Deceptions of Truth Saga
By: Strata-chan
Note: If I find any more grammatical mistakes in these chapters, I am going to flip out! Anyway, I really would like some reviews on this story. I have put a lot of thought into it and I'd really like to know what you think.
Note: This fic used to be called "Where Do I Belong", but I changed the title.
***
I need a spirit who can touch my life,I need a voice to speak the truth.
I need a soul that will be on my side,
I need a heart that I will never lose.
Someone like you…
Sometimes I wonder if my dreams are real,
Sometimes I know they'll all come true.
I need somebody who can move my world,
Someone who knows just what to do.
Someone like you…
Lyrics from "Songs from N.Y.C Underground 3" by Louie Devito
***
"What?!? What are you saying, Koushiro? You're not serious, are you?"
Koushiro looked at his "friend" with sorrowful eyes and he wished that this person would just leave him alone. "I'm serious, now leave me alone." Koushiro turned his eyes back towards the window and sighed heavily.
'What has happened to him,' Jyou pondered as he heard Koushiro sigh. He clenched his hand into a fist as he continued to stare at the back of his friend. 'If I ever get my hands on the thing that did this to him, I'll pound the bastard into the ground with my bare hands. Nobody does this to my friends,' he thought as his eyes narrowed at the window beyond Koushiro. The redhead turned around again and Jyou's eyes returned to normal since he didn't want Koushiro to be offended by his stare.
"Why won't you just leave me alone! I don't want your help! I don't NEED your help! Why would I need it?" Jyou flinched at Koushiro's harsh words and looked at him with look that both expressed fear and sadness. 'He has never acted so harshly towards anyone before. I guess…' Jyou swallowed the lump in his throat. '…I guess he really has forgotten everything. I can't believe it.' Jyou slowly got up and walked over to Koushiro's bed to check on some of the medical equipment. He shuddered as he saw Koushiro's cold stare looking directly at him as he bent over him.
"What are you doing?" The venom in his voice frightened Jyou.
"I…." Jyou realized the unsteadiness in his voice and corrected it. "I'm just checking the medical equipment, sir." Jyou did a mental shudder as he said the word "sir". It sounded so cold, which didn't seem right to say to Koushiro.
"Well, check it some other time and leave me alone. How many times do I have to tell you that?"
Jyou again swallowed his sadness and gave Koushiro a stare that he meant business. "Do you want to die? Hmm? If I don't check this equipment right now, it could fail and dying would be your only option!' Jyou once again bent over the bed.
Koushiro suddenly discovered that he could move his left arm once again and used it against his "offender". He directed his hit to Jyou's abdominal region and he gave it his all. He watched as his victim collapsed and cried out when he hit the floor. 'That'll teach people to listen to me.'
As he lied on the floor, Jyou heard several footsteps coming down the hallway. 'No! They'll put him in the Psychological Ward if they find out about this. I can't let that happen. The last thing Koushiro needs is to be bound to a bed with no one to talk to.' Jyou couldn't help his eyes from watering a little as the muscles in his abdomen began to contract. That's when the door opened.
"What's going on in….Dr. Kido! Are you alright?" He felt two pairs of hands lifting him from the floor. That caused his abdomen to hurt even more, but he had to prove that he was alright.
"I'm fine." Jyou managed to spurt out those words as he looked at Koushiro, who had once again turned towards the window.
"He punched you, didn't he? The nerve of that punk!" Koushiro flinched as he heard those words. "We're going to have to move him from this wing…"
"No! I….I mean…no. Please don't move him. I provoked him repeatedly. It wasn't his fault." Jyou blurted out as he looked at his companion with pleading eyes.
The other doctor gave Jyou a skeptical look as he turned back towards the patient in question. "Well, I wouldn't recommend that, but, you've been one of our best here, so I'll trust your word." With that, everyone left, leaving Jyou and Koushiro alone. As soon as the door closed, Jyou kneeled back on the ground and was sweating profusely.
