DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters in this story, Joss (The God)
Whedon, David Greenwalt and the WB own it all except for the plot and storyline.
SPIOLERS: most if not all of season five
CONTENT WARNING: Little to none bad content in this one. A little bit of romance and violence.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: General
AUTHOR'S NOTES: quickly, - - means thoughts and *** means change in scenery. oh, this ((((0000))) means a flashback.. hey I gotta have some (Quick note, HOLY GOD! This is really long! Well it's long to me anyway took me forever but I really want to know what you think about this, everything!) .. Enjoy!
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Spikes headache had barely weakened by the time he reached the Bronze. He knew the loud music would only make it worse but he needed a beer. He moved past the dancing couples to go straight to the bar. Without having to say a word the bartender handed his customer his regular drink. Spike took a sip and laid his aching head on the bar. His mind ran with memories of his past, of the dream, but mostly of Dru. He remembered how she moved, how she laughed. But a familiar song interrupted the thoughts. "Transylvanian Concubine" blared its flowing, strange but beautiful song onto the crowd.
-It was her favorite song. We listened to it the night of the big party, before Angel came in and ruined it all- he thought grimly. To take his mind off things he picked up his head and looked around the club. His sharp eyes caught a girl dancing alone near the corner of the dance floor. She moved with the music and danced confidently without anyone near her. As if she didn't need anyone. She reminded Spike of Dru, her dark her swaying across her back as she dance around him.
But this girl was blonde, the one dancing in the corner, she was more muscular then he remembered Dru to be. Now she reminded him of Buffy.
Oh, how he hated himself for the infatuation, and yet, he couldn't help but be swept up by it. By losing one obsession, he won another. He realized now that he was drawn to her even before she was born. She was a Slayer, risk, death, life, and love all rolled into one. She was his purpose for killing. But without Dru he wouldn't be here.
-But I AM without Dru!- he thought. Once again he tuned to the bar took a drink and lied his head on the bar. He missed her. Even thought he hadn't thought about her in a year, he missed her. This whole thing with the
Slayer was confusing him. Now the dream with Dru, Angel and Darla, of all people, was making him even worse. A rebel tear slid down his cheek just as someone tapped him on the back. Quickly and silently he wiped the tear away before he looked up.
Round hazel eyes gazed back at him. Her mouth was pursed in a cross between irritation and curiosity. All Spike could do was sigh.
" What do you want?" He said maliciously.
" Whoa, attitude, what's wrong with you?" Buffy inquired. Spike gave a small chuckle before answering.
" You, me, this bloody chip" He trailed off.
" You and me?"
" I meant, um," he tried not to stutter as he thought of a quick explanation. " You're the slayer, who doesn't even care to kill me anymore, and I can't have any type of fun because of this bloody chip." Spike thought he covered that well, though it was all true. He took a few shaky drinks and handed the empty glass to the passing bartender.
" Now can you piss off? I have better things to do than listen to your dribble, I have problems of my own"
" Man, this is weird, you're usually cruel, but not... depressive," Buffy said trying to hide a grin.
" Well, thank you for your important impute" he said sarcastically "now if you're done doing whatever you do, piss off." He looked away from her and took a drink from the refilled glass. The beer wasn't the best he'd had but it was doing it's job to get him drunk. When she didn't move from her spot he looked back expectantly. " Well? Shoo."
" Why were you in my basement, again? Because I seem to remember pictures of me in your pocket." All Spike could do was stare, embarrassment running through him. -Embarrassment?! When in the bloody hell have I been embarrassed? Not since I've been sired.-
"I told you I was looking for junk, and your basement's full of it."
"Seems to me that's not the only thing full of it," Buffy sat next to him on a barstool.
"What are you going to do? Beat the crap out of me? Threaten me with a stake? Who cares anymore?"
" Wow, you are depressed."
