|\v/| Primal Chaos
|=_=| [rn][xo:fus][bw] A Ranma 1/2 / Beast Wars crossover fusion
:\_/: Part 5: A Bad Hair (Care) Day
---begin part 5---
"Saotome Ranma! Prepare to die!"
Ranma dodged as a figure, dressed in white robes, sailed passed and
attacked the tent with a pair of short swords that appeared from
within his long sleeves.
"Who the heck are you?" Ranma demanded.
"Silence!" the stranger threatened a shrub. "For stealing my
Shampoo, you will die at the hands of Mousse!"
"That's got to be the second weirdest death threat I've ever
heard," Ranma commented aside to the girls. "And I thought Ryoga's
bread feud was stupid."
"That rat was chasing you over bread?" Nabiki asked in furious
bewilderment. "That was why he nearly killed me!?"
"I remember now. It was back at my last school," Ranma explained.
"Lunchtimes were always a fierce battle to see who would get
served. It was a boys' school after all."
"Oh, that makes lots of sense," Nabiki deadpanned.
"I used to wait until they were serving the last piece before
joining in," Ranma ignored her to continue. "It was more of a
challenge that way. I guess Ryoga felt the same, but I always
managed to beat him to it. I would never have guessed he'd take
it so badly. It was only curry bread. Oh, then there was the
rice bread, the egg salad, and the eel sandwich, and the ...."
"Oh boy," Kasumi sighed as she raised a hand to her cheek. "That
sounds like a lot of straws on one camel's back."
"So what's this guy after you for?" Akane demanded of Ranma.
"Ruining his hairdo?"
"Stop ignoring me, Saotome!" the nameless boy whirled and yelled at
Kasumi. "And leave Haru Du out of this!"
"Oh dear." Kasumi nervously backed away from the wildly flailing
swords.
"Yo! I'm over here, foureyes!" Ranma snarled at the swordsman in
white and jumped forward to slap the guy's glasses over his eyes.
"Leave K... the girls out of this."
"So, Saotome, you finally tire of hiding from me," the boy accused
as he peered through thick lenses. "At last you realise the
futility of running from my wrath!"
"I didn't even know you were chasing me," Ranma replied. "Who are
you, anyway?"
"As if you don't know, Saotome," the boy growled, then paused
thoughtfully and snapped his fingers. "That's right, we've never
actually met."
"Then why in the matrix are you after me?" Ranma demanded hotly
and clubbed the boy on his noggin.
"For running out on my Shampoo!" the boy declared.
"I get it now," Ranma exclaimed. "You're a total loony!"
Mindless violence followed.
~~~ flash
Shan Pu crawled through the grass and smiled at her rare find. A
white tiger skin rug would look so good on the floor of her hut.
Shan Pu froze as the tiger looked suddenly alert, as though
something had alarmed it. She frowned in puzzlement as she didn't
think that she'd made a sound and was approaching against the wind,
but the tiger was searching in her direction.
Then Shan Pu heard a sound behind her and rolled over in fright at
finding that another cat had stole up on her. The cat regarded
her with curious golden eyes and, sensing no hostility from it,
Shan Pu felt her fea... surprised reaction die down.
Joketsu pride surged; how dare that oversized kitten interfere in
her hunt? Not pausing to notice that that type of cat just didn't
belong in the mountains, Shan Pu turned her spear on the beast and
stabbed.
All she got for her effort was the humiliating loss of half of her
weapon to a casual paw swipe. A power snap of her leg was likewise
avoided with a relaxed bound. Shan Pu used the opportunity to flip
herself onto her feet, draw her knife and slash at the cat.
The knife landed out of reach further down the slope, joining the
far half of her broken spear. Shan Pu rubbed her wrist and
regarded the creature with cautious awe. It was increasingly
obvious that that was no natural beast. She was at least glad that
her actions didn't seem to have enraged it, and got an idea.
Shan Pu smiled and bowed respectfully. "Great cat spirit. I,
Shan Pu of the Joketsuzoku, would be honoured to test my skill in
combat with you." Her teacher had drummed into her the importance
of being polite; often and with a big stick. It couldn't hurt.
