Kaoru had managed to reach the miniature forest of sakura trees within
minutes, yet she couldn't see Kenshin anywhere. Where had he gone off to? Why
did he abruptly shatter that mirror the way he did? Her worried eyes scanned
as far as they could, maybe he was hidden behind something that she couldn't see
around. By some remarkable twist of fate, she overheard a voice coming from
somewhere within the bright pink, full blooming forest. This voice sounded like
it was borderlining utter disgust. It was definitely Kenshin, but why did he
sound so angry? Why was he acting so strange? His actions did frighten her,
she wasn't really sure what to think about what had just happened. Kaoru tried
to push away the impression that maybe Kenshin wasn't the Kenshin she knew
anymore.
The Sakura Trees...
As Kenshin's eyes began to blur themselves back into reality, his temples
were aching. The nerves behind his eyes began to pulse in rhythm with the
pounding inside his head. As he gently shook himself free of the fading memory,
he noticed that Kaoru was standing over him as he lay on the ground, a look of
sheer worry covering her face. She had pulled him out of the water, but when?
How?
"K-Kenshin? Daijoubu?" Kaoru's eyes turned
different shades of blue as she turned her head at various angles to see if
there was anything wrong with Kenshin that she wasn't able to see right off. As
his lashes fluttered open and shut in an attempt to compile his consciousness,
she caught sight of how glazed his eyes appeared. "Kyaaaa!
Kenshin!" She automatically dropped to her knees, turning Kenshin's frail
body every which way possible to determine if he was dying or not.
"Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru yo, Kaoru-dono..."
Kenshin's small frame hauled itself into a sitting position, as his now
amber-hued eyes found their way to Kaoru's face. "I'm
fine, arigatou."
"A-Are you sure? I didn't meant to...hit you that
hard..." He knew it was like Kaoru to make absolutely sure that he was
alright, that he had no other injuries on his body other than the one she was
previously trying to bandage up.
"Hai. I'm okay." Being overwhelmed with that
remembrance of his past so long ago had made him all the more wary of going to
Kyoto now, but he knew it was something he had to do. As Kaoru's eyes kept
searching over his body although he had reassured her that there was no need for
that, she was being extra precautious. Kenshin decided to ease her tension a
little more and distract her from feeling like she couldn't do anything to help
him. Gently taking her right hand, he heard her gasp softly as he placed his
wounded hand into hers. "Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono....I
didn't mean to interrupt you earlier."
"Kenshin..." Kaoru smiled sweetly as she cupped
her free hand and dipped it into the stream. Kenshin's eyes closed tightly as
the water was poured over the wound that was now full of both bloodied and dry,
caked on dirt. "Baka...you've probably infected it now.
But I'll do my best." As he listened to the small, soft breathes she took
while she doctored his hand, he allowed his mind to wander a bit. What in the
world did he just see? He remembered the woman that was there with him, he
could see her face so clearly for only that moment, then she disappeared. The
long black hair, tied back with a light pink ribbon, the dark seductive eyes,
her extremely pale features. Wait. If his memory wasn't deceiving him, he would
have guessed that he had just experienced a flashback of him and his dead wife,
Yukishiro Tomoe.
"...Ken.....shin...." Kaoru didn't want to
disengage him from any thoughts or feelings he may have been having at that
minute, so she gave him as much space as he needed. At the last moment he
realized his name was being spoken, and he snapped back to attention.
"Oro?"
"Flatten your hand, please."
"Doushite?"
"Just do it, it won't come out right if you don't do
it." Kenshin's eyes relaxed as they moved over the once again cleaned
wound around his knuckles. She had done such a good job cleaning the blood and
dirt from inside the deep cut that he could hardly tell that it bled or had
traces of dirt there at all. What he saw was the pink and red flesh on the
inside of the wound, and very red irritated skin around the entire top of the
back of his hand. He complied with her order and flattened his hand, although it
hurt a little to move the skin around the cut, he had to get it bandaged.
Kaoru's hands retrieved the small strip of fabric from her lap, slipping it
under his palm with one hand on either end of the cloth.
"Itai!" His teeth clenched a little, he had
never known it would sting so much to have something dry touch the exposed
underlayers of his skin.
"Almost done." She wrapped the fabric around his
hand a few times, then she positioned both ends of the bandage over the top of
his hand. Very gently, she tied a knot in the top of the cloth and drove it all
the way down to where it ended over the tops of his knuckles. Her hands had gone
so quickly that Kenshin wasn't even able to keep up with her. "Applying pressure to that wound will stop it from
bleeding."
"But it hurts..."
"Juubun!" Kaoru beamed over her work as she
stared admiringly at what she had done. "It hurts I know,
but considering the pain in your past, I'm sure it doesn't compare to this
little amount, ne?"
"I....I suppose you're right," he said aloud as
he glanced at his newly bandaged hand. His eyes somehow found their way back to
her. She had certainly taken good care of him, even when he had given her lawful
reason not to. He couldn't contemplate any other reason for his previous
actions, but how could he do that to her? He had lost Tomoe, as well as
his self control with the mistake of misjudgment and madness; just as he could
have lost Kaoru with those same mistakes. If he had used his katana instead of
his hands, he probably would have killed her within seconds. Why would he
suspect anyone else to be there in the first place? Bits and peices of the
Hitokiri were resurfacing, and it was beginning to show in everything he did. He
wasn't having an all out relapse into his past, but parts of it were coming back
to weigh on his mind.