"And why not?" he shot back. " I'm a vampire who can't kill, can't even watch a kill and enjoy it. Hell, I can't even scare people for money anymore. On top of that I'm in-"
" You're what?"
" I'm living with Harmony," -How can I slip up this much in just a few minutes?- he thought. He heard an empathetic noise from Buffy.
" Now I can definitely sympathize with you on that one."
" Why don't you leave me alone?"
" Sorry can't, I need to return the favor" she said referring to the night he comforted her. But she said it in such a way that it made him cringe, she said it like, `I better do this now, not later when he'll really need help'.
" Oh, thank you, I feel much better now" he rolled his eyes to emphasize the sarcasm in his voice. " Why not just stake me and be done with it?"
" Again you bring up staking, well, I can't just stake you. It goes along the lines of the `I don't stake harmless animals' rule."
" See? This is exactly what I mean! I'm not even a bloody vampire anymore! All I can do is sulk and brood, when I should be out maiming and killing! Hell, I'm just as bad as soul-boy!" When Buffy looked at her hands Spike felt sorry instantly. Another thing he hated was the emotions brewing inside his dead heart and brain.
" Damn it!" he exclaimed before drinking the last of his beer -if you could call it that- and getting up to leave
" Look, Spike I just wanted to help,"
" No, you didn't, I know a lie when I hear one. You are the last person that would offer me help. This is the perfect ending to the perfect day. First dreams about Angel and Dr-"
" Dreams about Angel and who? Drusilla?"
" No, uh, other things, not Dru. What would you care anyway? ooh, just because it involves soul-boy. "
" Spike" she said warningly. Spike moved away a step before she grabbed his coat.
" Look, I'm going to leave now. Let go of my coat." His voice wasn't mean, just smart assed.
Buffy wanted to know about the dream he had, because if it was about
Drusilla and Angel then that could mean Spike's sire was close by, and possibly hurting Angel. She didn't let go of his duster.
"You're coming home with me." she said suddenly, remembering how he was chained up in Giles' bathroom tub for information about the Initiative. But then remembered that Giles didn't have room in his apartment for Spike; it was packed full of boxes from the store. Xander couldn't, wouldn't, take him; it was he and Anya's anniversary. The only choice left was her. Buffy.
The thought of Buffy taking him home was a shock to his senses. To be sure this wasn't a dream he pinched himself. -No, not a dream mate, but this is one hell of a way to end the night- he thought, grinning inwardly.
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Buffy unlocked the front door and led the way inside before Spike. She was about to invite him in but remembered that she already had done that. Spike came inside looking round like he'd never been inside before.
Buffy raised her eyebrow in question and he just shrugged.
" I've never seen it with lights on except the kitchen." Lying. Thinking about the time Riley caught him here in the daylight. Buffy looked into the living room and dining room. Without saying a word she climbed the stairs.
Spike moved to the living room and sat on the comfy couch.
" Buff-" Dawn started calling when she bounded into the living room from the kitchen. "-y. Who are you and where's Buffy?"
" Oh, hello little one," At first she looked annoyed at the name, but then confused that she remembered someone calling her that.
" Do I know you?" -Hm, so she doesn't remember me. Lets see if she remembers this- he thought. Spike stood and took the two strides to Dawn, invading her personal bubble.
" Come on you must remember," he said slowly. Dawn already started backing up, fear rising in her gut. Memory was sparking in her head but the connection wasn't coming through. He took one of her hands, and twisted it behind her back and wrapped an arm around her throat. Her back was to his front now. Spike put on his game face for her to see. That made the connection, memory flared and told her who he was.
" BUFFY!!!" Dawn screamed. Since Spike had no intention to hurt her the chip never activated. But her fear was sending a dangerous thrill through his system. As soon as Buffy flew down that stairs and Dawns fear was spilling over itself, the chip activated and, as usual, made him release his victim and scream in pain.
" What were you doing to my SISTER?!?!?!?!" Buffy yelled. She swiftly punched him in the nose giving
him more pain than he wanted.