"Well…Koushiro..I must say that…that you pack a hard punch…" he panted as he looked up at Koushiro with a smile. He noticed that there was no reaction. Worried, Jyou slowly crawled over to his friend's bedside and discovered that Koushiro had fallen asleep. 'Well, I better not wake him up. He needs his rest…..but I should check the medical equipment first before leaving.' Jyou rose and bent over a bit as his abdominal region began to cause him pain again, but it soon passed. He turned towards Koushiro once again and shed a single tear of regret. 'I wish I could have been with you, but I can promise you now that I will always be there for you. I swear, I will keep that promise no matter what it takes.' Jyou removed his hands from his abdomen and used his right hand to ruffle through Koushiro's hair and then turned to the heart monitor and IV line..
***
"Well, my son. You have changed haven't you. Now you beat up on your own friends. Really friendly of you, don't you think?"Koushiro's eyes narrowed at the darkness surrounding him. "I don't know what you are taking about."
"My plan is working. This world is making you forget yourself. You can remember your hate and anguish, but you can't remember what you have done to receive those feelings. That makes you more vulnerable."
"Will you back off already!? I hate you!" Koushiro only wished that there was something for him to hit. Maybe to even kill if that would make that unbearable anger disappear. "Come out of the shadows and face me!"
"…And stop this wonderful show? Your hate is precisely why I'm here. It gives me pleasure. As it grows, I grow stronger. Can't you figure that out, oh intelligent one?"
Flames burned deep within Koushiro's eyes as he gazed through the darkness. "Damn you! Damn you! Why can't you just leave me alone? Go back to hell, or wherever you came from, you demon!" Koushiro's anger rose as he clenched his hands into fists. "Why don't we end this right now? Hmm?"
"Because I would kill you and I'm having too much fun looking at your suffering. Haven't you even looked at yourself on the inside lately? Humph. Pathetic…and I love watching your self-destruction. It's like testing a theory really."
Koushiro thought he saw a flicker of light and he turned around just to be greeted with more darkness. 'Damn it! Why can't everyone just leave me alone?' Koushiro kneeled down onto the floor and covered his legs with his body. 'I don't want to be hurt anymore.'
'Good. I'll end this premonition right here and all he will feel is the feeling left behind by it. I'll let him create his own situation for it. I just love myself,' the voice thought as he looked upon his defeated nemesis. 'Nothing can stand in my way.'
The demon removed itself from the shadows and appeared over Koushiro's crumpled form. As it prepared to recite the incantation, a bright white light appeared and blinded the demon from his task! 'What is this light,' it thought as it used its bony hand to shield its eyes. That's when a sleek figure appeared from the tunnel of brilliance. It had wings of silver whose feathers shone like the rays of the morning sun upon a mirror. It had the body of a white wolf and had blue eyes that were as sharp as a hawk's. Lastly, his tail was that of a horse. Its ebony bristles glimmered in the light behind them, which made this being look like a celestial spirit.
"I cannot allow you to hurt this child! He is a fallen angel whom I must protect! As long as I exist, you cannot harm him." The figure moved in front of the child and bared its teeth.
"Is that so? That's precisely why I need him destroyed. Did you think I was just picking on any innocent little child? Ha! That's a laugh."
The wolf-like seraph gave a low growl that was aimed directly at the demon before it. "Let him be, or I will be forced to destroy you, which is not my purpose. I have given you fair warning."
The demon backed into the shadows once again. "I will destroy you at another time then. You will soon see my true power and that child will be defeated." The voice then vanished altogether. The shimmering spirit stood and stared at the spot that the demon had once stood.
'I wonder why he deserted the battlefield? He knows that he is much more powerful than I. He's just playing with me and trying to let my own fears destroy my purity and strength. I must protect this child no matter what the cost is.' It turned to Koushiro, who was still kneeling on the ground with his hands buried within his hair. The angel gently walked over to where Koushiro sat and bowed its head down to Koushiro's.
"Leave me alone. Everyone leave me alone. Just leave me alone," Koushiro was mumbling. His face was contorted into one of pure mental anguish, for his eyes were closed tightly and his teeth were clenched together.
