Red + Red + Rose: Chpt. Fourteen // Omega (The End)
[Author's Note: okay, I totally went back and edited chapter thirteen so if you haven't read about the part with Seifer & Quistis 'faking it' I suggest you go back or else this entire thing (from this point on) will not make very much sense. Why did I edit it? Because I've finally decided how I'm going to end this. Mind you, there's still a few chapters to go before the ending, actually I think only one or two more, it depends. Thanks for having patience with me, everyone! ^_^]
"Crying really doesn't suit you. It makes the mascara run and then you look like a drenched whore after being stupid enough to walk through a snow storm and then make up with your boyfriend the next day." Blake criticized, "When he was hanging out at the bar with me and having a few drinks, laughing at you the whole time."
"I hate this." She lowered her gaze to the floor, giving into the loss of feeling, allowing him to pull her closer to him and kiss the top of her head. All the while, Seifer was making out with one girl while another, out of the six, was lying beside him now and wrapping her hands around his neck. Her voice came out mono-toned, not sad, not surprised anymore, just cold and distant. She was alone, once again. Nobody had ever truly loved her, she had never really experienced that feeling. Her childhood drifted back to her, slowly but vividly, making her head throb and bringing on a migraine.
"Oh, Hun, don't look so stupid. It could've happened to anyone." He snickered and lowered his mouth to hers, forcing his tongue in her mouth and playing around with hers until she simply could not deal with the repulsion of having that disgusting object in her mouth and quickly pulled away.
"If it makes you feel any better, none of it was your fault. You simply wanted to trust somebody, give yourself to someone and know love." He was mocking her and his voice dripped with sarcasm as he said the last part of the insult, pulling down the strap of her dress as she stood, lethargic, still in the doorway. Immediately, she pushed him away, not wanting to take any more of it and not wanting to watch Seifer take part in the despicable behavior any longer. The former general was practically old enough to be her father, had her relative still been alive, and it sickened her people like him existed. But what hurt even more, was that the one person that she had opened up to, had taken part in the whole charade. He had been the one she thought she was able to confide in, the one that she thought was being true when he was in her bed, the one that kept her content and also provided her with a challenge. The one that she really did believe she loved. Then this, it was too much to take in at one time, her head felt light, too light for her body, yet she managed to keep her balance long enough to tell them how she felt.
"You're a pervert, you both disgust me to a point where I'd like to bring up the bile from my liver if I did not have anything to throw up. I don't want to see either of you again, but unfortunately I'll probably get raped again and then murdered, all within the next few hours. My body will be discarded with in the closest dumpster or perhaps cut up, so that nobody could possibly make out what had used to been. But what's really making these tears fall down my face, is that I have never known anyone who could be so heartless and cruel, in my entire time. Not even the supposed 'God' that took my parents away so long ago and left me stranded in the rain. Now I'm stuck here, against my will, and everything that we have ever shared together has been a lie. Everything that I based us on meant nothing to you, and I hope that nobody else will fall for you, the way I did, Seifer. I pray that nobody will have to know the pain that you've put me through and the next girl you set your vision on will not be this stupid. Stupid enough to believe everything that she is told and allow a person to take advantage of her the way that you did to me."
She shouted that down the hallway toward the person that just a moment ago she had thought to be her friend, turned around, bringing her hand up to her eyes to wipe away the continuous stream, choking back the cry that threatened to escape from her parched, soar throat and ruin whatever dignity she had left.
"So pathetic." Blake said softly, trying to appear sorry even though she could tell that he was practically shaking with laughter inside, "I honestly feel for you. But I've earned this Quistis. All the trouble you put me through is finally going to have its rewards."
Then, without warning, he shoved her and pressed their two bodies together, making her fall to the floor and knock her head against the doorframe before it harshly connected with the hard floor, which only made her head ache more, both from the migraine and the new, hot headache. Before she knew what was happening, he was kissing her, pushing himself up to her, and trying to get her dress down.
What the hell is he doing? That asshole's trying to rape me and I'm still trying to figure out what's going on. Has Seifer really turned on me? What if…What if this isn't real? What if none of this is real and I'm still dreaming. I want to go back to sleep, I want to drift off into that inviting darkness. But if I fall asleep, giving into my weakness, God knows what he'll do to me. I have to get away, I have to run. I've got to get out. It's too late for anything else, I have nobody but myself to rely on now, Seifer's with them. He's…my…enemy. As hard as that is for me to accept, if I want to get out of here alive I'm going to have to. There's no time for being weak, somehow I have to push this idiot off me and make it away from the guards without getting shot. And that's after I manage to stand up and avoid getting raped.
