Forever Ends
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. If the were, Alex wouldn't be dead, Tess wouldn't be a murderer,
and everyone would be happy in Roswell (hey, it could happen!)
Author's
Note: This one is for my friend, K, who
has been wanting an I/K pairing from the beginning (I don't like it, but I'm
pretty sure this is how S3 is going to go).
Also, I LOVE feedback – if you love it, tell me. If you don't like it, tell me. If you think I should never put a pen to
paper again, tell me - and we'll talk.
Part 1 – Isabel
I think I've gone through the whole range of negative
emotions in the past few weeks. It
hasn't exactly been a carnival ride, to say the least, for me - or the people who have to deal with me.
At first, I was in denial.
That lasted all of about an hour.
When I saw the blood, I knew.
Numbness took over, and overwhelming sadness. That got me through the first night.
Then I moved on to guilt.
Guilt was probably my favourite part.
I could be angry at myself, hate myself, and no one could tell me to
stop. God knows I deserved it. I cursed the stars, destiny, the face I saw
in the mirror each morning, the forces that put me on this world to begin
with. But the universe didn't deign to
answer my ranting.
Next up was a repeat of denial. The urge to run away took over.
Fight or flight reaction, I guess.
I couldn't handle the pain, so I tried to some up with a way to
cope. Needless to say, my response was
flight. I didn't have the energy left
to fight.
Looking back, I realize that the guilt was probably still
there, all along. That comforts me, in
some sick, twisted way. Because I still
feel guilty, and it worries me that it could have just gone away and returned
again for no apparent reason. No, guilt
is my constant.
And so is regret.
Regret and guilt walk hand in hand.
I should know; they've become my best friends.
For a while, anger ruled me. Anger at myself, at him, at my brother, at the world. That was probably the most fun I had. I made other people – namely, my brother –
hurt as much as I was hurting. You know
what they say about misery loving company.
I really let myself go. For
once, I allowed myself to just be. It
was wonderful, freeing – I've never felt anything so intensely. I threw a guy down a hallway with the flick
of a wrist. I tore apart my room and
repaired it in an instant with the wave of a hand. I could be as destructive as I wanted, and the best thing about
it was that I didn't give a damn about the consequences. I just didn't care. Not anymore.
Then sadness snuck up on me again and replaced the
anger. I cried more tears in those next
few weeks than I ever have before, or ever will again. I loved him. I let him get under my skin.
I won't make that mistake again.
It wasn't supposed to end that way.
What happened to the fairytale ending?
No one told me that forever ends.
But I learned. I
learned my lesson the hard way. I don't
believe in rainbows or princes riding white steeds to rescue the damsel in
distress anymore. Reality's set
in. I've grown up. I'll rescue myself from now on, thank-you
very much. I'll never let a man touch
me, never again.
And now fury has taken over my heart. Fury is even better than anger, I
think. It has more potential. It has a purpose. It drowns out the voices in my head. My brother's voice, always telling me what to do, that I have to
hide who I really am. Michael's voice,
telling me to be careful, not to trust anyone – hell, maybe he had the right
idea all along. Liz's voice, telling me
it's all my fault – give the girl her prize, she's right on the money. Maria's voice, crying for him, wanting him
back, singing 'Amazing Grace' as they lower his coffin into the cold, hard
ground. His voice, telling me that he
loves me and he'll be with me forever.
Didn't anyone ever tell him that forever ends?
It's his voice I hate hearing the most. Because I know it's
not real. I know I'll never hear his
voice again.
I like fury. It
consumes me, makes me forget, blocks out the pain. Sure, it makes me want to destroy things, tear her little blonde
ringlets out one by one, but I don't have to think. I don't cry. I don't miss
him.
The only problem is, I know fury is going to abandon me one
of these days. Everything else does, so
why not that, too?
What am I going to do then?
Part 2 - Kyle
My sister killed my best friend. And she made me carry the body.
I could kill her for that.
What? She was
already a murderer. I couldn't have
stopped her; she'd just have zapped me with her weird alien powers. For all I know, she could've turned me into
a toad. So why couldn't she just do her
own dirty work and leave me out of it?
