PART TWO: THE IDENTITY CRISIS
By: Jenny Lambert
As the EKG began to fluctuate, a heavy sigh filled the room. It seemed like it would never happen, but Joe finally stabilized. He was still mumbling incoherently, and this brought Ken back to the bedside. Turning to the doctor, he asked politely. "Can I have a few minutes with him alone?"
The doctor hesitated, then nodded. "I'll give you five minutes, but if anything starts going wrong, don't expect us to stay out."
Ken agreed, and the doctor and aids left, closing the door behind them.
"Joe? Please answer me honestly. You don't really want to die do you?" It was obvious that Ken was irritated; something deep inside was prying at his emotions, trying to get out, but he was holding it back. Joe remained silent, but the lack of emotion in his eyes was enough to push him over the edge. "Give up then, you bastard!" Angrily, he removed Joe's restraints, all the while cursing and screaming. "Go ahead and do it Joe. Kill yourself! Don't let me stop you!"
Shocked by the words he was hearing, Joe remained motionless. He watched silently as Ken paced back and forth, hardly able to control himself. Seeing his friend's confused stare only increased the rage, and he threw a punch at the wall. "What the hell are you waiting for? Get it over with now!" His eyes were beginning to tear again, but he pushed the feelings aside. The last thing he wanted Joe to see was that he was crying.
Joe didn't know how to react, but he desperately wanted to know what had happened to make Ken so livid. "Ken, look, whatever I said…"
"Shut up! You've said too much already!"
"Too much? Ten minutes ago I was dead, or have you forgotten that already?"
"No I haven't forgotten! Why do you think I'm so pissed off?"
In bewilderment, Joe shook his head. He mumbled something to himself, which made Ken glare at him. "Dear God, please tell me I'm not really a Washio. I don't think I could take it!"
"What did you just say about me?"
"I said you're making no sense, and you're driving me crazy!"
"I'm driving YOU crazy?"
Doctor Nambu's voice interrupted; he was eyeing both suspiciously. "Is there a problem?"
Joe nodded yes, then smiled. "Ken just told me to kill myself."
Ken did not return the smile, and the Doctor noted his angry expression. He knew deep down, for some reason, the boy was battling a lot more than anger. "Ken, Joe needs time to relax. Let's not go too hard on him just yet ok? Let me at least get this anti-toxin in him first."
"You have no idea…"
"Not now! Joe doesn't need this. Go outside and cool it off. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."
Not in the mood for a lecture, Ken replied while walking away, "Yea, whatever."
As he slammed the door behind him, Joe looked towards Doctor Nambu. "What's up with him? Was it something I said?"
"I'm sure it was."
"Ok. Care to elaborate on that? A further explanation would be greatly appreciated. Why'd he freak out on me?"
"I can't tell you. You'll have to let him tell you when he's ready."
"Man, I'm confused! Ready for what?"
"Just give him time to clear his head, and he'll come back and explain. Now, enough of this, I need to get this anti-toxin in you."
Joe sarcastically replied, "Yea, whatever."
************
As the Doctor inserted the anti-toxin into the IV, Joe's mind reflected on his earlier experience; the vision, if that's really what it was. Lately, he really wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. All he knew was there were too many questions he wanted to ask Doctor Nambu, but he didn't know how to begin.
"Hakase, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"It's about Ken. Is he my brother? I mean, REALLY my brother?"
The doctor paused, taken aback by the question. His mind began trying to understand where Joe even got such an idea. "How did he know to ask about it? How did he find out, and who told him?" He knew the truth could not be known, not as long as both were members of Gatchaman, so he opted to work around the question. "Well, you and Ken are brothers in a sense. You've been together since age eight and I'm your guardian."
Joe was not convinced by the answer. Doctor Nambu was good at many things, but lying was not one of them. "That's not what I mean, and you know it. Let me ask it another way. Is Kentaro Washio my father?"
Once again, the Doctor tried avoiding the question by asking one himself. "Why would you think Kentaro Washio is your father?"
