For those of you who didn't read the preview, Matty is my friend Stephen's younger brother. He is extremely stupid and extremely annoying. Almost everything he says or does in this fic he has said or done in real life. Matty is a creature of Satan. This story is about what would happen if he went to Hogwarts instead of Harry Potter. This will be a complete spoof on HP & the Sorceror's Stone.
Matty Jackson and the Magic People's Pretty Rock
By George and Fred Weasley
Chapter 2- The Reign and Terror of Matty Jackson
For eleven years, Matty Jackson tormented the Jackson family. He drove most of them to insanity, and they were the lucky ones. The ones that still maintained control had to put up with his strange animal noises and his Dragonball Z fixation. In fact, the family feared him so, that they spent all of their days hiding in a cupboard under the stairs.
Though Matty occasionally did suffer a sound thrashing from his big brother Stephen, few could break the barrier of whining and wailing, and even if they did, none wanted to come in contact with his grimy skin, and that often saved Matty from getting his @$$ kicked.
Matty had thrown many a fit: Toys 'R Us, stranded on a boat, and the most infamous, the Kentucky Derby, in which the Jacksons even needed assistance from the staff to pry him off the ground, while he was screaming, "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!"
And early one morning, actually, early every morning, little Matty barged into Stephen's room yelling, "Steppy!"(he couldn't pronounce Stephen) "I wanna play Contendo!"(he couldn't pronounce Nintendo either).
Stephen rubbed his eyes drowsily, turned over, and muttered in his sleep.
Matty climbed onto the bed, and repeatedly jumped up and down on Stephen's stomach. As Stephen gasped for air, Matty continued yelling, "I wanna play Contendo! I wanna play Contendo!"
And he would not stop until Stephen reluctantly agreed to let him play Contendo-er, Nintendo.
Matty, of course, got clobbered by a lowly goomba.
And as Stephen tried to sneak downstairs to go back to sleep, Matty cried out, "Steppy! Watch me play!"
And Stephen slowly pushed himself back up the stairs before Matty could do any more damage to his eardrums. But he had barely reached the playroom when Matty turned off the Nintendo and ran down the stairs screaming, "Steppy! Pour me a drink!"
And the day went on like this. Alas, Matty did not need a wand to perform the "Avada Kedavra" spell.
But one day was different from all of the others. Of course it began the same way, but everyone knew that it wouldn't be the same when Mrs. Jackson said, "Guess what? We're going to the zoo!"
At this Matty began running around the house screaming, "Yaaaaaaaay!!!" and raising his usual hell.
What Matty did not know, though, was that the Jacksons had plans for him. The zoo had made a replica of Matty's natural habitat (the sewer) and there they would study him and put him on display. They were intrigued that something that so closely resembled a baboon could have such low intelligence.
When they made it to the zoo, everything was going fine. The family heard a few scared whimpers from Matty crossing the lion display, but had to literally drag him through the fluffy pink bunny display.
The Jackson's next stop before meeting the zookeeper was the reptile house. There were snakes and iguanas in glass cages covering every inch of the room, and Matty was amazed. Of course, he was also caught up in singing "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves." And of course Matty's singing voice was so eerily horrible that all of the glass cages shattered and all the snakes started slithering away, their leathery skin and slimy scales brushing past Matty until he was no longer amazed, but rather terrified. He let out a loud, loud scream, which broke even more glass.
And after this mess, the zoo refused to keep Matty. They had lost two boa constrictors and a king python, and had to pay for new cages. They decided to display sewer rats instead of Matty, their reason being that sewer rats were much better looking and had less of a chance of contaminating the customers.
And that's when the Jacksons realized that today was not different from any other day (okay, I'll admit it, I lied before). It was the same thing all over again: Matty doing something incredibly stupid that ends up ruining their lives even more. Yes, this day was no different from the others.
Matty Jackson and the Magic People's Pretty Rock
By George and Fred Weasley
Chapter 2- The Reign and Terror of Matty Jackson
For eleven years, Matty Jackson tormented the Jackson family. He drove most of them to insanity, and they were the lucky ones. The ones that still maintained control had to put up with his strange animal noises and his Dragonball Z fixation. In fact, the family feared him so, that they spent all of their days hiding in a cupboard under the stairs.
Though Matty occasionally did suffer a sound thrashing from his big brother Stephen, few could break the barrier of whining and wailing, and even if they did, none wanted to come in contact with his grimy skin, and that often saved Matty from getting his @$$ kicked.
Matty had thrown many a fit: Toys 'R Us, stranded on a boat, and the most infamous, the Kentucky Derby, in which the Jacksons even needed assistance from the staff to pry him off the ground, while he was screaming, "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!"
And early one morning, actually, early every morning, little Matty barged into Stephen's room yelling, "Steppy!"(he couldn't pronounce Stephen) "I wanna play Contendo!"(he couldn't pronounce Nintendo either).
Stephen rubbed his eyes drowsily, turned over, and muttered in his sleep.
Matty climbed onto the bed, and repeatedly jumped up and down on Stephen's stomach. As Stephen gasped for air, Matty continued yelling, "I wanna play Contendo! I wanna play Contendo!"
And he would not stop until Stephen reluctantly agreed to let him play Contendo-er, Nintendo.
Matty, of course, got clobbered by a lowly goomba.
And as Stephen tried to sneak downstairs to go back to sleep, Matty cried out, "Steppy! Watch me play!"
And Stephen slowly pushed himself back up the stairs before Matty could do any more damage to his eardrums. But he had barely reached the playroom when Matty turned off the Nintendo and ran down the stairs screaming, "Steppy! Pour me a drink!"
And the day went on like this. Alas, Matty did not need a wand to perform the "Avada Kedavra" spell.
But one day was different from all of the others. Of course it began the same way, but everyone knew that it wouldn't be the same when Mrs. Jackson said, "Guess what? We're going to the zoo!"
At this Matty began running around the house screaming, "Yaaaaaaaay!!!" and raising his usual hell.
What Matty did not know, though, was that the Jacksons had plans for him. The zoo had made a replica of Matty's natural habitat (the sewer) and there they would study him and put him on display. They were intrigued that something that so closely resembled a baboon could have such low intelligence.
When they made it to the zoo, everything was going fine. The family heard a few scared whimpers from Matty crossing the lion display, but had to literally drag him through the fluffy pink bunny display.
The Jackson's next stop before meeting the zookeeper was the reptile house. There were snakes and iguanas in glass cages covering every inch of the room, and Matty was amazed. Of course, he was also caught up in singing "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves." And of course Matty's singing voice was so eerily horrible that all of the glass cages shattered and all the snakes started slithering away, their leathery skin and slimy scales brushing past Matty until he was no longer amazed, but rather terrified. He let out a loud, loud scream, which broke even more glass.
And after this mess, the zoo refused to keep Matty. They had lost two boa constrictors and a king python, and had to pay for new cages. They decided to display sewer rats instead of Matty, their reason being that sewer rats were much better looking and had less of a chance of contaminating the customers.
And that's when the Jacksons realized that today was not different from any other day (okay, I'll admit it, I lied before). It was the same thing all over again: Matty doing something incredibly stupid that ends up ruining their lives even more. Yes, this day was no different from the others.