"Rogue!" Jubilee exclaimed as the door opened and her friend walked in.
Rogue walked over to her bed and slung her bag down. "Hey, Jubilee. Hey, Kitty."
"Where have you been?" Kitty asked, looking up from her magazine.
"I took a spontaneous vacation."
"To where?" Jubilee asked.
"Nowhere important."
"Rogue, something's wrong," Kitty said. "What is it?"
"I'd rather not talk about it." Rogue took some clothes out of her bag and handed them to Jubilee. "Here, I borrowed these from you."
Jubilee took the clothes from Rogue. "Um…thanks…" She looked up at Rogue's neck and noticed something was missing. "Where are Wolverine's dogtags?"
"I took them off."
"Why?"
"They were chaffing."
"Riiight," Jubilee said. "Rogue, what's going on?"
Rogue sat down on her bed and buried her face in her hands. "I'm an idiot."
Kitty came up behind her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "No you aren't. Rogue, please, tell us what's going on. We've been worried about you."
"Yeah, you just disappeared for two weeks," Jubilee said. "We're your best friends. You can't keep us out like this."
When Rogue looked up, tears were streaming from her cheeks. "I went up to Canada to see Logan," she said. "I didn't want to sit back and let him walk away this time. And, well, we got together for a little while. It was wonderful, being with him, holding him, looking him in the eyes and knowing he was mine. But he…he…he left."
Jubilee's face twitched with anger. "That bastard!" She jumped up and started pacing. "How could he do that to you! What, did he think you'd be good for a quick roll in the hay and then he could break your heart like he has a million times before?! What a fucking bastard!"
"It wasn't like that, Jubilee. That isn't what Logan meant to do at all."
"But it's what he did!"
Rogue looked down again. "He said he it was because he didn't want to hurt me."
Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Why do guys always do that? 'I'm hurting you so I won't hurt you.' Is logic completely lost on them?"
"I know it doesn't make any sense," Rogue said, "But I guess he really thought it would be better like this. Logan would never do anything to hurt me…"
"You really believe that?" Jubilee asked. "Dammit, Rogue, that's all Logan's been doing since the beginning. He's never been here when you needed him, and all he ever does is leave you jus as soon as he's won your trust again!"
"You're wrong!" Rogue said. "Logan has been there for me! He was there for me on top of the Statue of Liberty! He saved my life that night, Jubilee!"
"Yeah, well, what has he done for you since then besides continuously rip out your heart and spit on all that love you have for him?"
Rogue jumped up, almost causing Kitty, who had been watching the debate between Rogue and Jubilee with her eyes wide, to topple over. "You don't understand anything! Logan loves me! He's just gone through things that you could never even dream of, Jubilation. He hasn't been able to get over that."
"So that gives him the right to take advantage of you."
"He didn't take advantage of me! I went to him, Jubilee! I know what kind of man he is; I set myself up for this!"
"You can say you know what kind of man he is," Jubilee said "but I don't think you do. You have this naïve belief that one of these days Logan's just going to decide the two of you are some sort of soul mates and turn away from the only way of life he's ever know so he can settle down with you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Rogue, but that ain't gonna happen!"
"I am not naïve!" Rogue yelled. "I know exactly what I'm getting into with Logan! Dammit, Jubilee, I've had a hard enough time recently without you acting like a total bitch."
"Rogue, look, I know what I'm saying is harsh, but I'm telling you like a friend. This whole thing with Logan is tearing you apart. Something's gotta give!"
"I'm fine, Jubilee!"
"No you're not! You mope around the mansion all the time—you're only happy when Logan's here—and then you run off to God knows where just to find him?! You don't think about anyone but yourself and your own self-pity!"
"That is not true!"
"Oh no? Why don't you go ask Bobby!"
"What does Bobby have to do with this?"
"He loves you!"
"Since when were you in the 'Supporters of Bobby Drake' club?" Rogue asked.
Jubilee sighed. "I'm not, I'm just saying it isn't fair to him when you're all starry-eyed over a guy that's never going to give you what you want and you won't even give poor Bobby a real chance!"
"Whether or not I choose to give Bobby a chance with me is none of your business."
"Yes it is! I'm your friend, Rogue! I care about you!"
"It's my life, Jubilee! If you were a real friend, you'd stay the hell out!" Rogue stormed out of the room, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her and making the whole room shake.
