "Almost never."
Quatre thought for a moment before the pieces came together with a sly grin. The grin only
increased when he realized just how short notice the mission must have been to catch them
off guard and leave Duo without his precious cross.
Heero was returning the smile when Trowa came running down the hall, doing a quick backtrack
after passing Heero's open door.
"Words back from the mission," breathed Trowa heavily. He'd been running. There was worry
in his usually stoic voice.
Heero's hand clenched the sheets beneath him, gathering the cruciefix up once more.
Horrible silence hung in the air before Quatre was the first to burst.
"Well?!"
Trowa bit his lip, "DeathScythe took heavy damage, but Duo's fine. He took some serious
hits as well, but the doctors say he'll pull through."
Doctors?! Pull through?!?!
The tall pilot saw the worry in Heero's eyes and stepped into the room. "He's fine. Nothing
major, well..." he stammered off.
"What?!"
"There's a bit of a problem..."
"WHAT?!?!"
Trowa sighed and closed his eyes, reaching for Quatre's hand for support. "You'll really
have to come see for yourself."
By the time they reached the hospital, Heero was about to explode from tension and fear.
:He's alive. He's going to be alright. But there's a problem. WHAT IS IT?!:
The three pilots ran down the halls of the hospital, staggering to a halt when they saw a
door open and Wufei emerge.
His face was white and expressionless. Slowly, he sat down in a chair outside the door.
"It's visiting time. One of you can go in now."
All eyes turned to Heero, who gulped, stepping foward to open the door.
Turning the knob and pressing foward, he gritted his teeth and walked into, expecting the
worst.
There he was.
Just like when he left.
No hideous scars, missing appendges or some other terrible changes.
He was asleep.
:Like an angel:
Heero smiled and walked over to the bed slowly, reaching foward and placing his hand on that
of his koi's.
Amethyst eyes opened to meet his. He blinked once, then twice, apparently adjusting to the
heavy flourescent lights.
The Japanese boy opened his mouth to speak but was beat to it by a terrified scream coming
from Duo.
Heero jumped back, startled. He was about to smack his tired friend, but the American shrunk
back in fear at the sight of his raised hand.
Not just bracing for the incoming hit, but real fear.
Heero looked puzzled at the quivering boy before him, not sure what to make of it when a
horrid thought crossed his mind.
:Oh God....:
But before he could even finish that, he was cut off again.
"Who...who are you?"
Any life that Duo had brought to the Perfect Solider's eyes just vanished. Only now did
Heero notice the bandage around Duo's head, covered mostly by his wild bangs.
Heero's legs went to water beneathe him, sinking down to his knees as the past few hours
rushed through his mind.
/He's fine/He'll be ok/He just needs some rest/Something's wrong/He'd always look at that
picture of you/Something's wrong/The mission reports just arrived/It's not like we don't
know/You can go in and see him now/Something's wrong/He'd cry when he looked at it/You'd
better just see for yourself/You can go in and see him now/Who are you/Something's wrong/He
mourned with this instead/Who are you/Did he give it to you/Who are you/We were caught off
guard/Who are you/The mission report's back/Who are you/Who are you/Who are you/WHO ARE
YOU??/
The words turned into daggars. Every time they echoed in his mind, the pain became more and
more unbearable.
:This is worse than if he died. Now...I have to face him...but he doesn't know who I am...:
/He'll be ok but....something's wrong/
"Duo, it's me...Heero," he pleaded.
"Who..Hee...ro? You...you were going to hit me..." replied the braided boy in a shaky voice.
"No no no! I would never hurt you," he soothed. Moving back to his love's side. But he only
shrunk away. "Please Duo, I love you, please."
"You.....what?" he replied, something returned to his eyes for a brief second before
vanishing once more, "But you're a guy!"
Heero didn't know whether to burst into laughter or tears. The pure innocence of his voice
and quirk of his eyebrow was enough to send the Perfect Solider rolling with laughter. And
yet...
:Those words...the words I feared most in the world when I first told him that I loved him.:
Kawaii or not, they stung his soul.
"Duo," he started to say.
"And why do you keep calling me Duo?"
"Because...that's..your name," answered Heero the only way he could.
"You're scaring me," said the braided pilot with real fear in his voice. Duo reached for
the little button to page the nurse, tapping it repeatedly.
