SD Deus Ex Machina
Episode 2: The Disclaimer

PG-ish... and a little bit pig-ish as well...



"Alright Andrew! In this scene, you are locked in bitter combat with your
rival. I want to see some good action here. This fight needs to be
remembered at the end of the film... we've got to keep them at the edge of
their seat!" shouted TLP. "Well, actually, I couldn't give a care about any
of those other gals... I just want Meredith to notice a great cliffhanger
here!"

Andrew stares, dumbfounded. "What's my motivation?"

TLP thinks. "Imagine a mailing list of sixteen year old girls, all running
after you to make sure that you'll be alright in this next part."

"As if that'll ever happen," he adds, under his breath.

Andrew grins. "Sixteen year olds..." He trails off momentarily. "What are
they wearing?"

"What do you mean what are they wearing? How am I supposed to know?" asks
TLP.

"It's very important for my 'motivation' sir."

TLP thinks. "Well..."

"Pleated skirts!" yells Amy from her actress chair.

"The whole school uniform!" chants in Mina.

"I'd like to see you in a uniform right about now..." whispers Michiru to
Haruka.

Everyone sweatdrops.

"Why do they get to use their Japanese names in this story?" shouts Lita.
"I want to be Makoto!!!"

"Live with it! We aren't going to be called by our American names even more
than we refuse to be referred to as cousins!"

Suddenly, a man in a business suit wanders into the studio.

"Excuse me--"

"Get off my set! I'm filming a major picture here! Do you know who I am?"
shouts TLP.

"Why yes sir," coughs the well-dressed man. "You are TLP Allen, known for
your *cough* amusing talents..."

Everyone raises an eyebrow.

"Sir, could we get you to expound on those 'amusing talents'?" inquired
Raye.

TLP shoots her a look that can kill. She brushes it off--apparently, he
needs to work on that.

The man continues, ignoring Raye's question entirely. "I represent DiC and
I have found that you are using OUR characters for YOUR own personal
benefit. My client wants a cut or your picture may never see daylight."

"You're a lawyer?" asked Usagi.

"SHE GETS TO USE HER JAPANESE NAME?!" shouts Lita. "WAHHHHH!!!"

"And so do I," grins Mamoru as his tooth sparkles.

Every female within five miles faints from the sheer thought of Mamo-chan
smiling at them.

"Get off my set!" shouts TLP. "Imagine that... the nerve! Everyone knows
DiC is just some defunct little company that can't do anything." He
chuckles madly to himself. "He can't touch me -- I put a disclaimer in my
title!"

The lawyer turns around and lets himself out, muttering something about
"da**ed fanfic writers."

Filming resumes, but not for long as the roof is suddenly lifted from the
building.

"Oh my g--!" shouts Andrew. "It's Chibi-Usa!!!"

"She gets to use her Japanese name too?!" shouts Lita. "That's it! I
refuse to answer to anything but 'Makoto'!"

"GAH! Get it off my set!" shouts TLP. "Her excessive cuteness will ruin my
dark film!!!"

"Robo-Chibi-Usa, destroy the building!" shouts the lawyer's voice from atop
the monstrosity's shoulder.

"You can't do that!! I'm protected under my disclaimer!"

"HA! But if I steal your story lock stock and barrel, you can't do anything
about it!"

"GAHHH!" screams TLP. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CORPORATE PEOPLE?! You do
realize I don't care because I only write these for fun -- it's a hobby!!"

The lawyer facefaults, then turns bright red.

"Chibi-Usa! Kill them all!"

"HAI!" shouts a disturbingly cute voice.

Everyone screams.

The building walls collapse outward, revealing sunlight onto the dark set.

The cute robot lifted its huge foot and prepared to smash the set. Everyone
ran. Everyone, that is, but Lita.

"Lita! Hurry! You're going to be squished!" shouted TLP.

Lita stood, arms folded. "I can't hear anyone talking to me right now...
And as for you Mr. Narrator! If you don't show any sense and start calling
me Makoto, you'll be in trouble too!"

Narrator gulps audibly.

Makoto refuses to move...

...and finds herself a pancake.

"Oh my g--! You killed Makoto!" shouts Mina, shaking a fist at the evil
cuteness.

"You ba-----s!" finishes Amy.

Everyone blinks.

Amy blushes. "Sorry everyone, sometimes I just get a little carried away."

"The giant's a woman!!" shouts Usagi, pointing a finger.

"What?!" asks everyone, bewildered.

"Sorry, I just felt appropriately drama-ey and couldn't help myself. I love
Bernadette Peters..."

Robo-Chibi-Usa (Robo-Rini? Sounds too much like a TV infommercial...) and
lawyer sweatdrop.

"NOW I'M PISSED -- TAKE THIS!" comes an extremely upset voice from
underneath the robot's foot.

Electricity shoots up through the robots leg and consumes it entirely in a
very speedy fashion. Sparks fly from the robot as it tumbles backwards,
exploding into a mass of pink fluffy cotton candy.

"Cotton candy!" shouts everyone as many run forward and start eating it.

The lawyer grins wickedly and mutters something about "this is far from
being over!" before scurrying off.

Everyone finishes off the fluffy pink mess of cotton candy from the ground
and lays back contentedly. Everyone that is, except for Lita, who is--

"HEY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME MAKOTO!"

"Um... oh yeah..." Narrator gulps.

"Perhaps I need to teach you a lesson?"

Lightning gathers in the air.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

===================================================

Meanwhile...

"Yes sir... the plan worked..." mutters the lawyer as he peels off his face
mask, revealing Rick.

"Very good Rick," says a figure clothed in silhoutte.

"I can't believe I got killed so quickly in that story! I WILL get back at
TLP! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Yes! And I will be able to get back at that Mamoru for killing me later on
even though it hasn't happened yet, although I realize it will because this
story has to have a happy ending. After all, TLP won't want a rabid mailing
list on his back... and that means Usagi and Mamoru must get back together,
which will push me out of the picture somehow..." The figure trails off as
his mind flows with the sheer amount of torture he can bestow upon Mamoru.

And two sinister laughs mingle in the darkness. And the narrator gets mad.
And the narrator throws a piece of chalk at each of them, rendering them
both unconcious.

"Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"