" BLOODY HELL!!!!!" He screamed.
" Buffy it's Spike!!! Aren't you going to stake him? Why is he in here? I didn't invite him in!! It's not my fault he was here already!" Dawn sputtered quickly. Buffy tried to calm her down, while giving the "eye" ( we all know the "eye" look) to Spike. Spike sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall. He was just getting her to remember their last meeting.
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It was the night that he spilled his heart out to Buffy's sympathetic mother. Dawn as usual, bounded into the house calling for her mother. She found a crying blonde man and her mother sitting at the dinner table. She heard the blonde man muttering something so she came over to the table and listened. He told of how much he loved this girl. It sounded like what Buffy said after Angel's death. So she placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort. Then suddenly she was taken by the throat. She looked behind her and she saw her first vampire face. Then all she could remember was screaming.
(Flash forward)
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Buffy tied him up securely in the dining room in a chair. She told him he would stay there for a day or two, or until he told her of the dreams. Luckily for him she didn't bind his hands too tight and he wrung them free of the rope. After Buffy and her sibling went to bed Spike freed himself of his bindings and made himself at home in her living room. He took his shirt off and threw his boots near the door.
After making sure the blinds were securely shut over the window he lied down on the couch and tried to fall asleep. The dream came swift and hard. There was blackness under the dirt; all he could hear was the humming of a sweet voice. Spike immediately recognized it as Dru's voice. It was some lullaby she was humming, some old lullaby he remembered. His hand rose out of the earth and grasped air. The sudden energy that rushed through him gave him strength to move from the grave he was in. This was his birth, his awakening to the dark, and all that other poetry rubbish about waking as a vampire. He was renewed, energized, ready to take on the night. Dru smiled sweetly and took Spike by the hand. She led him to a young human, bound and tied on the floor of the room he was in. Just as he leaned down his chip activated sending him reeling. When he stood he saw Darla standing where he used to be. He watched her feast on the virile human in pain.
The scene changed a swirl of colors and images. It stopped on Angel. He was lying on the floor grimacing in pain with Dru and Darla circling him. He couldn't make out the words that were being said. For some reason this scene disturbed him. He watched Dru assert herself with strength, something she never seemed to have with Spike. But that wasn't it. The thing that disturbed him was that Angel never got up. Angel ALWAYS got up. But it was like he couldn't like he was fighting something more than Dru and Darla.
Suddenly Spike was inside Angel feeling his turmoil, seeing through his eyes. He felt like his insides were burning like fire and tearing apart. He could feel the evil inside trying to break loose trying to make him lose control. The demon and soul inside of Angel fought a war that was endless. But for a moment his soul regained power, but only for a moment. That moment stretched on for a lifetime it seemed. For that moment Angel/Spike stood and faced the feminine duo. Saying something Spike couldn't decipher, he attacked both at once. But there was no energy behind his clumsy attack.
" Aww. Look Dru he won't give in. More's the pity. Oh, well I guess that I'll have to kill you now Angel," Darla said maliciously. It was the only thing that got through before he exploded into a pile of dust.
Spike bolted up, screaming, from his nightmare. His chest slammed against warm chest before his arms wrapped around it. He needed to grasp on to something. Something that would wipe away his dream.
Buffy came downstairs to make Spike be quiet because he was making noises and waking her up. When she found the chair to be empty she was suspicious but then heard him mumble something from the living room. He was sprawled out on her couch talking in his sleep. At first Buffy thought it was funny that he was talking in his sleep, but then she picked up the word Angel and demon. She leaned in to catch more when he screamed bloody murder and grabbed her. He had an iron grip on her and he was shaking. She wrapped her arms around his room-temperature body to offer some comfort. He was… trembling, not shaking, trembling. The only trembling man she ever held was Angel after he returned from Hell. Buffy started to unfold her arms and push him from her but Spike's grip tightened.