Jubilee sighed as she threw herself back on her bed and just stared up at the ceiling. Kitty opened her mouth to say something, but decided better of it and went back to her part of the room to read the rest of her magazine.
*** *** ***
Rogue climbed up to the roof of the mansion to watch the stars. The night sky was beautiful, and she couldn't help but hope, wherever Logan was, he could see it, too. The emptiness his absence was causing her was a million times greater than it ever had been before, and her chest felt so tight that she wasn't sure how she was still breathing.
Tears were rolling down her face, but Rogue wasn't even aware that she was crying. All she could think about was how wonderful being with Logan had been and what a fool she'd been to think it was going to last. She knew that one of the reasons that she had gotten so angry at Jubilee was that Jubilee had hit a nerve, since, at least partway, she had been right.
"Um, Rogue, do you mind if I come out here and sit with you?" Bobby asked timidly.
"Of course not, Bobby," Rogue said as she wiped her eyes that she suddenly realized were wet. "Have a seat."
"Kitty told me you got in a fight with Jubilee."
Rogue nodded. "Yeah, she was trying to tell me how to run my life again."
"She was just trying to help you out." Bobby noticed Rogue get a little angry at his defense of Jubilee and quickly added, "But she really should've just left you alone. Especially since you obviously looked pretty bummed out."
"Bummed out, huh?" Rogue said with a small smile. "That's a mild evaluation."
"What happened Rogue?"
"You don't want to hear it."
"Yes I do."
"Bobby, I know how you feel about me, and…"
"That doesn't change my desire to be there for you no matter what the problem is," Bobby finished for her. "Sure, I'm crazy about you, Rogue, and I'm not exactly so fond of Logan. I've never made any secrets about that. But if you need someone to listen to your troubles—even if they're how much he's broken your heart and how in love with him you are—then I'm here to listen. I don't want to let my feelings interfere with our friendship."
Rogue smiled. "You're a great guy, Bobby Drake."
"Yeah, so I've been told. Of course, it's usually right before the girl ruffles my hair and tells me she loves me—in a brother-sister sort of way."
"I'm sorry, Bobby."
"Don't be Rogue. I've come to accept my lot in life as the unloved clown of the mansion. Besides, we aren't talking about me here."
"I know. It's just so hard to say what I think these days."
"Well, why don't you just explain to me what happened," Bobby said.
Rogue took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes. If you don't want to hear anything I'm telling you, feel free to tell me, all right?"
"All right."
"See, on my twenty-first birthday, I had a bit too much to drink and let it slip to Logan that I loved him."
"Didn't he know?"
Rogue shrugged. "I guess not. Or maybe he was just trying to pretend it didn't make a difference how I felt about him." Rogue saw Bobby wince at her obvious reference to the earlier part of their conversation. "Anyway, I told him and he bolted. It hurt so badly, and I just knew that I couldn't let Logan get away this time.
"So I packed up and followed him to Canada. I talked to the Professor before I left and he told me it was all right, and let me know where I could find Logan, and I was off. I went to this bar where he was fighting, and well, I guess I seduced him." Rogue stopped short as she suddenly broke into a fit of giggles.
"What's so funny?" Bobby asked.
"Oh, just looking back and reminding myself that I really did that," Rogue replied. "I mean, I showed up in this seedy bar in backwater Canada and put on this whole little seductress routine for Logan. I even wore one of Jubilee's dresses."
Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Wish I'd seen that. Well, you in Jubilee's dress—not you going after Logan."
"I figured."
"So did you get him?"
"Yeah, I did. And for two weeks everything was great. I had the time of my life, and I think Logan liked being with me, too. But I always had lingering doubts, you know? I guess it was from all the times he'd left in the past. But I kept telling myself not to worry about it. We hadn't been a couple before, so things were different. He wouldn't leave me this time. But then I told him I was afraid he'd leave, and that I wanted to know for certain if he was staying. I woke up the next morning alone."
"He didn't even say anything to you before he left?" Bobby asked.
"Well, he left me a note."
Bobby tried to suppress his quickly rising anger. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arm around Rogue. "I'm…I'm sorry. I can't believe any man would be stupid enough to let you go like that."
"He said that he loves me, but I deserve someone else—someone who can give me something better than he can."
"Finally, something Logan and I agree on," Bobby thought. "Maybe he's right. Maybe you will find someone better."