'The poor child.' The spirit nudged Koushiro's head, which startled the boy. His hand instinctively came up to hit the guardian in the face. It reeled back, but it returned to Koushiro's side almost immediately. "I'm sorry if I startled you." The creature bowed its head. "I'm here to protect you from the darkness, my child."
"You're too late," Koushiro replied with venom in is voice. "I've already been swallowed up in it for years." Koushiro turned his head away from the light and backed away while looking towards the ground. The angel, seeing the child's despair, decided to take on a more comforting form. The wolf-like creature changed into a beautiful young woman, with flowing auburn hair that reached to her knees. It flowed freely in the air as she stood. Her skin was as pale as the moon, which made her rose-colored lips become more prominent. The kimono she wore was made from pure silk and was ivory in color. There was the kanji of "healing" embroidered all throughout the cloth and the material also flowed through the air. When she walked, it looked like a cascade of white water was flowing behind her. Koushiro turned around.
"Wha…what are you?" Koushiro stumbled over his own words. "What are you going to try to do?" The woman gazed at him with her azure eyes and treaded over to Koushiro. He felt both fear and amazement at the same time as she came up to him. 'She is beautiful…what am I saying?' Koushiro mentally slapped himself for thinking such things. 'She's nothing but trouble. That's what all people are, Koushiro…but…how do I know that she is human?'
The goddess reached her hand down towards the frightened Koushiro and lifted his chin towards toward her face. Koushiro's eyes were wide as she kneeled in front of him and let his chin rest. "You have nothing to fear from me, child. I do not wish to harm you. I am your guardian." Koushiro stared at the benevolent woman in front of him and then looked at the light, which now shone behind him.
"Yes, Koushiro, that light can guide you. That is, if you wish it to be your beacon." The boy turned to face the matron and lowered his head.
"Why are you helping me? Are you even human?"
"I can be whatever I wish. I am truly just a force that has no form, but when I need to communicate with a soul, I must take a form. I chose this form for you because of the comfort that comes with it."
"You still have not answered my first question."
"That's because I cannot reveal that information. It is for your own good…"
"Yeah right! Is it because you think I'm too young to understand or because I'm too ignorant," Koushiro yelled as he turned away from the woman and stared into the tunnel of light that lay before him. He liked the feel of the light upon his face and its rays reminded him of the sun. He turned back and around and saw that the angel had not even moved from her seated position.
"You hold much anger, Koushiro. That's what is feeding the dark forces. You also hold much guilt, sorrow and regret. You must defeat those feelings within your heart and it is a battle only you can fight. I can only protect you from the outside, but I cannot stop a person's interior destruction." The angel then bowed her head and looked towards the ground. 'I wish I could my child. You have no clue how much you are worth to the world, and it pains me that I can't tell you this. I just hope this is a battle you can win.'
"Please…don't be sad because of my pains. I do not wish anyone to worry about myself. What would be the point after all? I'm nothing special."
'Don't say that, my child. Please, don't drag yourself down any further into the darkness,' the angel thought as she watched Koushiro turn towards the light once again.
"I really don't even know why you are even bothering with my presence. I've caused…so much pain to others in my life. My presence is a curse to others, including myself."
"Koushiro…you are not worthless and you are not cursed. You are a wonderful being and several others see that." She then waved her hand in the air and created an invisible doorway to the outside world. "This is your hospital room and that man is the person is Jyou Kido. He was your best friend and he still is." Koushiro saw the blue-haired man walk around the IV and the heart monitor for a while and it seemed that he didn't even care about the patient.
"If that person is me, then he doesn't seem like a friend to me. Look how he is just passing me…" Koushiro stopped when he saw what happened next. He saw the man sit down on the bed and comb his hand through Koushiro's hair. Jyou just sat there gazing upon Koushiro's face and allowed a tear to run down his face onto Koushiro's body. His eyes then began to water profusely as he picked up Koushiro's still form and hugged him. Jyou's sobs racked his entire body along with Koushiro's as he lied him back onto the bed. The window then gave a close-up of Jyou's face and Koushiro then saw the genuine look of a mixture of happiness and depression that he wore. A single tear rolled down Koushiro's cheek as he realized what he had done earlier and that this man truly cared for him.
