Some Things Never Change
By ThresherII
After all this time I still miss you everyday
Duo pulled into the driveway, parking his black pickup and hopping out, slamming the door behind him. Finally. He was home again. But, dispite his happiness at being back, there was still a pang at the sight of the building. Hilde. He and Hilde had shared the place, and she was still missing. He was afraid to look for her now, not even knowing what he would say, and so he had wandered aimlessly for several weeks after bumping into her that cold, rainy night in Housten, before deeming it best to return home. If she wanted to contact him-though he doubted she did, from her expression when last he saw her- she would call the house, situated above the small salvage business that they had run together. Together.. The word made his heart sore, but he was trying, hard, to get on with his life, and if she came back then she did. If she didn't... Well, he didn't know what he would do then.
The same world spins 'round
He sighed, opening the door and slowly making his way inside. Normally, he would have been very noisy in his entrance, laughing, slamming the door. But now... There was just something missing, and he knew that it was her.
I guess some things never change
He shook his head, quietly shutting the door behind him and flicking on the lights. Glancing around the small place, he couldn't help thinking how empty it looked. It's like it's haunted or something, he thought, vaugely aware that there wasn't any other sounds save his footsteps on the soft carpeting and his quiet breathing. He came into the living room, gazing at the furniture and windows as if they had never belonged to him or Hilde, as if he had never before laid eyes on them. As if he could, if he tried hard enough, block out the memories the familier rooms, chairs and things laying around brought forth.
"Oh, Duo, get down from there!" Hilde giggled, watching as he climbed upon and stood on the back of the sofa. The same sofa she was currently sprawled across, a magazine laid out in front of her, but ignored. Watching Duo's antics always proved far more interesting then whatever she happened to be doing, she'd learned. Besides, it was too noisy while he was present to read, anyways. Not that she minded-much.
"Lookitme-aaaaaaaahhh.." he cried, before toppling off the back of the sofa and landing in an unruly heap on the floor. Hilde abandoned her magazine ad peered over the edge of the sofa's back, hoping he hadn't hurt himself.
"Duo? You okay?" she asked tentively, watching him crawl up off the floor, moaning something about breaking his back.
"Yeah, sure Hilde.." he groaned, rubbing his back, "Never been better.."
"Duo!"
"Okay, okay, I'm fine!" he grinned at her concern, "I'm a Gundam pilot! What, ya think I'm gonna die from fallin' off the back of the couch?" Well, he had a point. But still..
"Well, no, but it still wasn't very smart," she pointed out, laughing when Duo made a pouty face as he sat down on the sofa beside her.
"Alright, guess that scratches that idea..." Hilde smiled, and he grinned wickedly, stating casually, "It just means I gotta move up to the chandelier already."
"Geez, Duo, you're gonna wreck the place before tomorrow, I swear.."
"Aw, c'mon, Hilde, cut me some slack! It's a small place, okay?" Hilde sighed, but she was smiling, and Duo knew that he had won.
"I love you, Duo Maxwell." He grinned.
"Not as much as I love you, though," he said softly, stroking her cheek. She giggled, grabbing onto his hand.
"You're so unpredictable, Duo," she smiled, "You can be goofy one minute, serious the next!" Duo smiled widely, retrieving his hand and leaning back.
"Yep, that's me in a nutshell! Though I probably wouldn't have used the word 'goofy', exactly... Hm, maybe 'charming', or 'dashing'.." Hilde tried to conceal her grin and failed misirably.
"Duo.."
Sometimes I go out but it never feels the same
The phone rag, jarring Duo out of his thoughts of happier days. Jumping up, he ran and picked it up, hoping against hope that it might possibly be...
"Hi, this is Quatre Winner. Is Duo there?" His hopes immediately plummeted, but he still had to answer. What was the chance that it would've been Hilde, anyways? She didn't want to see him, and had appeared quite unhappy with even bumping into him, the last he'd seen of her. He sighed, then said quietly, "Duo here, what is it?"
"Duo?" the voice on the other end seemed shocked.
"Yeah, it's me.." the dark-haired boy muttered unhappily. What did Quatre want, anyways?
"What happened? You sound like somebody died!" He could hear concern in Quatre's voice, but he didn't want pity. Quatre can't do anything to make Hilde decide to come back, why even tell him? Still, he just wants to help..
