By: Dani and Son of Cain
The Duke
Bardorba sighed heavily, letting his quill pen rest in the ink. The papers were
piled on his desk, all of them requiring his signature if he would agree to the
requests or treaties with local Dukedoms. His head was hurting from all the
reading and the stuffy air in the study helped him none at all. He glanced to
the open window, watching as a bird made his sill its new perch. The Duke saw
the blue skies outside the dim room along with the trees swaying in the breeze
that refused to blow inward.
The bird
then proceeded to sing, its tiny brown head lifted high. At that, the Duke
reached for a paper that he meant to throw out, crumbled it in his hands, and
threw it at the bird. "It's too unfair that you brag your freedom in the face
of my captivity," he muttered aloud as the bird quickly took flight. Then
remorse fell over him as he realized how downright idiotic his antic had been.
He lowered his head into his hands. He was glad no one had seen that outburst
over the simple wren. Sometimes he overreacted. However, it felt good to close
his eyes and rub his temples, so he kept doing it for a while.
Then
hands began to massage his shoulders gently, making him jump. His cheek had somehow
come to rest on a stack of papers. Confusion clouded his mind but then he
realized he must've fallen asleep. He turned his head to see who the hands on
his shoulders belonged to and his young wife took the opportunity to press a
kiss to his slightly fevered cheek. He closed his eyes once more, leaning back
in his chair, his head against her soft chest. He lifted his hands to hers,
stilling them on his shoulders.
"Working
diligently, I see," she chided, a smile upon her small, pouty lips.
The Duke
merely chuckled lightly in response.
"Nay, I
should let you get more sleep at night. I fear you're falling ill," she said
more seriously.
"Heh, you
are the least of my problems. The stubbornness that won't let me trust my
chancellors and advisers is my greatest folly. All of these papers pile up
quickly."
"Maybe
so. At least your Dukedom is at peace because you take that weight on
personally. Your people thank you for that. No one else that I know of would do
what you do."
The Duke
opened his eyes. "Still, sometimes I feel that maybe I could do a little less
and everything will still be the same."
"I won't
believe that. "
He
considered her words for a moment, tracing back why he was so distrustful. The
Inquisitor Callo Merlose and the Cardinal Bastium stood out in his mind. He
forced their images away quickly, a deep hatred of them both burning in his
heart. He could keep an eye on neither one, yet he knew both kept eyes on him.
"What brings you here, my dear Lady?"
"What
brings me here? Would you have me dine alone tonight?" she asked, her voice
changing tone from supportive to slight irritation.
"Dine? Is
it that late in the evening?" he asked, looking up at her in a fit of panic.
There were still more documents to look over, more urgent matters that needed
his attention.
"Oh no.
Don't consider leaving me alone for those papers, I beg of you," she said,
removing her hands from his shoulders to place them on her stomach.
He sighed
deeply. Even as she was trying her best to change her selfish ways, she still
held his heart. If working on the papers meant him staying up into the early
hours of the morn, Claudine would not care so long as she didn't have to eat
her supper alone. He rose to his feet knowing the sooner she had eaten the
sooner he could return to his work. "Very well, as you wish."
The Duke
sipped his cider quietly, listening to the conversation around him. The tight
hold that Claudine had on his arm was the only thing that had kept him from
going back to his study when he realized that his dining room was full of
people that could keep his wife company. Then he smelled the supper and
realized his stomach was empty and broiled brim sounded absolutely appetizing.
He sat at
the head of the rectangular table. His wife sat to his right and beside her,
the Lady Niven. To his left sat one of
the few true-blooded knights that he had roaming around his manor, helping in
any ways that he could, Timothy. The other few tables surrounding them were scattered
with other people that helped run the Dukedom in what little ways the Duke
allowed them to. The conversation continued to whirl around him as usual. He
never was one to speak much. He took another bite of his fish.
"I've yet
to understand why a walk in the gardens would harm you, my Lady. As early in
the pregnancy as you are, I think it may keep you sane to stay out of bed and
on your feet whilst you still can," the Lady Niven raved, a fork in hand
stabbing midair to make her point more clear.
"As if
you'd know anything on the subject, my dear," Timothy grinned. The Lady Niven
had been a wonderful wife to him yet Iocus had yet to bless them with a child.