Seifer. So you're going to watch as I'm humiliated before all these people…It's not like I have anything left anyway. What's the point of going on? Because I still have my life, even if that's all I have, it's worth enough to me to want to fight for it.
She tried to push him off her, flailing her limbs and attempting to throw him away. It barely affected him as he continued to take the red, shiny garment off and apply pressure to her shoulders to keep her down. He was practically crushing himself against her torso on the floor, getting closer and closer, his breath felt hot at her neck, but his hands felt cold on her skin, it made her feel sick that this whole thing was happening, that she had been stupid enough to be played.
How could you? Ruthless…sick…asshole.
"Get away…" She mumbled, trying to shut out his tongue while pressing her legs together and trying to ignore the feeling of a distinct object against her thigh. She squirmed out from him while, for a moment, he took his hands off to undo his belt, after trailing kisses down to her breasts and un-strapping her bra that she had just managed to do up. Quistis got down on all fours and grabbed onto something, anything, to pull herself to her feet. Clawing at the doorframe, almost in a frenzy, she cried out as he suddenly came up behind her and ripped her dress all the way down to her hips, groping at her chest while inching up closer and closer.
"Rrrgh…" A growl escaped her lips as she continued to struggle to get him away from her, in the background she heard a loud noise and shouting, but barely acknowledged them as she focused on getting him off.
What's that? Does it matter? They're probably going to be here any minute and take me away, letting him have his way. Not like this! I've got to get away. I have to surprise him, somehow. It doesn't matter how much an idiot I've been, I have to get out of here alive, if not for Seifer anymore, then for my friends. The ones who've supported me all this time, and tried their best to get me out of this mess.
"Get the fuck off." She shouted, feeling adrenaline pump through her just as he had reached up his hands to her legs to remove her undergarments as she still tried to scurry away.
Realizing that squirming was just not doing anything, she swung her elbow back, as Rinoa had done once in a fight with one of his men, and brought it up to his ribs. Immediately, the man buckled and grunted in pain, cursing at her. She took the opportunity to fall to the ground and spin around so that she was facing him. Then brought her knee up to sharply hit his groin area, feeling that sensitive region easily intake damage as she continued to hit him before forcing herself off the floor and standing up, watching the man curl up, holding his genitalia and issue disgusting threats. She brought her foot up to kick his side once again before smacking his head with her platform boot, however unexpectedly he dodged the attack and rolled over. Not having a clue what was going on in the room, and not bothering to try to figure out why fifty-thousand guards weren't on her back, she bolted, running at full speed, down the hall, swerving around corner and pushing a few scantily clad girls out of the way as she continued to run, gasping the entire time, barely taking in the fact that she was more then half naked and almost passing out with each step.
Her legs felt as though they were bricks, like they were being weighed down or perhaps the sensation was what it felt like to be heavy, but why was she feeling it? In any case, her speed was rapidly deteriorating, she realized that she had been completely petrified the entire time, and was still on the verge of shock, both from the frightening sexual encounter and the fact that Seifer was no longer on her side. It seemed to be hitting her at full force now, just as she had gained somewhat of an upper-hand in a practically impossible fight. However, before she knew what was happening, something hard grabbed onto her ankle just as she had lifted it up to take another agonizing step.
Her balance was immediately thrown off and, though she tried to regain it, she began to fall forward, the carpet was getting closer and closer. Though Quistis had braced herself for the impact, it did not help very much as her body slammed against the ground and then, just as was gasping for air, there was suddenly a heavy mass on top of her. Her enemy rolled her over and brought her closer as she tried kicking away, pounding her boot on the floor and hitting nothing but air. Pain rippled through her body as suddenly there was a loud clapping noise, similar to thunder, and a white hot shock traveled all through her face, she had been slapped, and heavily at that.
