Ororo Munroe walked into Rogue's classroom to find the younger woman sitting alone at her desk in the room, looking like death warmed over. Her hair was much more unkempt that usual, her skin pale, and her eyes were lined by dark circles.
"Goddess, Child, what has happened to you?" Storm asked as she came into the room. As she got closer, she noticed Rogue had been crying.
"I didn't sleep well last night," Rogue said. "And Wolverine's return has me on edge."
"You look…rough," Storm said, not sure of what the most diplomatic word to use would be in order to describe Rogue's current physical appearance.
"Yeah, I'm sure I do," Rogue said. "I broke down in front of my class today."
Storm looked horrified. "Whatever pushed you to do that?"
"Oh, I don't know. Logan, I guess. He's always reeked havoc on my emotions."
"I thought you would be over him by now."
Rogue gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah, so did I."
"Are you going to be all right? Do you need someone to take over your classes for a while?"
Rogue shook her head. "No. I'll be fine. Tomorrow's Saturday. I'll be able to rest, and maybe I can go somewhere and get out of the mansion for a while."
"That sounds like a good idea. You do look like you could use some time away from here."
"Yeah, I'm sure do."
"You and Bobby could possibly spend the weekend away."
"Maybe. I'll talk to him about it."
"I am sure you will be fine."
Rogue nodded. She knew she'd be fine, too—eventually.
*** *** ***
Rogue decided to take Storm's advice and go away for the weekend. She and Bobby rented a room at a nearby Bed and Breakfast, and Rogue did all she could to relax and keep her mind off the fact that when she got home Sunday night, Logan would be there. Every time she let her thoughts wander, however, his face was the dominant image in her mind.
"Hon, are you okay?"
Rogue looked up, her expression slightly startled. "Huh? Were you trying to talk to me, Bobby?"
"Yeah, I called your name a couple of times, and you didn't respond. Are you feeling all right?"
"I was just lost in thought," Rogue explained.
"You've been worrying me ever since he got back," Bobby said. "You've seemed so…distant."
"I'm sorry," Rogue said. "Logan coming back just threw me for a loop, that's all."
"You're not still in love with him, are you?" Bobby asked, deciding he had to know the answer.
Rogue was surprised at how quickly the little voice in her head screamed, "Yes!" "No," she told Bobby. "I got over him a long time ago."
"Are you sure?"
"Why would you ask a question like that?"
Bobby let out a deep breath. "Because you haven't been acting like you're over him."
Rogue looked down at her hands and Bobby braced himself for the worst. Rogue walked over and knelt in front of him, and Bobby looked up, searching for any signs of hope in her eyes. She put her hand on his cheek, making him smile weakly.
"Bobby, I love you," Rogue told him. "Anything I had with Logan is in the past now. I'm sorry that I've been acting strangely ever since he came home, but I just wasn't expecting it, and having him around put a lot of stress on me. But there's no reason to worry. You're who I want to be with now."
Bobby took her hands in his. "Do you mean that, Rogue? I need to know now, am I really the man you want to be with?"
"Yes."
"Forever?"
"Yeah."
"There's something I've wanted to give you for a while, and I've been waiting for the perfect moment, but I figure now is as good a time as any." Bobby walked over to his suitcase and started rummaging for something. Rogue stood up, watching him intently. He came over and knelt down on one knee in front of her. Rogue couldn't decide if the feeling in her stomach was butterflies or dread.
Bobby opened the box and Rogue stared down at the ring. "Will you marry me?"
Rogue nodded numbly. "Yes."
Bobby stood up and slipped the ring on her finger. Rogue smiled at him. "I love you," he said as he leaned down to kiss her.
Rogue began to cry and she told herself they were tears of joy.
*** *** ***
Rogue wore her most realistic smile as Kitty and Jubilee squealed over her engagement ring.
"You are so lucky," Jubilee said.
"You really are," Kitty said. "You and Bobby are like the perfect couple."
"I was thinking more of the diamond," Jubilee said. "That thing's huge! How did Drake afford that?"
"He said he's been saving up for a while. And the Professor gave him some money for it, I think," Rogue said.
"I'm going to cry!" Kitty said as she jumped up and hugged Rogue. She sat back down wiping her eyes. "I'm so happy for both you and Bobby."
"Y'all are going to be my bridesmaids, right?" Rogue asked.
"Of course!" Jubilee said. "And, um, who gets to be your maid or honor?"
"I'll let the two of you fight that out," Rogue said. "I'm not making the decision that could start World War III."
"We could do like they did on Friends where each of us agrees to be the maid of honor for one of the others," Kitty said.