Niven
rolled her eyes. "Speaking when spoken to is a wonderful virtue, love."
"Aye,
aye, I understand," he chuckled. "But I agree. Don't let those old codgers talk
you into staying indoors and off your feet just yet. Walking is good for you,
methinks. These stuffy walls will drive you insane, little Lady. Just look at
your husband there. He coups himself up with his paperwork and meets with
people behind closed doors day in and day out." Then he looked at the Duke. He
looked so young to be in his twentieth year, yet Timothy knew the hard work
would age him quickly one day. "Shame, 'tis that. We could've used your help
with the fishing this morning, Lord Joshua."
Joshua
looked at him. The lake where they had most certainly fished at appeared in his
mind, forcing him to suddenly yearn for a day of fishing and swimming there. It
had nearly been a week since he had even set foot outside the manor walls. He
smiled ruefully at Timothy. "Mayhap some day next week I can break away."
Timothy
sighed. "You take on too much, my Lord."
"You'd be
better off telling the oak that it grows too large. He won't stop for
anything," Claudine said.
"Might I
also tell the oak that you people should leave me be on this matter?" Joshua
asked, taking another drink of cider. His three companions laughed at this as
if it were a joke. Sometimes he felt like yelling at everyone to leave him
alone about the way he handled his business, but they'd only decide he was
cranky from being inside so much and pester him more about it. His eyebrows
lifted and dropped quickly as he let a grin over his lips and scoffed quietly at
the very concept of him raising his voice.
"But he
does such a wonderful job. Think of how much he means to the people because
they know he takes on such endeavors. I think it's very noble of him and it
makes me walk proud that I am his wife and carrying his child. Yet at the same
time I fear he's murdering himself," Claudine sighed, looking at her husband.
Joshua
sat stunned by her words. Praise? From Claudine? His mind reeled trying
to make sense of it. It had taken years
of hard work to even get her to smile at him and now she was openly praising
him? It came as such a shock to him that he was rendered speechless for a
moment.
"Your
mouth is agape, my Lord," Claudine commented, smiling slyly.
He
snapped it shut and sighed, the rare moment passing too fast for his liking.
"I'll survive my own doings, my Lady," he said.
"A
moment. Wouldn't it be lovely to have dinner outside on the garden patio
tomorrow? Then at least Lord Joshua will get a touch of sun on that pale skin
of his," Niven suggested.
"Tomorrow
is the day when I write replies to the letters I've received and make my own
requests. I'll be quite busy, you see, and I'll have to take my dinner…" he
started.
But
Claudine interrupted. "You know, he only talks this much when he's making excuses.
Of course we'll be there, Lady Niven. If I must go to his study with a team of
horses to drag him to the patio, we'll be there at midday."
Joshua
looked to Claudine. His mouth moved for a bit with no words coming forth before
he finally sighed. He didn't have the heart to tell her no. Whatever sacrifice
had to be made, would be. He wondered if sacrificing his sanity was too much as
the ladies around him made further plans.
Back in his study, a small army of candles
lit the room as Joshua pressed on to finish his paperwork for the day. It was
nearing midnight when he yawned for the hundredth time and realized his
patterns of thinking may be getting retarded by his fatigue. He realized that
having to take dinner outside the next day would put him even more behind.
Wondering again why he would not trust the people around him to take care of
such matters, he placed his quill in the inkpot and put paperweights on the
stacks of papers and decided to put them off until the morn. He picked up one candle and began blowing
the others out before heading to his bedchamber.
Joshua
smiled when he saw his wife curled up in his bed. It had only been three months
since she had taken to sleeping in the bed with him rather than her own. She
looked so peaceful laying there, only sixteen years old and two months into her
pregnancy. Then Joshua's candle flickered and he saw her eyes were open. He
sighed, getting ready for the lecture he was about to receive. Claudine sat up
to begin complaining about how he had promised her he wouldn't work so late
into the night as he turned her back to her so she could not see his grin. He
gathered his pajamas from his wardrobe and began changing. Then he moved the
candle to the bedside, climbed into bed, and gathered Claudine into his arms to
press a kiss to her lips to hush her.
