He couldn't remember when he had picked up the habit. He had always known that smoking was bad for you. Plus Miyako bitched at him every time he came home smelling like cigarettes. Maybe that was why he did it. If she was mad at him, she never slept in the same bed as him. So the couch had been his bed for the past month. Not that he minded...

The first few years, first few kids, he was able to convince himself that this was what he wanted.

What he needed.

But he had been wrong. Oh, how wrong he had been. She didn't want him, any more then he had wanted her. Both of them had made mistakes. Thought that what they had was love. Love. Ha! He had only felt true love for one person. Daisuke-chan...

His first.

First real friend.

First lover.

First love.

///

Ken sighed as he tossed his cigarette down to the ground with a practiced flick of his wrist. Grounding it out with the heel of his shoe, Ken stuffed his hands in his pockets and started down the street. It was almost time for dinner.

He had to at least seem to love Miyako... for his kids. He did love them, with all his heart. They kept him sane, he would suffer for them, he would stay with Miyako for them.

They were his world.

Ken told himself this every time he pushed open the door to his apartment. The things he did for those little imps.

"About time you got home Ken! You're ten minutes late!!" Miyako tossed her hair over her shoulder as smacked one sneaky little hand away from the cookies that sat cooling on the counter. Ken couldn't help but chuckle as she chased his youngest son out of the kitchen.

"Papa!! You're home!!" Ken smiled as his son launched himself into his arms. Lifting his son up and swinging him around, Ken laughed, forgetting about his depressing thoughts for one moment in time. Setting his child down, he swatted him lightly on the butt, sending him screeching into his room. Ken chuckled, pulling off his coat and hanging it up. Turning around, Ken was confronted by a angry Miyako.

"You're late again, Ken."

Ken nodded his head, not trusting the mood that Miyako was in.

"Sorry, Miyako. I had to clean up tonight." Ken lied. He hated lying... but Miyako would not like the truth, that he hated to come home to her... Miyako sniffed, placing her hands on her hips and glaring dangerously at Ken.

"YOU WERE SMOKING!!!!" *Whap* Miyako had whacked Ken over the head with her spoon, before retreating into the kitchen. Ken rubbed at the side of his head, glaring at Miyako as she served up dinner.

This was going to be a long night...

///

Ken lay in their bed, shaking, and his violet eyes over flowing with tears. He hadn't meant to... Really... It just came out... Miyako had convinced him to sleep with her tonight, and like the idiot he was, Ken had accepted...

Flinching at the memory of Miyako panting underneath him, Ken pressed his face to his pillow, ignoring the sounds of Miyako packing loudly, shouting at their children to hurry up, she wanted out of this hell hole as soon as possible. Ken moaned softly, burying himself deeper into the sheets. He wasn't going to stop her, she would be back... with divorce papers most likely.

He deserved it... but it wasn't his fault if he could no longer lie to himself... thinking about Daisuke had been the only thing that had gotten him up, as it always had been. But this time he had shouted out Daisuke's name, in bed with Miyako. He couldn't lie anymore, Miyako knew, and she was leaving him. Ken smiled a little, for the first time in hours. It was bound to happen sooner or later, he was just glad that Miyako did it and not him.

At the sound of a slamming door, Ken peeked out from under the blankets, laughing at how childish he was being. But a Miyako angry was scary!!! Padding into the kitchen, Ken opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda, and froze, fingers poised to open it. Daisuke... Ken looked down at the can, tears filling his eyes. He had to see him...

///

Daisuke closed the door to his beloved ramen shop, grinning broadly as he looked inside for the last time for a week. He was going on a well-needed vacation of sleep and pigging out for a whole week. Maybe some bishounen hunting... he hadn't had a good lay in a long time. Chuckling to him self, Daisuke turned to walk down to the subway station.

"Daisuke?"

Daisuke laughed, not recognizing the voice.

"That would be me. How can I help you..." Daisuke trailed off, brown eyes widening as he beheld Ken, standing there with the sunset blazing behind him. Daisuke felt his mouth go dry, and licking his lips, he forced a smile onto his face.

"Ken!! Long time no see! What brings you around this part of town?"

Ken frowned softly, taking a few steps forward.

"I was watching you all day Daisuke..."

"KEN!!" Daisuke cried out mockingly, "Are you stalking me now?!!" Ken's frown deepened as he reached out to brush his hand across Daisuke's cheek.

"Baka. I... Miyako is divorcing me."

