I bet you counted all the tears I bet you've cried
I bet you swore you'd never let love back inside
Cause it hurt you way too bad to say goodbye
Now, there'll be times when I might put us to the test
And it's hard for broken hearts to just forget
But I'm driving blind, I'll lay it all on the line for you
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[Author's Notes: Hahahaha! This one is long, just like I promised! The longest chapter ever so far.. and probably the most eventful. This one is dedicated to all the kind souls who've reviewed so far.. you have no idea how much they mean to me! They make a bit happier than I should be for my own good.. but there's nothing wrong with that. By the way, since I don't quite know exactly how old Trunks and Pan are supposed to be in GT, let's just pretend Pan is around 16 and Trunks is at 26. Okay? Okay! Good, let's get started.. part eight!]
If That's What It Takes - Tears
Clutching a glass of lemonade in her shaking hands, she tried desperately to concentrate on the taste. The lemonade was slightly sour and slightly sweet, refreshing to the tongue and in a way, energizing. Swishing the drink around in her mouth, the last thing she was thinking about was Bra's lighthearted chattering. The last thing she needed was more gossip to hang over her head. While she marveled at the way the ice cubes clinked and clattered in the glass, something caught her attention.
"-so I've been watching him, and get this.. Trunks is in love!"
Dropping her glass onto the table, Pan ripped her attention from the yellowish liquid in her cup and onto her best friend's face. "What did you just say?"
With a huge grin, Bra squealed, "Trunks.. is.. in.. love!"
At her friend's words, Pan couldn't help but feel a little butterfly of hope fluttering into her heart and though she tried to squish it down and keep the anxious look off her face, it didn't work well enough. 'Maybe..?' Quickly, she plastered on an apathetic expression and went back to tactfully dodging her friend's questions. Still, something in her mind bit at her as she tried not to get her hopes up, and she couldn't seem to concentrate on anything but him.
Pan had spent her day at the Capsule Corporation, hoping for a glance of the lavender haired saiya-jin she couldn't seem to get out of her mind. Unfortunately, he hadn't showed his face all morning and Pan had pretty much lost hope. Just as she was ready to leave, Bulma waved her over, "Could you tell your parents that I'm inviting them over tonight? It's another dinner party and I'd be bored to death if I don't have someone to talk to. Even I can only take so much.." Flashing a warm smile, Bulma continued, "of course, you're welcome to come too. I'm sure Bra would appreciate some company." Pan nodded her thanks and flew off to relay her message.
~ if that's what it takes
Clearing his throat, Trunks practiced his speech to the mirror several times. There was always something about it that didn't seem right. Frustrated, he melted onto his bed and closed his eyes. He knew she was down there, and though that had never bothered him for the first sixteen years of the ritual, he found it increasingly unnerving now. Hiding his head under the covers, he sighed, mentally cursing himself for his lack of courage. Squeezing his eyes shut, he decided to wait until she left. Then maybe he could start thinking straight.
As much as he tried to relax, sleep just wouldn't come. Trunks was beginning to think that everything was secretly conspiring against him. The sun that would never seem to set.. the time that moved much too slowly for his taste, the courage within him that wouldn't rise again, the sleep that refused to take his soul, his mind that could concentrate on only her and nothing else. Sighing, Trunks rolled over in his bed, covering himself in silken blankets and waited for her ki to fade.
Hours later, Trunks opened his eyes again, realizing with little satisfaction that he did get a little of the sleep he so desperately needed. Sitting up in his bed, he realized that Bra had left a note on his lampshade. He groaned when he read its contents, and a feeling of dread filled his mind, 'A dinner party? Just perfect..' All he needed was more rotten business ordeals and financial conversations to make his worries go away. Yeah, right. He still didn't understand how his mother could sit through as many as she had and still cling to her sanity. He had already begun to lose some of his, that was for sure.
~ if that's what it takes
"Ugh! This is sooo boring!" Bra muttered under her breath, staring in amazement at all the serious looking guests. "How can they stand it?"
Looking disgusted, Pan shook her head, "I have no idea.. they look like they're at a funeral or something."
"Let's go inside," Bra suggested, "I don't think I can take this any longer."
Nodding her agreement, Pan followed her friend inside the house, relieved to be away from all the formality. Kicking off her shoes, Pan climbed the stairs to Bra's room, stopped by the sound of her name. "Pan!"
Whirling around, blue clashed with blue, and a smile found its way to her lips, "Trunks." Warmth filled her, and she could feel the blush creeping through her face. It had only been a day since they last met, but it had seemed to her like an eternity, and just being in his presence made everything all right again.
"Pan, I need to talk to-" He was interrupted when a petite redhead creeped up behind him and weaved her arm around his. A seductive smile on her lips, she rested her head on his shoulder. Looking up at him innocently through her long eyelashes, she opened her lips to speak. Pan didn't hang around long enough to hear what she would say.. not that it would have eased her fears any.