"Why do you keep avoiding my questions?
"I'm not. It's just really odd of you to ask such a thing. I guess I'm trying to figure out where this idea came from."
"It's going to sound strange, but he told me himself. He said he had an affair with my mother, and I was a result of that affair."
"What? He told you?"
"Well, yea. He told me my parents would have defected from Galactor eight years earlier had the affair not happened."
Doctor Nambu was completely surprised with what he was hearing. The boy not only had an idea of who his father really was, but also how it had happened. Words were coming to mind he could not express aloud. "Thanks Kentaro! Now I really do have to come up with something good to tell Joe. Still testing my patience even in death aren't you?"
He could almost hear Kentaro's laughter, and he smiled. "Joe, you were injected with a highly hallucinogenic and poisonous drug, which affected your mind. You were delusional. These effects were with you, and will continue to be with you, until that anti-toxin I gave you starts working. A lot of things are going to seem real, but they are not."
"But it was clear as day. It had to have happened!"
"Seeing Kentaro may have seemed real to you, but I can assure you, it wasn't. It was just another hallucination. I can fully understand though why you would want such a thing to be true. Ken and you are very close, and he cares for you deeply. It's very easy to consider yourselves true brothers."
"Think he's still upset with me?"
"Ken never was upset with you. He's upset with himself."
"You know why he acted the way he did?"
"I do, but like I said before, it's up to him to explain it to you. Let's just say I take part of the blame. There is quite a lot I discouraged him from ever talking about."
"Hakase, tell him to come to me. I once confided in him, and now I want him to be able to confide in me. Can you do that?"
"Yes Joe, I can do that. Don't expect him to come right away, but I'm sure he will come. There's a lot more to Ken than you realize, and I think it's time he let it go."
************
Before leaving the hospital, Ken stopped off at the desk to pick up Joe's car keys, then proceeded to take out the G-2. Why he did it was anyone's guess. After driving around aimlessly for hours, he decided to go to Joe's trailer.
More than anything he wanted to sleep, but as soon as he closed his eyes, the nightmarish visions of reality began.
He was alone, helpless, and crying inside; All he wanted was to be released from his own personal torment. The answer stood before him, but did he have the courage? It was the only way; it had to be done. There was the blur of numerous gunshots, pain in his head and chest, then with the darkness came peace.
He awoke screaming; the chill from his body's sweat made him shiver. His throat felt like sandpaper, and cursing aloud, he headed to Joe's refrigerator for something to drink. "Damn it Joe! Why won't you let me help you? Don't I matter at all?"
There was nothing left in the refrigerator except beer, and sighing, he absent-mindedly took one and downed it. Everyone who knew Ken also knew he never drank alcohol, so he was surprised himself when he finished the can so quickly. So surprised, in fact, he opened up another one.
Six beers later he felt absolutely miserable, and headed back to the bed. His head was spinning, and he felt like vomiting. "Great Ken, you fool. This isn't helping."
His eyes wandered around the room, then stopped at the sight of Joe's pistol, which was lying on the counter. For some reason, he was drawn over to it. Picking it up, the gun felt heavy, yet strangely satisfying in his hands. Opening the barrel, he noticed it was loaded. He hadn't expected anything less. "I haven't held one of these since…"
Not finishing the thought, and letting his drunken stupor consume him, he pulled the trigger, aiming at the beer cans that were left on the table. Both shots missed, one hitting the wall, the other shattering the back window. Realizing what he had just done, he dropped the gun, trembling. "What the hell are you doing Ken? How are you ever going to explain this one?"
He was angry at himself, mostly for losing control, and also because he was drunk. "Damn it Ken, you're worthless. You can't expect to help Joe, not when you can't even help yourself." Something about the gun was making him uneasy. Glancing down, he felt the painful memories returning again. "I don't want to deal with this right now!"
Turning to the mirror beside Joe's bed, he smashed his fist into it, hoping the pain would stop the visions. It worked, and as he looked down at his bleeding fist, he screamed again at himself, then started crying.