The creature seemed to understand her words, or at least her body
language, for it replied in a strange language, but with a human
sounding voice, and adopted a relaxed battle ready stance. Shan Pu
bowed again then attacked with all the skill of three thousand
years of Joketsuzoku lore taught to her.
She found herself flat on her back moments later wondering what had
happened. She looked up at the cat face staring down at her and
forced a cheerful smile. "Great cat spirit is a great warrior. I,
Shan Pu, am honoured to have met you in combat. At least I, Shan
Pu, wasn't defeated by a man, eh?"
It was meant to be a joke, but a moment later the cat licked her
face. Shan Pu froze in shock; was that a Kiss of Marriage? Did
that count? Wasn't she supposed to give it? What did the Big Book
of Joketsu Law say about being defeated by an spirit animal anyway?
Shan Pu did the only thing she could. She fainted.
~~~ back
"You kissed her?" Akane demanded angrily. 'How dare he kiss
ano...?' she thought but instead said, "how dare you force yourself
on a girl?"
She could see it all: he beat the poor girl up then, while she was
helpless, he did that ... and this ... then his hands went down
there ... and up here ... a bit to the left .... 'Why is it so hot
all of a sudden?' "Arrrgghh! You pervert!"
"Hey," Ranma protested as he backed away from the glowing girl, "I
was in my beast mode, I didn't speak the language and I wanted to
assure her I was friendly. I didn't ...."
"What's this about a Kiss of Marriage?" Kasumi interrupted with a
demand on the boy tied up in his own chains.
"When a warrior woman is defeated by an outsider male, she must
give him a Kiss of Marriage and make him her husband," the boy
growled and glared at Ranma (or that was assumed to be his intended
target).
"WHAT!?" three female voices demanded in perfect harmony.
"It is the law of the Joketsuzoku," the boy explained. "But I will
kill him and win back my love!"
"Get real," Ranma said with a smirk. "You can't defeat me with
your stupid tricks."
"Stupid tricks?" Mu Tzu growled. "Who do you think you are talking
to? I, Mu Tzu, am a Master of Hidden Weapons Techniques!" With
that he stood up, letting the chains fall from him and revealing a
bolt cutter held in his left hand. "Now, prepare to face my
mooffle."
Akane removed the training potty from Mu Tzu's face. "You can
kill him later. Now, tell us what happened to the girl."
~~~ flash
Shan Pu awoke to hear two men moving around nearby and reached for
her weapons for reassurance. She was relieved to find herself fully
clothed and armed, though her hunting spear had been broken.
That was when she recalled her encounter with the spirit beast and
it's 'proposal'. Shan Pu had always wanted a simple life: beat up
people until she found a man strong enough to beat her up instead,
then marry him and beat up other people together. Being wed to a
spirit animal wasn't something she had expected at all. She didn't
even want to think of the wedding night! It had to be a mistake
and as soon as she explained it to .... Where was it anyway?
'No, where am I, Shan Pu?' she considered the more immediate
question first. She peered around and saw one of the men, in a
strange costume of metal and black and white striped fur, tending
to a camp fire. The other, a boy in a similar costume with gold
and black spotted fur, was butchering a hare.
She clenched her teeth at the thought of men hunting on Joketsuzoku
land and fondly imagined ways to punish the outsiders when she took
a second look at their armor and noticed the design on their
chests and the patterns of the fur. Just like on her ....
"Die!!"
~~~ back
".... So you see," Ranma explained, "we tried to shake her off
our trail, but she chased us to the ends of China trying to kill
me. I guess it kind of makes sense now; she mustn't have figured
out that we were the same. We just thought she was nuts. But that
doesn't explain why Hair Gel here wants to kill me."
"She must have figured it out at some stage," Nabiki observed.
"Oh damn," Kasumi groaned. "Now she doesn't want to kill you, she
just wants you."
"And for that, you must die!" Mu Tzu declared, pulled a morning
star out of nowhere and swung it wildly; sending the girls diving
for cover.
"Hey, watch it with that thing," Ranma snarled as he kicked Mu Tzu
in the stomach and away from the group. "If you want to fight,
then fight me!"
"Indeed I shall, Saotome. Now Die!"