"See, Koushiro? There are people that care about you. There comes another too. His name is Yamato Ishida."
"You mean…he's coming to see me? Who are these people?"
"That is something that you must remember on your own."
"Wha…" Before Koushiro could answer, the tunnel of light began to take him away.
"Remember Koushiro! Fight the darkness in your heart! Fight! Fight…fight…fight…fight…" The echo slowly faded as Koushiro found himself within a world of light.
***
Jyou slowly paced around the room as he saw the heart monitor start to slow down. 'I can't call the others in here. They'd treat him with medicines that won't work on him and treat him brutally. I won't let them touch you, Koushiro. Never. Jyou sat on Koushiro's bed once again as he ran a hand through the hair of the still body before him. He looked away from Koushiro's still form to look at the monitor, which was still showing a slowing heartbeat. 'Please pull through, Koushiro. I can't lose you again. Not like this.' Jyou laid his head upon Koushiro's chest and started to sob once again. 'Please, do this for me. I…I…' Jyou's thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the door. Startled, he fell from the bed and landed against the wall.
"I swear! I wasn't doing anything! Just checking his pulse, that's all!" Jyou retorted while he stood up. That's when he saw that it was only Yamato. "Oh, Yamato. You came! I'm so glad." Jyou walked over and gave Yamato a large hug. He walked over to the bed and placed the flowers he had brought with him beside the bed.
"Umm…Yamato? I wouldn't get too close if I were you. Something awful has happened to him so that he has contracted amnesia or something of that nature. He can't even remember his own last name…or me." The last part of that sentence was mumbled as Jyou turned his head away from the scene. "He's also losing blood pressure quickly and I don't want those other doctors touching him. If it keeps dropping like it is though, I'll have to ask for them to come. I…I just don't know what to do!" Jyou's calm face turned into one of panic as he looked over at Yamato and Koushiro. Yamato stopped looking out the window that was by Koushiro's bed and walked over to comfort him.
"Jyou...It has to be hard to see Koushiro like this, but…"
"Yamato, you don't know the half of it. He's….different. I can't quite put my finger on why, but he's become angry. Towards everyone. He punched me in the gut earlier when I was trying to check the heart monitor! Before that, he told me that he hated himself and that he was the cause of the death of both sets of parents. He wanted me to leave him alone and not try to talk to him. Now, he's dying and you know what? I'm responsible for it! I kept bothering him, so he fell into this coma right after he punched me. It's all my fault…" Jyou then hugged Yamato again and sobbed into his shirt.
"Oh gods, Jyou…I had no idea…" Yamato looked back at Koushiro's still form, which was now sweating and breathing with shallow, ragged breaths. 'Why did this have to happen to Koushiro? Sure, he was a real jerk, but still…no one deserves this. What'll happen to Jyou if he goes? I've never seen the poor guy so emotional before,' Yamato thought as he allowed Jyou to release all of his tears on him. That's when the heart monitor started beeping radically. "Oh my gods…Jyou! Jyou! Th…the…little line thing has stopped moving!"
Jyou looked up from Yamato's shoulder and to the heart monitor, who has stopped pulsating and started creating a monotone sound. That sound echoed in his mind like it would be the last thing he would ever hear. 'No…I won't let you die!' Jyou ran over to the bed and threw off all the quilts. Ripping off Koushiro's top in order to get to his chest, he began the first set of 15 compressions of CPR.
"One! Two! Three! Come on! Five! Six! 'This can't be happening to me.' Seven! Eight! 'Please, don't die Koushiro!' Nine! Ten! 'I can't bear the thought,' Eleven! Twelve! '…that you would die…' Thirteen! Fourteen! '…because of me.' Fifteen!" Jyou placed his head over Koushiro's chest and listened for any sign of a heartbeat. Nothing. Jyou then tilted Koushiro's head back and placed his mouth over his in order to give him two breaths. This cycle continued for several minutes until Jyou collapsed from exhaustion.
"Must….keep….going," Jyou panted as he raised himself from the bed. That's when Yamato's hands stopped Jyou from continuing.