"That could work," Rogue said, "But who's going to volunteer to be Jubilee's?"
"Uh…you?"
Jubilee thought for a second, then her eyes got wide. "Hey! Are you guys insinuating that I'll never get married?"
Rogue and Kitty both looked down at the ground, shuffling their feet. "Well, you've never exactly had a boyfriend for more than a couple of months…" Kitty said.
"That's just because I haven't found anyone good enough for me yet," Jubilee said.
"That's because there's no one good enough for the Great Jubilee," Rogue said with a giggle.
Jubilee lounged back on the couch. "Probably not. So I guess I'll just have to settle with marrying some old rich guy who's about to die and get all his money."
"You're terrible!" Kitty said.
"Yeah, but someday I'll be rich and terrible. You'll just be married to some guy who would probably crush you if he rolled over in his sleep."
Kitty blushed. "I can always phase and get out."
"What if he crushes you before you have the chance to wake up and phase."
"Don't scare me like that, Jubilee!"
Rogue stood up. "Well, as amusing as the two of you are, I'm supposed to meet Bobby so we can tell the Professor together—not that he probably doesn't already know."
"All right," Jubilee said.
"And congratulations again!" Kitty added.
Rogue nodded. "Thanks."
*** *** ***
Rogue looked down at her watch and noticed she was late for her meeting with Bobby and the Professor. She thought about contacting Xavier telepathically and letting him know she was on her way, but decided against it. It would be a miracle if Bobby was even there yet.
The fact she was rushing combined with her mind wandering as she contemplated just exactly how she was going to keep her doubts shielded from Professor Xavier, kept Rogue from paying attention to where she was going. She stumbled backwards as she ran right into something warm and hard.
"Hey, watch it there, Marie," the obstacle grumbled.
Marie looked up right into Logan's soul-piercing hazel eyes. "Damn my luck," Rogue thought. "Sometimes I feel like my life is controlled by some angst-loving sadist." "Um, hi Logan."
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?"
"I have an appointment. Now if you don't mind…"
"What's that on your hand?"
"My, aren't you subtle."
"Subtlety has never done a damn thing for me," Logan said. "Now what's on your finger?"
"In civilized circles they call it an engagement ring. Some men buy them for women they love."
"So you're gettin' married."
"Yes. I've found a man who deserves me and can give me the kind of life I should have."
Logan winced at the paraphrase of what he'd told her when he left. "You're still bitter that I left?"
"Bitter? Bitter! Logan, I wish I was just bitter. I hate you. No, I beyond hate you. There isn't a word to describe what I feel for you now. I'm not bitter. Fuck bitter. And while you're at it, fuck you, too."
Rogue tried to walk away, but Logan grabbed her arm. "Marie…"
"Let go of me, Logan."
"Marie, please…"
"I'm not Marie! Marie doesn't exist anymore. Just Rogue."
"Don't do this."
Rogue grabbed her arm away from him. "Do what Logan? Walk away from you like you did from me? Live my life on my own the same way you have a million times before? What do you not want me to do? Because if you think I'm going to stand here and act like I actually give a damn about you, you're dead wrong. If you've taught me anything, it's how to stop caring, and that's what I'm going to do now. So just tuck your tail between your legs and run off to where ever it is you go to lick your wounds because I don't want you in my life anymore!"
"Marie, you can't push me out of your life like this."
"I can't? Why the hell not? Does it only work when you push yourself out?"
"I came back to try to make amends with you."
"Make amends with me? A little late for that, Wolverine."
"It can't be. Just because we can't be lovers, Marie, can't mean I've lost you completely."
Rogue laughed. "You're clueless. You lost me completely the moment you ran off in the middle of the night to save me from you, or whatever you were trying to do. You killed any feelings I ever had for you, so just leave me the hell alone."
Logan's only response was to grab her and kiss her. The moment his lips were on her, all Marie's conscious thoughts flew out the window, and she was kissing back.
"What…what was that for?" she asked as he pulled away
"Provin' you still have feelings for me."
Marie tried to collect herself. "Just because I responded to you kissing me does not mean I have feelings for you."
"Proves you're attracted t'me."
"Well, duh. I'm a woman and I'm breathing, after all. But I don't want to be with you, if that's what you're getting at. Besides, I think I distinctly remember you leaving me."
"I made a mistake."
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Nice observation."
"I've missed you, Marie."
"And I've missed you, too! Let me throw away everything I have so you can break my heart again!"
"There ain't any need for sarcasm."
"Look, Logan, you told me to find a man who could give me the kind of life you decided I should have. Well, I did that, and now here you are telling me to throw it all away. Make up your damn mind!"