"Put your glasses on, idiot," Ranma moaned into his hand after
watching Mu Tzu demolish another shrub. "You'll need all the help
you can get to fight me with your stupid party tricks."
"You've mocked my techniques for the last time, Saotome!" Mu Tzu
avowed and produced a chicken. "Now face the true horror of Hidden
Weapons! Blow of the Chicken Egg!"
"You jerk!" Ranma yelled as he dived between Mu Tzu and the girls
to let the egg bombs explode against his shell. "Let's see how
you fight without your tricks. Beast Mode!"
The cheetah launched itself through a barrage of chain weapons and
slashed at Mu Tzu with rapid paw swipes as he circled around. They
didn't look to hit, but material and metal fell away from Mu Tzu in
swathes.
"Oh my!" Nabiki gasped as the robes fluttered to the ground. She
pulled a spy camera out of her 'belt' and snapped off a few
shots.
"Oh yeah, baby, take 'em off!" Kasumi cheered as Mu Tzu's body was
revealed, then squeaked in embarrassment. "Oh dear, did I say that
out loud?"
"Honestly, you two," Akane muttered, unable to see what all the
fuss was about. Just because Mu Tzu had a rippling abdomen, well
defined pectoral muscles, bulging biceps and flexing triceps, not
to mention that tightly packed gluteus maximus under those tight
pants ... it was nothing to get all hot and bothered about.
Ranma maximised and faced off against the youth who was stripped
down to his pants.
"Who do you think you are dealing with?" Mousse demanded as he
reached behind his ear to pull out a fishing hook and line. "I'm a
Master of Hidden Weapons. Let's see how you fight without your
armor."
"You idiot," Ranma growled as the line hooked onto him. "My armor
is part of my body!" He seemed more angry at that than at Mu Tzu.
"I will tear it off of you anyway!" Mu Tzu declared and kicked at
Ranma, raising sparks as the toe of his shoe, or rather the needle
sticking out of it, scraped against the armoured hide. "Why don't
you fight me as a man?"
Ranma growled and stared at his fist. "Heh, you think I need this
to beat you? Without your tricks even Akane could beat you." He
pushed the named girl forward.
"What do you mean, 'even Akane'?" she demanded with a punch to his
head.
"Hey! Fight him, idiot!" Ranma growled. "Go ahead, you can take
him."
"So, Saotome, now you hide behind a weak little girl?" Mu Tzu
sneered.
"Who ... are ... you ... calling ... WEAK!?" Akane demanded as she
emphasised her words with blows; the final uppercut sending Mu Tzu
flying out of the campsite.
"Well, Saotome, it looks like we can sleep soundly tonight," Soun
said as he and the tiger strode into the camp. "It doesn't seem
like there's anyone around for miles."
"Uh, did we miss something?" the tiger asked as everyone stared at
them incredulously.
"Tell me again why we came out here, Ranma?" Nabiki asked Ranma.
"So we could train without anyone finding us," Ranma replied
weakly.
"And the reason our father's went on patrol was ...?"
"So nobody could sneak up on us."
"And the girl following them into camp would be ...?"
"Shampoo," Ranma confirmed with a sigh.
"Shan Pu being so so happy is finding husband!" the girl sighed
ecstatically as she flung herself at him then gripped him
possessively.
---
"Shan Pu!" Mu Tzu weeped joyously as he embraced her
enthusiastically. "Forget Saotome and run away with meeek!"
Something definitely felt wrong, he decided and jumped away
in alarm.
"Do I look like Shampoo?"
Mu Tzu slipped his glasses back on and backed away to demand,
"what ... who are you?"
"Gosunguki Hikaru," the Gothic boy in black armor introduced. "I
can help you against that foul Saotome."
"Why should you help me?" Mu Tzu demanded suspiciously.
'I want to help you win back your love with no thought of reward.
That's just the kind of guy I am,' Hikaru thought and said, "Ha!
With Ranma gone I can have Akane for myself!"
Then he thought some more, 'wait, I should have said the first out
loud and kept silent on the second.'
---
"Listen, Shampoo, I'm not going to marry you," Ranma said firmly.
