I always think about how this happened...
The images are flashing to my mind
when I am in your room, the hospital room...
It started so harmless.
It was a beautiful summer day when
our parents told us the place we would went for holidays this summer. We
both were so excited – we would fly away for the very first time in my
whole life.
And the country?
Malaysia.
We spent hours in watching magazines
and images with beautiful white beaches, palms, a blue sea and many exotic
animals.
The first days of our holiday were
just wonderful.
Sunshine, sea and happiness – what
do you expect more?
We wrote funky postcards to all our
friends, telling them how great the meals are, and that we can swim in
the sea while it's raining in Japan. Yeah, we watched the weather report
from Japan every day, and when it said rain, we laughed gloatingly.
Then came this day.
You went on this excursion – with
my parents. I stayed in the hotel – I wanted to spend my time at the beach.
Late in the evening Mum and dad came
back – without you.
Mum was crying. Dad told me that
you have been caught by terrorists – kidnapped! First I thought they were
joking, but they weren't.
The terrorists wanted to rebel against
the government and kidnapped a bus full of terrorists. My parents weren't
in this bus because they searched for a toilet.
But you.
My little brother Davis, still a
child, was in this bus.
It took over a week to get him back.
A week full of tears, worry and sadness.
You looked terrible when we visited
you in the Malaysian hospital. Scratches and bruises all over the body.
Thin with big rings under your eyes. Pale face – and big, dead eyes.
You didn't speak a single word.
It was a shock for us to see you
like that. We tried to comfort you, but it didn't work.
You ignored us, didn't notice us.
The bruises on your body healed,
but not the damage in your soul.
They showed us photos.
And told us what you've gone through.
The terrorists hit you and gave you
no food.
They killed some of the tourists
and let you stay with the corpses – for days!
They killed them in front of your
eyes.
Imagine you are a prisoner in a small
dark room, with corpses of people....
One week without seeing the sun.
One week without food, only water.
One week full of pain.
That would break everybody.
Even you.
*
So many people are crying for you.
Your friends.
Your parents.
Me.
And the time is passing by.
I feel empty. There are no feelings
left. When did I laugh the last time?
I can't remember.
Every time when I see someone laughing
I have to think of your laughter.
I have to think about how you laughed
about me when I used make-up for the first time.
I was so mad about you and chased
you through the whole flat.
What can I do to help you?
Is there no way?
Do I have to accept that you are....dead?
I can't accept, no, I can't.
We Motomiya's aren't used to that.
We always do something. We find our own way.
And we never give up.
I'm the best example, not? Hey,
I chased after Matt over half a year, and I would run after him right now
if there wouldn't be something more important.
But your soulless eyes prevent me
from doing that.
Davis, please come back. We don't
want to loose you.
"I would give everything to hear
a stupid and brainless joke from him...."
This is the sentence your friend
said with tears in her eyes when she visited you. Kari. Kari and her brother
Tai.
Perfect brother and sister – perfect
family. Really, they are. They all love each other and show it. And they
are so mature in one way...especially Kari.
In our family is nobody mature,
not even my parents. We are all crazy, stupid, hot-tempered and happy.
We've been happy! Now everybody is crying...
Crying faces – I only see sad and
worried faces, all around me.
Sometimes I have to stifle a hysterical
giggle then. I know, when I start giggling, I won't be able to stop.
Maybe you don't want to come back....Maybe
you think that we don't need you, don't care for you.
I know I have been a nasty sister,
and our parents aren't perfect, too.
But we love each other.
I need you. And that's true.
I need someone who fights with me
about useless things.
I need someone who eats all the cookies
away which I have bought from my pocket money.
I need someone who comes home from
soccer practise and puts his dirty t-shirt on my new, white pullover.
I need someone who makes noises when
I am learning.
I need someone who is nerving me.
I need you. Mum and Dad need you.
Need you more than all things in
this world.
I remember many things. For example
our last big fight – about once a week we always have a real big fight,
with door slamming, screaming and all things which belong to.
You wanted to watch a soccer game
– I wanted to watch a talkshow.
And I had the remote control...
In the end we damaged it and had
to watch a stupid documentary all the evening.
I remember that I wished you to hell.
Now I regret it. Maybe it was because
of my wish that you are a...doll...now.
A body without soul.
Eyes without a heart.
Where are you, lil'brother?
Just tell me – I will come immediately
to help you.
Jun will be there.
Move your hands, give me a sign that
you can understand me!
Look at me, look into my eyes!
Talk with me, call me stupid!
Let me know that you are still alive....somewhere,
somehow!
You have to be alive...not this so-called
life.
*
They make lots of therapies with
you. There is a special doctor, only for you.
Do you understand? You have a doctor
on your own!
She told us that we should talk with
you...hold your hands or so.
I try it, but I think it's stupid.
I never hold your hand in my whole life, so why now?
Maybe that will scare you away.
And talking with you?
About what?
Shall I sit there and say: "Davis,
the weather is wonderful, you are missing many things, and , by the way,
your soccer team lost the last game?"
The only things we used to talk about
were easy enough:
"What will we eat for dinner?"
"Get out of my room!"
"Stop it!"
"Davis!!!!"
"You will be too late!"
The five most used sentences any
family members said to him.
Okay, the 'Get out of my room' was
mostly my part.
The doctor talks with you, Davis.
She shows you pictures.
Pictures of you playing soccer.
Pictures of Mum, Dad and me.
Pictures of our school.
And pictures of the dead bodies.
Mum was shocked that she shows you
this kind of pictures – in her opinion it only will make it worse than
it is.
But I agree with the doctor. When
you ever come back, you'll have to live with this memory. You can't ignore
it, so you have to accept it.
You have to be strong.
You are strong, aren't you? I know
it. You are brave and have a big heart. But will you be strong enough for
this?
I have read some books since this
"accident" happened. Some kids kill themselves because they can't live
with the pain, with the images which are hunting them.
You won't kill yourself, not?
You never thought of suicide, and
when you heard of someone who did it, you shook your head and couldn't
understand.
For you the life was too precious
to throw it away.
For me, too.
You enjoyed every single minute,
you really lived with full heart.
Isn't it unfair that such a person
has this destiny? That life has been stolen from him?
You can't call this life, not?
I think it has been stolen, because
I know that you would never give away your life.
We give never up!
Watch Mum and Dad, they are nearly
broken, but they don't give up, too.
They hope, and they will never stop
hoping.
I know that my thoughts are circling
around. I think about the same things again and again.
I just need something which gives
me hope, and the belief in the strong will of a Motomiya is such a thing.
But sometimes even Motomiya's aren't
strong enough.....
To be continued....
Again, very sad....my poor Davis,
will he ever laugh again??
By the way, do you remember that
terrorists kidnapped some tourists in Malaysia? That's where I got this
idea....I had to search for a reason that Davis is like that....
It doesn't happen much in this
part, only Jun thinking again. I love writing her when she is serious!(never
expected that...)
Thanks for reading, and feel free
to give me any suggestions, okay? - And review ;-)
Kaeera
