My name is Suzume. I am sixteen years of age.
That is all I can say about myself. No, that is all I want to say about myself. Whatever else is to be said of me, I don't like it.
I am the second child of one of the most honored men in the village, Kamiya, the present leader's right-hand man. My older brother, Ichiro, is an aspiring blacksmith who had made around two or three madougu, including the Tomoshibi, which gives off light. Unlike other madougu, it couldn't be used for combat but is very useful to everyday living, although the elders didn't consider it as very important.
Something I can boast of, though, is that I am one of the few Hokage who is adept at more than one madougu, three in fact. I am also quite a skilled fighter--- skilled for someone to belong in this clan. I've defeated every single man who came to challenge me, except for one. He is Recca, the next leader of our clan.
My parents were quite annoyed by the reputation I've made for myself at first. It wasn't good for the right-hand man to have a daughter who acts like a man. Later on, it proved useful when my father found out that I was the leading candidate to be the wife of Recca the moment he gets to the position of leader.
The criteria needed a strong woman, like me.
I didn't want that to happen. Of course, besides being rivals, Recca and I were also good friends. During our younger days, we would go fishing and have a little fight to see who's the better ninja, along with Tetsu. When we grew older, I became more serious about these fights, to show that I was not some weak female that they can push around to marry someone.
But there was always the pressure of my parents. They wanted us to remain a reputable and influential family in the village. Ichiro didn't make such a good mark, for the elders always brand the madougu he makes as 'household tools' rather than weapons. I think he's a brilliant person, but my parents agree with the elders. Therefore, they expect me to bring the family name to the history of the Hokage by being the wife of my idiotic childhood rival.
By the time I was fourteen, suitors came, but I usually don't like most of them, especially Tetsu, who from a childhood friend, became an annoying courtier. I thought of a brilliant idea to get rid of all of them. I challenged each one of them to a fight. Whoever wins against me will be my future husband. My father disliked the idea, saying that I wouldn't find a real man by judging how strong he is. A real man wouldn't dare raise his hands over a woman.
The feminist side of me was starting to grow drastically. Everyday, I will complain to my mother why females are thought to be weak beings, and not seen as equals of men. She answered that it's just the way of life and I should just prepare for the coming tasks that woman is to have.
One late afternoon, I was able to take a break from the cooking lessons my mother was giving me. I went outside to take a bretah some cool air. I saw Recca waitng outside.
"Oi, Recca," I called. "What are you doing there?"
"Nothing really. You doing anything?"
"Naah, I'm taking a break. Staying all day in the kitchen gives me headaches."
"Let's go to the river."
"Sure."
We sat by the side of it. That day, Recca was unusually quiet. We never really talked about serious stuff. Usually, we talk about what boys like. For example, the latest madougu, or the latest fight in the village. I get easily bored talking about who are the most handsome men and clothes and stuff. But this time didn't seem to be any of those.
"Otousama and Kamiya-san were talking last night," he began.
"That wouldn't be unusual," I said. "It's ordinary that they talk to each other, I mean, they're close friends, and, my father serves Ohka-sama."
"I don't know, they didn't tell me about it. Okaasama seems to know something but she's hiding it from me."
"Maybe it's a surprise. Like a gift or something."
"They were serious, Suzume."
"You really shouldn't worry much. We may not be kids but we still ain't adults, either. It's only for adults' ears, I guess."
"But they keep on treating me like I'm a kid, like a weak being."
I shuddered with Recca's statement. That as how I exactly feel. I felty like being treated as a weak female who couldn't stand on her own two feet. I clenched my fists. Recca noticed the sudden change in my mood.
"Anything wrong, Suzume?"
I shook my head, then waited for a while. After a few moments, I aksed him a question I wanted to ask everyone.
"Recca, do you think I'm weak?"
He looked quite shocked when I asked him the question. I gave him a serious look. Afetr that he shook his head.
"No, I think you're a strong person," he said. "And I'm not saying that to tease you about your femininity. I'm just telling what I think."