"Getting married because of some barbaric law is pure prehistoric.
So you see ... you're not listening, are you?"
Touching his cheek tenderly Shan Pu said, "I love you!" before
kissing him firmly on the mouth and stunning him into immobility
by using her tongue.
"Nope. I don't think she's listening," Nabiki observed with a
frown.
"Nice technique though," Kasumi added thoughtfully then blushed.
Akane muttered darkly to herself.
"So ... you see ...," Ranma continued after breaking free. "I
think ... I mean, well .... First we should get to know each other
better."
"Ranma!" Soun exploded. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Now don't blame my Ranma," Kasumi soothed. "It's a clear case of
a woman trying to trap a man."
"Looks like it's working, too," Nabiki added enviously.
"I don't think it's right," Kasumi disapproved sternly.
"Yeah," Nabiki added. "If anybody's gonna trap Ranma, it's me."
Perhaps it was something in the girls' tone that caught Shan Pu's
attention, but it was Nabiki's armoured from that held it. "Oh!"
she asked, "Is Ranma sister, yes?"
"He's my fiancee," Nabiki corrected as she attached herself to
Ranma's arm.
"Oh no, Nabiki," Kasumi gasped in dismay, "you shouldn't say that.
He hasn't chosen me, er, which one of us he's going to marry yet."
"Not girl husband!" Shan Pu asserted furiously as she clung
possessively to Ranma's other arm. "Ranma is destined be Shan Pu
groom."
"Not if you ask me I'm not," Ranma stated as he regrew his spine.
"Ranma will marry one my daughters!" Soun confirmed in a warning
tone.
"Give me Ranma!" Shan Pu demanded angrily and started pulling. "No
keep Ranma from Shan Pu, or you I kill."
"Do you think we'll just let you take him?" Nabiki asked as she
tugged him back.
"Hey, cut that out!" Ranma urged as they played tug of war with
him.
Shan Pu released Ranma's arm and glared at Nabiki as she stepped up
to her and planted a kiss on her cheek.
"Now then," Soun said into the sudden silence, took a calming
breath then yelled, "would someone care to explain!?"
---end part 5---
|=_=| [rn][xo:fus][bw] A Ranma 1/2 / Beast Wars crossover fusion
:\_/: Part 5: A Bad Hair (Care) Day
---begin part 5---
"Saotome Ranma! Prepare to die!"
Ranma dodged as a figure, dressed in white robes, sailed passed and
attacked the tent with a pair of short swords that appeared from
within his long sleeves.
"Who the heck are you?" Ranma demanded.
"Silence!" the stranger threatened a shrub. "For stealing my
Shampoo, you will die at the hands of Mousse!"
"That's got to be the second weirdest death threat I've ever
heard," Ranma commented aside to the girls. "And I thought Ryoga's
bread feud was stupid."
"That rat was chasing you over bread?" Nabiki asked in furious
bewilderment. "That was why he nearly killed me!?"
"I remember now. It was back at my last school," Ranma explained.
"Lunchtimes were always a fierce battle to see who would get
served. It was a boys' school after all."
"Oh, that makes lots of sense," Nabiki deadpanned.
"I used to wait until they were serving the last piece before
joining in," Ranma ignored her to continue. "It was more of a
challenge that way. I guess Ryoga felt the same, but I always
managed to beat him to it. I would never have guessed he'd take
it so badly. It was only curry bread. Oh, then there was the
rice bread, the egg salad, and the eel sandwich, and the ...."
"Oh boy," Kasumi sighed as she raised a hand to her cheek. "That
sounds like a lot of straws on one camel's back."
"So what's this guy after you for?" Akane demanded of Ranma.
"Ruining his hairdo?"
"Stop ignoring me, Saotome!" the nameless boy whirled and yelled at
Kasumi. "And leave Haru Du out of this!"
"Oh dear." Kasumi nervously backed away from the wildly flailing
swords.
"Yo! I'm over here, foureyes!" Ranma snarled at the swordsman in
white and jumped forward to slap the guy's glasses over his eyes.
"Leave K... the girls out of this."
"So, Saotome, you finally tire of hiding from me," the boy accused
as he peered through thick lenses. "At last you realise the
futility of running from my wrath!"