"Kenshin..?"
"Kaoru-dono, when you couldn't find me yesterday, I was
here. I was writing a letter back to Seijuro..."
"Nani?"
"I just needed some time. Time to think about what I
wanted to say to him, how I was going to tell him that..." Should he
tell her this? Should he really break her heart again and tell her that he was
leaving? She had been through so much that day already, his soon-to-come
leave for Kyoto was the last thing she probably needed to hear.
"Nani woi iutenno?"
"I...I'm going back....to Kyoto to stay with him during
his final days..."
"I...I don't know what to say..." Once Kenshin
had told her his plans, her expression showed anything but comfort. She looked
so lost, as if she had no idea what she was going to do with that information.
Her eyes fell to the ground, the corners of her mouth curving into a small
frown.
"Kaoru-dono...you can promise me something..."
She felt the warm touch of his hands closing around hers, he was getting
serious. Maybe he was really, truly leaving this time. But just like the first
incident, this one had come so suddenly, why did it always have to be for
Kenshin? Why did he have to leave again? From what she learned about Hiko
Seijuro when she met him, he wasn't an openly kind and caring person.
Considering he was once Kenshin's teacher, he disowned him for following his own
path. "Kaoru-dono...can you watch my sakabatou while I'm
gone? I won't be needing it while I'm in Kyoto and...well..."
"Nande?" Kaoru's eyes lifted, this seemed like a
highly unlikely question for him to ask her. She never would have believed that
he would let anyone else's hands touch that sword besides himself.
"You're...the only one I trust with it..."
Kenshin's hands released hers as he pulled himself up and brushed away the dirt
and bits of grass. Kaoru then stood up directly after him, when he noticed the
strange look on her face, he wasn't sure what to expect. But the more he
searched her face for signs of understanding, the strange look disappeared, and
she began to smile.
"Yoroshii, Kenshin. But you must also promise me
something." Hearing this, Kenshin's eyes had risen, stopping to rest on
her smiling face.
"Sore wa nande, gozaru ka?"
"Promise me...that after a certain amount of time has
passed, and you've become used to the thought, that you'll tell me all about
your past."
"S-Sessha..."
"Can you promise me that?"
"Mochiron...I can...promise you that,
Kaoru-dono." As she nodded her head slightly in acceptance of the
promise, the rays of light that were breaking through the thick and heavy
branches of the sakura trees had accented the smile that was still at the
corners of her mouth.
"Shall we return to the dojo so you can pack?"
"Arigatou, but i've already done my packing
Kaoru-dono..."
"Ara...you didn't waste any time with this decision,
did you?" The surprise was there in her voice, but her expression wasn't
hiding the sadness.
"I'm glad I've had the opportunity to see this much of
you before I left, Kaoru-dono. Even if it had to come with such terrible
circumstances."
"Kenshin..."
"Let's go back to the dojo so I can be on my
way." That being said, he gently took her hand and entwined her fingers
with his. They were so small, thin and feminine, but they had the touch of a
master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. His hand was warm, she felt true security with him
for the first time in her life. She noticed he had tucked his bandaged hand
inside his gi for protection from any more dirt and infection. As they walked
along, they heard the bells of the carriage just ahead of them. But they
continued at the same pace, determined to stay that way for as long as they were
allowed.
The Goodbyes...
Kaoru had just helped the coachman with the last of Kenshin's very few
possessions that he would be taking with him.
"Ahhh Kenshin, when you get back tell me all about
it!"
"Sano...it's not going to be like that..."
"Baka Sanosuke, his sensei is dying, what's there to
tell!"
"Yahiko, don't be so loud..." Kenshin was still
dressed in his midnight blue gi and dark grey hakama as he made his way out to
the carriage; his quarreling friends not far behind him. Kaoru was waiting by
the carriage, laughing softly at a few jokes the coachman had been telling her.
When her eyes caught sight of Kenshin, she immediately became quiet.
"Doushita, Kaoru-dono?" She watched his head
fall to one side in a questioning manner.
"I'll be fine, it's just...the first time you did this
you told me you were never coming back."
"Daijoubu de gozaru, this carriage will take me to the
boat, the boat will take me from here to Osaka, then from Osaka I will travel on
foot to Kyoto. I'll return when my business in Kyoto is
finished...permanently."
"Yoshi..." She saw that his hair was still up in
the traditional samurai ponytail and she felt very tempted to fix his hair the
way she was used to seeing it. As he stopped in front of the small carriage
door, he turned to face her.
"Kaoru-dono...sessha--"
"Shhhh...," she whispered softly, her beautiful
smile returning. She didn't realize it at first, but she had brought her hand to
the left side of his face. Her fingers tracing lightly over the scars, "...there will be plenty of time to talk when you return....we
have forever, Kenshin."
"Forever..." He nodded complyingly with a slight
smile, and nothing more was said as he boarded the carriage. Kaoru watched him
take his place on the cushioned bench inside, then backed away from the big
modernized buggy so as not to be run over.
"I'll keep my promise, Kenshin."