But she didn't have any time to think about her scorching face because now he was dragging her backwards and before she could react, he had thrown himself on her back and pushed her head harshly into the floor, she gasped for air as her breathing supply began to be cut off when he continued to press up to her. Her lungs felt like they would burst, her head felt like it would explode, and her muscles were sore enough to just give out any moment. Through the pain and shame, she continued fighting for her life, wriggling as much as she could to get out from under him. His hands were all over her and she tried screaming at him to get 'the fuck off her'.
"What the hell goes on in your fucking mind? You sick…perverted…bastard." She choked out, wincing in agony as he slammed her head against the ground and cringing as he nearly panted in her ear.
"Don't tell me you're not enjoying this." He struggled to keep her down as she kicked up at him and attempted to roll over.
"What's wrong with you? You're insane, aren't you?" She gritted her teeth as her head was once again pounded into the floor.
"Care to repeat that, whore?"
"…Anytime." Suddenly, she swung herself over, tumbling out from under him just as she felt him reaching for her lower body again. By now her vision was obscured by the river of blood running down from her forehead, blurring everything and stinging her eyes as it continued to drip down.
Apparently, she had smashed his head against the corner of the wall because now he moaned, rolling over and revealing a large pool of blood where the back of his head had been. She instantly stood up and went to kick him again, but realized that it had all been a horrid trick as he latched onto her foot once again and tried to pull her down with him. In an desperate effort to keep herself from getting back on the ground, she kicked off her shoe, seeing that he had only been holding onto the heel. The boot slid down her leg and she almost fell when it had been ¾ of the way off, however she pushed herself up against the wall to stop herself from tumbling down as Blake rolled backwards as the boot struck his chin from the impact of trying to get it off and hitting himself with it in the process. Not wasting even a precious second, she forced herself away from the wall and began running again, forcing her legs to go faster.
Before she knew what was happening she heard gunshots fire from behind her and threw herself to the floor, just after making it back into the conference room and slamming the door with her foot. The wood ruptured as a speeding bullet ripped through it and shattered a glass unit right after she began crawling under the large table in the center of the room. Pulling up a chair to hide herself, she brought her legs up to her chest and sat, huddled, in a little ball, hiding from them in whatever shadows there were.
It was an enclosed area, no vents, no other exits, and no the window was too far away, plus she had to clue how high up they were and if it would even be weak enough to shatter under her fist. The room was light yet darkness surrounded her under the enclosed area that she hid in, only glancing up for a slight moment when she heard the doors bang open and saw a rather infuriated Blake enter the room. His side was bleeding, she guessed that one of his ribs was fractured from the force of her multiple attacks. He practically panted as he rushed in looking for her.
At the other end of the table she heard him pick up a chair and toss it at the window. There was more shattering of glass along with several angry shouts. Her heart almost stopped when he reached for another chair, and then another, throwing both of them across the room like a maniac. There were no other options then to make a dash for the doors. He was still near the other end of the table and she doubted that he would have the speed or agility to tack her in time or get a clear shot at her with the gun that he had fired earlier. But where would she go after getting out of the room? There had been only one other door in the hallway and she had no clue where it led to.
However, with no alternatives and danger coming nearer every second, she found herself left with no other rational plans. True, it would be over if it was a dead end or there were guards standing on the other side, either way she was stuck. Her head still seemed to feel light and perhaps that was what played a part in her next decision when jumping out from under the table, into the air, ignoring the enemy's surprised look, and slid across the slippery floor, flying towards the doorway.
She could only brace herself when she saw a man's foot come up to meet with her face from the side, knocking back her neck and causing her to sail aback. Her head reeled in pain once more when she smacked into the corner of the hard table. She winced upon feeling a warm, sticky liquid at the back, trying to crawl away from the approaching attacker while Blake stormed over to her from the other side of the large piece of furniture. His face looked insanely angry as he got closer and she attempted to get herself over to the door, failing miserably to escape although she managed to weakly climb to her feet. Her foe reached for her wrist, planning to drag her somewhere, she brought up her other, free arm and knocked his off by the force and speed of her blow. Then Quistis twisted his arm to the side and behind his back, extending her foot out to brutally knock back the other man that had a gun in his hand, aimed at her. His head slammed into the wall and he grunted before sliding to the floor, dropping the weapon. Meanwhile Blake had swung his arm back around while she had been busy with the other enemy. He elbowed her abdomen hard and she buckled before backing up into the hallway, right into the awaiting arms of Seifer.