"Jyou, he's…" Yamato gulped, "…he's gone. You did everything you could…"
"No! I didn't! He's not going to die! He's not…goin…" Jyou slowly slowed down his speech as he looked upon Koushiro's body and everything went silent in Jyou's head. He could see Yamato's lips moving and the monitor's flat line, but all the sound that he could hear was his own heartbeat. 'Oh gods…I've failed you again Koushiro. I said that I would protect you from anything and I failed to do that.' Jyou felt his legs give and he collapsed against the wall. He pulled his legs up to his chest and just stared at the bed. Yamato sat down next to Jyou and placed an arm around his shoulders.
"You did everything you could, Jyou. I've never seen you in such a frenzy before. I mean, it was beautiful in a way. Koushiro probably appreciates that very much…" Yamato looked at Jyou and realized that his comforts were falling on deaf ears. "Jyou?"
'How could I be such a failure. I've saved so many others, why couldn't I save him? Why? It seems like some type of cruel punishment aimed at me. Punishment for my foolish and selfish things that I have done.' Jyou looked at the door when he heard it open. That's when a nurse walked in the door. She saw what had happened and called for some assistance in removing the body. Jyou looked back down at the floor and wondered how she could have been so unaffected by this. 'Quit being stupid, Jyou. She sees this type of thing everyday and it isn't like Koushiro's death made any difference to her. She must have been more surprised to see Mr. I'm-the-best-doctor-in-the-building on the floor in tears over this.' Jyou suddenly stood up from the floor, which caused Yamato to fall over, and walked over to Koushiro's pale figure. 'So pale. I never thought I'd see you like this Koushiro…never in my wildest dreams…' Jyou picked up Koushiro's still form and held it tightly. "Please come back, Koushiro! Come back!"
***
"Please come back, Koushiro! Come back!" Koushiro's eyes slowly opened, only to shield them with his left arm. He looked around for the source of the voice, but he couldn't see where it came from."…Come back, Koushiro. Come back!" The cry was a little fainter this time.
"…Koushiro. Come back…" This time it was softer than the last. "…come back…come back…back…back…back.." Silence the reigned in the world of light as Koushiro moved forward. That's when he saw the angel he had seen before he had been taken into this light. She emitted a pure radiance that filled the entire world of light and Koushiro had to close his eyes because of it. He felt himself being lifted from the spot that he lay and that's when he blacked out.
***
Koushiro awoke to find himself in a field of golden wheat with a deep-blue sky above him. He stood up and took a good look around him. 'It's…beautiful. It's just breathtaking. The peace in this place is wonderful.' Koushiro looked out upon the field and watched the wheat flow back and forth in the wind. As the wind ruffled Koushiro's hair, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back towards the sky. 'This is paradise.' He opened his eyes once more and gazed forwards to discover a white being ahead of him.'What is it? It moves like the flowing currents of a waterfall and looks like the first lone snowflake of winter. I wonder…could it be her?' Koushiro began to run towards the being to discover the angel that had rescued him from his world of darkness. "Why, hello there." Koushiro bowed towards the angel, but she did not return the gesture. She just stood in place, looking at something in the distance. Koushiro turned to look and saw that she was gazing upon a figure with blue hair. Then, it disappeared as suddenly as it came.
"Koushiro, you have found peace here, but is it truly what you think it is? Yes, it is free from the turmoil of life, but do you really wish to be alone for the rest of your life?" Then, an image of the figure seen before appeared next to the duo.
"…come back…" it whispered before disappearing. Koushiro just looked away and looked up towards the sky.
"Yes, this truly is peace and being alone is my destiny…"
"How can you know your own destiny? What happens if this is the wrong path? Once I leave you, this will be your eternal resting-place. No matter how far you travel, you will always be alone and that is not what you want…"
"How could you possibly know what I do and don't want? That's my point. You don't. No one does."
"That "no one" includes yourself, Koushiro. You just can't accept that. If you die now, you are letting the suffering inside of you win. Do you think that is the wisest choice, my child?"
