I Wont Fear Love
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Note: This is just a little something I started writing one night a few months back. I recently found it in my hard drive and started adding to it again. I have a good idea of where to head with it, I think, actually hope, so I hope you enjoy it. Don't take much of it too seriously…I haven't had any beta's read into it to tell me if it sucks. Thanks.

I Wont Fear Love

By Rachel

Rating: PG

Summary: Future; Angel/Cordelia; Cordelia tries to hold on to her new family and Angel, but her husband wont allow her to have it all, and Cordelia's faced with the hardest decision of her life. Originally inspired by Fumbling Towards Ecstasy:

(The words…in case you've never heard the song)

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy—Sarah McLachlan

All the fear has left me now/I'm not frightened anymore/Its my heart that pounds beneath my flesh/It's my mouth that pushes out this breath/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/Companion to our demons/They will dance and we will play/With chairs, candles, and cloth/Making darkness into day/it will be easy to look in on or out, upstream or down, without a thought/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear love/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/Peace in the struggle to find peace/Comfort on the way to comfort/And if I shed a tear I wont cage it/I wont fear love/And if I feel a rage I wont deny it/I wont fear love/I wont fear love

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It was two am, seven years after Angel Investigations opened, and almost eight months since Cordelia had retired.

Angel sat in the maternity ward waiting room at the hospital in the dead of morning as Cordelia and her husband, John, had their first baby. He sat back with his head to the wall, smiling profusely, a distant look in his eyes, waiting, excitedly, and as nearly anxiously, as if it were his own baby being born, all the while listening to Cordelia's groans and moans from down the hall.

The waiting room was quiet, but his sensitive vampire hearing picked up even her most silent of whimpers as she forced her baby out into the world. He'd also heard the cursing and blame she blasted John with, and chuckled to himself as he imagined the way she must look at that moment. He lost himself in his own amusement until his head snapped up at the magnificent sound of a new baby breathing its first wail…

Cordy was 23 when she finally met the guy of her dreams. And a year later, she married him. Her wedding was held in a candlelit garden beneath the moon. John had wanted a church wedding, but she had insisted on the non-traditional outdoor version so that Angel could attend.

He gave her away.

It was one of the proudest moments in his life…

They were, afterall, family. And not having any female friends, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce had been Cordelia's maid— er, best-friend of, honor, and Gunn, Charles Gunn, had also stood by her. Besides Cordy, the entire wedding party was made up of men. Besides Angel, Wesley, and Gunn, Willow and Tara had been the only friends of Cordelia's in attendance; the rest of the guests were all John's family. No one else had been invited.

Angel stood with anxiousness. His rush of blood, acquired from his usual dinner pint-warmed straight from the microwave-feeding earlier that evening, made him feel a tad dizzy and he started to pace the floor. He had paused and stared at the door to the birthing room three times before the nurse had finally come out, much to his relief and at Cordelia's request, and told him everything went fine, and he'd be able to see Cordelia as soon as she got cleaned up. The nurse smiled behind her mask at the visible admiration that washed over his face, and she asked him to follow her down the hallway. He went without question.

She brought Angel to a large glass window and told him to look. Angel turned his head, and for the first time, laid eyes on Cordelia's baby girl.

It hurt to look at her. But it was a good kind of hurt.

Angel stood, completely frozen, while he stared down at her…freshly pink, twitching tiny limbs stretched out beneath a pastel blanket; five fingers, five toes and perfectly healthy, and perfectly Innocent, and free…the epitome of everything he had ever sought for…

She was beautiful.

Within twenty minutes Cordelia was sitting up in bed, and though rather sore, smiling with tears in her eyes as Angel stared gaping down at her.

"You did it," He whispered as he rubbed her fingers within his own.

"I know." She nearly cried.

"She's beautiful."

"She is, isn't she." Cordelia did start crying then, and John made his way to sit on the bed beside his wife.

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Within a couple of hours, and just before day break, Angel was holding Cordelia's arm helping her through the door while John held the baby, already inside the upper-class Northridge home. Yes, John made a good living.

"God, I'm so relieved I'm not fat anymore," Cordy sighed. Angel smiled.

"Me too."

"It's a lot easier to maneuver,"

"It's a lot easier to maneuver you."

