A red leaf floats down off the bare branch of the tree in front of me and I watch it fall in arcs to land on the carpet of its dead comrades, to stand out as a piece of the perfection of nature. Soon enough it will be crushed to nothingness under the dress shoes of some businessman hurrying home.
To watch the leaves grow on the trees with you is out of question,
I'll walk into this summer all alone
The park loses its charm for me when spring and summer come, its field bursts into deep green which is always framed by a perfect blue sky and blazing sun which oh-so-happily smiles down on the families playing there. The park is at its best now, and in the upcoming winter. There is a stand of evergreen trees next to the bench I am on and at the far end of the field, and they encapsulate the park and make it seem safe and protected from the city outside it. When winters grey sky smothers the trees in its bleak aura I feel protected. Very few people pass through the park during this time so I can sit alone for hours and feel totally independent from the city. The isolation is a blessing in fact because I can't sit at this bench without remembering the days I used to sit with her, and I can't help but cry. We used to sit here so often, her resting against me, my arm around her, the evergreens behind us sheltering us from the drizzle when it rained. She loved the park as much as I did when it was like this. We would sit here for hours until the night settled in deeply, then walk together out of its grounds to go and get coffee. I still can't help but smile when I think of that, she was the only one who didn't tell me I shouldn't drink so much at my age, she always bought the same and I did too. We would walk home, usually to my family's apartment because we would be alone there as well, and drink it on the way, sometimes laughing and talking, sometimes just walking in silence.
When I take my life it will be on this bench, because this
is the place where the only truly fond memories of my life are.
That day was like any other Friday, we had endured the school day and were planning on meeting each other after school again the way we did every Friday. As fate with all its irony would have it I was asked by my teacher to see him after school, so I told her I would come round to her apartment when I was finished.
The days end came, and I saw the teacher. I could have guessed it was a computer problem, having the dubious reputation as the biggest computer geek in the school leads to people having a fairly predictable reason to use you.
The problem had taken longer than I thought, about three quarters of an hour had passed before I finally left and another ten were down when I arrived at Sora's floor. Her mother knew our relationship was nothing like the textbook defiant teen ones, and so was perfectly happy for me to have a key to their apartment. Sora was likewise to my families one.
I opened the door like I had dozens of previous Fridays, but the sight that met me was only describable at a physical level. It still dumbfounds me how it is possible for a human to do to Sora what they had done. As I swung the door open it collected a broken vase shattered on the carpet, which instantly made me nervous. Sora was very tidy and careful, she would never have broken the vase to start with. I stepped quickly over the water and shattered fragments on the floor and moved towards the living room.
What I saw torments every moment of my existence. My soul mate, my love, my only companion, lay facing me on the floor. Her arms had been broken and crudely tied behind her back with packing tape, fragments of bone had forced their way through her perfect skin and stood jagged, covered with blood and tissue. Her jaw had been kicked in so she could not scream, and lay a bloodied slurry of teeth and gum hanging off her beautiful face, which had been broken like a china doll and scarcely resembled the one I knew. I didn't want to see what else they had done to her.
What pains me the most was that when I arrived she was still alive. Her body was so mutilated it was beyond movement, but her eyes showed she was still conscious, she would have been in pain beyond description. I ran to her side and touched her head, she managed to move it slightly and tried to talk..but she couldn't. Tears welled in her eyes and she let her head fall back to the ground. I moved closer to her and held her gently, my head remarkably clear despite what lay in front of me. I held her gently, and saw her eyes relax. Thinking of it now, I know she had been struggling to stay conscious until I arrived, so she could say goodbye..she couldn't speak but I saw in her eyes she had done what she needed.
And as I held her there gently she slipped away, I saw her crimson eyes fade and cloud as they held my gaze, until they turned hollow. All I could do was hold her there.
As horrible as her death was I take solace in the fact I got to say goodbye, and she didn't die alone in the apartment like that.
But I can't live with myself. She was the only person who truly cared about me, she was the only one I felt happy with. I have given up on this life. The people that surround me are meaningless. They don't care for me, I don't see any lights in the distance in this world. I will never be able to go on without her. My eyelids are starting to sag now, the empty plastic container has just fallen off the bench and I am finally starting to feel at peace. For although I will die alone on this park bench I know I will be back with her. Before my eyelids close on this life of mine I take in one last picture of the park, with its grey sky framing the bare branches of the trees. We were always at peace together here, and as my eyes finally close I am happy. She will finally join me to watch the leaves once again.