No, that would be too simple. And simple just doesn't work in Roswell, New Mexico. Especially with Max Evans and the rest of
the pod squad running amok.
My sister, the murderer, is an alien. Sounds like the title of some cheesy kids
book aimed at preventing sibling rivalry.
Maybe I should write a book. I
could base it on my life. I bet it'd be
a best seller.
After all, who would believe that it's non-fiction? No one sane, that's for sure. Over the last few weeks, I've secretly
wondered if I've lost touch with reality and no one bothered to clue me
in. I mean, this kind of thing doesn't
happen to normal people, right? No, I
didn't think so.
I think I left normal about ten months ago. That's when I went from being Kyle Valenti,
super jock - whose dad just happened to ignore him in order to chase after
little green men and whose grandfather was known as 'Sergeant Martian' - to a
card-carrying member of the 'I know an alien' club. Lucky me. Didn't Dad learn
anything from grandpa? If he had, we
would've moved as far away from Roswell as we could get. Oh, no.
Not my Dad. He was just as
obsessed as grandpa, in his own way, and we all know how he turned out. Sitting in a nursing home getting
spoon-fed. Great move, Dad.
But I digress.
Wouldn't you just know it that after fifty-odd years and two generations
of Valenti men chasing their own shadows, the aliens from the '47 crash would
end up in my class? I mean, what are
the chances?
Apparently, not too damn great.
It just figures that it'd be my luck that my ex-girlfriend
dumped me for the king of another planet.
Hell, the guy was weird enough that it's not such a stretch to figure
out he's from another solar system. And
that weirdo, Guerin, he's always hanging around with? The guy was strange enough that for a while, I was half convinced
he was the Unabomber. But Isabel
Evans? The Hottie McHottie of the
sophomore class? No way.
Then my world got a little weirder, if that's even
possible. That's when the little
murdering tramp showed up, dragging along her shape-shifting partner in
crime. She looks innocent enough, all
blonde ringlets and big blue eyes. And
a body that just doesn't quit. But,
no. She's one of them. Even better yet, she's in love with Max
Evans, too. What the hell has that guy
got that all the girls at West Roswell High want? At least Tess, I can understand.
Turns out, she was married to him in their 'first life' on their alien
planet. No other guy would have a
snowball's chance in hell of making it with her while Max was still
breathing. But Liz? She's a nice, normal human girl who should
know better. Did he screw up her head
when he healed that gunshot?
Oh, yeah. I forgot
to mention that, didn't I? Seems my
alien buddies are from the same part of the galaxy as Superman. Maxie-boy can heal people. He even did it to me. I'm just waiting for the day when I fall in
love with him. That'll be the day I
shoot myself.
Part 3 – Isabel
Max and Michael, they're worried about me. They're afraid I'm going to do something
stupid.
Don't they know the only stupid thing I ever did was let him
anywhere near me? It got him killed,
loving me. That'll never happen
again. They don't have to worry about
me.
No, I'm more worried about them. Michael's attached to Maria at the hip these days. What happened to the brother I knew, the boy
who was smarter than all of us combined?
The guy whose mantra was 'don't get attached'? We didn't know it at the time, but he was right last year. The humans can't be near us. We'll only destroy them.
Max is even worse off than Michael, if that's even
possible. Max is splitting his time
between searching for a way to get his son back from the murdering tramp and
trying to win back his lady love. I
hope Liz is smart and stays away, for her own sake. He'll only hurt her again.
Love bites the big one.
The only one I can stand to be around right now, ironically
enough, is Kyle. We do the whole rage
thing together. He hates her as much as
I do. We tore apart the murdering
little tramp's room. Everything she
touched, even looked at, we burned.
Kyle calls it a funeral pyre. I
call it cleaning house.