"My Lady,
I assure you. I'm perfectly all right. The kind of labor I do isn't as taxing
as say a farmer who's been in the fields all day. If he can work sun up to sun
down so that we may have food to eat, I can work sun up to well into the night
doing less strenuous things so that he won't be taxed too heavily, or have to
worry about foreign enemies invading and burning his crop," Joshua said,
settling his head onto the pillow and closing his eyes.
Claudine's
hand went to his cheeks and forehead. "And if that farmer's lord dies of a
fever? Joshua, maybe it's not that physically strenuous, but it's taxing you
mentally. You're really beginning to worry me."
Joshua chuckled
lightly. "Aye, wasn't it you who said that I shouldn't let my advisors handle
such matters earlier?"
"Yes,
but…" She sighed. "Joshua!"
He
chuckled yet again. "I don't think you truly understand where you stand on the
matter. I understand because most people here are torn on the matter.
Parliament doesn't like it either, but they let me away with it. I appreciate
your concern, my dearest, but if it does get to be too much, I swear I'll find
other options."
"I think
I would know my stance if I knew your reasons for doing such things. You say
you don't trust people and you give me no reasons. I can't understand why," she
said, burying her head in the crook of his neck.
Joshua
held her to him and thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "What
motives I have may hurt you personally and I questioning your views is
something I don't want to do. But it has a lot to do with such things and it's
why I can't tell you."
Claudine
scoffed. "I'm no longer a child and your sugar-coated words never worked
anyway. You can't tell me because I report to the Cardinal. I can almost see
why you trust no one when you can't even trust your own wife."
He lay
silent, the words stinging him a bit.
"Forgive
me. I shouldn't have spoken so," she whispered near his ear.
"Ah,
don't feel low. I trust you enough to love you, whereas no one else since the
death of my father has broken that boundary. I've told you before, your reports
to the Cardinal bother me little to none. Nothing I do or say is a thing that I
am ashamed of. I hide very little and
therefore your reports are actually, dare I say, useless to him."
"But
something I say may prove you a heretic to him and then your arrest would be on
my soul."
"Heretic?"
Joshua thought for a few moments. When her words finally twisted in his mind so
that they made sense, he felt anger rising in his chest and he could no longer
curb his tongue for her sake. "You believe that Bastium is trying to prove me a
heretic? Is that why you believe he has you send him letters weekly to report
my actions and state of being?"
"Well…
Yes. He told me so before we were married that you were a heretic that would
not openly admit your faith so that you may be punished correctly, but he was
wrong. I know you're no heretic," she said.
Joshua
saw the scared look in her pale green eyes through the candlelight. But his
tongue would not hold. "Then, my Lady, your dear Cardinal has played you for a
fool. He knows well that a heretic am I none for I will never renounce or
refuse the true name of my Lord and Savior Iocus. He also knows that I believe
not in the mockery he's made of what was once a good and just religion. Nay,
Claudine, he's lied to you in his reasons."
Her eyes
rounded out and the scared emotion was replaced by an enraged one. "He would
not lie! He's the Cardinal! What reasons does he have to lie!?"
"He's
surely hiding more truths that he thinks I am." He pulled his arms from around
his wife and sat up in the bed. "Forgive me. I don't wish to mock your beliefs
so I will not answer your question."
"If you
believe he's lying, then tell me why. Tell me what I write these letters to him
for."
Joshua
turned his head to the side. "What are you to include in your letters, my
Lady?"
Claudine
sighed. "Anything that I deem strange about your behavior, anything strange you
may say, anything you say of your father, any inconsistencies in your patterns
of judgment, anything you say of or have to do with any sort of cult, anything
to do with what happened to you when you were a child and were kidnapped,
anything to do with the destroyed city of Leá Monde…"
"Hogwash.
The first of it, for certain," he interrupted. "With the last three, you're not
falling far from the tree."
"And I
suppose you can't tell me more for fear of what I'll say to him," she muttered
softly.
Joshua
shook his head. "That's just it. I know nothing of what he thinks I do. He
thinks I lie to him and to the King himself about what happened within the
walls of Leá Monde, whilst in truth I remember nothing. You can tell him
whatever your heart desires, I'll never say anything that he truly wants to
hear because I truly don't remember. Why he is so adamant on finding out what
happened within those walls is a mystery to me. But I assure you, you're not
giving him reports to prove me a heretic. He arranged our marriage purposefully
thinking I'd tell someone I loved the truth, but I can't for I honestly don't
know it. I remember a wall outside the city and one Riskbreaker and Inquisitor
Callo Merlose was with me. I was crying and deeply upset over something. I
can't recall what. I've told this to Bastium himself, thousands and thousands
of times. He doesn't believe me."