"I'll keep mine as well, Kaoru-dono." After the
final word was spoken from Kenshin, he motioned for the coachman to go. Kaoru
turned to watch the big black carriage disappear among the sakura trees in the
distance, leaving a thick trail of dust and withered sakura blossoms behind. The
sound of the horse's hooves, the sound of the carriage's wheels crunching over
the small stones and pebbles as it left the front of the dojo, it all rang clear
in Kaoru's mind. By then, Megumi had rushed out from inside the dojo and was
lightly embracing Kaoru, assuring her that everything would be fine. Megumi
began to lead Kaoru back into the dojo, passing up a now mute Sanosuke and
Yahiko. Kaoru's thoughts were filled with one silent request, nothing more;
Kenshin, please come home safely, I don't know what I'll do if you don't come
back home.
A Week Later...
The trip had been delayed almost a week due to unexpected threatening rain
and thunder conditions on the mid-western coasts of Japan. Kenshin realized he
only had so much time to get to Kyoto, but there was nothing he could do but
wait. The boat arrived three days later than the scheduled date. After leaving
the ports of Osaka, it took Kenshin four days on foot before he reached Kyoto;
due to the fact that he was starving, distraught, and exhausted. Even so, he had
managed to keep himself out of trouble. By making extra precautions in not
allowing himself to be recognized, he took secret backroads that he had used as
the Hitokiri. He wouldn't think twice about the bloodlust he used in persuing
his victims, these dark backways highlighted and even hightened the element of
his hatred for the Shinsen Gumi and all they held dear. On these roads, his
imagination would drown in the many ways that he was going to kill his victims,
how he would see the blood spray from their bodies with one silvery slash of his
katana. Why did the memories seem less threatening when he was in the place
of their birth? When Kenshin had finally reached Seijuro's residence, his
energy was more than half gone. He had made his presence known to Seijuro as he
stood a few feet from the front door of his cabin, and as he spoke that
historical name, old feelings and emotions came racing back at lighting speed.
"Kenshin?" came the weak, yet still arrogant
voice of his shishou from inside the cabin he now lived in.
"Hai," Kenshin answered, surprised at Seijuro's
immediate questioning as to who was outside the door.
"Raikou." As Kenshin placed his hand on the door
handle, his eyes widened and the recollection of their heated argument many
years ago began to flash in front of him, frame by frame, moment by drawn out
moment.
[ Flashback ]
Seijuro looked down at the small frame standing in front of him, the boy's
sword held out to his side, as he motioned angrily with his hand. Seijuro posed
a question on himself, if he had been a better father figure, would this child
still have desired to leave? Or perhaps, he had been too good of a teacher, that
he failed to give his student the confidence and support to help him believe
that he could change the world. Maybe it was a bit of both, but it was certainly
not what he intended to give the child when he brought him home that
sorrow-filled day, some small number of years ago.
"I will not allow you to leave this mountain!"
Kenshin shook his head angrily at Seijuro's forbidance. Kenshin already knew
that there was more to life than what he saw and did with this arrogant man; and
he understood, better than most, what it was like to suffer and to lose those he
loved.
"But Master! As we speak, there are many people who are
dying in the commotion! This is the time to use this power...To use the
Mitsurugi Ryu for the sake of others!" Kenshin was too kind, and that
kind of quality in someone of that era would only be used at his expense in the
real world. Whatever influenced this child, common sense was not something that
played a part in it, though Seijuro had known from the first time he saw this
child that he would be anything but ordinary. Burrying those he loved, knew, or
barely knew as if they were family, he simply did not expect it this quickly,
and Kenshin was still very young to be entering the world on his own.
"Baka deshi! What are you going to do in the commotion
alone? If you want to change this violent world, the only strategy is to join
some group. But that means...to be used for political power. I didn't teach you
the Mitsurugi Ryu for that. You shouldn't worry about the outside world. Just
concentrate on your training."
"People before us are suffering... many are
miserable...I can't just leave them alone!" He fought the tears that
stung his eyes. He couldn't lose this argument with Seijuro, it wasn't just
important to him, but it was important to those he was determined to protect. As
Kenshin's teacher shook his head, he wondered if this was the same arrogance
that he had taught Kenshin during his young life.
"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is definitely the strongest sword
technique. If you were to compare the Black Ships--"
"That's why this is the time to use that power! To
protect people from the hardships of the times. Isn't that the Mitsurugi
Ryu's--"
"A sword is a deadly weapon! Kenjutsu is a murdering
technique! No matter what pretty words are used, that is the truth. You kill to
protect others. You kill to let others live. This is the truth of kenjutsu. Like
the time I saved you, I have killed hundreds of evildoers. But they are also
human. In these dissolute times, they were struggling to live. If you leave this
mountain, what's waiting for you will be people killing each other in the name
of justice. Put yourself in that situation and Mitsurugi Ryu will make you a
murderer." Seijuro's eyes had gone from angered, to very serious, Kenshin
saw it. Even if this man exploded with anger and disgust, Kenshin was not going
to give up on what he believed was the right thing to do.
"Even so...with this power, I want to protect those who
suffer. I want to protect as many people...as many lives...with these hands. For
that...Master!" Kenshin retaliated. By now, Seijuro had realized that he
had done the same thing, when he killed those slave traders. It was no different
than what his student was explaining to him at that moment. The desire of
wanting to protect the lives of the oppressed through revolution, rather than
wanting to kill those men who had stolen and bought children and women from
their villages.