"And I also think that you're mentally strong. I'd rather have you as a right-hand than a wife."
"And have Tetsu as your spouse?" I joked.
Recca pouted, just like a kid. "Don't think taht. I like a girl who is gentle, soft, kind, a good cook, dresses and fixes herself nicely, someone like the oppposite of you..."
"That's good," I replied. "I don't think I like any kind of man. I hate most men for thinkig of females as weak."
We ended the conversation when Okaasan called me inside. I left him there without saying a word.
=============
The next day, my mother told me to prepare for my the arrival of my father's close friend next week, along with his son. They were also Hokage ninjas but had been out of the village for quite some time since Ohka-sama assigned them as diplomats to other places. I could only dream of travelling so far. I thought that these people were quite lucky to enjoy such thrill in their lives.
I became busy again. My mother polished once more my lessons in proper obeisance and courteousness, something that _men_ never have to do. I felt really lame that week, and spent most of my free time daydreaming about what these people were like after having most of their lives travelling as diplomats.
The week passed...
"THEY'RE HERE!" the man who rang the signal shouted. Men and their sons were to welcome them in Ohka-sama's compound. Mothers and daughters were to stay inside their homes, even if I itched to see the commotion. I was becoming clumsy with all the excitement, tripping over my own feet.
"Suzume, be careful," my mother warned me.
I sat down, rolled up my sleeves a bit, then felt around my right arm. I felt something missing: my madougu, the Fuujin. My mother annoyingly made me remove it saying that they should show the guests a daughter, not a son.
"They're finished with the ceremony. They'll arrive here any minute now," announced my mother while stirring the miso soup before readying it for serving. "Prepare them some o-cha."
I obeyed her and went to the other side of the kichen. As I looked around I heard the front entrance open, revealing the arrival of the visitors. I heard their voices from there.
"Kamiya-san, you have kept a good house."
My father gave a laugh. "It's really nothing. Come inside."
I hurried with preparing the o-cha. My mom went ahead to serve the miso soup.
When I entered the dining room with the tray of o-cha [barely paying the proper obeiscance], all of them were seated around the low table, talking. There were two newcomers, one older and one younger. I took notice of the younger man a few years my senior with blue-violet hair. A band was tied around his forehead and a katana hung at his back. I stared at him while serving the o-cha.
Okaasan gave me a nudge when she noticed me staring at him. It was disrespectful to stare, for proper inroductions will be made later on, much to my impatience.
I sat at my place beside Ichiro, and waited to be introduced.
My father cleared his throat. "This is Suzume, my daughter. Only sixteen years of age, but she's already adept at controlling three madougu."
I bowed my head accoring to obeiscance. "It is a pleasure to meet you sirs." They nodded in return
The older one of the visitors smiled. "I am Jubei, a close friend of your father's, while this is my son, Raishin."
Raishin bowed his head at me, then I felt strange. There was something about him. I wasn't sure whether I totally disiked that 'something', though.
After that meeting with the man named Raishin, my life never became the same again. They stayed longer than I thought they would, which I denied that I liked. Everyday, Raishin and his father would talk to Oyaji-san and Ichiro, dicussing matters about wars, alliances, and all kinds of politics, something men were interested in, but I never was. I always watched behind their backs, trying to get a glimpse.
Before I knew it, feminine feelings were starting to arise and I was falling for him.
My mother noticed my nose constantly sticking out. They were talking in the gardens while I was peeping through a narrow opening in the paper doors.
"Suzume, don't tell me you like that man."
I gave her a fake look of surprise. "What are you talking about, Okaasan?"
"That man, Raishin. You have an eye for him, haven't you?"
I blushed and stammered. "Okaasan!"
"Don't even think about it," my mother said firmly. "You're not getting married to such a man. Even if I can't name a man who is more honorable than Jubei-dono, his son, Raishin, is the result of his carelessness with a peasant woman from Nara."
"What's wrong with that, Okaasan?" I asked. "I don't think that it will affect a person's ways."
"I just don't like the boy, that's all. He looks like a nice person but something tells me that he's not be trusted."
