October 2005

"Home sweet home," Xander muttered as he flipped on the lights in the little Missouri motel room they'd rented for the night. Buffy scrunched up her nose as she took in the carpet stains and black residue on the tables. She didn't even want to know what that was.

"Apparently housekeeping is just another thing lost to the apocalypse," she quipped, trying to sound more cheerful than she felt as she set her bag down on the bed closest to the door.

Xander snorted. "Not so sure it was something to brag about pre-apocalypse," he joked. "Remember that motel we stayed in that first night after Sunnydale?"

Buffy's nose scrunched up further. "The one with goo on the walls?"

"That's the one," Xander chortled with a shake of his head.

"Point," the Slayer replied with a half grin. "You can have the shower first. I'm gonna take a stroll, see if I can rustle up some dinner."

Xander nodded hesitantly. She knew that he didn't like her going out after dark by herself, Slayer or not. "Be careful," was all he said.

"Always," she replied as she let herself back out, tucking her motel key in her back jeans pocket. Aside from stray car here or there speeding down the road there were no signs of human life in the quiet town. Occasionally she would see curtains falling closed as curious residents peeked out to stare at the small blonde girl walking silently down the streets.

She and Xander had been traveling through America for a little over a month. It was frustrating and slow going. The amount of ground they'd covered could have been done in less than a day prior to whatever had happened in LA. Hell, a few years ago they'd have been able to make it to their destination in less than two days from their current location. Buffy knew that they had, if they were lucky, at least a few more weeks of travel before they made it.

They were able to travel faster than Faith since it was just the two of them but since she didn't drive (she had offered but Xander had vehemently refused) and it was more dangerous to drive at night anyway, it was still slow going. Bridges had been decimated, many roads no longer existed and the National Guard had put up barricades in other areas that made it so they had to take long detours. Then there were the days where they woke up to find themselves suddenly in the middle of a demon encampment.

When there were too many for Buffy to safely take out she and Xander had to make like the rest of the human populace and bunker down silently in their rooms, houses or shops, sometimes for days. The Slayer's stomach sunk when she thought of how few people she'd really seen since entering New York. The once thriving metropolis was now little more than a ghost town.

One newly discovered fact that did bring her a little comfort was the knowledge that the officials and citizens at the Canadian and Mexican borders were actually doing everything they could to take in American refugees, despite the reports they'd heard to the contrary while in London. Some of the people that they'd holed up with over the last few weeks had spoken of 'promised lands' where there were no monsters but instead plenty of food and beds for the displaced Americans.

Buffy sometimes shook her head at the thought that she was literally living one of those dystopian novels that Dawn loved so much. Thanks to satellite phones and witchcraft they were able to communicate regularly with the gang back in Europe. She and Xander had tried to describe what it was really like on the ground here but she knew that it was impossible for any of them to truly understand without living it themselves.

Buffy's head snapped to the left as she sight of caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She let the dagger she carried with her slide free of her jacket sleeve as she noiselessly stalked closer to the dark corner of the side street she'd found herself wandering. Her gaze darted left and right, up and down as she slowly prowled closer.

"Marco!" she called out. Her clear voice seemed to hang in the air for a moment and she felt a chill race down her spine in anticipation.

Something that sounded like a cross between a dogs growl and a cats yowl rumbled from out of the shadows just before the demon pounced. Buffy braced herself as it hit her full in the chest, her dagger and the wind was knocked out of her but she didn't stop to think as she fell backwards and then used the momentum to keep them rolling until she was back on top. "You were supposed to say 'polo'," she grunted as she landed a solid blow to it's face.

She immediately regretted the action, her knuckles stinging as they came away bloodied. The demon raised it's arms up and threw her backwards, into the shadows it had lunged out of, and Buffy let out a nearly silent 'oomph' as she hit a solid wall before dropping back down to her feet, keeping her knees bent to absorb some of the shock.

She stepped forward, keeping one eye on the red skinned demon while she tried to locate her dagger. The demon wasn't very tall, it had maybe a few inches on her, but it was stocky and well muscled. It had a very unfortunate skin condition that resulted in many tiny horns that sprouted out from it's face, neck and arms. They probably jutted out of less exposed areas too but she wasn't dying to find out.

Hand to hand combat was not going to be her friend with this one. "Have you thought of trying cocoa butter to help with that skin problem?" she asked helpfully as they slowly circled around each other. It bared it's sharp teeth at her in what she thought was a scowl but also could have been a smile. "Not much of a conversationalist, huh?" she muttered as she tucked into a roll and dove for the steel blade glinting beneath the moonlight.

She had just managed to wrap her fingers around the hilt when she felt a heavy boot kick her stomach and she went flying for the second time in five minutes. She was pissed by the time she got back to her feet and when the demon tried to press it's advantage she huddled down, waiting until it right over her before lunging up to her full height, bringing the dagger directly up with her and piercing through it's abdomen.