"There isn't anyone better. I love him with all my heart."
"I know."
Rogue looked up at Bobby, her big, tear-filled eyes breaking his heart. "Is it me, Bobby? Am I not good enough to keep Logan? Is there something wrong with me?"
Bobby had never wanted to hurt anyone more than he wanted to hurt Logan right then. He pulled her to him. "No, Rogue. Please, don't think anything like that. There's obviously something wrong with him, not you. You're perfect."
"I think I may have just asked for a biased opinion," Rogue said.
Bobby chuckled. "Maybe. But no matter whatever happens, I'll always love you."
"I know."
The two of them sat under the stars in silence, Rogue thankful for companionship and Bobby clinging to the little bit of time in which Rogue was actually in his arms.
*** *** ***
Rogue returned to her room later in the night to find Jubilee still up, watching television. "Um, where's Kitty?" Rogue asked.
"I think she's staying in Peter's room tonight."
"I'm surprised she hasn't moved in there yet."
"I don't think she's quite ready for that level of commitment."
"Yeah."
Rogue went over to her closet, pulled out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and started changing for bed. The tension level in the room was high, and she regretted fighting with Jubilee the way she had earlier. "So, what are you watching?"
"Letterman."
"Anybody good on?"
"That Hugh Jackman guy you like so much was on earlier."
"And I missed it?"
"I taped it for you," Jubilee said, never once turning away from the television.
"Thanks," Rogue said, feeling even worse for their earlier argument. She smiled a little. "I still say he looks like Logan."
"Oh come on. You see Logan's face in your mashed potatoes."
"He does! Add some sideburns and they'd look exactly alike."
"Okay, get me a picture of Hugh Jackman, I'll draw on a hairstyle reminiscent of former President Martin VanBuren and we'll see."
"Done," Rogue said, pulling out a magazine with him on the cover. She handed Jubilee the magazine and a black magic marker.
Jubilee rolled her eyes, but drew her artistic masterpiece anyway. She regarded the picture for a moment, then burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh my God, he does!"
Rogue started laughing, too. "I told you."
Jubilee sat up and looked at her best friend. "I'm sorry for fighting with you earlier."
"I'm sorry, too," Rogue said.
"I just really worry about you, Rogue. And I know I shouldn't—your life and all—but I can't help it. I love ya, you know?"
"I know, Jubes, and I love ya, too. This is just something I need to work out myself, okay?"
Jubilee nodded. "Okay, I understand. But remember, if you ever need anything, I'm here for you."
"I know. And trust me, if I ever need help, you'll be the first to know."
*** *** ***
Logan had never felt so lonely in his life. He lay alone on the bed in his hotel room, watching a roach scurry across his floor. He hadn't slept in days. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Marie. He knew that wherever she was she was hurting, and that thought only seemed to amplify his own pain.
He's never wanted it to be that way. Logan hoped she knew that and could understand why leaving was for the best. After all, she had wanted to know when it would all end, and now, well, she knew.
He figured she had probably returned to the mansion and he wanted to go there, even for a moment, just to see her and know she was all right. But he couldn't. Logan knew the moment he looked into her eyes it would be all over for him and he'd just go right back to ruining her life.
Logan regretted ever going into the bar in Laughlin City, regretted ever letting a small, scared girl hitch a ride in his truck. She would've been okay if they'd never met, right? Surely the X-Men would've found her, saved her from Magneto, without his help. And then he never would've been able to hurt her, never been able to give her the flashes of memories that haunted his dreams, never would've made her cry.
Never would've broken her heart.
It was that thought that hit Logan the hardest. She had given him her love so completely, and he had thrown it back in her face. "It was for her own good," he kept reminding himself. "It was for her own good."
He knew that Rogue would find happiness without him, and that, in the end, her life would be better because he wasn't a part of it. The small amount of pain he had caused her now would save her from much more heartache in the future. He told himself that over and over again.
It was the only way he could live with himself.
Now the only problem was, how was he going to get by without her?
*** *** ***
Rogue spent the few months avoiding all questions concerning Logan and just where she had disappeared to for two weeks. She did her best to always remain smiling and happy, trying to keep people—Jubilee in particular—from worrying about her. She kept Wolverine's dogtags in a box, and forced herself to keep him out of her mind. She told herself that he was an addiction, and no matter how hard it hurt, loving him was a habit she had to break.