"I have. And I was wrong before. I love you."
"Well, guess what. It's too late."
Rogue walked away with a feeling of vindication.
*** *** ***
"Did the Professor seem to be acting a little strangely about our engagement to you?" Bobby called to Rogue through the bathroom door.
Rogue took her toothbrush out of her mouth. "No."
"Hmm. I guess I'm just nervous or something then," Bobby said.
Rogue rinsed out her mouth. "Yeah, that's probably it." She left out the fact that the Professor had pulled her aside afterwards and told her to follow her heart, even if it didn't seem to be leading her down the safest path.
"I know it's probably silly, but I can't help worrying now that Wolverine's here."
Rogue walked out of the bathroom. "Worrying about what?'
"Well, us."
"There isn't any reason to worry about us," Rogue said, trying to ignore how her knees grew week at the thought of how Logan had kissed her in the hall earlier.
"I know, I guess it's just a typical, involuntary reaction to the ex-lover of the woman you're going to marry showing up. Besides, knowing Logan he'll probably be gone in a few days anyway."
Rogue masked how badly Bobby's words had stung. "Yeah, probably."
Bobby moved closer to Rogue, running his fingers through the white streaks in her hair then wrapping his arms loosely around her waist. "Promise me something."
"What?"
"That you'll always love me."
"I'll always love you as much as I do right now."
Apparently that answer satisfied Bobby, because he pulled Rogue into a kiss and she didn't have to think for a while.
*** *** ***
Scott was carrying the trash out to the dumpsters behind the mansion when he found Rogue crouched next to a wall, smoking a cigarette, seemingly lost in her own world. He threw the garbage away before approaching her.
"I didn't know you smoked."
Rogue jumped about a mile in the air. "Um, I don't."
"So what are you doing out here hiding behind the dumpsters smoking a cigarette?"
"Okay, fine. I don't smoke—usually."
"That's a nasty habit, you know."
Rogue sighed. "I know, I just needed something to calm my nerves, and apparently your wife doesn't just 'dispense Valium as if it were candy.'"
"So this whole Logan thing has you pretty shaken up, I take it."
"What Logan thing?"
"The Logan being back at the mansion thing."
"Oh, that Logan thing. Why would I care about that?"
"You know, I'm not as dull-witted as most of you think."
"I'm just in denial, okay?"
"Denial is not a good state to be in."
"Actually, I've found that the State of Denial is quite lovely this time of year. Almost as beautiful as the State of Confusion."
"Rogue…"
"Look, Scott, I'm fine, all right? Or at least I will be. I just wasn't planning on Logan ever coming back, and now here he is trying to mess everything up for me. But I'll have my head back on straight soon enough, and then everything will be peachy." Rogue took a drag off her cigarette.
"Do you want to go back to Logan?"
"I swear, the next person who asks me that is going to find themselves in a freaking coma."
"I'm just worried about you. Logan tends to drive you to unhealthy behaviors."
"Gee, you think? Scott, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine, really. I'm engaged to Bobby, I'm not going to go back to Logan, and I'm happy with that."
"You don't look happy."
"That's because you've destroyed my bubble."
"Destroyed your bubble?"
"Yes. The bubble I formed around myself when I came out here that was going to protect me from all the bad things for just a few minutes whilst I poisoned myself with tar, nicotine, and whatever else might be in this thing that could kill me." She flicked her cigarette. "But you had to come out here with your seriousness and pop my pretty little bubble."
"Rogue…"
"I know, I know, I'm being overly-sarcastic. Look, just let me initiate the onslaught of lung cancer in peace, and I promise you, as soon as things get to be too hard for me to handle I'll come cry on your shoulder."
Scott gave her a dry smile. "I'll hold you to that."
Rogue smiled back. "Beat it, Summers."
Scott started to walk away, but stopped for a moment and called back to her. "Those things'll kill you."
Rogue just grinned. "Then more power to 'em."
*** *** ***
Rogue had spent all day with Bobby picking out china patterns, and it had been all she could do to keep from screaming. Rogue knew things were beginning to get to be officially too much for her. Here she was planning the ideal wedding and the ideal life with Bobby when every time she turned around she came face to face with Logan. She knew that marrying Bobby was the right thing to do, but she wanted Logan more than she'd ever wanted anything else in her life.
So she sat alone on the couch in the rec room drinking tequila straight from the bottle. She knew Bobby would be upstairs wondering where she was, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to get so drunk she forgot who she was.
Logan walked into the room to find Marie, more than slightly inebriated. "What the hell are you doing?"