"Hey!" She batted his shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," Angel smiled meekly.

"It's okay, I know I was as big as a house…"

Cordelia paused as they stood in the foyer just inside the door. John stood at the edge of the hall, his baby in his arms and his eyes focused intently on her, gazing down at her, staring at her as if she were the most precious thing on earth…and of course she was. He was lost in her, and Cordelia felt herself begin to choke up again.

"Oh, god, Angel."

"What's wrong?" He asked, alarmed at her fresh tears. "Is something wrong?"

"God, no, nothing could be more perfect!" She gasped. She waived her hand in front of her face, trying to dry her tears as Angel squeezed her arm tighter to him. "Just look…look at my husband…with my baby."

"I see," Angel sighed contentedly, slipping his arm around her shoulder and holding her to him. "Congratulations, Cordelia. You did good." He pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her.

"I done real good," She sniffled. After a long shared gaze and a slight chuckle they entered the house.

"You have to hold her," Cordelia was saying as she held the tiny newborn close to Angel. John stared past her at the newborn's face. Angel shook his head slightly and held up his hands,

"No, Cordy, I don't think—"

"Angel! You are going to hold my baby!"

"Cordy, no—"

"Cord," John said. "If he doesn't want to—"

"OF COURSE HE WANTS TO," Cordelia said, shooting him a warning look. John shut up. Angel looked afraid. But still, Cordy slipped her into his arms and Angel stared down at the tiny life he literally held in his hands.

"See!" Cordelia beamed proudly. "You're a natural! Nothing to be afraid of!" She started to move away and headed towards the kitchen, suddenly yawning as she reached the refrigerator and opened its door.

Angel stared down at the six and a half pound baby girl wrapped in the mandatory baby blanket that came with the hospital visit and the little cotton cap covering a tuft of dark brown hair… 'Yep, this kid is going to look like Cordelia,' he thought. Without even realizing it, he had started to rock her. Eyes closed, she yawned, little pink gums revealed behind her tiny parted lips, and her little pink tongue… She was so tiny. Angel stared at her oddly. From the awed expression on his face, you'd think he'd never seen a baby before. His wide eyes watched her carefully, And for the moment he'd forgotten about everything but the tiny bundle of warmth in his arms…

John watched Angel intently with his newborn daughter.

"John…can you come here?" Cordelia called from the kitchen. John looked up then took another glance at Angel before rising from his seat and following her, leaving Angel alone with the baby.

When she opened her eyes, Angel was startled by the serene intensity.

They were blue, nearly a dark turquoise; they'd probably be hazel like her mothers, he thought; and she stared up at him, eyes bouncing slightly as she struggled to remain focused on his face. She stared up at him with nothing but trust, and maybe a little curiosity. Angel exhaled a sharp breath. She wiggled a hand free of the cloth that bound her and Angel took a closer look at the baby bracelet secured on her tiny wrist:

"Taylor, Evelyn Angel"

Angel looked up, mouth ajar, towards the direction of the kitchen.

"Angel, do you want something to drink???" Cordy called out just then. Without an answer, Cordelia came out bearing two mugs with John following behind her carrying a third.

"Cordy!" Angel said, his mouth still agape.

"What?" She asked, setting down a cup of rich, warm blood, fresh from the microwave, in front of her friend. John eyed them both and stayed standing.

"Cordy!"

"What???"

"Her name! Did…did you see her name!"

"Huh?" Cordy made a face then slid down on the sofa beside him and took her daughter's fragile arm gently in her hand. She read the bracelet. "John!" She said, looking up at him sternly. "Do you realize that our daughter's initials spell EAT???"

Angel looked up at John expectantly and Cordelia broke out into laughter.

"Cord wanted it that way." John said simply.

"Cordy," Angel hushed. She stopped laughing and looked at him seriously.

"If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have her."

"Cordy," He whispered again, looking back down into Evelyn's eyes as she started to coo. Angel was choked up. Cordy knew it, but she allowed him his dignity and just watched him, smiling.

"Your bloods getting cold," John reminded him, then offered his arms. "May I?"

"Oh," Angel looked up and started to hold out the baby. "Of course."