Koushiro tried to think of a response, but he could not. He turned his head away from her and looked at the ground. 'She's right. I don't know what I want. I've never known what I want. I've always been so confused.' Koushiro then felt a hand upon his shoulder. He turned to face the archangel and smiled. "I choose to go back. Like I've said before, what is the point of me dying right now?" Koushiro lifted his shoulders and hands as he said that last statement. He saw her smile and he felt that he had made the right choice for once in his life.
"Good choice, my child. You will not live to regret this decision. I can promise you that." The spirit then bowed her head and Koushiro's spirit form slowly faded away. She watched until he completely disappeared and saw him wave before completely leaving that realm. 'Good luck, Koushiro. I will be with you shortly,' the angel thought as she transformed back into her wolf-like form. 'Be strong until then.'
***
Burning. A constant burning that ached throughout his body. 'Air. I need air!' Koushiro tried to breathe, but there was something blocking his air passage. 'Come on! I need air!' That's when Koushiro felt like something has been reconnected to himself. 'I must be back!' He opened his eyes suddenly and realized that he was still in his hospital room with some sort of bag being zipped up around him. Sobs were coming from one direction and the murmur of people from the other. That's when Koushiro gasped for air and grabbed his throat.
"Oh my gods! What the hell…" the doctor that was zipping up the body bag exclaimed as he jumped backwards. "That's not possible! He's been dead for a good ten minutes now! That's just not right!"
Jyou looked up from Yamato's shoulder and over at Koushiro, who was now sitting up and coughing wildly. 'My gods….Koushiro!' Jyou ran over and squeezed his friend as tight as he could. "Koushiro! You're alive! I can't believe it! You came back! Oh, you came back! I'm….I'm s..so happy!" Jyou broke down into tears as he held Koushiro within his arms. Koushiro then realized that this man had been the one calling him back. 'Why would he do that? Who is he?'
Jyou let Koushiro back down onto the bed and removed the body bag from him. "I'm sorry, Koushiro. You still don't remember me and you probably think I'm a psycho or something like that now." The blue-haired man turned his face away from Koushiro and looked hurt some way, but also joyous at the same time. "If you want, I'll go away and never bug you again. I'm sorry for what happened before. I was being stupid and…"
"Stop apologizing." Koushiro said regretfully as he looked down upon the bed sheets. "You didn't do anything. I was being brash when I punched you in the stomach. I was way out of hand and you had a right to check those machines." Koushiro then got up from the bad and walked around the room a bit.
Jyou and the other doctors watched in a stupor as they watched this. "K..koushiro! You're walking! You aren't supposed to be able to walk for the rest of your life because of that puncture to the base of your spine! I…I…" Jyou stopped when he saw Koushiro turn around. There was no scar or scratch of any kind left from his encounter. In fact, it was like he had never been attacked in the first place. 'It's a miracle.'
Yamato's mouth had been stuck in the same position ever since Koushiro has just arisen from the dead. It was dropped open and his finger was shakily pointing at the body bag, which now lay empty on the bed. His eyes were bugged-out and his hair looked like it was standing straight up on-end. "But….but…but you…you…were….were…" Yamato slapped himself in the head. "Much better. You were dead! I mean, you were there and now you're here and now you're not paralyzed and you're walking and everything and….It doesn't make sense!"
"Well, you see something new everyday," Koushiro said as he smiled at Yamato.
***
Tell me what you think of this story so far and write me some reviews! I'm beginning to feel unloved. *sniffles*
Koushiro: I love you SC. I don't enjoy being near-death though. *smiles and begins to squeeze SC*
Jyou: Umm…well. Please write SC some reviews for her story here. Please?
SC: Help…must….breathe….let….go…
Koushiro: *drops SC and starts to give her a noogie*
SC: *sweatdrop*
Jyou: *sighs* Anyway, this fic used to be called "Where Do I Belong", but SC hated the title, so she got rid of it.
SC: *recovers from the noogie* Hey! I didn't hate it! I just felt that it got old and that it didn't fit the plot anymore.
Jyou: *sarcastically* Sure….we all believe you.