Marie looked up slowly. "Drinkin' tequila. Want some?"
"No. Give me that." He tried to take the bottle, but she jerked it away from him.
"If you don't want any, why are ya takin' it?"
"'Cause you don't want any either."
"Yes I do."
"You've had enough."
"Uh-uh. I'm still able t'think some."
"Marie, why are you doing this?"
"Doin' what?"
"Sitting here all alone gettin' pissed."
"I'm not alone. You're here."
Logan knew better that to argue with a drunk woman, especially one who was drunk on tequila. "Okay, fine. Why'd ya get drunk."
"Because."
Wolverine gave a low, frustrated growl. "Because why, Marie?"
"Because I felt like it! Good enough reason for ya, Logan?"
"No."
"Fuck off."
"Marie…"
"It's Rogue, dammit! Now fuck off!"
"You need to go to bed."
"No."
"Marie…"
"ROGUE!"
"Fine. Rogue. You need to go to bed. You're gonna be miserable in the mornin' as it is."
"How will that be different from every other mornin' since you left me?"
"Please, don't do that."
"You're always sayin' that, Logan. What exactly am I not supposed to be doing?"
"Rubbin' in the fact I hurt ya."
"But it's so fun!" Marie exclaimed. "I love seein' that hurt look in your eyes. Reminds me of what I see every time I look in the mirror."
"Go to bed, Rogue."
"Fine," Marie said, tightening her grip on her bottle of tequila, "But I'm taking Señor Cuervo with me!" She stood up, but immediately fell forward, dropping the bottle so it smashed on the ground. Logan reached out and caught her. She looked up at him. "Oops."
"I don't think you're gonna be able to make it back up to your room."
Marie started to giggle.
"What's so damned funny?"
"I forgot how strong your arms are. Bobby's sorta scrawny."
"Yeah, I bet he is. C'mon, Marie, I'm gonna try t'get ya upstairs."
Logan tried to help Marie walk, but she was uncooperative, and they ended up toppling over together on to the couch. "Ow," she said from under him. "You're squashin' me."
"Sorry." Logan stood up. He started to reach down to help Marie get off the couch, but slipped in the spilt tequila and landed back on top of her, this time bracing himself on his arms so he wouldn't crush her.
Marie smiled up at him. "Well hello there, Handsome."
"Marie, come on, Darlin', I gotta get you upstairs. You're almost a married woman—this ain't right."
"You said 'almost.' So I'm not married yet, and this isn't wrong."
"Yes, it is." He tried to get up, but she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him back down. "Marie, let go of me."
"You don't really mean that," she cooed. "I can feel how much you want me." She reached down and grabbed hold of the bulge that was forming at his crotch.
Logan moved her hand away. "Look, I want you, yeah, but not like this. You're engaged and well, more than a little drunk. This is somethin' you're gonna regret in the morning. Right along with drinking however much you did from that bottle of José Cuervo that just bit the dust."
Marie reached up and stroked his sideburns, and Logan couldn't help but nuzzle against her hand. "I could never regret making love to you…"
"Marie…" Logan croaked, his resolve breaking.
She put her other hand behind his head and lowered him down to kiss her. He crushed himself to her lips, ravishing her mouth. He no longer cared what kind of ring she was wearing or how much she'd been drinking.
That is, until he realized she had passed out.
"Dammit." Logan pushed himself up and stood over Marie's unconscious form. He extended his claws for a moment, letting the pain bring him back to reality, then retracted them and picked Marie up. He tried to wrap her arms around his neck so she'd be easier to carry, but she kept slipping. "Dammit," he cursed again as he realized she was out so soundly that she wasn't going to be anything but dead weight.
He carried her out of the rec room and up the stairs, cursing every time he hit her head or legs on the wall or banister. He reached the hall that both his and Marie's rooms were on and started to bring her back to her own room, but decided that Bobby Drake wouldn't exactly appreciate Logan of all people delivering his wife-to-be to him, drunk and passed out.
Logan brought her to his own room instead.
He laid down in the bed with her, wrapping her arms around her and wishing they could be there together under better circumstances.
*** *** ***
Rogue woke up the next morning in excruciating pain, not remembering where she was or how she got there. She forced her eyes open, despite the fact that the light coming in from the windows was blinding, and took in her surroundings. "Oh shit," she said as she realized she was in Logan's room—although he was nowhere to be found.
"How the hell did I get in here?" she wondered aloud. She looked under the covers and saw she was fully dressed, which made her relax a little, but she was still uncertain of what exactly had happened. She remembered sitting on the couch downstairs—downing a bottle of tequila—but after that everything was blank.