Claudine
lay silent for a moment, letting his words sink in. She feared he might be
angry with her, or think that she was angry with him for his outburst, so she
sat up and hugged him from behind. He folded his arms over hers and lowered his
head, his eyes closing. "Why do you hate him so?" she asked quietly.
"I don't
hate him. It's rather frustrating when someone goes to great lengths to prove
you a liar when you know that you are honest. And you know I don't agree with
his ways all that much. I don't want to anger you, so I won't get into it."
"No. I
want to get into it. I think it's all part of your distrust of people. I want
to know," she said.
Joshua
lifted one of her hands to his lips and placed a kiss upon it. "It's not him
that I disapprove of. It's your faith itself. My distrust of people comes from
not being trusted myself and having so many of those I looked up to betray me."
"And of
course, I'd betray you to the Cardinal," she whispered.
"No, you
can't. There's nothing you could say that would be what he wanted to hear."
"So why
is my faith not good enough for you?"
"I don't
believe the Cardinal is a good man. I believe he's very manipulative and
greedy. The very thought that I must kneel to someone like him to atone for my
sins is quite hilarious."
"So you
truly believe that you can sin and get away with it?" she asked.
"You're
getting defensive, my dearest. If this sort of talk is going to offend you…"
"No! No,
I'm sorry. But I should be able to question your faith just as you question
mine, am I mistaken?"
Joshua
laughed. "Of course. I guess I just get passionate about it and know that I'm
going to step on toes. Forgive me."
Claudine
had to smile at hearing her husband actually laugh. "Forgiven."
"I
believe that all men are equal and Iocus shines his Light on all who would
follow Him. I don't think that I should need to admit my sins to anyone but
Iocus, and He knows what I've done. I don't think that I should have to kneel
before a statue, or an altar, to pray to Iocus. I believe he'll hear my words
no matter where I am," Joshua said softly.
"And how
do you repent? What forgiveness canst you receive?"
"Well,
giving money to a church certainly doesn't make me feel any less guilty when I
know I could have fed a small poor family on the fortune I paid to be
forgiven."
"But the
money goes towards the spreading of the religion."
"Spreading?"
"Yes.
There are heathens in other countries that must be taught of Iocus and his
ways, lest their souls be lost. The Cardinal has always wanted to show everyone
the Light of Iocus."
"Tsh. So
a farmer has a sick wife and a few children. One night, he gets drunk and ends
up in the bed of another woman. He goes to church to beg forgiveness, not from
Iocus, but from a priest. The priest makes him spend all the coin in his pocket
as penance but he is forgiven. He goes home to his hungry wife and children and
they must suffer no food because he made one mistake that he has been forgiven
for? Money means little to nothing to me since I have it, but to a poor man,
it's the choice between life and death." Passion filled the young man's voice,
showing that he really believed in the situations his mind showed him.
Claudine
sat in thought. "He shouldn't have done it."
"We all
make mistakes, we all sin against our Lord."
"Yes,
but… Joshua…" Claudine started.
"Don't
worry about it. You can find as many loopholes in my beliefs as I can in yours.
Neither is perfect, but I just feel better about myself as a human when living
by what I believe in. And Iocus hasn't struck me dead yet, so maybe I'm doing
something right," he chuckled.
"Maybe you are," she muttered. After a few
moments of thinking, she lifted her head. "If what you say about my reports is
true, then I'll not write them anymore."
"Nay,
Claudine. You said you'd write them. Didn't you sign a contract even? Do what
you must, my Lady."
"I want
to see things your way. I want you to be able to trust someone," she said.
"I can't
ask anything more of you, honestly. You've become quite a wonderful wife and
now you're bearing my child. You need not do anything else but simply exist."
"Maybe
you can't ask more but I can. I'll join you in your study tomorrow to write the
letter," she said.
Joshua
sighed. "Promise me you won't send it until you are certain. I don't want you
acting on impulse or blaming the baby for your actions later."
"All
right. I promise. Now we really need to hush and sleep," she said.
