(AN:
A sequel by popular request… this is what you guys have been waiting for!! And
as always, *none* of this stuff belongs to me and such. Otherwise, enjoy and
strap yourself in because you might fall out of your chair from laughing… ^_^)
Cooking With Seifer and Squall – Episode 2
"The
Barbecue"
By Shiva
Diva
(Thanks
to a reviewer from my other story for this snazzy idea!)
*Opening music plays… scene is Seifer and Squall standing
on a sound stage of a backyard. There is Astroturf for grass and a rather unnecessarily
large barbecue in the middle of the stage. Seifer and Squall are dressed in
chef's hats and white aprons… Squall's has a bit of powder and a slimy unknown
substance on it….)
Welcome to Seifer and Squall's Grandeur Cooking Cuisine
Show That'll Teach You That You Can Do It Too With 76 Simple Steps!
Seifer: Yay another show! Aren't you happy Squall?
Squall: *inaudible mumbling and grumbling*
Seifer: Yes I'm very glad too! Well, after our little
pancake incident, the company decided to let us do another show with just a
little bit of convincing… *Seifer's eyes glance at his gunblade tucked into his
belt and smirks*
Squall: Um… well anyway today we're supposed to do a
little barbecuing, which is very hard to mess up at, right Seifer?
Seifer: Yup! *grins stupidly*
Squall: Okay, anyway, we're going to try and make
some barbecued chicken, simple easy food.
Seifer: Chicken?! *whining* But Squall you said we were
gonna make some of my famous Eat-Some-Until-You-Puke-Liver and—
Squall: *under his breath* I only said so you'd cooperate,
you jackass… *clears throat* Yes so you guys out there need to listen carefully
whilst I list the ingredients you're going to need—
Seifer: Don't forget the matches!!!!!
Squall: *slaps forehead with his hand* I think the
listeners out there with two brain cells will be smart enough to remember to get
matches, you dumbass…
Seifer: I know… I only said that because I kind of um…
*voice turns into barely above a whisper, runs his words together incoherently*
forgotthematches… *ahem*
But don't worry about it Squall! I'm sure we'll think of something, we always
do! That's what teamwork is all about! *grins stupidly*
Squall: Argh!! *turns his eyes skyward* Why do you do this
to me?! Why I am I constantly tortured! Aaacck!!
Seifer: Hey Squall it's no biggie…
Squall: No biggie? NO BIGGIE?! WE CAN'T HAVE A F***ING
BARBECUE WITHOUT SOME F***ING MATCHES!!!
Seifer: Sorry man…. *thinks for a few minutes* Hey I got
an idea Squall!
Squall: *is too busy grumbling to hear him*
Seifer: I'll use Ifrit!! *beams at his brilliant plan*
Seifer: Okay, c'mon Ifrit! Use your Hell Fire! We can
start this barbecue with a bang!! *Seifer calls on the fire GF, and as soon as
he is summoned, Ifrit appears and, sensing what Seifer's need is, breaths a humongous
fireball onto the barbecue and it ignites immediately… Seifer is beside himself
with joy, until he notices that a wall of fire is frying Squall*
Seifer: Oops…. Um… Ifrit, return to the underworld now…
please? *Ifrit snorts and then without further ado, leaves into a fiery ball of
ash, flames, and smoke to wherever it is he resides*
Squall: Ungh… ouchies…
Seifer: Umm… commercial break?
…few minutes later…
*Squall is charred black, but there are white smudges on
his face where he wiped away so he could see and breathe. He's also glaring at
Seifer with such hatred that even Diablos would shudder*
Seifer: Okay! We're back! If you've been following along,
we have so far…um… well, started up the grill! Yeah! Squall, will you please
list the ingredients?
Squall: *through clenched teeth* Yes, Seifer it would be
my pleasure… *ahem* You'll need: one chicken, Tabasco sauce, and some fire-safe
tongs.
Seifer: Thank you, Squall! As you guys can see, we have
all of our ingredients right here. *he gestures to a pile of whatnot, with
indiscernible objects sticking out at odd angles* Umm… wait… uh… Where are the
ingredients, Squall?
Squall: Maybe they were fried like some other objects
I know of around here!
Seifer: Heh heh… um… (psst, where are the ingredients?)
*he says to director*
Director: *throws a dead chicken at Seifer, but misses and
hits Squall in the face*
Squall: Aahhh! Attack of the killer chicken-people from
Planet Zorgon! *he falls back off screen as the chicken hits him in the
forehead; crashes and glass shattering is heard*
Seifer: Oops… uhmm… commercial break, please!
…another few minutes later…
*Squall is sitting in a wheelchair on the far side of the
stage with bandaging around his head and band-aids covering about 2/3 of his
body. He is as far as possible from Seifer, who is again grinning stupidly*
Seifer: Okay… we're back! As you can see, I've gotten the
chicken on the grill and it is simmering smoothly… *he lowers his face down to
the chicken and takes a deep sniff* Ahh… doesn't that smell great, Squall?
Squall: No.
Seifer: I'm glad you agree with me Squall! But I bet it
tastes even better! Let's give it a taste tests, shall we?
Squall: Go ahead.
Seifer: Since I did most of the work, I'll be the first
to taste it. *he lifts the chicken off the grill with a stick, and drops it
onto the picnic table. Steam and smoke rise from its charred and blackened
skin*
Seifer: Ooh I can barely wait! I'm giddy as a schoolgirl!
*Seifer looks around for a knife, and when he doesn't see one he panics for a
moment, then glances at his sheath on his belt. A rare idea passes through his
mind*
Squall: You can have the whole thing Seifer. I don't want any
of that god-forsaken bird. It's evil… *he starts rubbing his hands together
and rambling on about chicken-people from Planet Zorgon*
Seifer: *ignoring Squall, he takes out his gunblade and
raises it into the air. Then, suddenly, he brings it crashing down on top of
the chicken, and various chicken parts go flying in all directions. Some of it
smashes into the camera and several limbs hit Squall in the face, while burnt poultry
beds down in his hair*
Seifer: Oops… uhm crap. Uh… sorry… Squall?
Squall: WHY YOU LITTLE… !!!!
Seifer: Uh oh… Well, it was nice cooking with ya, folks!
*he runs off as Squall chases after him in his wheelchair, cursing all the way*
The End
+++++++
Yay! I liked this one. I hope you guys did too… I don't
know if I'll do an Episode Three but if I get enough good reviews… who knows?
And if you haven't read the original Cooking with Seifer and Squall
I suggest you go read it… right now!