"Ugh, get away." She moaned through the aching.
"Stop struggling." He said, pulling her down the hall with him and through a doorway, leading into another passage.
"Let go." She tried to grab onto his arms and rip them off but he quickly moved them to her hips, dragging her down the hall while running.
"Just shut up." He ordered, putting one of his hands over her mouth and holding her tightly against his body.
"Mmrf!" Quistis cried out as he gripped his hand around her wounded stomach.
"Sorry." He replied gruffly, "Trust me Love."
Reluctantly, with no other choices, she began to walk in synch with him, allowing herself to be led back. Behind them, Blake raced to catch up, she had no clue what was going on, only that he began firing shots at her. One of them went flying past her arm and another almost landed in her leg. The next thing she knew, Seifer spun her around, gripping her shoulders and pushing her forward, covering her from behind. He swerved to the right, swinging her with them when they collided into the wall as he held her close to him. They made a mad dive for the floor as another shot was fired, by now she was extremely confused as he laid on top of her, rolling over in time to see the crazed man charging at them.
Thinking quickly, Seifer flipped him over by raising up both his feet, but the man managed to catch his balance and landed on his feet, bringing back his foot to knock Seifer out from behind with a sharp kick to the temple. Quistis spun around on the floor and latched onto his leg, hugging it, and brought up her foot, sideswiping the man and knocking him to the ground. He quickly retaliated before she had a chance to get up, by jumping on top of her, pressing against her and crushing her body underneath his form.
"Uh!" She gasped, trying to push him off, seeing that Seifer was lying on the floor motionless not far from her.
Seifer! Get up! …Why do I want him to get up? Isn't he against me? What's going on?
But there was no time to think because he was now mounted above her while he tried to strangle her. She brought up her hands between his arms, forming an "X" with them and rapidly pulling her arms apart so that he fell forward, making it possible for her to claw at his face. As he reached up to cover his bloodied cheek, she rolled onto her stomach, not expecting him to recover so quickly. He was so close, still trying to get his way with her as he held her down. But feeling this, she slid up her leg on the floor, bent at the knee, swinging it over her in the air and knocking him off.
He landed beside her and tried to grope at her but she quickly rammed her knee up into his lower region then slammed his head into the floor.
It was only then that she noticed Seifer had a trail of blood running down his head and forming a large puddle on the ground. Concerned, she crawled over to where he laid, cradling his head in her arms and feeling hot tears forming in her eyes. She didn't want to check his pulse or breathing, frightened by what she might find.
Please don't be dead! You can't do this to me. Seifer, get up! You have to get up! Not after all this work, get your ass off the damn floor! I need you. I have to find out why you tried to save me. Open your eyes! We've got to get out of here before that idiot recovers. You can't die on me, we've gotten so far. We can escape, but I'm not leaving without you. It isn't fair! What's wrong with you? I know you can't be dead. Not like this…
"Get up." A male voice told her, it was familiar and not cold like Blake's.
"I can't…He's-"
"Get up." This time he grabbed onto her shoulders and pulled her up, allowing her to lean against him as he held her.
"He'd want you to get away. Go and I'll check if he's still alive."
"You don't know anything!" She accused him," I have no clue what's going on and neither do you. One minute he's against me, the next he's protecting me. I don't even know how to get out of here or how you two managed to find your way in."
"There's no time to explain. Blake's going to wake up any moment. This is no time to be arguing, we're in a real-life battlefield and there's no mercy here. If you try to stay, I can't guarantee your safety, especially with that horny bastard around. Leave now and ask questions later. Go with Rinoa."
She felt a hand on her wrist and looked over to see the brunette as she was pushed over to the other agent.
"Come on. Let's-"
"Not until I know what's going on. I'm not leaving him here."
"We'll explain everything in the car. Look, I feel really bad for doing this but we've got to hurry." She began shoving Quistis down the hall, despite her struggles. She clawed at the girl, yelling at her and trying to get away but her strength overpowered hers as she was lead away.
I can't go. Not with you dead. What am I without you? What's to live for after all of this is over? I won't leave you here with them. I don't care what you did in the past, hell, I don't even give a fuck if I'm blinded by emotions. I haven't a clue who you're with but obviously my life mattered to you enough to defend me. That's all that matters. Those moments when you blocked the bullets, shielding me and protecting my body with yours. I don't want to forget that.