************
The shuffling in the doorway startled Joe awake, and he called out in the darkness. "Who's there?" He tried raising himself, then remembered he was restrained, and cursed. "Answer me! Who's there?"
The approaching figure tripped, then cried out as he fell to the ground with a thud. Joe recognized the voice immediately, though it sounded slightly different than usual. "Ken, that you? What the hell?"
"Yea, it's me, or part of me anyway."
"What are you doing? I'd get the lights, but well…I can't."
"That's ok. The lights will hurt my eyes. I'm very content in the dark."
It was very hard for Ken to speak, and his words were slurring. Joe picked up on his condition real quick. "Ken? Are you drunk? Sure sounds like it."
"Unfortunately yes, and it sucks."
"Can I ask why?"
"I've had a…bad night."
"Want to talk about it?"
"I really don't think you want to hear."
"Try me."
Ken paused, not sure how he was going to explain. The destruction to Joe's trailer might blow over, but he didn't want to mention how he dented the fender of the G-2. "Well, I took your car out."
Joe interrupted immediately. "What? Before or after you got drunk?"
"Before, and then after I left your trailer."
"My what? What were you doing there?"
"Getting drunk on your beer. Then I shot your pistol at the cans I left on the table and missed, breaking a window. All this happened before I got mad and punched your mirror, breaking that too."
"You fired my pistol INSIDE my trailer? And you drank my beer?"
"Pretty much sums it up. You're not upset then."
"Of course I'm upset! But it's not like I can do anything about it!"
"That's true. So I guess it's safe for me to continue."
"There's more? What now?"
Uh, I accidentally bumped the G-2 into a cement barrier trying to park, and it dented the fender."
"WHAT?! Ken, you're lucky I'm strapped down to this bed, or else I'd be killing you!" Though Joe was fuming, he was concerned about Ken. He was completely acting out of character, and there was something definitely wrong. "So, why'd you haul off and punch the mirror." There was no response. At first he'd thought maybe Ken had passed out, but he could clearly hear his friend's quiet sobbing. "Ken, what's wrong? I'm worried about you. Talk to me."
He waited for some type of reply, but got none. Frustrated, he exhaled loudly. "Damn it! Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time? You owe me. Don't you trust me?"
Between sobs, Ken replied, his voice monotone. "I wanted to prove something to myself, and I did."
"What was it?"
"I wanted to prove that I was good enough to make you want to live. You wanted to die, but no matter what I said, I couldn't change your mind."
Joe closed his eyes, feeling a tinge of guilt and sadness in his chest. "You have nothing to prove Ken. You're my best friend, my brother, and you should know how I feel" He paused, remembering the conversation earlier that day. Ken did have a valid point, but he was taking it to the extreme. "I was delirious from the drug. I didn't know what I was saying, what I was doing, or how I even felt. Hakase said I broke your wrist, but I don't remember doing it. I don't remember a lot of things. Why are you dwelling on this so much?"
Ken didn't answer. Suddenly, he wanted to get as far away as possible, so he didn't have to continue the conversation. "Joe, my coming here was a big mistake. I've got to go. Sorry."
"Where are you going?"
"I…I don't know. Just away, ok? I'm sorry, but I really have to go."
Joe was sincere with his words, and they tore at Ken's heart. "Wait, don't go. You don't understand. You're right, I don't want to live anymore. I haven't for a long, long time. My whole life revolves around getting vengeance, but it's never enough. Why do you think I'm always overstepping my boundaries on missions? Every time we go out fighting, somewhere in my mind I'm hoping I don't come back, and that scares me. I'm not afraid of dying Ken, I'm afraid of living."
"You too huh?"
He didn't fully understand the comment, and he hoped Ken would elaborate. He didn't. Instead, he fumbled in the darkness to the window, where he pulled back the blinds, allowing the outside light to dimly filter in. For a few minutes, both stared out in the window in silence, waiting for the other to say something.