"I don't care about an idiot like you anymore! Just go
where you want--" Seijuro snapped, annoyance echoed in his voice, and
then he stopped short. He didn't mean a word of it, the last thing he wanted to
do was to shove this boy out before he was fully prepared; and supposedly, that
was the only thing that Kenshin needed to hear at that time. He was free to do
as he pleased, no more practice, and no more harsh corrections when he did
something wrong. It wasn't what Seijuro intended to say, yet it was too late to
take the words back.
"Thank you...for everything," Kenshin whispered
as his master turned his back on the young boy. Seijuro heard the relief in his
voice, the determination he knew that Kenshin had to meet in order to walk with
his own destiny. As Seijuro walked back toward the cabin, he hoped that Kenshin
would come back in and have supper with him, but he was by far too proud to
willingly ask him to stay. Thus, Seijuro forced himself to come to grips with
the possible fact that there was a good chance he would never see Kenshin face
to face again.
[ flashback over ]
Seijuro's Cabin...
Kenshin's hand immediately covered his eyes as he abruptly broke free of the
memory, his eyes felt as if they had been stamped with scenes of what he had
just seen. They flashed out of his view, outlined in gold and red lights, then
he maniacally blinked them away for the last time. Shaking his head lightly, he
pushed open the door and stepped inside, gently shutting the heavy wooden door
behind him; marking the beginning of their final meeting. Later that night,
Kenshin had consumed the same things Seijuro had been living off of for the past
few weeks before his diagnosis; rice and sake. Seijuro had been diagnosed with a
serious case of tuburculosis, of which he was, at the moment, suffering only
mildly. This disease had been newly introduced even in the western culture, so
not much was known about it. Kenshin had spent the past three hours trying to
keep Seijuro's temperature down, not to mention his conversation level.
"Shishou...talking is only going to make it
worse..." Kenshin was using a damp peice of cloth to wipe away the sweat
that covered Seijuro's face. He was lying on an old futon, one that Kenshin had
recognized as the one he used when he was still a student of Seijuro's. A thick,
cotton blanket lay over his thinning body, a half-fluffed pillow supporting his
head. Seijuro's face was twisted into an expression of half pain and half worry.
The sweat kept coming back to line the tops and edges of his forehead. His eyes
were yellow-ish in color, while his skin was perspiring almost everywhere.
"Kenshin...don't get too close. It's
contagious..." Still telling him what to do, that was just like the man
he met over 12 years ago.
"Don't be so stubborn, you're in no position to order
me around now. Besides, you don't think I know better?"
"Remember when you left my tutelage to go on that
crusade of yours? You didn't know any better then and you don't know any better
now."
"Shishou...you're wrong, I've changed so much since I
left...I'm surprised you still recognize me..." How could this man
still believe he was the naive child he used to be?
"How can I not? Your appearance is the same as when I
taught you the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 12 years ago. The hair, the form of dress,
but there's something missing..." Seijuro's eyes slanted inward as if he
were trying to figure out what qualities of the "old" Kenshin were missing.
Kenshin's eyes looked into his master's tentatively, making sure to get his
point across. The memories were unstoppable, the memories he saw in Seijuro's
expression. What he saw reminded him of the days he dreaded getting up early to
begin his training.
"The smell of blood? The katana? The fierce,
hate-filled look in my eyes? They aren't missing, shishou...they're
gone."
"I never trained you to be that way. But I remember you
told me how you'd given that up, at the time I didn't believe you, now you're
here and it's like living proof. You truly are a rurouni, Kenshin."
Kenshin's eyes fell to the small rag he held in his hands, as he held it in his
lap, he stared at the loose strings and inconsistencies in the embroidery
pattern.
"What helped me most of all was Kaoru-dono, I could
have relapsed at any time, become the Hitokiri again, but it was her faith and
trust that snapped me back all those times before. I don't know if I had it in
me to remain rurouni for such a long time, if I had never met her..."
"It sounds like this woman is very special to
you..." Since when was Seijuro Hiko ever interested in his life that
much to say something like that aloud? What was this man thinking up in that
arrogant head of his?
"Hai, shishou...she is very special to me...she helped
me when I couldn't help myself. She helped me without wanting a single thing in
return..for that, I am truly thankful for having her in my life..." He
wondered what she was doing at that moment, but hearing Seijuro's next question
brought him back to attention.
"Have you considered taking her as your wife?"
Seijuro knew that Kenshin would be surprised at a question like that, especially
since he claimed to be a rurouni. A rurouni had no time for a wife or even a
family, why would Seijuro even pose a question like that?
"N-Nani? My wife?" Kenshin's eyes darted toward
Seijuro's now slightly grinning expression, he was indeed caught out of sorts
with the question. But, somewhere, deep inside his mind, had he ever really
considered this to be a possibility? Why would he want to follow that path
again, given the events that took place the first time?
"Have you not?" Seijuro's brows bent upwards as
if to ask him once again, putting emphasis on the question more harshly than he
did before. Kenshin didn't want to start a conversation like this when it would
probably be the last conversation they would ever have. He wanted their last
conversation to be meaningful and less about his so called "changed" life. But
he didn't want to show disrespect for the one who saved him from death so many
years ago, so he indulged Seijuro's interests a bit further.
"Shishou...the last time I took a wife, I stole her
happiness and with that...her life." Kenshin's eyes solemnly closed
half-way, he didn't want his memories to be recalled this way, or at all for
that matter. The memories he left in Kyoto were too painful, both spiritually
and emotionally. Some part of him never wanted to put another woman under such
pressure and pain again. He always feared that he may wind up taking another
life, even if it was just by accident.