"I won't!" She exclaimed, throwing herself away from Rinoa's reach and rubbing her head from the pain of having it smacked into the table.
They had made it halfway down when they heard a deep groan come from down the corridor. She turned around to see Seifer sitting up, wincing and cursing. The agent couldn't hold her back anymore as she rushed back to where squall and the blond e male were kneeling. He looked her way and forced a smirk through the pain. Opening his arms, he pulled into him as she wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her head into his chest and allowing him to encircle his arms around her waist. For a moment, time stopped as they were locked in the embrace, his lips brushed over hers and made all her doubts instantly dissipate. She couldn't believe what was happening, she didn't want to remember where she was or the danger they were in. They were finally together again, not caring about anyone else. He trailed kisses all over her face and down her neck, relishing that minute, that time that they had. Quistis allowed him to pick her up as he got to his feet, too weak from both happiness, pain and confusion to get up. She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms once again.
"Don't let go." She mumbled, her head still pressed into his upper torso as she held onto him and hoped the world would stop swimming.
"I'm so sorry, Love. I never meant for any of this to happen." He told her, breathing a deep sigh of relief at having her close again.
She opened her eyes and pulled her head slightly away to see what was happening, confused by the shouts of the others.
"Tell me. Tell me all of it sometime?" She asked of him, it was a simple question but demanded such a lengthy answer to satisfy her.
They entered a room and the other two closed the doors behind them, slamming them before Blake or any of his men could enter. They looked around and took in the place. It was a large bedroom, with a huge four-poster bed and multiple pieces of furniture decorated the interior. It seemed to be set up perfectly, except there were a few troubling things that made her sick as she glanced around, still being carried by Seifer.
There were ropes and chains that hung off the bed, various disgusting objects that had uses that she could only guess at, along with those things there was a video camera set up with a television set not too far away. A large window was covered by drapes and there was another doorway that led into a bathroom a few feet away.
"What is this place?" Quistis asked him, worry was evident in her voice as he set her down on the bed while the other couple remained by the door, securing the area and thinking of a plan to get them out.
"This place is…his bedroom." Seifer explained, frowning when he saw her repulsed expression as she backed away from him, suddenly remember what would have taken place earlier, had they not gotten away.
"How would you know? Why were you in that other room with those people earlier?"
"You want to know everything? The truth, even though it'll hurt you."
"I want to know why I've been going through hell these past few weeks and found you conspiring with the enemy." Her eyes begged him to tell her and sighed, realizing nothing else would satisfy her.
"You'll hate me by the time I'm finished but if this is really what you-"
"Seifer, get to the point." Squall said, as though he knew something that she didn't.
"Fine." He replied icily, glaring at the other man, "I will…
It's the truth that I was in on this plan and selling video tapes with you in them. Everything that Blake told you was not a lie. But now I'll explain what happened, why I was here and about the kidnapping. I've been working with him for a long time, until I became involved with you. I loved our nights together, even if they were a dreadful sin because I was profiting off of them by setting the video camera up in your room. However, when our relationship became deeper, I found myself looking at my life and being sickened by it. Slowly, I started to grow distant from Blake and I began to do my own job on the corners. I still brought in money by it and he didn't have a clue…Until he found me one night and started threatening me, becoming angry with my decision to leave his business. By that time, I had begun to dislike the man extremely and I made every effort possible to keep him away from you when he found out about the tapes and viewed them all. He ordered me to get you to go to his penthouse with him, but I turned him down, knowing that he had other things in mind. He would have taken you to work for him and help you a prisoner, so I refused to go along with him. That displeased him, obviously, and so he got angry."
"Seifer was looking out for you and trying to get out of Blake's group but was being held captive." Squall added.
"The threats became more violent until he had people with guns chasing after me and trying to harm you. He even went so far as to send one of his men after you to take you back to his place, that night a long while ago at the Opium, when you were attacked in the alley."
"We had been monitoring the entire situation but couldn't step in quite yet without that idiot noticing that we were working with you." Rinoa told her, motioning for Seifer to continue.
"Later that night, after I took you home and left your place, I was jumped and shoved in the back of a car, being taken back to Blake's place where he tried to kill me, had I not started working for him again. I was being constantly followed and watched to make sure that I was carrying out that bastard's orders. I was sucked in again and he had me exactly where he wanted me. He was giving me insane amounts of money and he knew I couldn't turn him down because he tracked my progress and had me in a bind."