It screeched as it fell back, it's gray eyes flashed dangerously as it hurtled back towards her, it's sharp claws swiping at her. She sidestepped, not even flinching as the sharp talons grazed her shoulder. The adrenaline was flowing, her blood was pumping and Buffy gave in to the dance.

Anyone watching wouldn't have been able to keep up with the fight as the Slayer ducked, the demon wove, as they crashed together and pushed apart. Buffy spun into a roundhouse kick, it landed solidly against the demon's chest and it stumbled backwards. She pressed her advantage as she kicked again, this time at it's head and when it dropped to it's hands and knees she didn't give it even a second to recover as she sprinted forward and drove her dagger through the back of it's neck.

The steady growling that had filled the night as they battled faded, trailing off into a gurgle until the only thing that could be heard was the steady 'drip, drip, drip' of sticky red blood off the tip of her blade and the Slayer's harsh pants. Buffy grunted as she pulled her blade free of the demon and watched it slump to the ground. She kicked it onto it's back, looking into it's lifeless eyes for just a moment before bending down and wiping the blood off of her dagger and onto the demon's ragged pants.

She sighed, checking herself over for damage. A few bruises, a cracked rib or two and some mostly surface level scratches. Nothing that wouldn't heal in a day or two. She tucked her dagger back up into her sleeve and didn't spare the corpse a second glance as she turned back into the night. Once upon a time she would have had to work clean up duty but those days were long gone. The humans that were left knew what was out there now and there wasn't a survivor she'd met that hadn't seen more than their fair share of bodies.

~BTVS~

Two hours later, after slaying a few more demons and managing to find a vending machine for some sodas, chips and candy bars, a ruffled and bruised Slayer made her way back into their motel room. "Have fun?" Xander asked dryly as he took in her appearance.

Buffy shrugged and tossed him some of her spoils. "Picked up dinner."

Xander groaned as he caught a bag of chips and a can of soda. " I saw a diner on the way in, opens at 10. Think we can start a little late tomorrow and get an actual breakfast?" he asked.

Buffy hesitated but nodded. "Real food sounds good," she agreed quietly. "Gonna hit the shower."

"Hot water sucks and the pressure is laughable," he warned her.

"Oh, so a high end motel then?" she joked with a quick grin as she made her way into the bathroom. She quickly undressed and got in under the dismal spray. She made quick work of washing her hair and body as she thought back to those last few months in London.

Four Months Ago

"I asked Faith more about Spike," Willow said quietly as she came up to where Buffy was curled up on the sofa with a large map of the United States.

Buffy immediately set the map aside and turned her full attention to her friend. "And?"

Willow shook her head. "She really doesn't know much. She tried to get more info from Angel before they lost contact but you know how cryptic he is and I guess there were more...important things to discuss," she replied with a frown.

"So all she knows is that he's alive?"

Willow nodded. "And that he was there when whatever happened...happened. She said that Angel had said something about he and Spike trying to save Fred during their first conversation," Willow looked sad as she thought of the Texan girl Buffy had only met briefly following the fall of Sunnydale. "And, well, she died a couple months before we lost contact with them so…"

Buffy nodded as she choked back a sob and willed her eyes not to leak. "So he was back for at least a couple months and never told me."

A bang and a squeak caught their attention and they looked up to see a guilty looking Andrew failing to make a smooth escape. Buffy was on her feet and in front of the boy before he could take another step. "Andrew…" she said harshly.

"He made me promise not to tell!" he squeaked again.

"What? Who?" the Slayer demanded, sharing a confused glance with Willow.

"Spike!" he yelped before bringing a hand to his mouth.

"Start talking," Buffy ordered as she grabbed one of his arms and guided him to the couch, pushing him down before crossing her arms and staring down at him.

Andrew straightened, clasped his hands together and cleared his throat. "Well you see, dear reader-" he flinched as Willow's hand came up and batted him on the back of the head.

"Just talk like a normal person, Andrew," the witch demanded.

"Fine," he whined. "I found out Spike was back when I went to pick up Dana. She had cut his hands off because she remembered him killing other Slayers from her dreams and you know, she's a little coo-coo, so she mixed him up with the guy that had hurt her. You know, I think-"

"Andrew," Buffy grit out. "Unless what you think has to do with why you didn't tell me Spike was alive, I really don't care."

"He asked how you were and I told him you were traveling and happy," the boy rushed to say. "Then he told me not to tell you he was back."

"That was all?" Buffy breathed out in shock.

Andrew winced. "Well...he and Angel came looking for you a few months later in Rome and I told them your cover story…"

Buffy frowned as she thought back to when that was, her stomach dropping when she recalled the whole complicated facade she had going on at the time. "You told him I was dating the Immortal?!" she bit out in horror.

"That's what we were telling everybody!" Andrew quickly defended himself.

Buffy looked at him through dead, glossy eyes. "Spike wasn't everybody."