"Cord, I'm going to take her into the nursery,"

"Okay, sweetie," She said tiredly. John smiled and taking the baby from Angel's arms, started down the hallway towards the stairs. Evelyn let out a little cry of disappointment at being disturbed but John started whispering to her, and she fell silent.

Angel stared at Cordelia as he walked away.

"God, I must look like hell," She said, suddenly smoothing her long dark hair. A few hours ago she'd been drenched in sweat, and now, completely flat and lifeless, her mane had settled around her like a dry film. She was almost too tired to care, almost, but Cordelia Chase-Taylor would never let her appearance go completely unchecked…She tried to fluff it up.

"You look great." Angel spoke softly.

"Thanks."

Angel picked up his mug and sipped his snack. Cordelia in turn picked up her mug and sipped her tea. Both settled into a comfortable silence.

"I should probably go," Angel finally said.

"No," Cordelia smiled. "Stay."

"No," Angel glanced at the clock, then at the shades of the windows, growing lighter and lighter in the early morning. "It's close to dawn…you're tired. John's tired. I'm sure you two want to hole up with your child for a few days." A look of complete contentment passed over Cordelia's face. "And besides," He continued. "I've got to get some sleep. Gunn, Wesley and I have a lot of work to do later today,"

"Ah, work!" Cordelia sighed, slumping back against the couch and closing her eyes. "I can't WAIT until I can get back to work!"

"What do you mean?" Angel stopped her. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Work, you know, that little thing I used to do at A.I. back before you gave me the order to stay home and put my feet up and wait to pop??? Well, I've finally popped, and I want to go back to work,"

"No, Cordy," Angel was shaking his head.

"What do you mean, NO?"

"Just what it sounds like, NO. No way are you coming back to work. You just had a baby—"

"Well, I didn't mean right away…in a few months,"

"No, not at all! You have a family now, no way are you coming back to work at Angel Investigations. Its too dangerous." Cordy stared at him in an angry gape.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!"

"You're retired now, you don't work anymore,"

"I'm not retired! I just took some time off—"

"Cordy, you're retired. That's the end of it."

Angel got an angry silence from her before she finally bit.

"Are you FORBIDING ME???

Angel thought about this for a moment. "Yes." He answered.

"ANGEL!"

Angel shook his head and started to rise with Cordelia mimicking his movements.

"Cordelia…go to your husband. Go to Evelyn."

She followed him to the doorway and at the mention of her daughter's name she stopped, tears springing to her eyes and a no-holds-barred smile etching its way across her face. Angel felt a low, silent laugh start in his throat at the sudden happiness betraying her features.

"See, Cordy…you've got too much to live for now."

She said nothing but met his gaze with an air of recognition. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her, then whispered goodbye and left. Cordelia sighed as the door closed. She came forth and locked it, then retraced her steps through the living room towards the stairs, and headed up to her new life.

"I'm so tired," Cordelia said as she walked up to her husband's side and peeked over his shoulder at her little princess now sleeping soundly in the basinet.

"Cord, we need to discuss something,"

"Hmn?" She asked lazily, eyes focused on her sleeping daughter.

"I know how much you…well, I know what he means to you," John, sighed, speaking in a low whisper and moving away from the basinet to stare at his wife. Cordelia in turn stared back.

"Who?" She asked.

"Angel…well, do you think it's a good idea to let him be so close to Evelyn—"

"What do you mean!" Cordelia snapped in her lowest voice. John turned away and headed towards the door.

"He's a vampire, Cord…tell me that doesn't mean anything."

"It doesn't!"

"I think it does." He could see the obvious rage building up on her face, and he dangerously took a step towards her, reaching out and rubbing her arms. Cordelia's jaw went taught. "Cord…I just don't want her to be left alone with him, not for a while…and I definitely don't want her near him when he's feeding—"

"Angel doesn't feed!" She said bitterly. "He drinks, from a cup, just like everyone else!"

"He drinks blood from a cup."

"DUH! He needs blood—"

"I don't want him getting any ideas—"

"John!" Cordelia pulled away from him and stared up at him in disbelief. "Do you hear yourself??? This is ANGEL we're talking about, not some soulless demon! And besides, I've known him for ten years. He's all I had for ten years. He's the reason we met, the reason we got together, the reason we have her—"

"Cord, I know. And I'm not saying that he's a bad person, I'm just saying—"

"What!" She hissed. "That he's a monster?"