"Aw, nothin', I'm just really tired, that's all," he half-lied. He was really tired from the shuttle ride back to L2, which had taken a full day, but that wasn't the main reason why he was acting the way he was.
"Oh. Hm, then maybe you won't want to... Well, why don't I tell you and see what you think?" Duo nodded absently, momentarily forgetting that he was on the phone, and that Quatre couldn't see him.
"Sure, go ahead," he mumbled finally, only half-paying attention. He wasn't at all in the mood for chatting. In fact, he thought maybe he would go and take a nap. So tired.. But if I sleep, I just know I'll dream of her... His heart felt heavy just thinking about her.
"..So I was thinking maybe if you wanted to go.." He realized that Quatre had been talking while he was thinking. Go? Uh-oh.. Well... maybe I didn't hear him right. I mean, I wasn't exactly listening, really..
"Uh, I'm sorry, what?" he asked, hoping that he had heard wrong. He didn't want to go anywhere. He'd just gotten home! There was a sigh on the other end of the line.
"I said, the circus is in town, so I'm going to stop by to visit Cathy and Trowa. I managed to find Heero's number, and convince him to go, too, and it'd be great if you'd come so that we could all get together again. I'm calling Wufei right after you. So, do you want to come?" Duo didn't, really. In fact, he was afraid to go. They'll definately know something's wrong with me, he thought worriedly, And I just don't think I can deal with all the noise and people right now.. He sighed.
"Listen, I'm sorry, Quatre, but I just got home from Earth. I don't think I'm up to it," he said as politely as he could. He didn't want to hurt Quatre's feelings, but he just couldn't face anyone so soon. I don't think I could keep up my false, happy personality, and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or cause any misunderstandings if I show my real feelings by accident.. There was a moment of silence before Quatre spoke again.
"It's alright, Duo. I understand what's it's like traveling, what with the Winner company to run. I've got to travel a lot to get to meetings." He sighed. "I really wish you could come, but I'm not going to prod. Heh, to think I got Heero to come and not you!" Quatre chuckled softly to himself at that. "What were you traveling to Earth for, anyways?" Duo froze. How could he possibly tell Quatre that he had been on Earth to search for Hilde? That he had spanned nearly a tenth of the globe looking for her? No, he couldn't mention it to Quatre. As sympathetic as the blonde arabian would've been, had he heard, Duo just couldn't make himself tell him.
"Oh, just checking in on the main Preventers' Headquarters," he said, hoping that his drained tone would disguise the lie somewhat.
"Oh. Well, nice talking to you," Quatre replied, if a little uncertainly.
"You too," Duo replied tiredly, though he really just wanted to hang up, "C'ya later."
"Bye, Duo," came the answer, before there was a click, followed by a dial-tone. Sighing, Duo slowly placed the phone back in it's cradle, sitting down heavily on the sofa. The same sofa she had been sitting on, that day when he'd goofed off and fell off the back of the same piece of furniture. She had seemed happy enough then.. What had gone wrong? He'd even told her that he loved her more then she loved him! Which was exactly the oppisite of what her note had read. He just couldn't fathem what he had done to make her leave..
I still look for you
Glancing around the room, he could almost still see her small form curled up in one of the chairs, reading her favorite magazine. The place was so lonely when it was empty..
Baby some things never change
I wish so much I'd told her how I feel.. Maybe if she'd heard it from me, she might've
believed what I was saying.. He stared at his hands for the longest time, simply
thinking. She probably thought I was goofing off again.. I guess nobody, no even her,
thinks that I can actually be serious about something..
When I said I'd love you for eternity
Didn't she hear me when I said I loved her? Wasn't she listening at all? Of course she was, he thought sadly, She was listening, she just didn't believe it.. Why couldn't I make her believe it? I thought she knew me well enough to know when I was being serious.. But then, she said herself that I was unpredictable..
I just never knew how true those words would be
Maybe even I didn't know how much those words meant.. But I can't put what I feel into words.. It's just too much...
Just an old love song
It's too quiet, he thought, maybe if I had something to distract me, I wouldn't think so much.. Glancing around, the first thing his eyes fell on was the boombox. Shrugging-what harm could it do?-, he flicked on the power switch and turned down the volume a bit-he always kept it up too loud for his own good. But he stiffened as he recognized the familier tune playing in the background. He seemed frozen, couldn't move, even as the words drifted through the air to his ears..
