How it feels. The wind that brushed against my skin, flowing freely. Its
power gently tingles my spine, it blows tassels of my hair out of place, but it
does not care. It is the wind and the wind is free. It is unbound by what we call
society. It is unbound by the indecisive mind. It is free from emotion. It is free
from the chains of the heart. The wind goes undaunted by the fear, for it has none.
If only I could be the wind. Gracefully flowing through the world, always moving
on, never looking back. Always on an up note and never feeling pain. If only... I
was the wind...
===============
===============
Sup Bot Souy
By Ling Mao
Start: 6-21-2001
Finish: 6-21-2001
Normal disclaimer applies
= Thought
= Sound
[ ] = Panda signs
" " = Spoken
===============
===============
For days I have been avoiding it. But I cannot forever avoid the juggernaut
that is about to approach. How many times have I stared into the waters of this
river in hopes of finding something new? I lean over the edge to look back into the
waters again. My reflection. Is this how I am seen? I sigh and lean back, allowing
myself to bask in the suns warm. Today is the day. Today...is my birthday.
That's it. It is my birthday. But it is more than that. Today is the day
that my responsibilities begin. Today is the day that will decide the fate for the
rest of my life. Today... is the day I turn eighteen.
-Sup Bot Souy-
It is my duty to fulfill the promise made before my birth. My promise to
wed another. I am eighteen. I turn my head to the side and watch as the grass sways
gently. Ah the wind. To be the wind. To be far from here. I am so unsure of myself.
Will the other want to marry me? Will I be happy? How can I compete... when there
are so many others? So many others that excel me in many aspects and can make the
marriage happier than I could...
I am afraid.
---
Today is the day. It is a day of birth. The day I am to be wed. I can feel
the nervousness running through my body like the rain that hits the ground. Harsh,
cold, and uncaring. I can feel my lips shake as I try to smile for others. Will the
person accept my gift? Will I be wed? Can I really compete? There are so many
others... Will we be happy together? I don't know what to do. I don't know what to
say. Can I really do this? Am I really ready? Will the other reject me? If so, then
what? What am I left to do? I am nothing... nothing without...
---
"You... you over there!" I call. Today is an important day. Today they will
be wed. I can see the two now. They sit rather distant from each other, but I can
tell... They are thinking about each other. Some may say that I am selfish and
maybe they are right. I am, but it is because I want the best for the family. If it
had not worked between the two, it would have been stopped. But it has worked.
Their love has flourished. I rejoice. They can be together. Someone will be there
to protect my child. I love my child with all my heart and for that reason I do
this, to keep my child protected. I look over to my friend as he tries to squeeze
into the tux that is only a little too small. He looks over to me and smiles. I
know what he is thinking. Yes we seem selfish, but we are not. We love our
children. And one day... maybe one day... we will be grandparents.
---
Today is the day. Soon I will have a brother-in-law. I have busied myself
throughout the day. Cooking, cleaning, and just making sure that everything is
perfect. I'm so excited for my sister and him too. I sit down to catch my breath
and as I do, my mind beings to wander. I wonder what it is like to be married. I
wonder if I could ever do the same... My mind again wanders to a man I know. To be
in love... What a wonderful thing...
---
Today is the day... Is she ready? Is he ready? Can they do it? Maybe it's
not because I am afraid they can't... maybe I am jealous... that they have
something I don't... that I couldn't... Maybe one day I too can be in love. To
share a passion with another... Not like anyone could understand what I am trying
to say... In the eyes of others I am cruel. But I am not. I am... alone... And
sometimes... I just want to be around people... No... That's not true... I hate
people... Keep them away from me... Away from my family... Away from my heart...
---
We all wait. Today is the day that they will marry. How could He? How could
She? I love him! I love her! How could they! What about...me? Does she not love me?
Does he not love me? Can she not see? Can he not see? Why? Why am I left with the
empty feeling..? I have lost to her... I have lost to him. We have lost. We are the
souls of those left behind. Our hearts have been shattered. By the love of...
'them'... The couple everyone was after... We no longer have a place. And when they
are wed, we have nothing to fight for... We are alone... But maybe...maybe... We
can fight together and maybe, just maybe we can start a new. A new life, a new
hope, a new love. Yes... That is what we will do. We shall ban together. We are
those who have been rejected...
---
Why am I so nervous? Well I guess it's rather obvious. Are we in love? Can
we really do this?
I reach my hand out.
Will he accept?
She reaches her hand out.
What should I do?
He extends his hand.
-We touch-
He's holding my hand.
She's holding my hand.
-I look up-
Does she love me?
Does he love me?
"Ranma..."
"Akane..."
-We both blush and look back down-
I'm so nervous. I can feel the warm of their hand as they give it a gentle
squeeze.
-We're going to make it-
She looks so beautiful. I was wrong... So wrong... She was never uncute...
He looks so handsome. He's being so gentle. I was wrong... He was not a
jerk...
I look up again. My lip parts slightly.
The words.
The words I want to say. The words I long to hear.
He opens his mouth to speak. Nothing.
She opens her mouth to speak. Nothing.
Instead we stare deep into each other's eyes and we find our answer. We
look down again.
Maybe we can't say it. Maybe we will never say it.
But I can see it.
And I already know.
She loves me.
He loves me.
And that is all I need to know.
I squeeze his hand a little tighter.
And I squeeze a little tighter in return.
Together we walk. We take our first steps. Towards the future. Towards the
light. Towards eternity.
Maybe I don't want to run away. The wind has no home. The wind has no
emotion. It knows no pain, no hate, no love. The wind is free, but I can soar and
together, we can soar even higher. The chains have turned to feathers. I am no
longer afraid. I am happy. I am with him. I am free...
--------
Notes: Sorry I was board and couldn't think of anything for my other stories... I
usually don't write this way... Was it too confusing? I didn't want to use names
because I wanted it to be more general. This was more of an on the spot type
thing... so it may be a little messy. Anyways- Please review. Thanks!
P.S. - For those of you who are wondering 'sup bot souy' is 18 in Cantonese (I only
know how to speak it, I didn't know how to spell the Chinese words, so that was a
close as I could get...)