This time she knew he was gone for good.
Rogue spent much of her time socializing with the other people in the mansion and trying to keep her mind off things by never letting herself be alone long enough for the thoughts of Logan to come creeping back. As her college studies wound to a close, the Professor offered a position at the school as a teacher at the school, which she happily accepted.
After becoming Xavier's School for the Gifted's newest social studies teacher, Rogue tearfully moved out of the room she'd shared with Kitty and Jubilee since she'd first arrived, and into the teacher's wing. She loved both her roommates like sisters, but she knew it was time for her to grow up a little more and move on. Besides, she knew it probably wouldn't be too long until Jubilee and Kitty moved upstairs themselves.
Rogue carried the last box to her new room, then sat down and took a look around, surveying her surroundings. The room was nice and spacious, and she hadn't realized how much she'd missed her privacy until she had it back.
Someone knocked at the door. "Come in!" Rogue called.
Jean Grey-Summers walked into the room. She smiled at Rogue. "Hey. Just wanted to stop by and tell you welcome to the neighborhood."
Rogue chuckled. "Thanks."
"And if you need anything at all, Scott and I are just across the hall. Don't hesitate to ask us."
"All right."
"I really think you're going to make a wonderful teacher," Jean told her. "I have a lot of confidence in your abilities, and I know, no matter what road you take, you'll always be successful."
Jean's compliment made Rogue beam. "Thank you, Jean. It means a lot to me to hear you say that. I look up to you, you know. I have since I first got here. You have so much poise and grace and you're always in control. I wish I could handle things the way you do."
"Don't sell yourself short," Jean said. "You're a rather impressive person yourself."
Rogue gave Jean a hug. "I'm glad to know you think that."
Jean hugged the younger woman back. "You better get some sleep. You have your first class in the morning, and trust me, you're going to need all the rest you can get."
*** *** ***
Ten minutes into her first class and Rogue could see what Jean had meant about her needing rest. It was the first class at Xavier's for her students, too, and they had not yet quite adjusted to life at their new school. They were talking non-stop, giving mini power demonstrations, etc. One boy was actually even literally climbing the walls.
"Uh, please, could you be quiet and sit down," Rogue called again with her already sore throat. "We need to start class."
If anyone heard her, they certainly didn't acknowledge the fact she had spoken, and Rogue was becoming so exasperated she was almost to the point of tears. She wished for a moment that she had some impressive power—like flight. Maybe if she was able to do somersaults in the air the class would pay attention to her.
"Hey! Didn't you hear the lady!" A voice suddenly boomed in the room. "I believe she told you heathens to be quiet. Think you can do that for her or am I going to have to make you?"
The sound of the newcomer jarred the students out of their revelry, and they all sat down in their seats. Rogue looked up across the room at Bobby Drake, who had the sternest expression on his face that she had ever seen him wear. "Thank you," she mouthed.
Bobby gave her a quick wink, then quickly frowned again. "Now it just isn't polite to treat your teacher that way. Miss Rogue is a really nice lady and she deserves your attention. I'm going to go, and you are all going to behave. If you don't, then you'll find out exactly how cold a deep freeze is. Got it?"
The class nodded.
"Good. See ya around, Rogue," Bobby said, leaving the classroom. Rogue gave him a nod goodbye, then turned back to her now-attentive class, ready to teach.
*** *** ***
Rogue caught up with Bobby during the lunch break. "I wanted to say thanks again for handling my class the way you did. I was about at my limit, and I don't think I could've gotten loud enough to be heard over them."
"Oh it was no problem. I walked by the classroom and saw you were having trouble and knew I couldn't exactly leave you to the wolves like that."
"Well I'm glad you walked by when you did. One question though."
"Shoot."
"How'd you manage to look so mean? I didn't think you had it in you, Drake."
Bobby shrugged. "I did my best impersonation of my father."
Rogue raised an eyebrow. "Must've been fun growing up in your house."
"Oh it was a regular laugh riot. Hey, wanna grab a bite to eat with me?"
"I don't know…I really should get back to the classroom. I want plenty of time to prepare for my after-lunch class."
"Oh come on. You still owe me for that time you stood me up right after you got here."
"I told you I did meet you! And you told me to leave the mansion!"
"I did nothing of the sort!"
"Let's not rehash five-year-old arguments, okay?"