John paused.

"Well? That's what you were getting at, right?" Cordelia was blatantly angry now, eyes no longer tired but burning brightly with fierceness. John reluctantly nodded his head. "I can't believe you." Cordelia said disappointedly. John shrugged.

"Your words, not mine."

The next few moments were spent in a silent, contemplative stare and didn't end until Evelyn started to make noise. Cordelia turned her back on the man she had pledged to honor for the rest of her life and went to her needy daughter.

"Shhh…" She hushed her as she scooped her into her arms and started to pace the floor, rocking her gently, and disregarding her husband completely.

"We'll talk about this later, Cord," John sighed and started out to their bedroom.

"No, we wont." She answered defiantly. He paused and looked at her, her back to him but the anger completely visible throughout…even as she tended to her newborn. John rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Don't listen to him," Cordelia whispered when he was finally gone. She glanced crossly at the now empty place where he'd been standing the moment before, before raising her daughter's face to her lips and planting a soft kiss on her temple. "You're going to know and love your uncle Angel, and that's all there is too it… Don't listen to him."

Cordelia retired to her rocking chair and fed her baby. She sat there rocking her for hours, well past sun up, letting her anger deflate. It was nearly 8:00 am by the time she went to bed.

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Angel had lay in bed as 3:00 pm rolled around. He could feel the constant pressure of the daylight start to retract as the afternoon grew later. By four he heard Wesley and Gunn walk through the front doors of the hotel lobby downstairs reporting for work. Angel climbed out of bed and pulling on a shirt, headed downstairs to greet them.

"A baby girl?" Wesley was grinning as he read over the note that Angel had left them taped to the computer monitor.

"Yep!" Angel said happily, startling them as he bound down the old stairwell two steps at a time, buttoning his shirt simultaneously.

"Why, that's wonderful!" Wesley gushed.

"Cool," Gunn smiled, a hint of a sparkle in the corner of his eyes. "Everything went smooth?"

"Yeah," Angel said as he'd finally reached the lobby floor and approached his partners. "Everything went perfectly."

"Angel," Wesley started, a huge grin on his face at recent good fortune. "You didn't say, what did they finally decide on naming her?" Angel threw them a sly grin and started towards the kitchenette.

"Evelyn…"

"Ah, beautiful choice," Wesley said as he and Gunn followed.

"Evelyn Angel Taylor."

Wesley paused, an even larger grin crossing his face, and Gunn clasped his shoulder. Angel turned back and smiled.

"Why, that is the most wonderful thing!" Wesley exclaimed. He came forth and shook the vampire's hand most eagerly. "Congratulations! You must be so proud!"

"Yeah, man!" Gunn stepped forward, giving him a high-five. "That's cool! I bet you feel good."

"I do," Angel sighed. "For once, I do. But don't congratulate me…congratulate Cordelia…she did all the work. I'm just the name sake."

"I think I'll call her later," Wesley said as the three of them entered the small kitchen and sat down as Angel went to the refrigerator.

"Yeah," Gunn said, settling into his chair next to Wes. "I gotta meet this little Evelyn Angel Taylor…sounds like a real sweetheart."

"She is," Angel said, smiling proudly as he poured himself a glass of cold blood then two glasses of orange juice for his friends. "She's gorgeous, like her mother of course. She's got dark brown hair, and I think she'll have Cordy's eyes."

"Ah, that's wonderful!" Wesley commented again.

"How'd John do, man?" Gunn asked, looking amused. "Was the guy trippin' or what?"

"John…seemed…fine," Angel said taking a seat at the table. "He was completely calm…he didn't faint, as far as I know, and he took Cordelia's pre-birth slaughter pretty well."

"Ah, that must've been painful!" Gunn started to laugh.

"Yeah." Angel said, raising his brow. "Cordy's got quite a mouth on her,"

"Well, you can't exactly blame the girl," Wesley said thoughtfully. "Imagine if you were trying to push something that big out someplace that small—"

"PLEASE!" Gunn said grimacing and holding up a hand. Angel gave Wes the same look. "Don't wanna hear it! Don't wanna hear it…"

"Sorry," Wesley said. "I'm sure she did a wonderful job, and I wish the three of them all the happiness in the world."