Joshua
smiled at her and turned around to blow out the candle. He settled back down,
holding her to him with their foreheads touching. "Are you faring well, my
Lady?" he asked. It had become his goodnight ritual to ask her such things.
Claudine
giggled, almost forgetting he did this every night to her. "Yes, my Lord."
"And the
baby fares well?"
"Yes, my
Lord," she replied.
A kiss
was pressed to her nose as the sound of birds singing into the night air became
the only sounds in the room. Sleep came for both man and wife.
Joshua
found it a bit hard to concentrate on his work with his wife beside him trying
to write her letter. He kept wanting to read what she was writing as he always
did when she wrote her reports. The night before he had thought it was a joke,
but it turned out she was quite serious. It honored him deeply that she would
do such a thing. For her to turn her back on the Cardinal was a big step for
her, he was certain. He wondered if she truly understood what she was doing.
"I'll let
you read it when it's complete, my Lord, if you wish," she offered, catching
his wandering eye again.
He shook
his head and quickly turned back to the letter of permission before him. He
heard her snicker at him before he continued reading the letter.
"Ah!"
Claudine yelped, her hand going to her stomach.
Joshua's
heart skipped a beat as he looked at her with wide eyes. "Darling?"
Claudine
laughed softly. "It's nothing. Here, give me your hand."
Joshua
extended his hand and she placed it on her belly, where the child inside had
decided to become active. Joshua's hand was firmly kicked, causing a small
wince to cross Claudine's face. He
smiled up at her and then glanced down at the bulge that was his child again.
"Does that hurt?"
"It's a
peculiar feeling, having a child move within you, but no. It doesn't hurt that
much."
He sighed
and removed his hand. "I'll bet it is peculiar."
She
rubbed her belly and then turned back to her task at hand.
Joshua
turned back to his papers as well, but his mind dwelt on the child within her.
His own childhood seemed so far away, but every time he thought of his child,
he had to recall his own father. He'd remember things he thought he had
forgotten and had no real relevance to anything else. The way his father would
conduct meetings with well to do men with Joshua sitting quietly on his knee;
the way his father taught him to play the card games that children shouldn't
play; the way his father would tell him it was okay to come to his bed after a
horrid nightmare and hold him close to keep him safe… The thoughts made him
grateful of such a strong wife since he doubted he could ever be as strong as
his father was towards the child. Lately he couldn't think of his unborn child
without thinking about what a wondrous father Aldous Bardorba had been to him
and wondering if he could ever make himself mean as much to his own child.
"There.
Finished," Claudine said, setting her quill in the inkpot and beginning to fold
the letter. "Certain you don't want to read it?"
Joshua
nodded. "Remember your promise. Wait at least a week before you send it. I'll
not be blamed for any hasty decision on your part."
Claudine
smiled. "Of course. I'll put it away to think carefully on the matter but I do
think I'd feel better this way. I'm honestly trying, my Lord."
Joshua
returned her smile. "You have come a long way and I appreciate your efforts. I
just want you to do things by your own free will. Very few times have I forced
you to do things and I hate having to do so. Whatever decision that you come to
on any matter will be one I will try to respect."
Claudine
nodded, placing the letter into an envelope and sealing it shut with the emblem
of the House of Bardorba in wax. "Will you keep this safe for me?"
Joshua
nodded and took the letter from her, placing it in a drawer in his desk. "It
will be there and shall not move until by your hands."
Claudine
nodded. "I'll leave you be now." She kissed him briefly and noticed the tired
faraway look still in his eyes. Her hand went to his forehead and he shook it
off. "You're still fevered."
"Didn't
you just say you were going to leave me be?" He grinned at her.
She shook
her head and folded her arms in response. "The garden patio at midday. Don't
make me come hunting you, promise?"
Joshua
sighed, letting his grin fade. "I'll try. If I'm not there by the strike of
one, send the guards."
"Laugh
when they are dragging you, then," she said, a comic air in her voice. She
stood and walked to the door. With her hand on the doorknob, she paused and
looked back at Joshua, who had already begun to study his papers again. "I just
remembered something."
Joshua
looked up, forcing annoyance from showing on his face. "Yes?"
"The
Cardinal said that there would come a day when you'd ask me to choose between
him and you."