"That may be true, but if you are as changed as you say
you are, that couldn't possibly happen again, could it Kenshin?"
Kenshin's expression had been distant until Seijuro spoke, then he had Kenshin's
attention, although it was only in part.
"I-I don't know...It was hard enough surrendering to
love the first time as I was then. But to do it again...as I am now..."
He was certainly becoming unsure of himself, what was wrong with him?
This visit was not supposed to be about him. He wished he could change the
subject.
"So you do love her, but you haven't considered
marriage?" Seijuro proped himself up on his elbows gently, coughing
lightly because his body didn't agree with the sudden bodily shift.
"I...didn't want to get her involved with my
past...she's...too pure for me..." Kenshin's small, shoulders heaved
forward in an attempt to shrug off the topic, but Seijuro was having none of it,
he knew Kenshin was trying to avoid the truth. But he understood his feelings,
he himself never considered the marriage prospects in his own life due to the
blood that stained his hands and sword.
"Kenshin, no one is too good for anyone else, she is
just as befitting for you as any other woman." Seijuro's words somehow
caused Kenshin to think about what he was saying, he had a point, no matter how
strange the point was. But why was this man giving him love advice? This
man who used to drink sake religiously and babble about how his 'baka deshi'
would never know how to counter attack or use the correct sword block in time.
"I don't know about other women...but you may be right
about Kaoru...I just...haven't had the time to think on it long enough to come
up with a logical answer." Maybe Seijuro was right, maybe she wasn't too
pure for him, afterall, he did choose to stay with her regardless of who he was.
She didn't care who he used to be, she had said so herself. Why should there
be a purity scale in their relationship?
"Then I should let you do some thinking now, go rest
Kenshin." Seijuro's body then went back onto the futon, and his face
turned slightly away from Kenshin's view.
"Shishou...you've changed, a great deal. How did you
ever get rid of that hard-headed arrogance of yours? I remember you when you
thought that no one was as great as you, they were nothing compared to you. I'm
not saying this because I want that side of you back, I just...you're nothing
like you used to be 12 years ago." Kenshin's eyes desperately sought his
master's in an attempt to find out the actual truth, but was surprised to hear
Seijuro explain himself verbally. His eyes never once turned to face Kenshin,
not once did he turn to look at the boy he had raised as his own, the boy who
had come to bid him farewell on his deathbed.
"I've had a lot of time on my own Kenshin, a lot of
time to think about my past, my mistakes. I'm older now, and much aware of who I
was in the past. But with this disease, as well as the solidarity of my
seclusion, it has helped me to see that my old ways were wrong. It's just a
shame that I can't continue living to atone for everything I had ever done, like
you are now."
"S-Shishou..."
"You should rest Kenshin, you've had a trying day and
I'm feeling tired myself."
"H-Hai, I will wake early so that I can tend to you for
a longer amount of time."
"No need, I'm not that bad yet..." Seijuro
mildly chuckled, a cough following shortly after. Kenshin bowed respectively,
then stood up and turned to take his long-awaited rest. As Kenshin took his
place on the other side of the room, he watched his mentor fall asleep. This
wasn't the first time he would be losing someone to a sickness, but it would be
the first time he would have so many memories afterward. Why this man?
The only real parent-like figure he had left. Sure, he was a complete jackass
sometimes, but he was a good man deep down inside. Kenshin had no doubts about
his decision to leave all those years ago, but now he had the weight of guilt on
his shoulders as he began to nod off to sleep. Shishou, I understand your
feelings now, more than I ever would have if I had never left. I just pray that
you will find happiness in your next life; the kind of happiness you were able
to find in this one. That being his last thought, he fell into a long,
restful sleep.
Yokuchou...
"Ken..shin..." Seijuro had become worse
overnight, he was hardly able to speak without nearly coughing himself to death.
Kenshin's light sleeping enabled him to hear Seijuro's weakening voice and he
rushed to his side almost immediately. Seijuro's face and body was covered in
perspiration, his skin was clammy and damp to the touch, but Kenshin had no real
idea what to do. He figured the least he could do was to keep Hiko as
comfortable as he possibly could.
"Shishou!"
"I won't live...very much longer..." Seijuro
coughed in a deep groan, allowing the blood to bubble in his throat. His time
was coming shortly, that much was obvious.
"Shishou..don't...you're making it worse..." No
more training, no more lectures, he would soon hear nothing more about or from
this man.
"We must...set it right...I won't die until it's been
put...right again..." Kenshin was beginning to think that Seijuro was
becoming delirious due to the progression of his sickness. But something inside
his mind told him that he should have made his move to help him sooner, he
should have made the effort to get to Kyoto through a faster route.
"Nani...?"
"Kanben...Kensh..in..." Seijuro's eyes slammed
shut in fits of coughing, the blood never ceasing it's internal reign over the
helpless man's body. He was bleeding internally because everytime he coughed,
Kenshin would notice small trails of blood draining from the corners of
Seijuro's mouth. Kenshin would have never thought of picturing his teacher this
way; dying and completely helpless. Definitely not helpless. He was the
thirteenth inheritor and master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! How could such a
strong man die so weakly? He may have been an expert with the sword, but
Kenshin knew that even this man before him wasn't immune to human disease.