It was Ken who finally spoke. "Joe, I want you to have something. My father gave it to me a long time ago." He removed his father's necklace, the one thing he cherished most and never went without, and placed it around Joe's neck. "Father said whenever things seem hopeless, I'm supposed to look down at the pendant and remember he's with me. I want you to do the same, but remember that I'm with you too."
Joe could barely speak, and he closed his eyes, trying to hold back his emotions. He knew just how much the necklace meant to Ken, and what it was intended to mean when given to someone else. It wasn't something to be taken lightly. "I can't keep this. I…"
Ken tried desperately to lighten the mood, and succeeded. "I'm your commander, and you WILL keep it. Stop living for vengeance only, and try living for me. That's an order."
************
Jun and Ryu arrived early the next morning, and were surprised to see Ken sleeping soundlessly on the floor next to the hospital bed. Joe acknowledged them with a smile, then followed their glances downward. "Don't ask me. He just sort of ended up there."
Ryu walked over to the bedside and undid Joe's restraints. "The doc says you're being moved out of ICU today. I'm glad. Sure was getting dull without you around."
"Dull? You mean Ken hasn't been entertaining you? He's been giving me one hell of a laugh."
"Looks like he has. So, what's up with him?"
Joe didn't know how to say it, so he laughed. "Uh, Ken ran into some trouble with some beer cans last night, and it looks like they got the better of him."
Jun was disgusted. "He got drunk? Why?"
He laughed harder. "Jun, he's a teetotaler. Would you expect anything less?"
"Yea, I'd expect him to not get drunk in the first place! He knows better!"
From the floor Ken stirred, then rolled over and groaned. Ryu took the opportunity to begin teasing. "Ken, how you feeling?"
He opened his eyes, then flushed when he saw the added company. "Like hell. Never again will I let this happen. Anyone got some aspirin? My head is killing me!" He put his hand to his head, and Jun immediately commented on the wound. "You ought to have that hand examined. Looks like you might need some stitches."
The mood became awkward, and Joe quickly tried to change the subject. The conversation didn't get much better. "He needs to have his head examined too. Hey, Where's Jinpei?"
Ken gave a warning glance to the others, which wasn't subtle at all. Jun responded flatly, "Uh…he's too young to be up here."
Joe had noticed the sideways glance from Ken, and as the atmosphere became more heavy and uncomfortable, Ryu began to squirm nervously. "He can at least call me right? There's no age limit on a phone call."
Before anyone could answer, Ken cut in. "I think one of you should go get me a doctor. I think I may need those stitches after all."
"Uh, ok, we'll go get the doctor. You coming Ryu?"
It took a minute for Ryu to catch on. "We just got here but…OH…yea, I'm coming."
Joe said nothing, but it was very apparent the three of them were trying to hide something. He didn't bother prying, feeling that right now there were too many other unanswered questions to deal with. Hopefully, Ken would clear most of them up shortly.
************
Once outside, Ryu breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Whew! We almost didn't get out of that one."
"Ryu, we're NOT out of 'that one'. I can't get through to Jinpei that Joe didn't mean to hurt him. He just doesn't understand, and he's angry."
"He will Jun, don't worry."
"But Joe knows something is up, and he's perfectly correct in saying there's no reason Jinpei can't come to see him."
"You sure he won't visit, not even for a few minutes?"
"Yes I'm sure. You mention Joe's name and he freaks out. The kid wants nothing to do with him!"
"Joe's going to remember sooner or later what he did. Why can't we just tell him now, and let him talk to Jinpei about it?"
"Hakase doesn't want any added stress or guilt right now. Besides, from what I saw just now it looks like he's got enough to deal with."
Ryu nodded in understanding. "You mean with Ken?"
"Yes I mean with Ken! Did you see him? He was a complete mess!"
In order to ease Jun's mind, he tried not to sound equally concerned, but the anxiety was apparent. "Oh, he's probably just worn out, that's all. We went through quite a bit to get Joe back."
"Uh huh, enough for him to go out and get drunk? I don't think so. I just hope if there's something up, Joe can break through to him. We all know how bullheaded Ken can get."