"You were…being forced to work for him?" She asked.
He nodded and continued with the story.
"Before I knew it, I was in over my head. Blake had committed several crimes, almost countless ones, over time and they were beginning to catch up with him and worry me. I wasn't quite sure how far he would go to have you and I knew the asshole was lying when he told me you were no longer of interest to him. When I found out about his plan to kidnap you, I confronted him about it, he only responded by making matters worse when he had his men attack me and trap me inside this hellhole. Eventually I thought of a plan, but it was an uncertain one with no other options available."
"Blake made him act hurt during those times you saw him briefly, in an attempt to draw you out." Rinoa explained.
"He only agreed to let me out if I helped him, however he gave me his word that you wouldn't be getting hurt. If I didn't comply with his plan he would have killed you, Love. So as much as I hated him for lying to me about bringing pain to you, when I found out, I knew it was better then losing you completely so I continued to follow his instructions. When he told me that he was sick of losing all his men to you and your 'body guards' I tried to persuade him to just forget about it, however he was mad. He wanted you so badly that he came up with the plan to take you in your sleep. Immediately, I refused him, saying he was taking it too far and, after seeing all your injuries, I didn't trust him anymore."
"Then he was holding you here because he knew you would do whatever it took to keep me safe?" The other blonde asked, laying back on the bed for a moment.
"Precisely, he had me stuck, but when I rejected his kidnapping plan he knew I didn't believe his threats about killing you anymore, I was calling his bluff. Unfortunately, there was no other choice but to remain here because he would've killed me if I'd acted any other way. Blake told me about his plans then, knowing there was nothing to do, and explained that if I didn't want you to be in any 'discomfort' then I would have to act out the final phase of the plan, which was betrayal. I did it only because I had my own ideas, and that was this escape."
"You have to understand that, though he did a few crimes of his own, that other man was responsible for most of his actions. He had Seifer under his control and tried to tempt him as well." Rinoa finished.
"When the plan went awry, we decided to go with an emergency procedure to get you and Seifer out of here." Squall said, "We came through the vents."
"Seifer…" She replied, staring at her knee which had a large, dark scab on it from one of her ordeals.
"I didn't have a choice." He yelled to her, standing up quickly and pacing around the room, bringing a hand up to his head, "I didn't mean for any of it to happen."
"Don't come near me." She whispered, turning to him to meet his gaze as she stared into those eyes that were filled with sorrow now.
"Fine. I'll stay as far away from you as possible." The threw up his hands in the air, "Just fuck it."
Why? Why did you have to work for him in the first place? If you really cared, why did you even start selling the tapes in the first place? If I meant anything to you then why did you do this to me? Did you feel pain too or did you even give a damn?
I know that he wanted to get out it and it was his fault for being sucked in, so why do I still feel like this? I can't trust him anymore, he's just as bad as that stupid former general. He doesn't care who he hurts or what the consequences are. All that matters to him is the money and luxuries. Why can't I just give up already and face the facts?
Do I want to be in denial? What's going to happen now? I can't be with him anymore, there's something missing now. I'll only get taken advantage of again, he can tell me he's changed a thousand times but it won't make a difference. It'll never be the same.
It was almost too much for her to take in as she pieced things together, trying to make sense of the whole situation. Quistis was unsure of what to think of Seifer. He had kept many things from her and was partially responsible for the mess. He understood when she shrank away from him when he got closer to the bed. She didn't want to think about their relationship now, all that mattered was getting out alive. It wouldn't be long before Blake and his men made it in and they were trapped, like a cornered rabbit, in the room. She stood up in an effort to get away from Seifer, walking over to the couple that stood at the entrance, guarding it.
"What will we do now?"
"Are you ready to go on? You understand everything?" Squall asked, running a hand through his hair and sighing.
"I want to get away from here." She confirmed, refusing to look back at Seifer as he walked over to where she stood. For a moment she thought he would place his arms around her, but they remained by his side, though it angered him to accept her scorn toward him.
"We can take the vents out, the same way we got in. I'll go first, followed by you, then Seifer, and Squall will cover us from the back. It's a tight fit but we can make it if we crawl."