" Please don't leave me" he whimpered, his face buried in her shoulder. All he could see was the last part of his dream over and over again. Pain swathed his head like a wet towel that wouldn't dry. He never felt the tears rise. All he knew was that she was holding him. With her he was safe, protected. He wasn't dead, no, but now he knew that he didn't want to die, not just yet. No, he already died. He didn't want to stop existing.
After what seemed like a few hours, Spike's trembling subsided enough for them to break from their embrace. But he still needed some contact, to be sure this was real. Her hand was in both of his, calming him. She took his chin in her other hand and moved his face up so that she could see into his eyes.
" What did you see?"
" What did you see?" Buffy whispered, looking deeply into Spikes eyes. He could have stayed in those eyes forever but his own eyes welled up again with tears. The pain of his all too real dream was still too close. He was choking on his own fear and horror.
" N-no," He stuttered, shaking his head out of her grasp. He was still grasping her hand when he looked down. He could feel her warmth, her life through her hand, it stirred him. He reluctantly let go of Buffy's small hand.
She felt strange when Spike cried in her arms. He clutched her like she was stone. He needed her, and she was there. But her feelings were mixed. This was Spike, the one who tried to kill her numerous times. She never thought that she would be consoling him from a nightmare, let alone having him sleep in her house. But how could she have turned away from him? How could she have had felt anything but tenderness to this crying man? It troubled her to see her once powerful enemy in such a vulnerable state. But his dream was the important thing; it was the reason he was at her house in the first place. She had to know what it was about. She had heard him say something about Angel and Darla. If he was in danger she had to know.
A tear fell on to her hand before he let go. It left a little cold trail as it slid down the back of her hand. She reached up and wiped the side of his face with her hand. His face felt strangely cool yet warm, but wet with tears. He looked at her in surprise. He was completely unguarded, there was no ' I'm supposed the Big Bad so I have to act all mean' there was just Spike, no there was just William. She took a corner of her housecoat and wiped his face free of tears.
It genuinely surprised him when she touched his face with such gentleness. He expected a swift blow to the head for crying all over her, but it was never delivered. He had shown her more things then he had shown anyone, including Drusilla. But there was no room in his mind for embarrassment yet. Her hands were still on his face when she spoke.
" Tell me," she urged quietly. He just stared blankly at her. She moved a few bits of his hair that were out of place behind his ear. She stroked the side of his head, relaxing him, but making him jittery too.
" I-I need something to drink," he muttered before trying to rise. Buffy was all but sitting in his lap so it made it hard for him to rise as swiftly as he wanted to. She stood, keeping herself from falling and making it easier for him to stand. He rose and staggered off. She watched him go, still in tenderness mode but half grinning at his half naked body totter towards the kitchen, his legs shaky. She followed suit.
He had a few cabinet doors open and had found the bottle of whiskey that was stored in the very back of the Summer's liquor cabinet. He was taking a drink from the bottle when she came in.
" Couldn't you have gotten a glass? And you know your not wearing a shirt, right?" Tenderness mode was wearing off. She needed to know what he saw in his dream. Especially if it shook him up so badly.
"I couldn't find any glasses, but I found what I was looking for." Giving a small salute to her with the bottle before taking another swig. " As for the shirt, I'm sorry I forgot in all the dramatics." He left the room to retrieve the shirt, and some of his dignity.
Buffy was almost disappointed when she saw he put up the shield again. Now he was back to being the same old sarcastic Spike, wonderful, she thought. When he came back into the kitchen she was sitting at the bar on a stool. He pulled up a stool next to her, grabbed the whiskey, and sat as well.
" What did you dream?" she said casually, knowing no other way to say it. She looked at him expectantly. Spikes face hardened.
" I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled. He decided it was easier to look angry in front of Buffy than to cry about it.
" Spike, tell me. I'm going to get it out of you some how, you know it." He did know it. At least she'd asked him first, instead of torturing him, or starving him for answers. Yet, he didn't want to relive the dream. It still hung too heavy on his mind. But he gave in anyway.