Daisuke blinked, not really sure about what he was hearing.

"I am sorry to hear that, Ken. What about your kids?"

Ken sighed, looking a little flustered.

"Don't you want to know why?" Ken whispered brokenly. Daisuke shrugged his shoulders, smirking at the shorter man.

"Not really. I know why."

Ken stiffened, narrowing his eyes.

"You're not going to let this be easy for me, are you?"

Daisuke smirked as he ran his fingers through the blue silk of Ken's hair.

"Why should I? You come back to me after all these years, and expect me to just take you back with open arms?" Daisuke laughed, fingers tightening in Ken's hair. "What if I had found someone else? Did you think I was going to drop them to be with you?" Daisuke pulled away from Ken, shaking his head. Ken whimpered softly, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew Daisuke was going to reject him... Daisuke...

"Gomen... I-I should have thought this over... I just wanted to see you so bad... Gomen nasai... I'll leave you alone now..." Ken backed up, shaking his head from side to side, pressing his lips together in a thin line, trying in vain to keep his sobbing in.

Daisuke stood there, hands in his pockets as he watched Ken walking away A few more moments... Daisuke itched at his arms, impatient to chase after Ken. Just a little more.... Daisuke felt horrible for toying with Ken, even though Ken deserved it. He hadn't earned a happy ending. Not after what he did to Daisuke... Miyako... himself. But all the anger and pain at the stubborn man melted away as Ken turned around, a few feet away and smiled sadly.

"I still love you, Daisuke. I hope some day you will forgive me." It was like tugging on a leash. Ken found himself wrapped up in Daisuke's arms with in seconds, his mouth being ravished with Daisuke's own. Moaning, the shorter man pressed his body into Daisuke's, his heart fluttering wildly.

"Come home with me, my Ken-chan."

"For how long?"

No answer... Ken wasn't really expecting one.

///

Ken smiled as he kicked off his shoes at the door, slipping into a pair of house slippers. The apartment was rather small, and *messy*. Looking over his shoulder at Daisuke, Ken chuckled.

"You never change... do you?" Ken gestured to the mess, smirking at Daisuke's flushed face.

"Shut up, you."

Ken laughed walking over to Daisuke and draping himself over the taller man's shoulders.

"Make me." Ken heard the sharp intake of breath and felt Daisuke's fingers tighten their hold.

"My Ken-chan?" Daisuke suddenly was unsure of himself. Lots of his dreams started out like this... Ken coming back to him... then them screwing deep into the night... and then Daisuke waking up to a empty bed. Ken lifted up one pale hand, brushing it over Daisuke's dark face.

"I love you Daisuke. Zutto."

Daisuke smiled warmly, wrapping his arms around Ken's slim body as he lead the other man into his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind them. Ken laughed happily as Daisuke pressed him to his bed and reclaimed his mouth. So long... Too long... Ken felt as if he was finally at peace, and closing his eyes, he arched into Daisuke's warm touch. Whispering Daisuke's name into the night, Ken was given back his soul as Daisuke took what belonged to him back. A moment of intense pain, a second of pure pleasure and it was over. Ken lay in Daisuke's arms, warm, sweaty and content. Daisuke murmured sleepily, nuzzling at Ken's hair happily. Ken's smile was sleepy, but happy, and snuggling as close to Daisuke as he could get, Ken let the first restful sleep in a long time overcome him.

///

Yamato adjusted his tie, blue eyes flashing as he waited outside the large door, sweating with worry. Why hadn't he paid more attention... it was his fault that Sakura-san had gotten hurt in the accident. He caused it after all... Now all he could do was sit here and hope... pray that he would still be able to work, that they wouldn't fire him, he wasn't sure he could handle a change of job at the moment. His oldest son was going to a private high school next year, and Sora had lost her job, her latest fashions had failed horribly and no one would hire her any more. So everything was riding on his job. As much as he hated it, he had to keep it...

He still couldn't remember how he had gotten mixed up in all of it... an astronaut. Even Yamato himself had not seen that one coming. He had always thought that he would be a singer or something... Just like you were so sure that you were going to be happy with Sora? Yamato growled softly, running his hand through his chopped hair. That voice never left him alone. NEVER. It liked so much to rub salt in his wounds. Taichi... Yamato had never forgiven himself for his betrayal of Taichi. He replayed it over and over in his head almost every day. That must be his punishment for hurting the other so long ago.

Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, Yamato moaned softly, irritated at his weakness. Still! Even after all these years... I never talk much to him... I never said I was sorry... Yamato sat down on one of the plastic chairs in the stuffy office, leaning over his knees and starring at the ground, the reason he was here in the first place forgotten.

Being in such a deep trance, Yamato did not see the man who came into the waiting room... but the man saw him. Taichi pressed down the urge to break into tears, his automatic response every time Yamato was even mentioned... Working for the government meant that astronaut Ishida's latest accomplishment was often the main topic at the water coolers, opening the painful wound over and over again, almost every day. Taichi narrowed his eyes, fist clenching at his side as he set the papers on the desk of the secretary, the only other person in the room. Yamato still had not seen him. Good. Taichi wanted to surprise him... He was going to get the answers he wanted today. He could not go on living like this any more, longing for something he could never have... crying over something that happened so long ago. No more. Taichi would get his closure.

///

Yamato sighed in relief as he walked down the empty hallways, his own foot falls echoing the only sound. Yamato was glad for that... he wanted to be alone for a few moments. They had decided to keep him after all. Thank god, he could go home and tell Sora the good news. But he was in no hurry to get back to her. After a few years, she could no longer stay in denial over who his heart belonged to. She knew now that she had never truly had a chance, and she had become bitter. Going home was not a comforting thought for him. Once again Yamato was too caught up in his own thoughts, he did not hear the footsteps behind him... but the voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Hello Ishida-san." Yamato spun around, blue eyes impossibly wide.

"Taichi..." there he was... Taichi... beautiful, sweet Taichi. Yamato took a few steps forward, but stopped, inches from his goal. Taichi's eyes were hard, hatred flickering in their once warm depths. Yamato froze, his mouth falling open to speak when a fist came out of nowhere, hitting him so hard he fell back on his ass, papers flying out of his hands and on to the cold floor. Taichi shook his hand, still glaring at Yamato as the other man rubbed at his jaw.

"Taichi?" Yamato knew his voice was pleading, the moment Taichi's fist had slammed into his face he understood. Not hatred in those warm brown eyes... pain, hurt, longing. Yamato stared up at his once lover/best friend and felt like crying once he saw the tears of frustration streaming down Taichi's face.

"WHY?!!!!!" Taichi screamed, years of pain ripping loose from their confinement, "Why, Ishida? Why can't I hate you?! I want to... I want to hate you with every thing I am! But I can't... Why, damn it?!! Why do you still do this to me?!!" Taichi sobbed out, flinging himself down and into Yamato's arms, pressing his flushed face into the crook of Yamato's neck, muttering 'Why' over and over again.

Yamato whimpered softly, arms holding the weeping man close. He had done this... he knew it was his entire fault. Everything bad was his fault, one way or another...

"Gomen, Taichi... Gomen, gomen nasai... I was such a baka... I should have never said those things to you. I should have apologized the first time I saw you afterwards. Forgive me... please..."

Taichi shook his head as hard as he could. Never. He would never forgive him!

"No. No. No. Never! You... you don't deserve my forgiveness, Yama-chan." Taichi lifted his head, pressing his lips to Yamato's slack ones. Deeply, he kissed his Yama-chan, because he knew that this would be the last time... Taichi pulled away, fresh tears streaming down his face as he stood up. Touching Yamato's face gently, Taichi shook his head once again.

"I love you, Yama-chan. I always will. But I will never forgive you. Sayonara." Taichi smiled down at the shocked Yamato, turned to walk away, and was soon out of sight.

Yamato sat there, in that same spot for hours... seconds? Maybe only a few minutes... it didn't matter... nothing mattered...

Never...

///

Daisuke tossed his arm over his eyes, shielding them from the morning's light. Moaning softly, Daisuke rolled over on his side away from the warm sunshine. The angel beside him stirred softly, nuzzling closer to his warmth. Daisuke smiled sleepily, not opening his eyes for fear that Ken would disappear. He knew he wouldn't, this was too good to be a dream after all. Daisuke laughed softly, hugging the smaller man closer to his own body.

Zutto. That is how long, my Ken-chan. Zutto.

Lyra-chan rants

I DID IT!!!!! I DID IT!!! *Dances around with her muse, Michael* I finished it!!! *Victory sign* Wai wai wai!!! UBER SHIBBYNESS!!!! *Coughs* I mean...Yay me!! *Laughs* Well then, that is it, i hope you all liked it, and thank you to all the people that read my story and like it. I am sure i left some lose ends, and somethings may not make much sense, but it is done!!!