A tall woman walked in hastily only to see Heero with his eyes plastered to the floor. He
looked up at her with tears running down his face.
The nurse's shoulders fell sympathetically, reading the Japanese boy's face with ease. She
guided him outside the room and pulled him aside to talk, away from the other worried
looking pilots.
By now it seemed, Quatre had been filled in and had the same look as Trowa and Wufei.
The nurse looked Heero in the eyes whenever he'd glance up for a few seconds, only to return
his glance to the floor.
"It's not always permenant. Sometimes...they just need to be reminded. Is there anyone who
was...," she blushed, "close with him?"
Now he looked up specifically to meet her gaze, letting her piece it together for herself.
His tear-stained face and timing told her everything she needed to know.
"Comfort him. Even if he turns away. He struck me as a particularly strong boy, and I'm sure
that he'll make it through this."
Heero nodded slowly, mostly just to get her to leave.
:It's all my fault.:
One by one, each of the pilots took their turn talking to Duo. He didn't remember any of
them. Not surprising since he didn't even seem to remember his own name. However, he did
act kindly towards them. Quatre especially.
Heero smiled and shook his head.
:Quatre just has a way with people I guess.:
Well, he almost acted kindly towards all of them. Duo still shrunk back in fear whenever
Heero entered the room.
It almost made the Perfect Solider break down and cry every time he was met with those
fearful violet eyes.
Even Quatre couldn't seem to convince the Japanese pilot that things would be okay this
time.
Days turned into weeks and still Duo didn't seem to be showing any signs of remembering who
and what he was.
Heero almost envied him really. The braided boy didn't have to fight anymore. He no longer
remembered the pain of being forced to kill with vigor. His nightmares of Maxwell Church had
finally left his mind. No longer did visions of his training in the underground of L2 haunt
the darkest of his thoughts. Never again would Heero wake up to his shouts of pain and
terror.
But then, this meant that Heero wouldn't be waking up next to him at all. While the memories
of the pain and hate were gone, the love was forgotten as well. No longer would there be
any nights safe from the horrible dreams since no sleep would be had.
A month ago, the other gundam pilots had thought that Heero was finally starting to show his
human side again. To open up to life and accept his emotions.
But now...
Now all of that went back to when they all first met. The stoic eyes of the Perfect Solider.
Despite the fact that his very soul was aching, Heero stayed strong.
:For Duo. I must be strong for Duo.:
He repeated that phrase to himself nearly a hundred times a day. Every time he felt like his
mask would not hold, he thought of poor, innocent Duo, trapped within his own mind.
Heero sighed with defeat back in the room that he and Duo used to share. Turning onto his
side slowly, his eyes crossed over the little drawer on the table which held all of Duo's
earthly possesions.
With shaking hands, he opened the drawer and reached for the picture he had found and not
touched since that fatefull night almost a month ago.
The pilot sighed and placed it carefully back into the drawer. Just as he was about to
withdraw with hand though, the back of his palm brushed up again a rough-edged surface.
:Wait a sec..:
His thoughts turned back to that night. Before Duo's words had shattered his heart. Before
Trowa refused to tell him the problem. Before Quatre explained the picture to him.
:It's....the diary..:
Without a second thought, he shifted his weight and whisked the little book out of the
drawer, stretching to turn on the bedside lamp.
:I forgot all about this thing....:
He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to betray his koi's trust, but eventually descided
that he could hardly see the harm in just seeing what kind of diary it was.
Skimming to random page, he opened the tiny book and leaned over to get better light on the
page.
'Sometimes it's like he loves that damn computer more than me. The least he could do is
glance over to make sure I'm still breathing!'
:He sure hates that thing...:
Again he leafed back through the book.
'I just can't take it anymore! I don't care if he rejects me, I have to know! I owe it to
myself!'
The way several pen dots were lightly scattered on the space, he could almost hear Duo sigh
between statements.
'He's leaving today. I don't know for how long, but he's been called for a mission I'm not
part of. Every time this happens, I want to kill myself. What if he dies before I get to
tell him I love him? What then? I'm such an idiot....I want to tell him so badly, but I
don't want to ruin everything I've worked months to build in a moment of passion. I want to
sing when I see him look at me, even if it is right before he's about to beat the shit out
of me.'