"Don't worry Jun. We also know how persistent Joe is, and he won't back down if he knows something is wrong."
************
Ryu was exactly correct. Since they had left, Joe had been barraging Ken with questions. "So, about last night. Care to elaborate?"
"No, not really. It just happened."
Joe was really getting tired of the clipped answers. "Ok, great. ' It just happened'. Can you tell me why you stole my car, broke into my trailer…"
Ken interrupted, "I didn't break in. I had your keys."
"FINE! Can you tell me then why you shot a pistol inside my trailer, and where your brain was when you did it? Or, did this 'just happen' too?"
Ken looked away and started fidgeting. He knew it would come sooner or later, but he really didn't feel like talking about it. He never wanted to. Something was holding him back, but Joe didn't care. He kept right on prodding. "Well, ok, let me get this straight. You did all these things, including getting drunk, trashing my trailer, denting the fender of my car, and punching a mirror, just because 'it happened'. Great, that sounds like something you do every night Ken."
"Now is not the time Joe."
"So when is the time? You freaked out on my yesterday morning, and then again last night. Hakase said he knew why, and he told me you'd come back with an explanation when you were ready to give one. Frankly, I'm getting tired of waiting."
"Then stop! I'm not asking you to come running to my aid, and I can't help it if Hakase thinks I need to."
Joe was tired of the mind games, and frustrated, blurted out his true feelings. "So what the hell did you show up last night for? It sure sounded like you wanted my help, just didn't have the balls to ask for it."
"I don't need you for anything!"
"Really? What was that 'I need to prove to myself that I'm good enough' bullshit? And what was that deal with you giving me your father's necklace, and telling me you'd be there if I needed you? What about now Ken? I'm telling you I need you to talk to me and you keep pushing me away. Why?"
Ken did not reply. He really wished he could just run away and hide, to forget the whole conversation, and to forget what happened last night. The alcohol had given him the freedom to speak things he hadn't wanted to say, and now his hands were tied.
Joe was still screaming. "Why Ken? Am I not good enough for you to confide in? I don't seem to have a problem with it. I wasn't drunk last night when I was telling you how I felt. I meant it. Maybe you didn't, or maybe you're just too blind to see it's obvious you need someone, other than yourself, to sort out what's in that damned head of yours!"
Growing tired of the nagging, he raised his hands in submission. "Ok, ok, I get the point. You can shut up now. You want to know so bad, fine, I'll tell you! When we first met at the hospital, it wasn't a coincidence. It was planned. I don't know if Hakase told you why I was there in the first place, but if he did, it's not the true reason. He'd never tell anyone the truth, because it would make me look bad, especially now that I'm a commander."
He paused, hoping Joe wouldn't ask him to continue, but he knew it was not over yet. Joe calmly nodded in understanding, and encouraged Ken to continue.
"You see, my mother had just passed away, and for the first time in years, at the funeral, I saw my father. I didn't even know why he came. He was never there for mother, or for me, and I resented him for it. Then, just as soon as he arrived, he was saying goodbye again. I wanted him to stay, and I didn't understand why he had to leave. I never told him how I felt."
He looked at Joe, who once again nodded in understanding. It was getting harder to continue, and as the visions began again, he closed his eyes, hoping desperately to shut them out. "I blamed myself for everything: father leaving, mother's death, my own unhappiness, and all the while I hated my father because of it. Eventually, I turned that hatred against myself. I…I…damn it Joe, I don't want to talk about this."
"Come on Ken, don't give up now. It's ok."
"Shit Joe, it's not ok. I don't want to talk about it!"
Joe put his hand on Ken's shoulder and tightened his grip. "You have to. Can't you see what it's doing to you? Please go on, and don't do it for me. Do it for yourself."
It took Ken a minute to regain his control. He just wanted to stop, to forget all of it, but there was something in Joe's voice that kept him going. "I grew extremely cold and distant from everyone, and then, I didn't care at all anymore. I didn't want to live, not without my mother and father. I felt completely worthless. Every time I turned around someone was leaving me, and it was all my own doing. It was my own fault."