Rogue looked on the beside table and noticed a bottle of aspirin, a glass of water, and a piece of paper. She figured Logan had left the aspirin for her, since he certainly wouldn't need it himself, and took a couple. She then picked up the piece of paper. There, scrawled in Logan's handwriting, was simply the word "sorry." Rogue rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling, feeling empty. He was gone again.
About half an hour, a few more aspirins, and a couple of mad dashes to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth later, Rogue made her way out of bed. She found her shoes by the dresser, put them on, and left the room. However, no sooner was she out the door than did Bobby walk up the stairs. He looked at her, looked at the room she was coming out of, and narrowed his eyes in anger.
"Bobby…this isn't what it looks like!" Rogue said quickly.
"Really? Explain what it is then, because it's looking pretty bad."
"I…I don't know!" Rogue said, wishing more than ever that she could remember what had happened the night before.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I mean I don't know! I was drunk!"
"Drunk?! What, so drunk you thought it would be fun to hop into the sack with Logan once more for old time's sake?"
"No!" Rogue said, cursing the pounding in her head. "I didn't do anything like that with Logan."
"Then why were you in his room?"
"I don't remember."
"So how do you know you two didn't sleep together?"
"Please, Bobby, don't yell at me."
"How do you know you didn't sleep with him?!"
"I just do!"
"Dammit, Rogue, I knew this was going to happen. I knew from the moment that Wolverine waltzed back into this mansion that you were going to cheat on me with him."
"But I didn't!" Rogue was crying by now.
"Funny, I don't believe you."
"Please, you have to. I didn't…I didn't do anything."
"Somehow that isn't very convincing. You know, I was worried sick when you didn't come to bed last night. I went to sleep, figuring you were probably just up late talking to Jubilee or something, but then when I woke up and you still weren't there, I thought something had happened to you. I never once thought that you might be right down the hall, screwing another man."
"But I wasn't!" Rogue said, adamant about her innocence. "I don't know how I ended up in Logan's room, but I do know I didn't have sex with him."
"Whatever, Rogue. You've been looking for a way out of this engagement ever since it began."
Rogue looked up at him, shocked at his words. "You didn't think I knew that, did you?" Bobby asked. "Baby, I'm not as clueless as you think I am. I could read the signs as plain as anyone else, I just didn't want to accept what I was seeing with my own eyes. I clung to the hope that it was a passing thing—premarital jitters and all that. But I can see now what it really was. Well, you wanted your out—your ticket to freedom and a second chance with Logan. Looks like you have it now. Don't expect me to be waiting to welcome you back with open arms the moment Logan stomps on your heart again."
Rogue wanted to tell Bobby it was too late, that Logan was already gone, but she couldn't find the words. Instead she sat down against the wall, pulling her knees up to her chin and sobbing. Bobby walked into their room and slammed the door.
The last time Rogue had felt as lost as she did then was when the door being shut in her face was her parents'.
*** *** ***
Logan came down the hall to find Rogue still in tears. He ran over and knelt in front of her. "Hey, what happened?" he asked, his face and voice both filled with concern.
Rogue looked up in surprise. "Logan! You're still here!"
"Yeah, of course I am. Why'd you think I wasn't?"
"Because when I woke up you'd left that note that said 'sorry.' I figured that was your way of letting me know you'd left again."
Logan smiled at her and held her tear-streaked face in his hands. "No, I didn't mean sorry because I'd left. I meant sorry because of last night and the fact that you were probably in a hell of a lot of pain when you woke up. Is that why you were cryin'?"
Rogue shook her head. "Bobby just called it off with me?"
Logan's expression became unreadable. "Why?"
"He saw me coming out of your room and assumed I'd slept with you." She looked into his eyes. "I didn't…did I?"
Logan shook his head. "No." He put his hands down at his sides. "We came close, but you passed out."
"Oh."
"Why was I in your bed then?"
"Actually, I brought you there because I was afraid Bobby would get mad at you if I brought you passed out to your room in the middle of the night. I didn't think about how he'd react if he found out you'd been in my room."
"Well, there's irony for ya," Rogue said, making a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
"Do you want me to talk to him for you?" Logan asked. "Maybe I could convince him that nothing happened and get him to take you back." He couldn't believe he was saying that, but if it would make Marie happy, then he would gladly do it.
Marie shook her head. "No, I don't want you to do that. Bobby said I've been looking for a way out ever since we got engaged, and well, in a lot of ways he's right."
"Why have you been doing that?" Logan asked.
"Because I'm still in love with you," Marie admitted.
Logan's only response was to kiss her.
*** *** **
To be continued…