He stared
into her pale green eyes for a moment, biting his tongue to keep from calling
Bastium childish names. "The letter was your decision. I'd never stoop so low
as to ask such a thing of you. He only told you that so if you ever felt
threatened, you could say that he told you it would happen, and would fall back
on him."
"I didn't
say the day was here. I was just telling you what he had said." She shook her
head, as if to erase silly thoughts from her mind. "Midday, darling. And I mean
it."
Joshua
watched her leave and then clenched his fists in slight anger. Bastium had
surely filled her head with enough nonsense to last for many years to come,
each lie glorifying him and showing Joshua in a dark light. The anger eased
after a moment as he remembered that Bastium would be unable to touch and taint
his child. Then again, memories of his own father began flowing as he tried his
hardest to concentrate on the papers before him.
He was
doing a good job of balancing the ideas of his father and coming fatherhood
with the papers as hours began to pass. While reading a request for a tax
reprieve, the last paper from the night before, his memory laid a silver rattle
in his mind. He had the silver rattle for as long as he could remember and it
had survived the fires that had burnt his father's home to the ground many
years ago. His father had the rattle made for him soon after he was able to
grasp things and hold them on his own. For the life of him, Joshua could not
recall any specific memory of the rattle nor could he get it out of his mind.
As he
denied the request before him, he realized it was nearing midday. He'd have
just enough time to search through the attics to find that rattle before he had
to meet with Claudine and friends on the patio. He set paperweights onto the
papers and blew out the single candle lit in the room before leaving the room
and heading up the staircases to the attics.
The
people running about his manor smiled at him in passing, assuming that as usual
he was too busy to stop to chit-chat. He paid them no mind either, nodding in
turn as he made his way to the staircase and climbed his way to the fourth
floor. He frowned as he tried to turn the handle and found it was locked. He
scratched his head, not sure who in his manor would have the key.
"My
lord?" a voice called.
Joshua
jumped and turned around, finding himself face to face with one of his guard.
"Ye
wishin' into the attics?" The guard held up a ring of keys.
Joshua
grinned. "I wasn't aware they were kept locked."
"Aye,
else you'd be robbed by the people living here mayhaps." The guard began
fumbling with keys, trying to find the one that would fit. "Aha, here she be!"
The key turned and released a healthy sounding click. "Would ye like me to
leave the key with you and let you be, or shall I stand guard here at the door,
sir?"
Joshua
looked around. "Stay here to lock up behind me. I shouldn't be long."
"Aye, my
lord. Watch out fer them spiders, too!" The guard gave a toothy grin that made
Joshua shudder and wonder how such a creepy fellow made it into his guard.
Joshua
nodded and opened the door, stepping inside the rooms. He looked back to see
the guard had sat down on the staircase. He shook his head and began his
search. Trying to breathe through all the dust layered on the trunks and chests
he opened to search through choked him up more than once. He knew what he'd be
ordering a few of the maids around the place to be doing in the upcoming week
if he caught them slacking. The attic must've been brown and white at one time,
like the rest of his manor, but light grey dust covered everything.
He knelt
down before a oak wood trunk and turned the key in the lock, opening it.
Shielding his eyes by looking away this time, he caught a glimpse of a large
rectangular shape of something, leaning against a wall and covered by a sheet
of some sort. It piqued his curiosity. After he had rummaged through the trunk
to find no silver rattle, he stood up and decided to look under the sheet. If
it was some nice piece of art, it should be hanging on his walls somewhere and
not rotting away in his attics.
When he
first pulled the sheet away, he smiled to see that it was in fact a painting.
On the second pulse, he found that he recognized the people in the painting.
His smile widened as he recognized his father and then himself at the bottom.
His eyes shifted to the woman that was obviously his mother. He blinked, color
draining from his face.
His
mother had died while giving birth to him.
He didn't
have the chance to ponder the painting any further as he fell to his knees, his
eyes wide as his mind went into overhaul. His only memory of Leá Monde appeared
in his mind's eye, but this time, it was more.((((
In his
mind's eye, he was outside the walls of Leá Monde again, all of 4 years old. He
was crying over something, feeling a deep pain of loss. He clung to the legs of Agent Merlose as she
stared at the sun rising over the horizon. And then, he recalled seeing a face
before his tears had started.