After my mother gave out those words, Raishin entered the house.
"Konnichiwa, Hana-san, Suzume-san," he said, bowing his head.
We bowed back in respect. My mother then raised her head and asked, "May we help you, Raishin-kun?"
Raishin shook his head. "I just hoped that Suzume-san will kindly give me a tour around the village. Kamiya-dono said that I can ask her."
I saw the obvious change in my mother's expression at that request. She disproved of him. I, on the other hand, didn't know if I should be glad of this opportunity or not.
I bowed my head, and said that I will go, despite of my mother's objection. "Please wait for me as I change my clothes."
We left the house with the smiles of my father, my brother and Jubei-san. My mother stayed inside.
"I want to see the river, please," he asked me politely as he gently pulled me near him. It was required that women walk behind the men, symoblizing feminine inferiority. He neared his face to mine and said, "Suzume-san, it would be quite impossible to lead the way by walking behind. I want you to stay beside me."
I blushed. Even wives were not allowed to do that. He was breaking the rules, but I was glad that he thought women as an equal of men.
I was really starting to like him.
I saw Tetsu with some of his friends by the corner. He eyed Raishin with anger. I tried to pretend that I didn't see him and kept my head down in the process.
When we reached the river, he took off by himself and knelt by its side. He scooped out some water and washed his face, getting his clothes wet.
I wondered at what he was trying to do, but I stayed behind.
"Come here," he told me, while signalling with his hand. I obeyed.
"Closer," he ordered me gently. He kept on asking me to get closer until our faces were only a few inches away from each other. He placed his mouth near my ear. My heart pounded quickly. My hands started to get clammy as cold sweat broke from my forehead.
What's he going to tell me? What does he want? For the one week he had stayed in our house, this will be the first time we'd be actually talking. For the first time, my feelings of resentment towards men, [I don't feel that resentful towards him very muchm though] slowly disappeared. I felt weak and vulnerable.
He opened is mouth.
"I'll kill you."
My body froze.
~Tsuzuku de gozaru yo~
That is all I can say about myself. No, that is all I want to say about myself. Whatever else is to be said of me, I don't like it.
I am the second child of one of the most honored men in the village, Kamiya, the present leader's right-hand man. My older brother, Ichiro, is an aspiring blacksmith who had made around two or three madougu, including the Tomoshibi, which gives off light. Unlike other madougu, it couldn't be used for combat but is very useful to everyday living, although the elders didn't consider it as very important.
Something I can boast of, though, is that I am one of the few Hokage who is adept at more than one madougu, three in fact. I am also quite a skilled fighter--- skilled for someone to belong in this clan. I've defeated every single man who came to challenge me, except for one. He is Recca, the next leader of our clan.
My parents were quite annoyed by the reputation I've made for myself at first. It wasn't good for the right-hand man to have a daughter who acts like a man. Later on, it proved useful when my father found out that I was the leading candidate to be the wife of Recca the moment he gets to the position of leader.
The criteria needed a strong woman, like me.
I didn't want that to happen. Of course, besides being rivals, Recca and I were also good friends. During our younger days, we would go fishing and have a little fight to see who's the better ninja, along with Tetsu. When we grew older, I became more serious about these fights, to show that I was not some weak female that they can push around to marry someone.
But there was always the pressure of my parents. They wanted us to remain a reputable and influential family in the village. Ichiro didn't make such a good mark, for the elders always brand the madougu he makes as 'household tools' rather than weapons. I think he's a brilliant person, but my parents agree with the elders. Therefore, they expect me to bring the family name to the history of the Hokage by being the wife of my idiotic childhood rival.
By the time I was fourteen, suitors came, but I usually don't like most of them, especially Tetsu, who from a childhood friend, became an annoying courtier. I thought of a brilliant idea to get rid of all of them. I challenged each one of them to a fight. Whoever wins against me will be my future husband. My father disliked the idea, saying that I wouldn't find a real man by judging how strong he is. A real man wouldn't dare raise his hands over a woman.