There's no trace of her existence left. My parents thought I lost my mind from grief
when I insisted on burning the sleeping bag she used at our sleepovers. They thought I was certifiably crazy when I
purged the house of yogurt and sugar cubes and threatened to pitch any more
that came through the front door. And
they were scared when I brought half my wardrobe to the homeless shelter in
town. They didn't know it was all stuff
she'd borrowed or liked. I even got rid
of the stuff we'd bought together.
People learned to stop asking me if I was okay pretty
quickly. Bad 'accidents' happened to
people who annoyed me incessantly. I
haven't had this much fun with my powers since I found out I was different and
decided to lash out at the girls who had teased me in grade school.
That's what's worrying Max.
He says I'm out of control. I
am, sure, I admit it. The new me
doesn't care. I don't care about
anything. And that scares him. But he and Michael both know they can't stop
me from doing anything ever again, short of locking me in a closet.
Because I'm done.
Through. Finished. I say, screw destiny. Hell, screw life. What did destiny ever do for me?
Nothing. Just a
Mexican hat-dance on my heart.
Part 4 – Kyle
So anyway, these alien guys are supposed to save the
world. It's their sacred destiny, you
know. From these really gross group of
people that seem to have a tendency to shed far too much. And somehow, because these guys showed up,
Tess – you know, the murdering blonde tramp? – ends up moving into my bedroom. I got relegated to the couch.
That's when things got really fucked up.
Do you have any idea what it's like to find a hot little
number stretched across your bed wearing your football jersey? How hard it is to keep from throwing her on
the kitchen table and licking the milk moustache off her face over
breakfast?
She had me twisted around her pinkie finger from the very
beginning, and she knew it. Hell, she
flaunted it. She used me. I loved her, at first, I think. I know I definitely wanted her. I think I would've promised her forever,
when it all began. But like Isabel
says, forever ends.
So anyway, there I was, living with this girl, who half the
time I thought of as a sister, and the rest of the time, I drooled over. This girl who gave me back a family,
something I've wanted for years. The
only problem is, the girl I'm half in-love with, my almost-sister, killed my
best friend. And even worst, I still
can't get her out of my head. How sick
is that?
Finally, said girl, alien queen, gets her man. Max.
Sets the poor guy up. Gets
knocked up, which was apparently part of her master plan all along. Then she tries to drag the rest of our
'friends from up yonder' home to get killed by the head enemy alien guy, who's
apparently her new best bud.
Great plan, sis. Did
you really think, once you delivered the kid, that you'd have a hope in hell of
becoming queen again? I mean, come
on. Wake up and smell the Tabasco. If anyone would've gotten to be queen, it
was Isabel. The guy is in love with
her, after all, but I'm pretty sure that Isabel would've thrown herself off the
nearest turret rather than let him lay one finger on her. Didn't that thought cross your little
mind? Didn't that kind of clue you in
that this plan of yours was slightly twisted?
And really, Tess, how did you think this was going to work? Did you really think no one would ever
figure it out? Decode the book. Find out your ticket home has just been
waiting for you guys to decide your departure time. Sail off into outer space and live happily ever after? Hardly.
Don't you have a conscious?
You sicken me. I mean, really,
Tess. The best thing you could come up
with was to make Alex decode the book for you?
Your devious little mind disappoints me. I would've expected bigger things from the alien I know. But I guess I don't know you as well as I
thought.
Part 5 - Isabel
My parents want me to see a shrink. I refused.
Big surprise. How's a shrink
supposed to help me? I can just picture
it now. Yes, Dr. So-and-so, my problems
all started when I realized I'm from another solar system. Then the FBI and a bunch of enemy aliens
came after me and my friends, and that's when things got really crazy. Oh, and did I mention that my best friend,
the girl my brother knocked up – his wife in our former life, I might add –
just killed my human boyfriend? She
didn't even have to use a gun or anything messy like that. She just fried his mind with her superpowers
after she used him to decode a book written in our native language, which we
couldn't read, and steered his car into a semi, as part of her nefarious plot
to hitch a ride home. Although
personally, I think she probably chose him because she wanted me to hook up
with my predestined mate, the guy I always thought of as another brother, the
man I was engaged to marry in my former life.