Heero set the book down quickly, shutting his eyes.
:I miss him so much. This must be my punishment for getting too close.:
However, when the Perfect Solider reflexes started to kick in this time, Heero Yuy shoved
them aside.
:Not this time Dr. J. I wouldn't be so knee-deep in shit if it wern't for you. This time,
I'm doing things my way!:
His mental shouts turning verbal, Heero snatched up the diary in his hand.
"I do NOT have orders, this is NOT a mission, and I'm getting Duo back!"
By: Kyoryoku Nazo
Part 1
:I'm crying again. I hate it when I cry. The look in my eyes negates the mask I must wear.
Therfor, I hate it.:
Heero looked away in disgust as he passed the open door to the bathroom.
:He's gone again. Every time he leaves, this happens to me. It only gets worse.:
He sighed with exhaustion and collapsed into a chair beside the window.
"Perfect Solider," he scoffed. "I can't even deal with this."
Without even realizing it, Heero looked down to see the golden crucifix in his hand. As
usual, his hand drifted to his pocket and pulled it out as if with a mind of it's own.
Fighting back more tears, he turned his gaze to the window, only to be met with his own
reflection in the glass. Those eyes filled with emotion and sadness that he hated to see so
much.
Duo would have only told him how beautiful his eyes looked when he cried. He always had the
right thing to say. Perhaps that was why he loved him so much.
Choking back sobs, he let the tears run down his face, clutching the cross to his chest.
:It's as if this is all I have left. I should have gone with him.:
"No!" he shouted, jumping to his feet. He would not let himself be controlled by his
emotions like this. With the perfect reflex of the perfect solider he sat down in front of
his laptop and began typing away.
Mission reports. Status reports. Maintenance reports.
With surprising anger he threw the beat-up computer across the room. Swearing to himself,
he vowed that he wouldn't hear the word 'report' again for at least another hour.
In disgust he threw himself onto the bed that he and Duo shared, hugging the pillow of his
koi to his body. It still carried that scent that was perfectly Duo.
Heero sighed and eventually fell asleep to his own sobs, exhausted.
"Do not think that the God of Death shall let you live!" shouted Duo with his usual
psychotic glee. Becoming one with DeathScythe once again, the mighty gundam swung around to
take out another group of mobile dolls.
His face a mask of death and killing was the shell to a completly different person. Very
few knew the real Duo Maxwell.
Letting out another impressive battle cry, he finished his mission with only a few scratches.
Taking his usual pose of triumph as if he had an audience, Duo tossed his braid aside with a
cocky grin.
:Pathetic. You even have to act when there's no one around. Who do you think you are
anyway?:
He quickly shook the thoughts out of his head. About to make a smart-ass remark, he realized
that his inner voice was right.
:Retorting to yourself, now that's a good one.:
Shinigami sighed and headed back to the base for repairs. In mid-turn, he grasped at his
neck, all the air in lungs escaping before he could breathe in more.
:Where is it? WHERE IS IT?!:
Frantically, he searched the cockpit for the golden cross, not able to find it anywhere.
Blinded by the knot in his throat, Duo didn't see the mobile doll on his screen.
Going so far as the leave the chair of the cockpit, he crawled on the floor, searching for
the crucifix.
Heero woke up some odd hours later, still cradeling the pillow. Laying awake for those
first few innocent moments of consciousness, he smiled and rolled over to grasp for his
love.
"Duo," the words passed his lips on a whisper. Ever so slowly, the realization hit him that
he was alone.
And the pain returned.
The cruciefix was still wrapped around his hand.
:He's probably wondering where it is. It's not like him to leave it behind like that.:
He sighed, rolling onto his back to face the ceiling.
:I almost wish I had a mission right now. At least then I'd have something to put my mind
to.:
Heero jumped to his feet as he heard the door creak open, drawing his gun with clumsy hands
and trying to hold it still despretly.
When Quatre saw the mess before him, he couldn't help but almost cry himself.
"It gets worse every time, doesn't it?" he asked kindly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Heero cold-heartedly, sliding the gun
back into that little dimensional pocket in his spandex. However, nothing could hide the
light red swell of his cheeks or studdering in his voice.