The feminist side of me was starting to grow drastically. Everyday, I will complain to my mother why females are thought to be weak beings, and not seen as equals of men. She answered that it's just the way of life and I should just prepare for the coming tasks that woman is to have.
One late afternoon, I was able to take a break from the cooking lessons my mother was giving me. I went outside to take a bretah some cool air. I saw Recca waitng outside.
"Oi, Recca," I called. "What are you doing there?"
"Nothing really. You doing anything?"
"Naah, I'm taking a break. Staying all day in the kitchen gives me headaches."
"Let's go to the river."
"Sure."
We sat by the side of it. That day, Recca was unusually quiet. We never really talked about serious stuff. Usually, we talk about what boys like. For example, the latest madougu, or the latest fight in the village. I get easily bored talking about who are the most handsome men and clothes and stuff. But this time didn't seem to be any of those.
"Otousama and Kamiya-san were talking last night," he began.
"That wouldn't be unusual," I said. "It's ordinary that they talk to each other, I mean, they're close friends, and, my father serves Ohka-sama."
"I don't know, they didn't tell me about it. Okaasama seems to know something but she's hiding it from me."
"Maybe it's a surprise. Like a gift or something."
"They were serious, Suzume."
"You really shouldn't worry much. We may not be kids but we still ain't adults, either. It's only for adults' ears, I guess."
"But they keep on treating me like I'm a kid, like a weak being."
I shuddered with Recca's statement. That as how I exactly feel. I felty like being treated as a weak female who couldn't stand on her own two feet. I clenched my fists. Recca noticed the sudden change in my mood.
"Anything wrong, Suzume?"
I shook my head, then waited for a while. After a few moments, I aksed him a question I wanted to ask everyone.
"Recca, do you think I'm weak?"
He looked quite shocked when I asked him the question. I gave him a serious look. Afetr that he shook his head.
"No, I think you're a strong person," he said. "And I'm not saying that to tease you about your femininity. I'm just telling what I think."
"And I also think that you're mentally strong. I'd rather have you as a right-hand than a wife."
"And have Tetsu as your spouse?" I joked.
Recca pouted, just like a kid. "Don't think taht. I like a girl who is gentle, soft, kind, a good cook, dresses and fixes herself nicely, someone like the oppposite of you..."
"That's good," I replied. "I don't think I like any kind of man. I hate most men for thinkig of females as weak."
We ended the conversation when Okaasan called me inside. I left him there without saying a word.
=============
The next day, my mother told me to prepare for my the arrival of my father's close friend next week, along with his son. They were also Hokage ninjas but had been out of the village for quite some time since Ohka-sama assigned them as diplomats to other places. I could only dream of travelling so far. I thought that these people were quite lucky to enjoy such thrill in their lives.
I became busy again. My mother polished once more my lessons in proper obeisance and courteousness, something that _men_ never have to do. I felt really lame that week, and spent most of my free time daydreaming about what these people were like after having most of their lives travelling as diplomats.
The week passed...
"THEY'RE HERE!" the man who rang the signal shouted. Men and their sons were to welcome them in Ohka-sama's compound. Mothers and daughters were to stay inside their homes, even if I itched to see the commotion. I was becoming clumsy with all the excitement, tripping over my own feet.
"Suzume, be careful," my mother warned me.
I sat down, rolled up my sleeves a bit, then felt around my right arm. I felt something missing: my madougu, the Fuujin. My mother annoyingly made me remove it saying that they should show the guests a daughter, not a son.
"They're finished with the ceremony. They'll arrive here any minute now," announced my mother while stirring the miso soup before readying it for serving. "Prepare them some o-cha."
I obeyed her and went to the other side of the kichen. As I looked around I heard the front entrance open, revealing the arrival of the visitors. I heard their voices from there.
"Kamiya-san, you have kept a good house."
My father gave a laugh. "It's really nothing. Come inside."
I hurried with preparing the o-cha. My mom went ahead to serve the miso soup.