"I hear that," Gunn said, holding up his glass. Wesley held up his.

"It is wonderful, and they will be happy," Angel said raising his glass. The three of them toasted the new family and then drank.

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That night, after a grueling battle with a sludge demon, Angel, Gunn and Wesley ended up at Cordelia's front door, tired and sore but in a good mood. She squealed when she opened the door and found them standing there, and ignoring the funny smell that came from the three men—stinky demon goop, most of which they had finally gotten off their clothes with a roll of paper towels and a few wet-naps—she grabbed the three of them in a hug and pulled them inside.

"I'm SO GLAD you're here!"

"We are too!" Wesley said adoringly as he wrapped his arms around the woman once again. He squeezed and sighed excitedly. Cordy beamed.

"So where's the little princess?" Gunn asked eagerly hugging her again when Wesley finally let go.

"She's asleep…finally, but you can still see her!"

"Have you gotten any sleep?" Angel asked noticing the dark circles forming under her eyes as he slipped off his coat and draped it over his arm.

"I napped a little this morning before John went to work, but I'm fine, I'm not tired."

"Where is John?" Wesley asked.

"He went out to get some food, actually…" She blushed slightly. "My weird late night cravings haven't subsided yet, still recuperating, I guess…I wanted a pastrami and pickle sandwich. He went out to get it.

"Good man," Gunn said.

Cordelia animatedly gestured for everyone to follow her, and led them upstairs.

They were completely quiet as they tiptoed into the nursery, Cordelia first, then Wesley, Gunn, and finally Angel. One wall was covered in stuffed toys that John had insisted he buy throughout Cordelia's pregnancy; he wanted to start their child's collection early, and ended up buying every kind of stuffed animal you could think of. Angel reached out and picked up a plush gray elephant starring at it curiously while Cordelia led Gunn and Wesley towards the basinet. An empty crib stood in the opposite corner, waiting for the child to get big enough to sleep in. Cordelia was whispering to keep quiet when she looked down into the basinet and a huge grin wiped over her face.

"You little turd! You've been awake this whole time!" She reached down into the crib and started to lift the wide-awake-yet-silent infant.

"Turd," Wesley repeated glancing at Angel. "Very eloquent."

Angel laughed and placed the elephant back amongst its companions and walked over to join the group.

"She's beautiful," Gunn said, reaching out a finger to tickle the tiny girl's chin as her mother held her close. He started a brief repartee of baby talk to her and Evelyn looked up, startled at all the faces, trying intently to focus on each one. When she moved on to Angel, a calm over came her features and Cordelia could swear she had seen her smile.

John immediately noticed Angel's car parked at the curb in front of the house as he himself pulled into the driveway. He sighed a deep breath and after shutting off the car, grabbed the paper sack containing his wife's late-night snack, and in a huff, headed inside.

"Cord?" He called out as he entered the empty living room.

"Oh, John's home!" Cordy quipped handing Evelyn to Wesley prematurely. He fumbled with the baby, not quite ready for her when she had been shoved into his arms. She launched out into the hallway suddenly starving and not thinking about much of anything but food. She wanted…no, needed, that pickle and pastrami sandwich!

"Oh my!" Wesley said as he embraced the infant against him. She made a soft gurgling sound. "Oh my! Look at you! Look at you!" Wesley started in a babyish whisper. Gunn started up again, and the two carried on a whole conversation in gibberish with the little baby princess staring dizzily at them.

Angel shook his head at the two grown men…just within the past half-hour they'd been fighting a potentially deadly fight against a potentially deadly sludge demon, and now…to see them reduced to nothing but a couple of babbling idiots...

It was agreeable though, as Evelyn seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Where's Evelyn?" John asked as he pushed the paper sack into his wife's hands and started towards the stairs.

"She's upstairs with Angel, Wes, and Gunn." She ripped open the bag and dug in with both hands, dropping the sack to the floor and shoving her sandwich in her mouth. "They stopped by to see her," She explained through a full mouth of food. One of the pickles almost escaped, but she caught it, and grinning at it, shoved it into her mouth. "MMMm…" She moaned. John turned back towards her; no attempt whatsoever to hide his disapproval.

"Cord, I told you last night," He came back to her and spoke in the harshest of whispers. "I don't want her alone with him."