"You don't have to hide it from me. Or any of us. It's not like we don't know."
"Baka," muttered Heero as he sat down in his usual chair at his usual desk to type away on
the laptop. It wasn't until he reached his hands out for the keyboard that he saw it wasn't
there. Looking over slowly, Heero saw the computer laying upside down on the floor half way
across the room.
Quatre must have read him like a book. Following everything from the eye movements on the
floor, back up to where Heero now had in face in his hands, crying out loud.
"He'll be okay. He's always ok," the blond pilot told him assuringly.
Under his skilled hands, Heero finally started to relax. Looking up against the wall he let
himself smile for a moment.
But the moment didn't last. Sure the touch on his neck was relaxing, but it wasn't the touch
he wanted. It wasn't the familiar hands that he could recognize in a heart beat.
:It's....not....DUO!:
Just when Quatre thought he'd gotten his friend to calm down, Heero lept up out of the chair
and ran out of the room.
It took the third shot of a beam cannon for Duo to realize he was being fired upon. On the
floor of the cockpit and with no restraints, the braided pilot fell hard, still trying
despretly to search for the only remaining memory of Maxwell Church.
:It has..to..be..here......somewhere!:
Wufei came over the com, calling out despretly to his fellow pilot.
"What the hell are you doing?! You're not attacking! Duo, can you hear me?!"
By now though, Duo couldn't have responded if he wanted to. Passed out over the seat of the
cockpit, the enemy started to catch on that DeathScythe wasn't fighting. All guns were
targeted on him and there was nothing Duo could do.
Sensing something horribly wrong, Wufei turned his attention to the dolls attacking Duo.
"Help me Nataku!!" yelled the pilot, whirling around for another attack while DeathScythe
just sort of hovered there in space, eerliy still.
Hours later, Heero returned to his room. Sitting sadly on the Duo's side of the bed, he
opened the drawer on the bedside table.
:Duo's things.:
A few months ago, he would have thrown it all out on the spot. The pre-Duo Heero saw no
need for usless sentimental trash. But now...
:I wonder what he's go in here, anyways. Not much from the looks of it.
Candy. Candy wrapers. More candy.:
The Japanese pilot smiled and cursed at the same time.
:A diary? Hmm. Doesn't really seem like him to keep a diary. I've certainly never seen him
write in it.:
But there was something underneathe it, wedged into the cracks at the back of the drawer.
Setting the little book back in it's place, he tugged gently at the small slip of paper,
just to almost drop it in shock.
:It's..a picture..of......me..:
Indeed, Duo did seem to have a sentimental side to go along with his manically happy one.
Although the picture itself was fairly new, it seemed aged somehow. Almost as if it had been
damaged in some way.
Heero didn't even see Quatre's reflection in the mirror before the blond boy was at his
side.
"Whenever you'd go away on a mission, he'd sit back here just like you do. Except after a
while, he mourned with that, instead of just his own thoughts," he spoke gently, gesturing
towards the picture. "He never let on, and he'd kill me if I knew,"
A faint smile passed over Heero's face. But the smile turned into a look of slight confusion
as his fingers slid over the rough surface.
"But why-"
He couldn't even finish before Quatre cut him off. "He cried whenever he looked at it,"
Heero leaned back into his friend's shoulder, feeling his body relax.
:He does care about me. He truly does. It's not just....company.:
As the Japanese boy's fists unclenched, the cruciefix fell onto the sheets with a light
*plink*.
"Did he give it to you?" asked Quatre, eyeing the little gold cross with interest.
"No...I think he forgot it. The mission was really last notice. It kind of caught both of
us off guard."
"Still though...I thought he never took that thing off."
"Well," replied Heero with a slight blush, "Almost never."
Quatre thought for a moment before the pieces came together with a sly grin. The grin only
increased when he realized just how short notice the mission must have been to catch them
off guard and leave Duo without his precious cross.
Heero was returning the smile when Trowa came running down the hall, doing a quick backtrack
after passing Heero's open door.
"Words back from the mission," breathed Trowa heavily. He'd been running. There was worry
in his usually stoic voice.
Heero's hand clenched the sheets beneath him, gathering the cruciefix up once more.
Horrible silence hung in the air before Quatre was the first to burst.
"Well?!"