"N--...Nani?" Kenshin's eyes widened as far as
they could go, the complete shock of what his master was asking had such an
impact on him that all he could do was give him what he wanted.
"Y-Yurusu, shishou..."
"Yu...yurusu...Kenshin..." Seijuro's eyes jammed
shut in another fit of coughing, he was definitely going to die soon. When
Seijuro's seizures had begun, although they were short, the sweat would drain
from his face; dampening the pillow beneath his head.
"Here..." Kenshin took the still damp cloth and
gently wiped the blood from his master's mouth. Seijuro's eyes shot open as he
struggled for air, Kenshin never thought he would have to see his teacher like
this. He looked like a fish out of water that had been gasping for air all it's
life. The tables of dependancy had turned, in that short time of visitation, to
Kenshin.
"Ke...Kensh..." It was drawing to a close as
fast as it had begun, Seijuro's life span went on longer than the doctors had
expected with this new, unknown disease. They figured it was his renowned and
widely talked about pessimism that kept him holding on so long. But even they
knew that it would was all bound to run out sooner or later.
"Shishou..." Kenshin wet the small cloth again
and began gently wiping more of the sweat and blood from his master's now
contorted face. Within a few moments he would be gone, Kenshin realized this as
he saw his master's severity grow worse; although he was surprised he had lasted
this long.
"Sa..sayo..nara...Kensh..in..." As Seijuro Hiko
spoke his last words, Kenshin knew there was nothing he could do, no way he
could help him. He just stared hopelessly and blankly as Seijuro's eyes
dialated, his muscles relaxed, and his chest heaved upward for his last breath
of air.
"Sh-Shishou?" When he recieved no answer, he
knew it was over. The life had passed from his teacher like the bright sunlight
of morning through a pane of glass. "Chara, sensei...we
are now even..." Kenshin whispered shakily, taking Seijuro's limp hand
into his, gripping it tightly. Moments passed, Kenshin still held the hand of
the man who gave him his name and taught him the ways of the sword. Breaking the
silence of Kenshin's prayers and whispers, the sound of a carriage became
evident outside. Lightly placing his deceased master's hand on the
sweat-dampened blanket that still lay over him; he got to his feet and went
toward the door. He heard the knock from outside, but he didn't open the door.
"We heard there's been a death. We've come to do the
necessary checks on the body." The voice was male, but it wasn't
recognizable to Kenshin's ears.
"I've arranged it so that your services will not be
needed," Kenshin's voice came in heat waves from behind the door. But his
words were not enough to send these people away.
"We've been given strict orders, we are not to leave
the premisis without executing them."
"Who gave you these orders?"
"That information is confidential." As Kenshin
searched the room for any kind of weapon he could find, he saw Seijuro's katana
in the far corner of the room. If Kaoru had been there, he wouldn't have thought
twice about picking it up, he would have acted without it, but it was all he had
to protect himself at that moment. With cat-like precision, Kenshin's now
slightly shaken form slinked itself toward the location of the sword and
snatched it just above the hilt, pulling it back toward the door with him. He
heard another knock, and he knew that these men, whoever they were, were
obviously not after Seijuro's body. His eyes saw the movement of a shadow slyly
moving across the floor, someone was trying to peer through the window.
"I said your services will not be needed!"
"And I told you that we cannot leave until we've done
our job here." Kenshin had had enough of this charade, he wanted to mourn
in peace for once without the government or anyone else breathing down his neck.
Another knock came as Kenshin slowly opened the door, abruptly in mid-knock. He
stood there, katana drawn, ready to strike the first out of any of the four men
he saw who would dare make a move.
"How the hell could you know about a death when it has
just occured in a distant, secluded area of Kyoto!?"
"I-It's you...you've come back...the Hitokiri
Battousai..." came the terrified voices of the men as they began taking
several steps away from the door. He took a step outside as he watched the men
take off in a frenzy for the carriage that had brought them there.
"Shimatta, and I thought I was going to get to play
today." He made sure the men had been gone for quite some time before
going back into the cabin and closing the door behind him. As the door creaked
shut, reality hit him once again, what was he doing? Realizing the deadly
weapon that was in his possession, he let the katana fall from his hands and
onto the floor with a loud *clang* that seemed to echo through the room. He had
broken his vow to never touch a sword again, at the very most a katana. He had
regained his composure when he remembered what Kaoru had told him before he
left, "I've always believed in you Kenshin, with Jin-e,
with Gohei, with Saitou, even when you fought Sano and Shishio...I never stopped
believing in you..." He looked over at the rather lifeless Seijuro,
he'd been gone for quite some time. Kenshin went over to his body, knelt down
beside him, and gently brushed a hand over his eyelids; closing his master's
eyes forever. Seijuro Hiko's eyes played a part in saving him from those bandits
that day, they saw the trouble he was in, they saw how innocent he was. Kenshin
stood up and walked to the far corner opposite of Seijuro, where he found a
small envelope. The kanji written clearly on the front read: "Kenshin." Like instinct, he knew it was Seijuro's will,
or some form of his last wishes or words. As he opened the envelope and pulled
out the neatly folded paper, it too had the same delicately written kanji. The
letter was for him, but he was hesitant to read it until the first line caught
his eye: "My Student: Shinta." No one had ever used
that name since he came to live under the house of Seijuro Hiko, no one in Kyoto
even knew of it other than him and his master. Hearing his birth name had made
him feel somewhat like the child he was when Hiko had found him, ignorant in the
ways of the world. He read the first line over once more, then continued with
the rest of the letter.