Did I forget to tell you that in that life, I betrayed my brother,
causing a war that destroyed my world and ended up killing all of us? Oops.
My bad.
Yeah, I can see that going over well. Go straight to the loony bin, do not pass
go, do not collect $200. I doubt anyone
would slip me a 'get out of jail' free card, either.
On the fringes of my mind, I feel sorry for my parents. Last summer, they had a depressed Max on
their hands. He mooned over Liz and
moped over his role as leader. This
year, they've got me. An angry, bitchy
young woman who is out for her best friend's blood. An alien with a mission.
That's the only thing keeping me sane, actually. I'm biding my time, waiting to get the
chance to wrap my hands around her scrawny little neck. She should've known better than to cross
me. She's going to rue the day she ever
decided to hurt me and mine. That's a
promise, and I never go back on my word.
And she knows I'll do it, too. Because I haunt her dreams.
Nightmares, really. Who knew dreamwalking
could be so versatile?
Part 6 - Kyle
Briefly, after you left, sister dear, I considered
pretending I don't know your alien pals.
Try and get back some semblance of a normal life. But then I came up with a better plan. Normal is boring, and any decision I
might've made wouldn't have stopped dad from trailing along behind King Max
like a puppy looking for a bone.
If you can't beat them, join them.
Isabel Evans is just as – if not more – furious at you as I
am. No wonder. You did kill her boyfriend, after all. Sounds like some weird, twisted version of
Jerry Springer. My alien best friend
killed my human boyfriend. If she
could, I think she'd beam herself home on rage alone or something just so she
could smack you senseless. I'd ask if I
could come along and sell tickets. But
anyway, that's another story.
We've had fun together before, Isabel and I; now we're doing
it constructively. We've joined forces,
you see. To destroy each and every
trace that you ever existed. And I must
admit, it feels great.
Dad already told everyone that you flipped out, stole the
Evans' jeep, and drove yourself off a cliff.
Tess: the poor, troubled soul that no one could save. Tragic.
Yeah, right. So to the rest of
the world, you no longer exist, either.
You're just some nutcase that couldn't hack it here anymore. The only bad part was that we all had to
look sad at your funeral. I'm happy to
say that total attendance was six. Liz
came, but couldn't hide the smile on her face.
Isabel said she wouldn't degrade herself enough to make an
appearance. Smart girl. Wish I could've gotten out of it that
easily.
Isabel and I started with the house. She changed the furniture with her powers,
even the colour of the walls, but that wasn't nearly satisfying enough. We gathered everything you owned, sister
dearest, and hauled it out to the desert.
Then we set it ablaze and sat back to watch the show. I like to think we were burning you in
effigy. A funeral pyre, if you will –
much better than your fake service.
Isabel says we're just cleaning house.
Getting rid of bad rubbish.
Thank god.
Part 7 - Isabel
Rage isn't working for me anymore. It's not blocking everything out. So Kyle and I decided to live it up.
We went to a party.
One of those parties where you don't know anyone and you just know the
police are going to come and break it up eventually. The kind of party where beer is more plentiful than water and sex
is on everyone's mind. The perfect
party for someone who wants to do something stupid. The perfect party for us.
We got smashed. I've
never got smashed before, because I knew what happened to Max with just one
sip, but the rage wasn't numbing my mind.
I had to block out his voice, and alcohol seemed the way to go.
Kyle dragged me home the next morning. I passed out after five beers and spent the
night in the backseat of his car. My
parents were away for the weekend, so they didn't know, but big brother Max was
waiting for me when we stumbled in.
So were Michael, Maria and Liz.
Let me tell you, a girl with a hangover the size of Texas
does not need four people yelling at them.
I sat in the chair and let them lecture me, but I really didn't give a
damn. And that made them angrier.
"Isabel! Do you
really think Alex would want you to do this?"
Max finally screamed at me.
I laughed at him. It
was seriously the funniest thing I'd ever heard, but my laughter sounded cold
and brittle to my own ears. "Alex is
dead, little brother. Dead. He doesn't want anything anymore." That was the first time I've said his name
in a month.