"Then eat lunch with me and we'll call it even."
Rogue sighed. "Fine, Bobby, you win. Let's go."
*** *** ***
"Thanks again for saving me in there," Rogue said as she sat down with Bobby to eat lunch.
"You're welcome," Bobby said. "Although I think you probably could've calmed them down on your own if you'd gotten a little louder."
Rogue shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm just not that mean."
"Ha! You can be plenty mean when you want to be. Trust me on that one. You've ripped into me enough."
Rogue laughed. "Yeah, well, it's easy to yell at you."
Bobby smiled. "You wound my pride."
"What pride?"
"The pride I used to have until you killed it, you mean, mean woman!"
"I've killed your pride, huh? Well, looks like my mission is complete."
"I knew it! You are out to get me!"
"But of course!"
After he and Rogue shared a laugh, Bobby asked, "So how did your classes go after the little upset in the morning?"
"Oh, fairly well. My first class was well behaved after you came in and shut them up, and I didn't have too bad of trouble with any of the ones after that. All though I do feel bad for Ms. Munroe after remembering how me, you, Jubilee, and St. John used to act up in her class."
"Hey, Kitty was in on that, too," Bobby pointed out.
"Yeah, but she was good at looking like teacher's pet as soon as Storm turned around."
"Very true. She could keep a straight face while the rest of us couldn't keep from snickering."
"What about you?" Rogue asked. "You're keeping the books for the mansion now, aren't you?"
"Yeah. Man, the Professor's got a lot of money. I swear, he could run a small country."
"Look around you. He practically is."
"Very true."
"Have you given any thought to teaching? You obviously have the ability to get control of a classroom."
"Actually, Professor Xavier suggested I teach a class on personal bookkeeping to some of the older kids, and I think I'm going to take him up on the offer."
"I might have to sit in on that one," Rogue said. "I can't balance a checkbook for anything."
"You know, I could always give you private lessons…" Bobby said with a wink.
Rogue blushed. "I'll think about it."
"So how many classes do you have today?" Bobby asked.
"Five. One U.S. history, one world history, two American government, and one geography."
"Which was the class this morning."
"That was the geography. I can already tell that class is going to give me trouble. The kids are rowdy and I hate the subject. Maps bore me."
"Yeah, same here, but I'm sure you'll do fine. Just work that charm of yours on the class and you'll have them eating out of your hand."
Rogue gave him a puzzled look. "What charm? I don't think I have any."
"Oh trust me, Rogue, it's there."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Because you charmed me from the moment you walked into Ms. Munroe's class."
"Bobby…"
"I know, I know, you don't want to hear it, but it's true—though I got used to my love for you being unrequited a long time ago."
"Jubilee said once that it isn't fair of me not to give you a 'real chance' with me. Do you feel the same way?" Rogue asked.
Bobby took a deep breath, trying to think of the best way to answer. "No," he said after a moment. "I don't feel that way. What wouldn't be fair would be you getting together with me just because it was something I wanted. You wouldn't be happy, and in the end, neither would I."
Rogue nodded. "I'm glad you understand that."
"Yeah."
They ate the rest of their meal in silence.
*** *** ***
Rogue collapsed on her bed after her first day at work. She'd never thought that teaching could take so much out of a person. She started to say something to Kitty and Jubilee, but then remembered she was alone now. "That's going to take some getting used to," Rogue thought.
It had been a long day, and Rogue found that all she wanted to do was relax. She got up and started changing out of her clothes and into something comfortable. She climbed back into bed and turned on the television, deciding to see what was on before she went to sleep.
She lay alone, the only sounds in the room those coming from the TV, and she suddenly felt lonelier that she had in a long time. She missed her roommates, the constant sound of their voices had always made the room seem less empty. But most of all, in the silence, she missed Logan. She thought back to those two short weeks she'd spent with him in Canada, and the way it had felt to be in his arms.
The thoughts of Logan made Marie feel cold, and she pulled the blankets around her tightly. She hadn't let herself cry for Logan since the first night she came back, but now she couldn't help but let the tears flow. She was desperate for him, even just a part of him. She opened her bedside table drawer and pulled out the small wooden box where she kept Wolverine's tags. She took them out and clutched the cold metal to her chest.
She cried herself to sleep that night, still holding the dogtags close to her heart.
*** *** ***
To be continued…