He sighed loudly, watching the expression on Joe's face. It was odd, but he seemed to understand, and he remained quiet. Ken was almost ready to begin again when a doctor entered from the hallway. "I was told someone in this room needed medical assistance."
Joe put up his hand and waved him away. "Look, we're right in the middle of something important. Can you come back?"
Ken's ignored the comment, and motioned to the doctor. "I'm the one who called for you. Had an accident last night, and think I may need stitches." He raised his hand, and the doctor examined it; he was puzzled. "You did this last night? The blood still looks to be fresh. Why didn't you have it treated earlier?"
"I just didn't. So, what do you think?"
"We should at least get it cleaned up and bandaged, then go from there. Come with me."
As he got up to leave, he didn't bother to turn and look back at Joe. By the tone of his voice, he could tell his friend was absolutely furious. "Bastard! You really think you're going to get out of it, don't you?"
"Joe, I'll be back later when you're in recovery. Maybe we can talk more then. Deal?"
"I know Ken. I've heard it before. 'Now is not the time.'"
************
In another part of the hospital, Ryu, Jun, and Dr. Nambu were also trying to do some convincing. "Jinpei, we've told you this before. Joe was under some type of drug and he wasn't himself. This drug made him forget who he was, and who his friends were."
"But he knew me! He called out my name, then shortly after he shot me!"
Dr. Nambu shook his head in frustration. He was getting nowhere with the young boy, and his patience was getting thin. Jun could tell that he was getting tired of the circular argument, and decided to take over. "Jinpei, Joe's out of ICU today and there won't be a reason for you not to see him. Can you at least talk to him on the phone? You don't have to see him this way, and he'll at least know you're concerned about him."
"But I still have to hear him!"
The agitation was beginning to show on Jun's face as well. Like the others, she was out of ideas. "So are you saying you're never going to speak to or see Joe again? How's that going to work when we're together on a mission?"
"I don't know."
Jinpei looked towards Ryu, hoping to get some support, but even his good friend was adamant. "Joe feels very guilty for the things he's done. He really needs you right now. You can't turn your back on him, especially when it wasn't even his fault. He was just doing his job."
"His job?"
"Yes, his mind wasn't clear, and he thought you were a Galactor invading Crescent City. He had to stop you. He didn't mean to hurt you, really. I don't think he ever could."
"Oh yes he could! He hates children, and to him that's all I am! He just got sick of me that's all, and thought maybe he could get rid of me."
The comment made Jun raise out of her seat. "Jinpei! How could you say such a thing? You apologize right now! Joe loves you like a little brother, and he'd never even dream of doing such a thing!"
He lowered his head sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Ok, you win. When I'm up to it, I'll be sure to call Joe and let him know I'm thinking of him."
The words had been worded very carefully, and Jun smiled. "When you're up to it? Isn't that just a nice way of saying you won't do it?"
"Of course not onechan! I'd never try to pull a fast one on you."
Jokingly, she slapped her little brother upside the head. "Oh yes you would, but then you'd know you couldn't get away with it!"
************
Berg Katse was very pleased. He had just received word from his ISO infiltrator that though Doctor Madison had been killed, she had succeeded in her initial mission. Gatchaman's G-2 was temporarily out of commission, and to further his enjoyment, two other members of the team were having obvious personal problems.
He smiled and rubbed his hands together, already savoring the victory. Everything was going as planned, and soon, he would take control of Pearl City. From there the reality of an all-encompassing Galactor organization would be spread to all nations, and many would be encouraged to support their cause.
But there were other ideas brewing in the back of Katse's mind, ones he would not discuss with anyone. He had his own personal agenda, and in the end, the world would hail his power. Berg Katse would be the supreme ruler of Earth, and no one could stop him, not even his most dreaded enemy, the Science Ninja Team.
There was no time like the present to begin the course of action. Assembling his militia, he ordered a full-scale attack on Pearl City.
END OF PART TWO