Wyv: Glad you all liked the idea of Draco as the hen ::grins:: that was *my* idea!
Bel: Thanks to...
Prongs, ema lee, Cat Samwise, Lelio, The Midnight Rose, Sophie B, CrystalStarGuardian and Star, and Just Silver!
Wyv: Also thanks to Melpomene, who gave me the idea for Harry's little situation :)


Draco woke up the next morning, and wondered why he was freezing cold. Then, as the cloudy confusion cleared from his mind, he realised that he was lying on wet grass in the middle of a field. Naked. He groaned. What the hell happened last night? He couldn't remember anything after being pulled out of the river. Damn those girls!

He got up and stretched. A couple of confused sheep were watching him. He idly wondered what he was going to do. Look for his wand, he decided. They surely would have left his wand, they wouldn't make him find his way back home naked, would they? He didn't even know in what direction home was.

But they're women, he told himself. They can be exceptionally evil when they want to be. Cursing, Draco made his way to the hedges at the edge of the field. Maybe he could make himself a sort of skirt out of leaves, and tell anyone he met that he was a confused French student who'd got lost during rag week or something.

When he got to the hedges he saw his wand. It was wedged in the other side of the bushes. After five minutes of trying to reach it and nearly tearing his hands to pieces, Draco decided he would have to climb the gate into the next field, which was an unpleasant experience in itself.

Then he came face to face with the bull.

It was an extremely angry bull. Some boys had been throwing sticks at it earlier. It saw Draco and stared at him. Then it decided that he was human, and roughly the same shape, give or take a few inches, as the boys, and that Draco would be the ideal target. It charged.

Draco swore as he dived out of the way of the bull. If he could just reach his wand...unfortunately, the bull was in the way. It bellowed and charged again. Bloody stupid animal, thought Draco irritably as he avoided another potentially gory accident. Fortunately, after five minutes of bull-dodging, he was close enough to grab his wand. He thought briefly about Stunning the animal.

"Oi! You! Get orf moi land!" Draco looked up to see the farmer waving a broom at him. Great. Things just keep getting better and better. At least the bull wasn't charging at him any more.
"Don't worry, I'm just..." began Draco, but the farmer reached him and thwacked him with the broom.
"Planning on stealing my livestock, are ya?" growled the farmer, hitting at Draco again.
"No! Ow! Stop hitting me, I'm just...Ow! I'm leaving!"

Meanwhile, the bull was in a temporary state of confusion. It kept looking at Draco, then the farmer, then Draco again. Then it decided that it would be more fun to play with his master, and charged at the farmer, who forgot about Draco and ran for the fence. Draco Disapparated amid the confusion.

*

Harry also woke up in a field, but this field was completely devoid of confused sheep, angry bull, or in fact any wildlife whatsoever. There was hardly any grass, either. And he had the mother of all hangovers. And he'd lost his wand. Fantastic.

He sat up, and realised that his brain had been screaming something at him for five minutes. He was feeling incredibly uncomfortable. He looked down.

"Red lacy thong and bra? I'll kill those guys!" he muttered. Cursing, he tried to stand up, knocking over the almost-empty bottle of Scotch that was standing beside him. Now what, he wondered. They won't have left me with no money, would they? They'll have left me my wand somewhere...just have to find it. Damn!

With great difficulty, he climbed over the fence, and decided to look for his wand in amongst the bushes lining the field, hoping that no-one would come along. It was still fairly early in the morning, and it didn't look like a busy road.

Ten minutes later, Harry heard someone coming up behind him. He groaned as he heard them - obviously adolescent boys, by the giggling - come up behind him and wolf-whistle. He turned to face them, angry.

"What are you staring at? You looking at my bra?" he demanded. The youths just giggled harder. "Oh, so you think there's something funny about a bloke wearing a bra, do you? Piss off!" He chased them away, then noticed his wand lying in a ditch. He picked it up and, after checking that there weren't any Muggles around, Disapparated.

*

Draco and Harry arrived at their flat at virtually the same time, both threatening to murder, torture and horribly maim the people they were with the night before.

"They left you like that?" they both demanded at the same time.
"At least I wasn't forced into womens' underwear," smirked Draco. "Purple lipstick doesn't suit you, by the way, and you have blue mascara all down your face. And who's Franklin?"
"Who?"
"Franklin. You have the name 'Franklin' scrawled on your hand, with a telephone number on it. Weren't being a naughty boy, were you?"
"No! At least...not that I can remember." Draco raised his eyebrows. "What happened to you, anyway?"
"Not much. Got left in a field, stark bollock naked, and got into a bit of a scrape with a bull and an irate farmer."
"I knew a stag night planned by Fred and George was a bad idea," groaned Harry. "I need a bath.

*

An hour later, Harry and Draco were graced with Fred and George's presence.
"Hello, just thought we'd come and see how the lovebirds were!" said George cheerfully. Harry and Draco glared at them.

"Tell your sister and sister-in-law, thank you very much for leaving me naked in a field to face a bull!" said Draco.
"And who the hell is Franklin?" demanded Harry.
"Franklin?" asked Fred innocently.
"Yeah, I had a phone number scrawled on my hand with the name Franklin on it. Who the hell is he?"
"Oh, you know we went to that strip club? He was that stripper who kept trying to seduce you." Harry's brow wrinkled in confusion.
"I don't remember him."
"Of course you don't. We made him up!" grinned Fred. "Good joke, eh?" Harry's face told him otherwise.
"Remind me to never, ever trust you two again!"