The face
was one of a man that had led a hard life. The face was chiseled and muscular,
with a well-trimmed beard surrounding its bottom. Brown hair covered the face's
head, a receding hairline making it look older than it was. Slight wrinkles
played on the forehead and beneath the eyes, showing utter fatigue and
weariness. Blood and dirt also marred the face. The face wore an expression
that seemed to be praying for death to get some relief, but looked sad at the
same time.
Joshua
shook his head, ridding the face from his mind. His hand covered his chest,
above his heart. "Why does it pain my heart so to recall this face?" Not
even remembering his father's face brought him as much pain as the face of this
stranger.
He knew
that if he felt like so, he should be able to put a name to the face. He
thought hard, the face returning to his mind. The mouth of the man moved, as if
it were speaking, but Joshua could recall no words. He started to shake the
image from his mind again, but realized in doing so, he'd lock away what
happened within Leá Monde forever. He fought it, grasping hold of the face in
his mind, silently willing it to make more sense.
"No!
Hardin, stay here! Don't go!" he cried.
Joshua
blinked. Those were his own words. "Hardin," he whispered aloud. After he spoke
the name aloud, he recognized it as the name of one of the cultists that had
kidnapped him so many years before. Now if only he could make sense of the pain
he felt over losing Hardin, his mind would be more at ease. "I was crying
because I was deeply hurt over the loss of him. Why? He was a cultist, a
kidnapper, someone I should have felt no sympathy towards." He fought again
to cling to the memory, hoping it had more meaning.
"No!
Hardin, stay here! Don't go!"
he begged. His chest hurt with the pain of even thinking of losing Hardin. Then
his memory widened and showed him more.
"You
speak… at last. The terror… I am sorry,"
Hardin said, before he dissipated into tiny particles.
Joshua
gulped. "I wasn't afraid though. Not of anything. Hardin was there and I
felt no terror," his memory told him. "I wanted to tell him but it was
too late." But what was it that he
had seen that was supposed to terrify him? The memory began to fade and he fell
to his knees, clutching at his head trying to hold onto it.
The act
was successful as the memory came again and then again. What terror? What was
it that he had seen? Why had he been crying over the death of a kidnapper? The
questions kept coming as he kept seeing the face, begging Hardin not to go,
listening to Hardin's apologies, and continued to cling to Merlose's calves as
he cried.
Then his
mind decided to answer his questions in the form of a new memory. His face went
pale and fear consumed him as he remembered smiling in the face of a wyrm while
being carried by John Hardin. His heart stopped for a second and he began
trembling on the floor uncontrollably. Wyrms didn't exist, did they? And even
if they did, why would have the gall to smile at it and fear nothing? That wyrm
had looked him right in the eye. Hardin had jerked him from its gaze quickly
but Joshua was giggling quietly.
Faintly
he could also recall bells ringing in the city of Leá Monde at the top of every
hour. Joshua was so dazed that it took a moment to realize he really was
hearing bells, proclaiming that it was midday. Claudine frowning at him for
being late to lunch in his mind took precedence as he glanced back up at the painting
and the woman in it.
Who is
she?
"Milord!"
the guard called finally noticing him. He came rushing in, helping Joshua stand
on shaky legs. "Did ye get bitten by a spider, sir? Are ye okay? Sir, say
something!" The guard was holding Joshua up with one arm and snapping his
fingers in his face with the other.
"Stop
that," Joshua said, irritated. "I'm… I'm okay. I must meet Lady Claudine for
lunch." He was still shaking and his jaw didn't want to close. "Lock this place
and let no one inside except upon my order, is that clear?" he said, removing
the guard's hand from his shoulder.
'Milord?"
he called.
Joshua
stepped shakily outside the attics' door. "Do it."
The guard
nodded hastily and did as he had been bidden.
Joshua
nodded and led himself down the staircases, his hand against the walls the
entire time for balance. He couldn't shake the dying face of John Hardin from
his mind, much less the wyrm. As he relived the emotions, he wondered why he
had been so sad. Why was he feeling as if he had loved the cultist? Why
couldn't he stop trembling? His mind wasn't cooperating with him as he now
tried to shove the images away for the time being. Then one image of Claudine
telling him not to be late joined Hardin and the wyrm. Claudine began to win the
battle within his mind. He sighed deeply heading for the gardens.
