Chapter 2: Explanations
Summary: Xander
explains some things he's been hiding for a long time…
"All right, I admit it!" I shouted in panic, "It was me! I caught you with my-"
"Huh?" Buffy asked, giving me a rather perplexed look as she made her way out of my arms to look at me. "What are you talking about?"
What does she mean? She just asked me…she just…the question…she said…
I looked down to see that the object she'd tripped on was not in fact a piece of pavement, but my shoe that had fallen off during the fight.
Oh cripes.
No, scratch that. This situation warrants a genuine curse.
Oh shit.
"But now that you've…blurted it out rather loudly right in front of us," Buffy continued with a strange glint in her eyes that scared me worse then anything the Hellmouth has thrown at me, "I'm a little more interested in what you were saying before."
"What?" I said, hoping to God that my stupid act would work. Please work…Please work…Harris brain, please bail out Harris mouth…
No dice. "Oh, you know…" she continued as the others watched in wonder and confusion, "The whole 'I admit it! I caught you!' thing. That bit."
"Yeah, Xander…" Willow chimed in, "I'd like to know about that too. I get kinda concerned when my friends suddenly develop the ability to be skewered without death…"
Oh great, now they're teaming up on me. All except Anya, thank God. But everyone else was looking at me with that 'what-did-you-do-now' expression that I am so sick of, and Jesse's laughing form rolling around my feet wasn't helping any.
"Jes…" I hissed angrily, tired of his antics, before I realized what a huge mistake THAT was. Wow, I'm batting a thousand tonight, I thought.
"Jes?" Giles asked, getting in on the beat-up-on-Xander action, "Who on earth are you speaking to, Xander? You couldn't possibly be talking to-"
"Jesse…" Willow said solemnly, hushing all of the others. Even Jesse shut up and stood up straight. Then again, it was Willow.
There was a moment of silence, and then Buffy came back into the conversation, sounding even more pissed then she had been.
"Jesse?" she asked, "Didn't you stake him, like, five years ago? And, as much as a trip down memory lane is important, I'd like to get back to the invisible-and-not-shish-kabobable part…"
Now I sighed, understanding just why the G-man did it so often. It was such a perfect way to express absolute frustration and unimaginable tiredness.
"Let's all head back to the Magic Box and I'll explain everything, okay?" I told them, hoping that the trip would give me enough time to collect my thoughts into a sensible explanation, though, considering what I had to tell them, it wasn't likely…
**
"It all started that night when I staked Jesse…
"You see, I didn't exactly have the best home life as all of you are probably aware. But the one person who would always let me sleep over, even when we were in high school…the guy who would help me to vent, or deal, or would…bandage me up when things didn't go well. That was Jesse. As much as Willow would always help me, Jesse was the guy I really talked to because I didn't want to scare her.
"Then, when I staked him…it was too much. Too much for me to deal with. Vampires, Hellmouths, my parents, and then killing my own best friend. I couldn't deal. Sure, I joked, I made silly comments, but inside I cracked. I couldn't take it.
"That's when it started. That's when I started seeing them, the lost souls. The ghosts, the spirits, all of them walking around this town like normal people almost. I mean, they knew they were dead, but they hadn't wanted to move on when they died, and then they didn't know how to move on after they finished their business or whatever.
"So, being the only living person around who could see, speak, and deal with them, I sort of became their friend. I told them about the ones they cared about who were still alive, or I just talked about the news. But as I got to know them better, I realized that it wasn't enough just to be their friends. I wanted to help them.
"I took out a buncha books from the library and I started to learn about the afterlife, about lost spirits, and about moving on to the next world. I learned about the portals to the next world, and I memorized the spell to open them for my friends so that they could move on.
"I became known among the dead as the Guide. I would take them to one of the many portals here in town, open it up for them, and help them through. And it was while I started doing this that I found Jesse."
It was at this point that I looked around the shop at my audience, only to find completely blank faces. Even the vampire looked bamboozled. Anya just looked a little scared.
"What? You don't believe me?" I asked, just a hint of anger in my voice that I couldn't suppress.
There was more silence, and then Willow slowly made her way over to me.
"No, Xander…" she told me, "We really don't know what to think. I mean, I never knew that you were so affected by Jesse's death. To…imagine that-"
"Imagine!" I shouted, stepping back from her, "What do you mean, imagine?"
"Well, Xan…" Buffy broke in, "It's not exactly a secret that you kinda have power envy…"
"Power envy?" I asked. Oh, don't even tell me their thinking what I think they're thinking!
"Well, making up-"
"I'm not making up anything!"
"Xan-"
"No," I said finally, pulling away from Willow angrily. How could she think that I would do something like that? How could she think that of me, that I was that petty? That dumb? "What, do you want proof?"
"It would certainly help you…" Giles informed me politely, obviously staying neutral in this one. He either believed me and didn't want to say anything till he had proof, or he didn't believe and was willing to give me a chance, which I appreciated. You know, for all my teasing, he's not too bad.
"Yeah, though I don't think he'd lie about something like this…" agreed Anya, who obviously believed me. That gave me a bit more confidence.
"Fine." I answered roughly, "Jesse, would you mind picking up that book from the counter? And Lily, I would appreciate if you'd start giving Spike a backrub for me. And Mr. Salazar? Mr. Salazar? (he's a little deaf even as a ghost) Yes, thank you. Could you, um, splash Buffy with that little bottle of holy water? Thanks, you guys…"
Immediately, my post-mortem pals began doing the tasks I'd asked of them: Jesse and Lily because they knew I wanted to get this off my chest, and Mr. Salazar the old shop owner because he wanted to tell Giles a few things, which would be impossible without them believing me.
As I'd asked, the book was lifted off of the counter by a to-them-invisible Jesse, while Spike started to make purring noises. However, Mr. Salazar was obviously hesitant about splashing Buffy.
"Go on, Mr. S, do it. Remember that management chart you wanted me to show Giles?" I reminded him. And even as I said it, the small bottle of holy water lifted itself off of the table and was squirted at the Slayer, whose eyes were wide with shock and disbelief.
"Now do you believe me?" I asked tiredly.
Buffy, her eyes blazing, answered first.
"Yes, Xander…I believe you…"
"Good."
"But if you EVER wreck another shirt of mine again, I swear to God that you will join your friends!"
"Oh…"
It was then that Tara interrupted to calm the room.
"Why don't we let Xander finish his story?" the blonde witch said, for which I gave her a quick smile of appreciation. I guess she kinda understands how I'm feeling. I mean, I remember when she thought she was a demon. That must have been harder than this even.
"Anyway…"
Then I noticed Spike.
"Thanks, Lily. You can stop now…"
Lily, who had obviously gotten into the backrub almost as much as the vampire had, looked up at me with confused eyes, to which I just rolled my own and gave her a smile. God, Lily is such a sweet lady, but sometimes she worries me.
"But he seems to be enjoying it, and I do have a reputation to protect…"
I sighed. "I know, Lily, but I know from experience that one can't really listen to anything during one of your backrubs, and I need Spike to hear me."
"Okay." Lily agreed, stepping away from the vampire much to his distress.
"Eh! She was good! Come back!" the bleach-blonde cried.
"ANYWAY," I started again, "Now that we've gotten past the disbelief section in the program…I'll continue…"