"JOHN!" Cordy rolled her eyes, chewing with her mouth open.

"I'm serious!"

"Don't be silly!" She took another bite and flippantly ignored his concerns. "MMMMM! This is SO GOOD!"

John in turn ignored her, and turning his back on her, headed up stairs.

To his relief, when he entered the nursery, it was Gunn who was holding the baby, and not Angel, though Angel was close by…a little too close for his comfort.

"John!" Wesley exclaimed greeting him with a smile and reaching out his hand to shake.

"Wes, good to see you!" John said, a genuine smile finally forming on his face.

"Congratulations!" Wesley quipped. "She's beautiful! She really is!"

"Thank you," John said in turn smiling at Gunn. "Glad to see you Gunn."

"Hey, man!" The smile spreading across his features came to an abrupt halt as a grimace took over and he wrinkled his nose. "Oh man! I think Evelyn let a stinky! EW!"

"Oh, let me see her," John moved towards her and took his daughter from Gunn's arms. Gunn fanned his hand in front of his nose, and took a step back. John moved to lay her down on the changing table and after unsnapping her layette, opened her diaper to reveal that Evelyn, in fact, had let a stinky.

"Stinky?" Angel repeated amused at Gunn.

"Well, how else do you describe it?" Gunn said sarcastically.

"I definitely think it falls under the stinky category…" Wesley said, now starting to fan his nose.

Cordelia came into the room, half her sandwich finished and still going at it eagerly.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" She asked, mouth, yet again, full.

"Tea would be nice," Wesley said. "But let me get it, you've done enough in the last two days."

Cordy backed out of the room, then took another big bite of her sandwich, pausing to lick the stray mustard off her fingers and with Wesley, Gunn and Angel now following, they went back downstairs.

John, admittedly relieved that they had left, finished changing his daughter then picked her up and held her to him preciously as he took a seat in the rocking chair and whispered quiet things to her.

Cordy, Gunn and Angel took a seat in the living room.

"Tell me everything!" Cordelia gushed. Angel laid his coat on the sofa next to him and sat back, relaxing, leaning his head back against the wall. Cordelia sat in the chair to his right, resting her feet on the ottoman as she finished off the last of her sandwich. And Gunn slumped down tiredly on the love seat across from them.

"I want to know everything that happened!" She continued on. "Don't leave out any details!"

"We fought a sludge demon." Angel said.

"That explains the smell,"

Gunn and Angel revered their clothing self-consciously and Wesley came from the kitchen carrying a tray of beverages: Two cups of hot tea for Wesley and Cordelia, a bottle of water for Gunn, and, a mug of warm blood for Angel.

"We did quite well," Wesley said as he served.

"We kicked it's ass!" Gunn corrected him.

"Oh, you did???" Cordy repeated excitedly. "Tell me! Tell me! What'd you do!"

"First we stalked him to that abandoned warehouse down on the east side, the one that used to be a fish factory, or a bean factory, or something—"

"OH! I know that place!" Cordelia bounced excitedly in her seat.

"And then, Angel kicked in the door!"

"OH! I loooove when he does that!"

Angel shrugged modestly.

"…and then, Wes and I busted in after him, and this demon…boy, did he stank! He came charging at us like a bat out of hell!"

"Actually, there are no bats in hell," Angel interjected pointedly. "No bats…"

"Boy, did we scramble!" Gunn's eyes were bright. "Angel took the first hit," Angel looked away from Gunn and rubbed at his jaw where the pain had already receded. "…but he was able to fend off the thing when me and Wes came ready with axes!"

"The rest gets a little gory," Wesley cringed, sitting down next to Gunn and sipping his tea. Cordy leaned forward expectantly.

"TELL ME! TELL ME!"

"…and then," Gunn went on. "It charged us both! It came running and roaring, its breath reeking of somethin' awful…smelled like a dead cat or a goat or something,"

"A goat?" Wesley questioned.

"And then it knocked down Wesley! It jumped on him! And they rolled to the ground! It kicked Wesley over its head…I guess you could call it its head, that was its head, right?" He looked over questioningly at Angel. Angel shrugged.

"Sure, why not."