Willow stepped in and shooed Andrew away, ignoring the grateful look he threw in her direction as he scurried out of the room. "Buffy-" she began soothingly.

"Dana came to us when?" the Slayer asked quietly.

Willow fell silent and thought back for a moment. "January, I think," she replied softly.

"January," Buffy repeated. "And who knows how long he was back before Andrew saw him. Months and Months, Wills. For years I told him to leave me alone and he stuck to me like glue. Finally, when I realize that I'm in love with him that's when he chooses to stay away?"

Willow blinked with surprise she knew she shouldn't feel. Of course Buffy was in love with the blond vampire, intellectually Willow had known that for a long time but she'd never heard her friend admit it. "Buffy...I mean, we don't know what kept him away but…" she trailed off.

"What?" the blonde asked, desperate for any reasoning that could make sense of it.

"Well...he was with Angel and who knows how damaged he was after what happened in Sunnydale. Maybe…" the redhead trailed off with a shrug.

"Maybe Angel got to him, right? That's what you're thinking? Convinced him I was happier without him?" Buffy continued, picking up on her train of thought.

Willow shrugged. "It does seem like more of an Angel move than a Spike move," she pointed out quietly. She hesitated. "Did he know?"

"What?"

"Did Spike know that you loved him?" Willow prompted gently.

Buffy's eyes filled anew with unshed tears. "He didn't believe me."

Now

Buffy was still lost in her thoughts as she pulled on fresh clothes and brushed the knots out of her wet hair. She grabbed a tube of antibiotic ointment cream and carefully dabbed some on the various cuts she'd gotten from her patrol that night. She hadn't spoken much about Spike in between the time that he died to save the world and the time she found out he was alive.

Dawn had been the only one to talk about him with her. She had felt guilty for the way she'd treated him that last year. "For a long time he was my only real friend and I was so horrible to him," she had told Buffy after the Slayer had been more honest about the year that she and the vampire had been together than she probably should have been.

Dawn had been horrified to learn of the abuse that her sister had doled out to the vampire the night that she'd thought she'd killed a girl and she hadn't talked to her for a week after learning about it. "It doesn't excuse what he did," Dawn had finally said, days later. "But I understand now, why you forgave him." Buffy had felt a bit better about that until her baby sister had followed it up with. "I just don't know why he forgave you." Buffy had felt the words like a spear through her heart.

Things had been strained between them for awhile after that and the sisters had stopped talking about the vampire until they'd found out he had come back. Buffy kept all her unresolved feelings and grief to herself for months but she couldn't keep the floodgates closed after she learned that he'd been alive. That he, quite possibly, was still alive.

She had wanted to come to America to find and help Faith and the Slayers that were still alive under her care. She had wanted to come and reassure herself that Angel was still alive. She had realized that she wasn't in love with him anymore. She hadn't been for a long time, it just took her brain a long time to catch up with her heart, but she would always feel love for him.

Finding out Spike was alive had infused her with a new energy and the Slayer was resolute in her quest to find a way into America.

When Buffy let herself out of the bathroom Xander had already passed out on his bed and Buffy smiled fondly at the sight of him sprawled out amongst empty candy wrappers. She quietly let herself back out of the room and pulled out the satellite phone, leaning against the railing of the motel balcony as she dialed the familiar number and listened to it ring.

"Buffy?" Dawn answered.

"Hey Dawnie," she replied with a light smile. "How's school?"

"Not nearly as interesting as your road trip," her sister replied glibly. "Where are you?"

"Some small town in Missouri," Buffy replied. She could almost picture Dawn pushing a pin into the map that she'd told her she was going to put up to keep track of their progress. "Any word from Faith?" she couldn't help but ask.

They hadn't heard from the other Slayer in weeks and Buffy couldn't help the worry that ate at her gut now that she knew intimately the obstacles the darker Slayer had been facing over the last nearly two years. The last they'd heard Faith had made it just past New Mexico and barely into Arizona. She knew that they'd had weeks where they'd had to bunker down and wait out migrating demons or wait for members of their group to recuperate after being injured.

Dawn sighed. "No, not yet," she replied sorrowfully.

"Damn," Buffy breathed out, though she wasn't surprised.

"You and Xander are making okay time though," her sister said hopefully.

"So far," Buffy agreed. "Faith and her crew are much closer to the epicenter though."

"I wish more of us could have gone with you," Dawn muttered, almost more to herself.

Buffy smiled as she stared off into the distance. "Might be for the best that we couldn't sneak more people in, Dawnie. The bigger the group the slower the travel," she reminded her.

"Yeah," Dawn sighed.

Buffy changed the subject, forcing her sister to tell her about school and normal teenage life. It was twenty minutes later that she was letting herself back into the room and settling down on her bed. She pulled the comforter up around her and reached over to switch off the light as she hoped for a dreamless sleep and a productive journey in the morning.

Her last thoughts as she slowly drifted to sleep were of bright blue eyes and mischievous smirk.