" Spike," she warned.
" I died," he muttered.
" What?" Buffy asked, she really didn't hear him.
" I died! Okay?!" Well, that wasn't what she expected to hear. Though, she did know what to expect in the first place.
" You died? As in human died?" she said kind of in a small voice.
" No," he had to put into words she could understand. " I got dusted." Spike nodded when she 'oh'ed and took another drink.
" Who dusted you?" she asked.
" Darla, she was with Dru. I couldn't believe it."
" Darla? But she's dead, and isn't Dru in South America where she-. Never mind." She said when Spike shot her a deadly glance. He didn't need to be reminded that she dumped him. He remembered how strong she looked with Darla, circling around Angel. Angel, he mused, that was the reason she was asking him things. She didn't care if it hurt him to think about Dru or to remember what it was like to die. She just wanted to know about soul-boy. Though jealousy welled up in the pit of his stomach, he decided to tell her. His defenses were still too shaky and weak to deny anything from those hazel eyes that were expectantly looking at him.
" No, Darla was there, with Dru. They were circling Angel like vultures. He was lying there on the floor, balled up in pain." Spike could see it all again. Right now he didn't care what Buffy thought, all he saw was his dream. " He looked at me, and it was like I was sucked into his body. I felt what he felt, his torment, and his war. He was struggling, fighting against something, something evil. It was making him weaker by the second." Spike knew what he was fighting. He was fighting the demon that Angel was, the demon that was buried in him. Spike now knew what it was like to go against his nature. He was trying to cope with it as well.
" There was some talking, but I couldn't understand. I, I mean he, was in so much pain." He was getting himself confused with Angel. " But he stood and lunged for Darla. But he was too weak; there was no effort. He missed her and fell in his stomach. When I rolled over, Darla was standing above me, a stake in her hands. She said something, but all I remember was ' Oh, look Dru, he won't give in. More's the pity, now I'll have to kill you, Angel'. The stake came down. I screamed and I was dust. Then I woke up."
Buffy sat in stunned silence.
" What about the first one? The first dream I mean. What happened in it?"
Spike expected her to go nuts because there was something wrong with soul-boy, but she didn't.
" Oh, well, in the first one Darla was human, and Dru came in and changed her. That's all I remember." He wasn't about to tell her how the dream really started, with her of course.
Finally the story was seeping in. Angel was going to die? Darla was alive and Dru was back? What?! Her mind kept screaming questions. Urgency welled up inside her. She needed to talk to Giles and then Angel. Now!
As soon as Spike came out of his daze, he could feel her urgency. Great, he thought, now she's going to do something stupid because of a sodding dream. She rose to get the phone and he laid a hand on her shoulder.
" It was only a dream Buffy," he surprised himself with the words. " It was just a dream. There's no need to wake the Scoobies and your watcher. It was just a dream."
" You sound like you're trying to convince yourself of that too,"
" I am." He said truthfully, but Buffy went and grabbed the phone anyway. She made her way to the dining room and was soon talking to Giles, glancing at Spike while pacing. She stopped and poked her head back into the kitchen.
" Giles wants to know if you have been having any other dreams than the two you told me about?"
" A few," he immediately answered without thinking. He wanted to smack his forehead for his stupidity, but he suppressed the impulse. Buffy raised her eyebrows, waiting.
" Well? What were they?"
" Um, I don't really remember, just flashes of things really." No, actually more like little films that gave him a reason to sleep. He grinned inwardly at his dreams of Buffy. She repeated the information to Giles and went back to pacing.
A few minutes and a couple drinks later she came back into the kitchen.
" Okay, Giles thinks that 'it's just a dream' too. But he'll look into it as usual. For now, why don't you go to your… crypt and get some things then go to Giles's house. You're staying there until I get back."
" Get back? What are you talking about?" She turned away from him. " You aren't going to soul-boy are you? Don't you ever listen to your watcher? It was just a dream!"