~ if that's what it takes
She knew her voice was wavering even as she gave her good-byes, and she knew her body was quivering as her father kissed her goodnight. She knew her hands were shaking as she waved to Bra, and she knew her heart was pounding louder than humanly possible as she flew off. She knew the tears were forming in her eyes, and quickly, but it didn't matter to her.. nothing did. And as they flowed down her cheeks, she did nothing to stop them.. nothing to hide them. It just didn't seem to matter all that much.
For the first time in the last few months, she could honestly say there wasn't a thought on her mind as she blazed through the air. Not one. Maybe she was still too shocked to think anything.. or maybe she was just too hurt. Maybe it was too difficult for her to comprehend that she had never had a chance after all. For that must've been what Bra meant earlier, when she said her brother was in love. Pan cursed herself for believing, even for a moment, that Trunks could have ever fallen for her.
She crumpled onto her bed in sobs, unable to think, unable to feel, unable to live. In one night, she shed all the tears that she had ever held back in her life-tears for her Grandpa, who left them all.. tears for her Grandma, who was so alone these days.. tears for her mother, who lived in fear.. tears for her father, who wouldn't live forever. Tears for Bra, who was too afraid to admit her true feelings.. tears for her uncle, who was as cowardly as Bra.. tears for Marron, who had not yet found her true love. And there were tears for herself, for everything she'd lost because she was never given the chance. Tears for the times she thought it was all over.. tears for the times she felt like she didn't belong.
When she resurfaced from her vale of tears, the numbness had gone away and the pain had taken its place. A terrible crushing pain in her heart that made it difficult for her to breathe, and even harder to think straight, not that she needed the thoughts to keep her company. Casting a sideways glance at her alarm clock, the red digits glared at her. It was already 3:27 AM, too early for any sane human being to be up.. but since when had Son Pan been completely sane?
She soon discovered that sitting up lessened the pain a bit, and made it much easier for her to think. And with that discovery came the memories.. the memories she so dreaded to remember. The petite redhead haunted her mind, and she remembered the innocent emerald eyes and the silky flame-colored hair, the slender arm clutching his. And no matter how gruesomely vivid her memory, there was still hope that dared show its face in her heart. But before she could squash it like a bug, it got through to her. Maybe she had just been too quick to her feet.. maybe there was an explanation. Maybe there was hope for her yet. Just maybe.
Giving in to her blind faith, Pan changed into more casual clothes and wrapped her orange bandana over her hair. Slipping out of her window, she slid through the moist morning air, watching through the corner of her eye as the sun rose. Soon enough, she reached her destination and found his window. As she was about to open it, a blur of red caught her eye, and instantly, she regretted her decision. 'Oh Dende,' Pan murmured to herself, 'you hate me, don't you?'
~ if that's all it takes
Trunks stared in amazement as Pan bolted down the stairs and disappeared from his sight in just a few milliseconds. And of course, it was just when he had worked up enough courage to tell her. Why did the Gods find pleasure in making his life a living Hell?
"I love you." It took him a while to realize just why Pan had bolted, but when he did, he decided that he couldn't really blame her. The woman was pretty repulsive. Batting her extra-long eyelashes wildly, she attached herself to his arm and refused to let go. It had taken him a while to remember her name, but when he did, he promptly detached himself and told her to get lost. For a while, he considered following Pan, but it occurred to him that it would probably take him another sixteen years to work up the courage to tell her a second time.
A few hours had passed by the time Trunks found himself awake again. Pulling his curtains open, he gazed into the darkness, and for a moment, his frustrations melted away. Sighing, he stepped away and sat down on the bed. In his numbed state, it took him a while to notice the figure that placed itself next to him, but when he did, he was more or less surprised. Innocent green eyes gazed up at him once more, and he muttered something about 'persistency' and 'stalkers' before leaving the room instantly.
~ if that's what it takes
This time, the tears didn't flow, there were none left to shed. She just turned as quickly as she could and disappeared into the early morning fog. The hope was gone from her heart, finally squished like a bug. Her mind wasn't blank this time, either.. it was far from blank.. she was thinking every thought her mind could handle, but more than anything, she realized that she needed to get away. Far away.
This time, it wouldn't be for a dragonball quest, and this time, it wouldn't mean leaving for only a day. If that meant leaving without any good-byes and not a word to her parents, that was what she'd do.. but at that moment, there was only one thing imprinted quite clearly on her mind. Closing her eyes tightly, she could hear her heart shattering into a million pieces, that glass heart that so many had broken. No one was careful enough- no one cared enough. And it would all end. Now.
No, this time she wouldn't try to change what she was. Grandpa had helped her realize that she was fine the way she was. That wasn't the solution. This time, she would make everything better her own way. And this time, Trunks wasn't going to stop her. For a moment, the terrible aching in her heart had ceased, for she was filled with a new determination. A new mission.
[Author's Notes: I better be seeing some more reviews! Grr! *tries to look intimidating* Okay fine, maybe I'm not so good at that.. but please review! PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!]
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If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
Tonight's the night, I'm gonna prove it to you
Do I have to break down, baby, just to break through
If that's what it takes, that's what I'd do
If that's what it takes..