My Student: Shinta,
I am writing this letter to inform you of my last will and testament. You,
being the fourteenth successor of the Hiten Mitsurugi School of Kenjutsu, are to
accept whatever rights and priveledges contained within this letter. The name of
Seijuro Hiko had been passed down from twelve generations before me, I became
the thirteenth to inherit it. Whether or not you adopt this name as your own
from this day on, is your own choice. But no matter what you do, you will always
be the fourteenth successor. There is a trunk with all of my most important
possessions contained in it, you will find it hidden under the fifth and sixth
floorboard from the front door. My katana is passed down to you as well, but I
ask one thing, never use it for the shedding of blood. My later years have
allowed me to see that the use of a sword is not to gauge how much blood one can
expose, but how much one can keep blood from exposing. One last thing I enclose
to you through these words, my home. It is still in fine shape and can still
house a family, I know you will do the right thing Shinta. The years have
changed me indefinitely, I have grown much wiser in knowing the importance of
dignity and respect. It isn't something you wave around in front of you like a
death sentence, but something you hold inside of you. I know now, as your
teacher eleven years ago I should have been more open-minded to what you wanted
to do. But you see, therein lies the Socratic irony that has finally made us
both realize that it was all for your own good that I did what I did. My death
wasn't one of which I hoped for, although it may be that I am finally getting
what I deserve for all those years of my arrogant past. So it is here that I
leave you with one last word of advice: Do you remember that pretty young girl
who came looking for you when you wanted me to teach you the fourth Hiten
Mitsurugi Ryu succession technique a few months ago? When she told me about how
much you had changed, what held my attention was how her voice was full of
admiration and respect, her eyes wide and clear as if she harbored feelings
which I couldn't quite identify. I came to the assumption that she may be in
love with you, but I didn't press it on her, I'm sure she would rather hear it
from you. I suppose you want to know my point by now, eh? Don't avoid something
that is right in front of your eyes, it can disappear before you have a chance
to claim it.
Sayonara,
Seijuro Hiko 'Shishou'
In what sense was he supposed to take this
letter? He knew he had no choice but to accept everything that Seijuro had given
him, but he felt as if he didn't deserve it somehow. Why was he even
bothering to question it? It must have have been exceptionally difficult for
Seijuro to write a letter such as that one. He knew it was time for him to do
what needed to be done in order to finish his visit. Looking over toward the
lifeless body on the other side of the room, Kenshin heaved a deep sigh and set
the letter back down; knowing it was time to bury his master.
Memories Return...
Kenshin had just finished burying the body of Seijuro Hiko. His master was
gone, no longer in this world of the living to give him guidance, no matter how
small of an amount that may have been. He whispered a silent prayer, wishing
Seijuro happiness in the afterlife that was ahead of him. He buried Seijuro's
body in the same place he had buried the three deceased sisters, the bandits,
and the victims of his village over 15 years ago. In the same fashion, he had
gone down on his hands and knees; using his fingers to dig harshly into the soft
ground. Kenshin's body released a deep, heaving sigh of depression and
remembrance. It was a little over 15 years ago, which seemed so close, that his
family was alive. Kenshin had not understood why they were taken from him until
he learned more about the disease that had killed them when he had grown older.
Had they never been killed, what might it have been like to grow up in their
guidance instead of Seijuro's? The best thing that could have been avoided
was the Hitokiri Battousai. He may have never existed, not just in the real
world, but inside himself. But the worst part was that he probably would have
never met Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi, and most of all Tomoe and Kaoru. Bowing once
more in front of the tombstone he had carved himself to match the others, he
arose to his feet and dusted himself off. He had the strangest urge to visit
another place where most of his emotional memories dwelled.
"The old farm cabin...I wonder if any remnants of it
are still there..." Within hours, he had traveled by foot through a few
more backroads of Kyoto in order to reach his destination. When he arrived, he
found everything still in its place, at least everything that he could still
recognize. Upon Kenshin's arrival he not only felt memories, he heard them. A
warm whispering voice came to him, feminine and sweet, but he shook it off as if
it was only the wind. He had no intention of letting any memories sway him from
his business here or on his journey back home. He moved slowly toward the old
resting place of the cabin he had burnt to cinders years ago. Stopping just
before the spot he remembered to be the front door, he knelt down to touch the
ground around that area. Nothing grew inside or around the cabin-shaped patch of
dead ground, the fire had completely destroyed any chance of regrowth. Pulling
himself back up, he took a few more steps into the burnt area of the cabin. He
remembered what he had left behind here. Yukishiro Tomoe, his first wife, he had
burned her body here with the cabin after he had unintentionally killed her.
"Himura-san..."
"N-Nani?" The second whisper of the feminine
voice caught his ears, he knew someone was there. As he turned around to face
the voice that had spoken softly to him, he had seen nothing.
"Anata...turn around..." A light breeze began to
whisper through the trees, and among the sound of the wind, Kenshin caught the
distinct scent of white plums.
"T-Tomoe..?" He obligingly turned his eyes to
face the voice once again and this time he saw, it was Tomoe, his beloved wife.
She was still as beautiful as she was when she was alive. Her silky black hair
hung about her shoulders, and her eyes had a sense of questioning and serenity
locked inside of them now.