When I entered the dining room with the tray of o-cha [barely paying the proper obeiscance], all of them were seated around the low table, talking. There were two newcomers, one older and one younger. I took notice of the younger man a few years my senior with blue-violet hair. A band was tied around his forehead and a katana hung at his back. I stared at him while serving the o-cha.
Okaasan gave me a nudge when she noticed me staring at him. It was disrespectful to stare, for proper inroductions will be made later on, much to my impatience.
I sat at my place beside Ichiro, and waited to be introduced.
My father cleared his throat. "This is Suzume, my daughter. Only sixteen years of age, but she's already adept at controlling three madougu."
I bowed my head accoring to obeiscance. "It is a pleasure to meet you sirs." They nodded in return
The older one of the visitors smiled. "I am Jubei, a close friend of your father's, while this is my son, Raishin."
Raishin bowed his head at me, then I felt strange. There was something about him. I wasn't sure whether I totally disiked that 'something', though.
After that meeting with the man named Raishin, my life never became the same again. They stayed longer than I thought they would, which I denied that I liked. Everyday, Raishin and his father would talk to Oyaji-san and Ichiro, dicussing matters about wars, alliances, and all kinds of politics, something men were interested in, but I never was. I always watched behind their backs, trying to get a glimpse.
Before I knew it, feminine feelings were starting to arise and I was falling for him.
My mother noticed my nose constantly sticking out. They were talking in the gardens while I was peeping through a narrow opening in the paper doors.
"Suzume, don't tell me you like that man."
I gave her a fake look of surprise. "What are you talking about, Okaasan?"
"That man, Raishin. You have an eye for him, haven't you?"
I blushed and stammered. "Okaasan!"
"Don't even think about it," my mother said firmly. "You're not getting married to such a man. Even if I can't name a man who is more honorable than Jubei-dono, his son, Raishin, is the result of his carelessness with a peasant woman from Nara."
"What's wrong with that, Okaasan?" I asked. "I don't think that it will affect a person's ways."
"I just don't like the boy, that's all. He looks like a nice person but something tells me that he's not be trusted."
After my mother gave out those words, Raishin entered the house.
"Konnichiwa, Hana-san, Suzume-san," he said, bowing his head.
We bowed back in respect. My mother then raised her head and asked, "May we help you, Raishin-kun?"
Raishin shook his head. "I just hoped that Suzume-san will kindly give me a tour around the village. Kamiya-dono said that I can ask her."
I saw the obvious change in my mother's expression at that request. She disproved of him. I, on the other hand, didn't know if I should be glad of this opportunity or not.
I bowed my head, and said that I will go, despite of my mother's objection. "Please wait for me as I change my clothes."
We left the house with the smiles of my father, my brother and Jubei-san. My mother stayed inside.
"I want to see the river, please," he asked me politely as he gently pulled me near him. It was required that women walk behind the men, symoblizing feminine inferiority. He neared his face to mine and said, "Suzume-san, it would be quite impossible to lead the way by walking behind. I want you to stay beside me."
I blushed. Even wives were not allowed to do that. He was breaking the rules, but I was glad that he thought women as an equal of men.
I was really starting to like him.
I saw Tetsu with some of his friends by the corner. He eyed Raishin with anger. I tried to pretend that I didn't see him and kept my head down in the process.
When we reached the river, he took off by himself and knelt by its side. He scooped out some water and washed his face, getting his clothes wet.
I wondered at what he was trying to do, but I stayed behind.
"Come here," he told me, while signalling with his hand. I obeyed.
"Closer," he ordered me gently. He kept on asking me to get closer until our faces were only a few inches away from each other. He placed his mouth near my ear. My heart pounded quickly. My hands started to get clammy as cold sweat broke from my forehead.
What's he going to tell me? What does he want? For the one week he had stayed in our house, this will be the first time we'd be actually talking. For the first time, my feelings of resentment towards men, [I don't feel that resentful towards him very muchm though] slowly disappeared. I felt weak and vulnerable.
He opened is mouth.
"I'll kill you."
My body froze.
~Tsuzuku de gozaru yo~