I was standing at the end of my rainbow,
With nowhere to go and no pot of gold in sight..
All my wishes were just way too much to hope for,
But when I saw you I knew I'd seen the light.
And not a moment too soon,
Without a minute to spare,
You touched my heart,
When I didn't have a prayer.
In my darkest hour,
With my world filled with gloom,
Your sweet love saved me,
Not a moment too soon..
I used to think that love would never find me,
And the one who cares was lost somewhere in time,
But when you found me I knew I'd found forever.
You rescued me just before I crossed the line..
And not a moment too soon,
Without a minute to spare,
You touched my heart,
When I didn't have a prayer..
In my darkest hour,
With my world filled with gloom,
Your sweet love saved me,
Not a moment too soon..
Your sweet love saved me,
Not a moment too soon..
Not a moment too soon.
Reaching over hurriedly, he switched the radio off and silence returned. But it wasn't just a lonely silence this time. The song had reminded him all too much of the one Hilde liked to listen to while on her computer. Duo's eyes welled up with tears. Why did she have to leave? It just wasn't fair, she was everything to him.. Had he ever meant anything to her? She had told him he did, but now he was starting to doubt it a bit. If she'd loved him, why had she left?
Just a mention of your name
"Hilde.." he said softly aloud, "Hilde, why?"
My heart breaks in two again
He closed his eyes as twin tears slid silently down his cheeks. I feel like it was something I did, but maybe she never loved me at all.. No, no, she did, but I guess she didn't think I loved her back.. At least, not as much as she did.. He'd gone over it over and over in his head, while on the shuttle back, while driving from the airport and now while sitting alone in his-their- house, the silence surrounding him like a thick mist, the haze blocking out all other distractions.
I guess some things never change
There's nothing I can do to tell you this, but I can't stop loving you, Hilde.. he
thought misirably, head bowed, I wish I could talk to you now, tell you how much you
mean to me..
Maybe someday someone else will set me free
He sighed, wiping his tears. Maybe he could go and talk to the other pilots about it...no. No, he knew that he wouldn't be able to do that without revealing his real personality, which was nothing like the one they thought they knew. Maybe he could tell them, or someone else. Maybe, someday..
Until then I'll live with your love's legacy
But not now.. I can't tell anybody right now.. I keep hoping she'll come back before I have to..
And I'll keep holding on
I won't give up, Hilde. I'm not gonna stop loving you, even if you fall in love with someone else..
Hoping you'll come back someday
But.. If you ever want to come back.. I'll welcome you with open arms. I promise, Hilde, I won't be angry, just please... Come back..
You can rest assured
You won't ever have to worry about me loving somebody else, either. I can't, Hilde, because I love you.
Baby some things never change
He nodded, again wiping tears from his face. If she wanted to come back, he was going to be there to welcome her. I just hope she'll decide to come back, after that incident in Housten..
Girl I'm still in love with you
I still love her, though, even if she thinks that I don't care. She has no idea what she's doing to me, leaving like that..
I guess some things never change
No more tears, he vowed, I'm not going to cry anymore.. I'll try to get on with
life, and not be an emotional wreck for who knows how long. It can't do me any good.. But
I still miss you so much..
I still love you
..Still love you so much.. Please come back soon..
~Owari
AN: 'Lo again, peoples! ^_^ Once again, sorry to spoil the angsty atmosphere, but I have to say somewhere in here that Gundam's not mine, Duo, Hilde and the other characters aren't mine, and all the songs in this fic belong to Tim McGraw (I don't know if the last part of this fic will use a Tim McGraw song, but the first two did, so I'm talking about them). This ficcy, however, is mine! ^_^ Please review, I know it's kind of repeatitive, but at least Duo's not a crying mess in this chapter, ne? ^_^;; Poor guy.. Don't worry, he'll get a happy ending. ^_^ K, enough spoilers! Hope you peeps like this, 'cause I'm writing the ending, even if nobody's readin' it (but I know you are-thanks so much for all the great reviews last time, BTW. I really appreciate it, it's very encouraging for a beginning fanfic writer! ^_~)! Lol, C'ya next time!