"I didn't even know you were chasing me," Ranma replied. "Who are
you, anyway?"
"As if you don't know, Saotome," the boy growled, then paused
thoughtfully and snapped his fingers. "That's right, we've never
actually met."
"Then why in the matrix are you after me?" Ranma demanded hotly
and clubbed the boy on his noggin.
"For running out on my Shampoo!" the boy declared.
"I get it now," Ranma exclaimed. "You're a total loony!"
Mindless violence followed.
~~~ flash
Shan Pu crawled through the grass and smiled at her rare find. A
white tiger skin rug would look so good on the floor of her hut.
Shan Pu froze as the tiger looked suddenly alert, as though
something had alarmed it. She frowned in puzzlement as she didn't
think that she'd made a sound and was approaching against the wind,
but the tiger was searching in her direction.
Then Shan Pu heard a sound behind her and rolled over in fright at
finding that another cat had stole up on her. The cat regarded
her with curious golden eyes and, sensing no hostility from it,
Shan Pu felt her fea... surprised reaction die down.
Joketsu pride surged; how dare that oversized kitten interfere in
her hunt? Not pausing to notice that that type of cat just didn't
belong in the mountains, Shan Pu turned her spear on the beast and
stabbed.
All she got for her effort was the humiliating loss of half of her
weapon to a casual paw swipe. A power snap of her leg was likewise
avoided with a relaxed bound. Shan Pu used the opportunity to flip
herself onto her feet, draw her knife and slash at the cat.
The knife landed out of reach further down the slope, joining the
far half of her broken spear. Shan Pu rubbed her wrist and
regarded the creature with cautious awe. It was increasingly
obvious that that was no natural beast. She was at least glad that
her actions didn't seem to have enraged it, and got an idea.
Shan Pu smiled and bowed respectfully. "Great cat spirit. I,
Shan Pu of the Joketsuzoku, would be honoured to test my skill in
combat with you." Her teacher had drummed into her the importance
of being polite; often and with a big stick. It couldn't hurt.
The creature seemed to understand her words, or at least her body
language, for it replied in a strange language, but with a human
sounding voice, and adopted a relaxed battle ready stance. Shan Pu
bowed again then attacked with all the skill of three thousand
years of Joketsuzoku lore taught to her.
She found herself flat on her back moments later wondering what had
happened. She looked up at the cat face staring down at her and
forced a cheerful smile. "Great cat spirit is a great warrior. I,
Shan Pu, am honoured to have met you in combat. At least I, Shan
Pu, wasn't defeated by a man, eh?"
It was meant to be a joke, but a moment later the cat licked her
face. Shan Pu froze in shock; was that a Kiss of Marriage? Did
that count? Wasn't she supposed to give it? What did the Big Book
of Joketsu Law say about being defeated by an spirit animal anyway?
Shan Pu did the only thing she could. She fainted.
~~~ back
"You kissed her?" Akane demanded angrily. 'How dare he kiss
ano...?' she thought but instead said, "how dare you force yourself
on a girl?"
She could see it all: he beat the poor girl up then, while she was
helpless, he did that ... and this ... then his hands went down
there ... and up here ... a bit to the left .... 'Why is it so hot
all of a sudden?' "Arrrgghh! You pervert!"
"Hey," Ranma protested as he backed away from the glowing girl, "I
was in my beast mode, I didn't speak the language and I wanted to
assure her I was friendly. I didn't ...."
"What's this about a Kiss of Marriage?" Kasumi interrupted with a
demand on the boy tied up in his own chains.
"When a warrior woman is defeated by an outsider male, she must
give him a Kiss of Marriage and make him her husband," the boy
growled and glared at Ranma (or that was assumed to be his intended
target).
"WHAT!?" three female voices demanded in perfect harmony.
"It is the law of the Joketsuzoku," the boy explained. "But I will
kill him and win back my love!"
"Get real," Ranma said with a smirk. "You can't defeat me with
your stupid tricks."
"Stupid tricks?" Mu Tzu growled. "Who do you think you are talking
to? I, Mu Tzu, am a Master of Hidden Weapons Techniques!" With
that he stood up, letting the chains fall from him and revealing a
bolt cutter held in his left hand. "Now, prepare to face my
mooffle."