Trowa bit his lip, "DeathScythe took heavy damage, but Duo's fine. He took some serious
hits as well, but the doctors say he'll pull through."
Doctors?! Pull through?!?!
The tall pilot saw the worry in Heero's eyes and stepped into the room. "He's fine. Nothing
major, well..." he stammered off.
"What?!"
"There's a bit of a problem..."
"WHAT?!?!"
Trowa sighed and closed his eyes, reaching for Quatre's hand for support. "You'll really
have to come see for yourself."
By the time they reached the hospital, Heero was about to explode from tension and fear.
:He's alive. He's going to be alright. But there's a problem. WHAT IS IT?!:
The three pilots ran down the halls of the hospital, staggering to a halt when they saw a
door open and Wufei emerge.
His face was white and expressionless. Slowly, he sat down in a chair outside the door.
"It's visiting time. One of you can go in now."
All eyes turned to Heero, who gulped, stepping foward to open the door.
Turning the knob and pressing foward, he gritted his teeth and walked into, expecting the
worst.
There he was.
Just like when he left.
No hideous scars, missing appendges or some other terrible changes.
He was asleep.
:Like an angel:
Heero smiled and walked over to the bed slowly, reaching foward and placing his hand on that
of his koi's.
Amethyst eyes opened to meet his. He blinked once, then twice, apparently adjusting to the
heavy flourescent lights.
The Japanese boy opened his mouth to speak but was beat to it by a terrified scream coming
from Duo.
Heero jumped back, startled. He was about to smack his tired friend, but the American shrunk
back in fear at the sight of his raised hand.
Not just bracing for the incoming hit, but real fear.
Heero looked puzzled at the quivering boy before him, not sure what to make of it when a
horrid thought crossed his mind.
:Oh God....:
But before he could even finish that, he was cut off again.
"Who...who are you?"
Any life that Duo had brought to the Perfect Solider's eyes just vanished. Only now did
Heero notice the bandage around Duo's head, covered mostly by his wild bangs.
Heero's legs went to water beneathe him, sinking down to his knees as the past few hours
rushed through his mind.
/He's fine/He'll be ok/He just needs some rest/Something's wrong/He'd always look at that
picture of you/Something's wrong/The mission reports just arrived/It's not like we don't
know/You can go in and see him now/Something's wrong/He'd cry when he looked at it/You'd
better just see for yourself/You can go in and see him now/Who are you/Something's wrong/He
mourned with this instead/Who are you/Did he give it to you/Who are you/We were caught off
guard/Who are you/The mission report's back/Who are you/Who are you/Who are you/WHO ARE
YOU??/
The words turned into daggars. Every time they echoed in his mind, the pain became more and
more unbearable.
:This is worse than if he died. Now...I have to face him...but he doesn't know who I am...:
/He'll be ok but....something's wrong/
"Duo, it's me...Heero," he pleaded.
"Who..Hee...ro? You...you were going to hit me..." replied the braided boy in a shaky voice.
"No no no! I would never hurt you," he soothed. Moving back to his love's side. But he only
shrunk away. "Please Duo, I love you, please."
"You.....what?" he replied, something returned to his eyes for a brief second before
vanishing once more, "But you're a guy!"
Heero didn't know whether to burst into laughter or tears. The pure innocence of his voice
and quirk of his eyebrow was enough to send the Perfect Solider rolling with laughter. And
yet...
:Those words...the words I feared most in the world when I first told him that I loved him.:
Kawaii or not, they stung his soul.
"Duo," he started to say.
"And why do you keep calling me Duo?"
"Because...that's..your name," answered Heero the only way he could.
"You're scaring me," said the braided pilot with real fear in his voice. Duo reached for
the little button to page the nurse, tapping it repeatedly.
A tall woman walked in hastily only to see Heero with his eyes plastered to the floor. He
looked up at her with tears running down his face.
The nurse's shoulders fell sympathetically, reading the Japanese boy's face with ease. She
guided him outside the room and pulled him aside to talk, away from the other worried
looking pilots.
By now it seemed, Quatre had been filled in and had the same look as Trowa and Wufei.
The nurse looked Heero in the eyes whenever he'd glance up for a few seconds, only to return
his glance to the floor.