"And then it saw me!" Gunn explained. "And it got up, and started coming at me. And it roared something hideous!!! And it gave me another whiff of its bad breath…I swear I almost passed out! But then, it charged me again!

"Oh my god!" Cordelia exclaimed. "What did you do!"

"Then, I AXED HIM! Right in the head!"

Cordelia gasped with envious shock.

"And my axe stuck, but it didn't go down! It just tossed me aside and kept going at Angel!"

"You can only kill the sludge demon by decapitation and dismemberment," Wesley explained.

"I know that!" Cordelia scowled.

"Gunn didn't," Angel said lightly.

"I did so!" Gunn stated defensively. Angel laughed to himself. Gunn rolled his eyes. "PUH-LEASE! I was just trying to keep him off of you for a minute until you could shake off his attack!"

"I didn't need to shake off his attack."

"Didn't look that way to me,"

"Well, I didn't need to shake off his attack…" Angel claimed. "I was fine! Completely competent…"

"Sure, Superman…while you was slipping and sliding in that patch of green ooze, you looked completely competent…Uh huh! Yeah right—"

"Um," Wesley interrupted, giving Gunn a sharp glare before directing his speech to Cordelia. "Basically," He explained. "Gunn and I took the grunt of it, after that, until Angel could behead it with his sword, and then after casting the burial rite, we headed over here…"

"Oh!" Cordelia sighed, throwing her hands in the air and head back against the chair and gazing up at the vaulted ceiling. "It sounds sooo exciting!"

"Eh," Angel, Gunn and Wesley shrugged in unison.

"Same old, same old," Angel sighed. Gunn agreed and Wesley went back to sipping his tea.

"God! This sucks! Nothing exciting EVER happens to me!" Cordelia scowled. The three men looked up at her in shock.

"You just had a baby!" They all said.

"Oh…well yeah!" Cordy shrugged. "But besides that!"

"Cordy, we've had this conversation," Angel sighed. "You're not coming back to work. You're a mother now, I don't want you stalking demons into dark alleys,"

"It was a warehouse," Gunn corrected.

"OR dark warehouses," Angel stressed.

"Angel!" Cordelia's eyes flashed with annoyance.

"No, Cordelia," Wesley said. "Angel is quite right! Hunting demons is far too dangerous for you now, you have a daughter to think about,"

"I know," Cordelia sighed, crossing her arms sourly. "But I miss work."

"I know you do," Angel said sympathetically.

"But now you've got a new job," Gunn said. "And a baby to love,"

"Don't forget a husband too." Cordelia looked up and smiled as John came from the hallway.

"Cord, Evelyn's asleep. I'm going to bed, don't be too long."

"I wont," She smiled.

"Good night everyone,"

"Good night," Angel, Gunn and Wesley mimicked. The three of them and Cordelia watched him go, disappearing back into the hallway. When he was gone, Cordelia sighed.

"Can't I come back and do research or something???"

"Research???" Angel raised his eye skeptically at the brunette. Wesley and Gunn did the same. "Research, are you feeling okay???" He got up to place a hand over her forehead. Cordelia pushed him away playfully.

"YES. I feel fine!"

"Are you sure?" Wesley teased. "I mean, research, that doesn't sound like you…"

"I miss the job!" She said defensively.

"You couldn't possibly miss it that much," Gunn joked. "Girl, you HATED research!."

"Okay, I can't deny THAT…but maybe its not just the job I miss," Her voice trailed softly, and she frowned at her teacup. The men grew quiet. "I mean," She said, raising her voice a little higher. "I miss you guys. It sucks being trapped in the house all day long, and as much as I love my new daughter, I love you guys too."

"Aw, Cordy," Angel smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder. Wesley and Gunn regarded her thoughtfully. Guilt played on all three's faces. "We miss you, too."

"So does that mean I can come back???" She grinned.

"NO." Angel shook his head, taking his seat back on the couch. Cordy scowled, and much to her dismay, he retorted with a smirk. She fell silent in revere of his obvious final decision. She looked so disappointed. Angel sighed, then added, "In a few months, we'll see…maybe you can come back to do 'research'."

"Really???" Cordelia's face immediately lit up.

"Yeah…maybe."

"Oh Angel, you are the best boss!" She launched herself past the ottoman, around the coffee table and over the couch to hug him. Angel smiled against her hair.

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