Akane removed the training potty from Mu Tzu's face. "You can
kill him later. Now, tell us what happened to the girl."
~~~ flash
Shan Pu awoke to hear two men moving around nearby and reached for
her weapons for reassurance. She was relieved to find herself fully
clothed and armed, though her hunting spear had been broken.
That was when she recalled her encounter with the spirit beast and
it's 'proposal'. Shan Pu had always wanted a simple life: beat up
people until she found a man strong enough to beat her up instead,
then marry him and beat up other people together. Being wed to a
spirit animal wasn't something she had expected at all. She didn't
even want to think of the wedding night! It had to be a mistake
and as soon as she explained it to .... Where was it anyway?
'No, where am I, Shan Pu?' she considered the more immediate
question first. She peered around and saw one of the men, in a
strange costume of metal and black and white striped fur, tending
to a camp fire. The other, a boy in a similar costume with gold
and black spotted fur, was butchering a hare.
She clenched her teeth at the thought of men hunting on Joketsuzoku
land and fondly imagined ways to punish the outsiders when she took
a second look at their armor and noticed the design on their
chests and the patterns of the fur. Just like on her ....
"Die!!"
~~~ back
".... So you see," Ranma explained, "we tried to shake her off
our trail, but she chased us to the ends of China trying to kill
me. I guess it kind of makes sense now; she mustn't have figured
out that we were the same. We just thought she was nuts. But that
doesn't explain why Hair Gel here wants to kill me."
"She must have figured it out at some stage," Nabiki observed.
"Oh damn," Kasumi groaned. "Now she doesn't want to kill you, she
just wants you."
"And for that, you must die!" Mu Tzu declared, pulled a morning
star out of nowhere and swung it wildly; sending the girls diving
for cover.
"Hey, watch it with that thing," Ranma snarled as he kicked Mu Tzu
in the stomach and away from the group. "If you want to fight,
then fight me!"
"Indeed I shall, Saotome. Now Die!"
"Put your glasses on, idiot," Ranma moaned into his hand after
watching Mu Tzu demolish another shrub. "You'll need all the help
you can get to fight me with your stupid party tricks."
"You've mocked my techniques for the last time, Saotome!" Mu Tzu
avowed and produced a chicken. "Now face the true horror of Hidden
Weapons! Blow of the Chicken Egg!"
"You jerk!" Ranma yelled as he dived between Mu Tzu and the girls
to let the egg bombs explode against his shell. "Let's see how
you fight without your tricks. Beast Mode!"
The cheetah launched itself through a barrage of chain weapons and
slashed at Mu Tzu with rapid paw swipes as he circled around. They
didn't look to hit, but material and metal fell away from Mu Tzu in
swathes.
"Oh my!" Nabiki gasped as the robes fluttered to the ground. She
pulled a spy camera out of her 'belt' and snapped off a few
shots.
"Oh yeah, baby, take 'em off!" Kasumi cheered as Mu Tzu's body was
revealed, then squeaked in embarrassment. "Oh dear, did I say that
out loud?"
"Honestly, you two," Akane muttered, unable to see what all the
fuss was about. Just because Mu Tzu had a rippling abdomen, well
defined pectoral muscles, bulging biceps and flexing triceps, not
to mention that tightly packed gluteus maximus under those tight
pants ... it was nothing to get all hot and bothered about.
Ranma maximised and faced off against the youth who was stripped
down to his pants.
"Who do you think you are dealing with?" Mousse demanded as he
reached behind his ear to pull out a fishing hook and line. "I'm a
Master of Hidden Weapons. Let's see how you fight without your
armor."
"You idiot," Ranma growled as the line hooked onto him. "My armor
is part of my body!" He seemed more angry at that than at Mu Tzu.
"I will tear it off of you anyway!" Mu Tzu declared and kicked at
Ranma, raising sparks as the toe of his shoe, or rather the needle
sticking out of it, scraped against the armoured hide. "Why don't
you fight me as a man?"
Ranma growled and stared at his fist. "Heh, you think I need this
to beat you? Without your tricks even Akane could beat you." He
pushed the named girl forward.