"It's not always permenant. Sometimes...they just need to be reminded. Is there anyone who
was...," she blushed, "close with him?"
Now he looked up specifically to meet her gaze, letting her piece it together for herself.
His tear-stained face and timing told her everything she needed to know.
"Comfort him. Even if he turns away. He struck me as a particularly strong boy, and I'm sure
that he'll make it through this."
Heero nodded slowly, mostly just to get her to leave.
:It's all my fault.:
One by one, each of the pilots took their turn talking to Duo. He didn't remember any of
them. Not surprising since he didn't even seem to remember his own name. However, he did
act kindly towards them. Quatre especially.
Heero smiled and shook his head.
:Quatre just has a way with people I guess.:
Well, he almost acted kindly towards all of them. Duo still shrunk back in fear whenever
Heero entered the room.
It almost made the Perfect Solider break down and cry every time he was met with those
fearful violet eyes.
Even Quatre couldn't seem to convince the Japanese pilot that things would be okay this
time.
Days turned into weeks and still Duo didn't seem to be showing any signs of remembering who
and what he was.
Heero almost envied him really. The braided boy didn't have to fight anymore. He no longer
remembered the pain of being forced to kill with vigor. His nightmares of Maxwell Church had
finally left his mind. No longer did visions of his training in the underground of L2 haunt
the darkest of his thoughts. Never again would Heero wake up to his shouts of pain and
terror.
But then, this meant that Heero wouldn't be waking up next to him at all. While the memories
of the pain and hate were gone, the love was forgotten as well. No longer would there be
any nights safe from the horrible dreams since no sleep would be had.
A month ago, the other gundam pilots had thought that Heero was finally starting to show his
human side again. To open up to life and accept his emotions.
But now...
Now all of that went back to when they all first met. The stoic eyes of the Perfect Solider.
Despite the fact that his very soul was aching, Heero stayed strong.
:For Duo. I must be strong for Duo.:
He repeated that phrase to himself nearly a hundred times a day. Every time he felt like his
mask would not hold, he thought of poor, innocent Duo, trapped within his own mind.
Heero sighed with defeat back in the room that he and Duo used to share. Turning onto his
side slowly, his eyes crossed over the little drawer on the table which held all of Duo's
earthly possesions.
With shaking hands, he opened the drawer and reached for the picture he had found and not
touched since that fatefull night almost a month ago.
The pilot sighed and placed it carefully back into the drawer. Just as he was about to
withdraw with hand though, the back of his palm brushed up again a rough-edged surface.
:Wait a sec..:
His thoughts turned back to that night. Before Duo's words had shattered his heart. Before
Trowa refused to tell him the problem. Before Quatre explained the picture to him.
:It's....the diary..:
Without a second thought, he shifted his weight and whisked the little book out of the
drawer, stretching to turn on the bedside lamp.
:I forgot all about this thing....:
He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to betray his koi's trust, but eventually descided
that he could hardly see the harm in just seeing what kind of diary it was.
Skimming to random page, he opened the tiny book and leaned over to get better light on the
page.
'Sometimes it's like he loves that damn computer more than me. The least he could do is
glance over to make sure I'm still breathing!'
:He sure hates that thing...:
Again he leafed back through the book.
'I just can't take it anymore! I don't care if he rejects me, I have to know! I owe it to
myself!'
The way several pen dots were lightly scattered on the space, he could almost hear Duo sigh
between statements.
'He's leaving today. I don't know for how long, but he's been called for a mission I'm not
part of. Every time this happens, I want to kill myself. What if he dies before I get to
tell him I love him? What then? I'm such an idiot....I want to tell him so badly, but I
don't want to ruin everything I've worked months to build in a moment of passion. I want to
sing when I see him look at me, even if it is right before he's about to beat the shit out
of me.'
Heero set the book down quickly, shutting his eyes.
:I miss him so much. This must be my punishment for getting too close.:
However, when the Perfect Solider reflexes started to kick in this time, Heero Yuy shoved
them aside.
:Not this time Dr. J. I wouldn't be so knee-deep in shit if it wern't for you. This time,
I'm doing things my way!:
His mental shouts turning verbal, Heero snatched up the diary in his hand.
"I do NOT have orders, this is NOT a mission, and I'm getting Duo back!"