" I don't know his new number so I can't call him. The only way to see if Angel is okay is to go over there. Why do you care?"
" I don't, but there's no reason to go since it was just dream. Plus, you have Glory breathing down your neck, a kid sister to take care of and, of course, the scoobies and the rest of the human race are counting on you."
" You sound like Giles." Buffy said before speeding her way to the stairs. He heard her little feet pounding above him on the second floor. He had to somehow keep her from going. If the dreams were true and she went to LA, she'd be killed. Spike couldn't be responsible for that, no matter if it was Darla or Dru who did the killing, he'd still feel responsible. What if he were to get there faster than Buffy? What if he was the one who killed Darla and Dru? Great, he thought, now I'm beginning to believe the dreams. Yet, in his dreams he had this feeling as though it was real. He couldn't deny it, he knew somewhere inside that these were real things happening. That's it then, he thought, I'm off to LA once again. He stole silently out of Buffy's house, noting the time before he left. Just past three.
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Spike stole the first car he saw and drove to LA at top speeds. He entered the city just as the sun was beginning to rise. His skin was getting hotter and hotter every second as the sun rose. He flew to the warehouse in which he had tortured Angel for the Ring of Ammarra. The cool darkness greeted him with open arms. The burning feeling didn't go away for a few minutes. The first thought that came to Spike's head was, ' What did she mean 'new number'?'
Spike immediately got to business, down in the sewers. He followed the sewer line for as long as he could before he finally picked up a human/demon scent. He followed it further down to an opening to a building. He climbed up through the hatch and was greeted by a gigantic bouncer.
" We're closed." Mr. Muscle said.
" Don't worry Eddie, let the man sit." Came a voice that floated over the giants shoulder. He moved and let Spike through. There were only three people in the room, and only one was human. A green skinned demon sat tiredly at one of the several tables that were positioned in front of a small stage. Spike walked tentatively towards the demon, his need for information and his race with Buffy made him throw some caution to the wind.
" What can I help you with Tall-bloodsucking-and-handsome?" The demon said in kind of a sing-song voice. Spike sat across from the demon.
" What is this place?"
" Welcome to Caeretas, a safe and rockin' place for demons and humans." He answered. He drank from the near empty glass in his hand.
" What are you? The owner?"
" That among other things, yes. But you aren't here to know about me are you?" – Is he reading my mind?-
" No I'm not. Have you heard about a vampire with a soul? He helps people," He asked, searching for any recognition from the demon.
" Oh, yes, Angel. Ohh, now there is a true tone-deaf vamp, but hey his looks make up for it, am I right? What's your connection with him?"
" We're.. old friends, I guess you could say" – if I didn't hate that bloody wanker as much as I do- " You wouldn't happen to know where he's staying?"
" Hmm, I don't know, you're cute but I gotta know," the demon leaned forward. " Are ya dangerous?"
" Not anymore, I have a bloody chip in my head to prevent it. Sorry."
" Okay, I'll trust you. Here's his address, come back some time during open hours, and sing me one will ya?" Spike looked confused as he took the slip of paper from the demon. –Me, sing?-
" This is a Kareoke Bar, and I read those who sing. You can just call me the Mad Hatter, cause I just keep getting curiouser and curiouser. Why not sing a few words now, maybe I can help more." Spike was beginning to think the demon was crazy, but since it promised more info he agreed. He quickly belted out a few lines of "White Wedding" by Billy Idol. The demon sat back and watched.
" I can't tell you the future, but I can tell ya what I tell ya. You are so tangled around your lady love that you'd risk anything to be close to her. Even helping her with an old love. You are a true gentleman no matter how rough on the edges you pretend to be. You big softy." Spike didn't like it but he knew the demon was right.
" Thanks, I've gotta go" Spike got up and left the way he came in, but once in the sewers he went the opposite way. He knew the address and could only hope that it had sewer access.