"You can...be angry at me...anata..."
"I've overcome my feeling of anger with you,
Tomoe..." He wasn't lying, if anyone was to be mad, it should have been
her. She lost her life because of him, not just once, but twice.
"Nani? Ah...I remember, you're a rurouni now...you've
given up the blade. You finally found that sheath to suppress what you were when
we were together, I am proud of you." Her pale lips moved into a soft
smile, placing a silent hold on Kenshin's heart.
"You aren't real are you...?"
"Alas, I am only in your memory, you're seeing me now
because your heart longs to..."
"You always did know how to shine light on the shadows
and find the truth..."
"I know you didn't mean to do it, anata...because I
know this, I was able to forgive you for having done it."
"Sessha...Tomoe..." He wanted desperately to
explain himself, even insult his own honor for what he had done, but she kept
him from doing so.
"Himura-san, you stole the only percentage of happiness
that I had, and for that I hated you. It was that hatred that brought me closer
to you, from that came a happiness in me I had never imagined I was worthy of.
This is what banished my hatred, replacing it with love."
"I promised you that I would protect you..."
"No, anata...it was my happiness that you vowed to
protect, and that you did. As I died in your arms that night, I was never
happier in my entire life." Her eyes sparkled with unbelievable joy, the
kind he had never seen her display when she was alive.
"Now that you're gone...I am finally able to understand
the pain of your life back then."
"Remember when you told me that as long as I was with
you, you could set aside your katana?" Tomoe tilted her head slightly as
if to prompt him further.
"I remember."
"You have accomplished this and you were no where near
me."
"No...I was closer to you than I had ever been...you
were inside my heart, on my conscience, you were everywhere." Tomoe saw
the truth in his eyes and she knew that he had finally found happiness without
her. She was glad, seeing him suffer pained her heart deeper than she ever knew
it could.
"Go back to her, anata...don't lose her like we lost
each other..."
"K-Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin's eyes widened in
disbelief. How did she know about Kaoru?
"She needs you, I no longer need life in this
world...my work was finished when I sacrificed myself to spare your
life."
"Demo...T-Tomoe..."
"Farewell, second man to love me." Kenshin
watched as the wind ripped through the beautiful vision of his beloved wife, the
scent of white plums fading from his senses.
"Tomoe..." He knew that she was right,
everything she had told him was the truth. But, why did Seijuro and Tomoe
bring Kaoru into this? She was never a part of his past, they only mentioned
her as part of his...future? He remembered the sakura trees, Kaoru had
given him some sakura blossoms. Reaching into his gi, he pulled out a small
leather bag that contained the delicate pink petals. He opened the bag slowly,
and rummaged around inside of it, retrieving a handful of the thin blossoms.
They were partially dead, but he felt that they could stand a chance here. He
knelt down, and began to dig a small hole in the dead soil of the area where he
had burned Tomoe's body. Upon finishing, he gently released the tiny blossoms
into their final resting place, then filled the hole back in with the same dead
earth. "Arigatou...Tomoe...for believing in me."
Translation Notes...
The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the
definition for the way I've used them here.
Sessha: This
is what Kenshin uses to refer to himself, like "I." Or it can mean "this
unworthy one."
Atashi: This is what Kaoru uses to refer to herself,
like "I."
Kusso: Can be translated as "shit."
Shimatta:
Can be translated to "oh no," "damn," or "darn."
Doushite: Literally
translates to "why."
Kuwabara: Literally translates to "Oh my God" or
"Oh God."
Sumanai: Literally translates to "sorry."
Itai:
Can be translated as "ouch," "painful," or "that hurts." Either one works here,
but the second one sounds better.
Juubun: Literally translates to
"perfect."
Nani woi iutenno: Can be translated to "what the hell are
you saying."
Nande: Literally translates to "what for."
Yoroshii: Can be translated to "all right," "fine," or "okay." Either
one works.
Anata: Literally translates to "dear" or "you," a form of
respect between lovers or husband and wife.
post-Bakumatsu: The
timeslot after Kenshin's many deadly battles, after he had given up the life of
a Hitokiri.
Nani: Literally translates to "what."
Gomen
nasai: Literally means "I'm sorry."
Arigatou: Means "thank you."
Baka: Literally translates to "idiot" or "stupid."
Sessha wa
daijoubu de gozaru yo: A Kenshin way of saying "I'm alright," or "I'm fine."
Shishou: This is how Kenshin refers to Hiko, it's a way of saying
"teacher" or "master."
Sore wa nande, gozaru ka: This is a
Kenshin-style way of saying "what is that" or "what would that be." Either one,
but you get the point.
Mochiron: Literally translates to "of course."
Ara: Literally translates to "oh."
Doushita: Literally
translates to "what's wrong."
Raikou: Literally means "enter" or
"come in."
Kanben: Literally means "forgiveness."
Hai:
Translates to "yes."
Daijoubu: Can mean "I'm alright" but if implied
as a question, "are you alright.
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: The sword
technique that Seijuro taught Kenshin.
Yurusu: Can mean "I forgive
you" or "you're forgiven."
Chara: Can mean "we are now even" or "we
are equal."
Sayonara: Literally means "goodbye" or "farewell."
Konnichiwa: Literally translates to "hello."
Yare yare:
Can mean "well well" or "dear me."
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go
ahead and email me. ^_^