"He loved you, Isabel," Liz said softly.
"Then why did forever end, Liz? He promised me forever, and that little bitch killed him!"
"You've got to get over this, Iz," Michael said, wrapping
his arms around Maria's shoulder.
"Isabel, you've got to stop this!" Max shouted.
"I don't have to do anything, Max. I'll do whatever I damned well please, any
time I please."
And then Kyle and I took off.
Part 8 – Kyle
It's not fun having an alien king tear into you about being
the moral downfall of his sister.
No, strike that. It was
funny, because I just don't give a damn about his self-righteous indignation
crap. It certainly didn't bother him
enough to keep him from sleeping with my almost-sister, the murderer.
Izzy grabbed my hand and hauled me out of there. Back on our rampage, on our quest to rid the
world of the plague goldilocks left behind.
I think she knew I was about to punch her brother's lights out, alien
powers or not. No one yells at Isabel
like that.
We've done everything to each of our houses that we can
possibly think of. Hell, my house
doesn't look like my house anymore. The
night after we painted the walls and changed the furniture, Dad came home and
thought he'd walked into the wrong house.
Dad – he's shell-shocked, right now. I actually feel sorry for him. He can't understand how the wicked bitch of
the west managed to fool him for so long.
He just stares into space and shakes his head sadly. But at least she left one good thing in her
path of destruction, although that's mostly thanks to Isabel, too.
Isabel stirred up public sentiment for Dad. The poor man who takes in a troubled teen
and gives her a home loses the girl he thought of as a daughter. Boo hoo.
Strike up the violins. At least
it got him his job back. Hell, I think
Isabel could make him mayor if she put her mind to it.
Before we all knew what a little murderer she was, the only
member of the pod squad I could really stand was sister dearest. Now, though, I'm finally getting to know
Isabel – and wonder of all wonders, I like her, even if she's one of the little
green men that screwed up my life.
Hell, anyone who wants to destroy the mega-bitch of the galaxy as much
as I do is okay in my book.
But she's more than that.
She's the girl who really listens to me, who laughs with me, who hugs me
and tells me it's okay to cry. She's
the beautiful, wonderful girl that smiles at me and makes me forget that Tess
ever existed. And I think I'm starting
to fall in love with her.
Part 9 – Isabel
I like Kyle. It's
weird – I've never really talked to him before, not in all of the years we ran
with the same crowd. And I've only
barely tolerated him in the year since he knew the truth about us.
But now he helps me.
He makes me laugh. He listens to
me. No one else does that anymore. Michael and Max are too busy to listen to my
problems, and anyway, they've got problems of their own. But I think Kyle's helping me heal.
He's different than I thought. He isn't your typical insensitive jock whose only purpose in life
is to get another notch on his bedpost.
He's sweet and sensitive and he makes me laugh when all I want to do is
cry. He'll never take Alex's place in
my life or in my heart – I'll love Alex until forever really does end - but
Kyle's found his own niche. It's not
love, not yet, and maybe not ever, but he's made me believe that it will be
possible again, someday.
As much as I didn't want to, as much as I swore I wouldn't,
I've let someone else touch me. I've
let someone else in. I didn't even know
it was happening, and when I realized it, I fought it with everything I had in
me. I didn't want to hurt anyone
else. But Kyle wouldn't let me fight
him. He wouldn't let me push him
away. He pushed back. Even when I screamed and ranted at him, he
didn't leave. He just waited for me to
shut up and then screamed right back at me.
He gives me hope that forever can exist again.
I like this side of Kyle – the friend who would do anything
for me. We've bonded, I think. Bonded in our mutual hate of the blonde
bimbo from hell. And I'm glad to have
him, whether we're torching jerseys she wore or plotting ways to make her pay for
ruining our lives or just crying on each others shoulders.
It won't bring Alex back.
I know that. But I swear I'll
teach her what it feels like one day, if it's the last thing I do. I'll teach her what it feels like when
forever ends.
And maybe then, I can open up my heart and let myself love
Kyle the way he deserves to be loved.