"What do you mean, 'even Akane'?" she demanded with a punch to his
head.
"Hey! Fight him, idiot!" Ranma growled. "Go ahead, you can take
him."
"So, Saotome, now you hide behind a weak little girl?" Mu Tzu
sneered.
"Who ... are ... you ... calling ... WEAK!?" Akane demanded as she
emphasised her words with blows; the final uppercut sending Mu Tzu
flying out of the campsite.
"Well, Saotome, it looks like we can sleep soundly tonight," Soun
said as he and the tiger strode into the camp. "It doesn't seem
like there's anyone around for miles."
"Uh, did we miss something?" the tiger asked as everyone stared at
them incredulously.
"Tell me again why we came out here, Ranma?" Nabiki asked Ranma.
"So we could train without anyone finding us," Ranma replied
weakly.
"And the reason our father's went on patrol was ...?"
"So nobody could sneak up on us."
"And the girl following them into camp would be ...?"
"Shampoo," Ranma confirmed with a sigh.
"Shan Pu being so so happy is finding husband!" the girl sighed
ecstatically as she flung herself at him then gripped him
possessively.
---
"Shan Pu!" Mu Tzu weeped joyously as he embraced her
enthusiastically. "Forget Saotome and run away with meeek!"
Something definitely felt wrong, he decided and jumped away
in alarm.
"Do I look like Shampoo?"
Mu Tzu slipped his glasses back on and backed away to demand,
"what ... who are you?"
"Gosunguki Hikaru," the Gothic boy in black armor introduced. "I
can help you against that foul Saotome."
"Why should you help me?" Mu Tzu demanded suspiciously.
'I want to help you win back your love with no thought of reward.
That's just the kind of guy I am,' Hikaru thought and said, "Ha!
With Ranma gone I can have Akane for myself!"
Then he thought some more, 'wait, I should have said the first out
loud and kept silent on the second.'
---
"Listen, Shampoo, I'm not going to marry you," Ranma said firmly.
"Getting married because of some barbaric law is pure prehistoric.
So you see ... you're not listening, are you?"
Touching his cheek tenderly Shan Pu said, "I love you!" before
kissing him firmly on the mouth and stunning him into immobility
by using her tongue.
"Nope. I don't think she's listening," Nabiki observed with a
frown.
"Nice technique though," Kasumi added thoughtfully then blushed.
Akane muttered darkly to herself.
"So ... you see ...," Ranma continued after breaking free. "I
think ... I mean, well .... First we should get to know each other
better."
"Ranma!" Soun exploded. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Now don't blame my Ranma," Kasumi soothed. "It's a clear case of
a woman trying to trap a man."
"Looks like it's working, too," Nabiki added enviously.
"I don't think it's right," Kasumi disapproved sternly.
"Yeah," Nabiki added. "If anybody's gonna trap Ranma, it's me."
Perhaps it was something in the girls' tone that caught Shan Pu's
attention, but it was Nabiki's armoured from that held it. "Oh!"
she asked, "Is Ranma sister, yes?"
"He's my fiancee," Nabiki corrected as she attached herself to
Ranma's arm.
"Oh no, Nabiki," Kasumi gasped in dismay, "you shouldn't say that.
He hasn't chosen me, er, which one of us he's going to marry yet."
"Not girl husband!" Shan Pu asserted furiously as she clung
possessively to Ranma's other arm. "Ranma is destined be Shan Pu
groom."
"Not if you ask me I'm not," Ranma stated as he regrew his spine.
"Ranma will marry one my daughters!" Soun confirmed in a warning
tone.
"Give me Ranma!" Shan Pu demanded angrily and started pulling. "No
keep Ranma from Shan Pu, or you I kill."
"Do you think we'll just let you take him?" Nabiki asked as she
tugged him back.
"Hey, cut that out!" Ranma urged as they played tug of war with
him.
Shan Pu released Ranma's arm and glared at Nabiki as she stepped up
to her and planted a kiss on her cheek.
"Now then," Soun said into the sudden silence, took a calming
breath then yelled, "would someone care to explain!?"
---end part 5---