I can't stand it anymore. He doesn't eat, just moves his food back and forth with
a fork so it's not so noticeable. He's faraway all the time, staring at nothing
and sighing. He doesn't talk to anyone, really, not even me. He even stopped showing up to study group. This has gone far enough. I can't believe I let it get to this point.
I asked Lalasa if she'd put the wig on me, and a little bit of paint, and let
me borrow the bulky winter cloak she's making for some lady or other. I feel like someone is dying as I pull on my uniform and throw the cloak over it. Lalasa is
solemn, too, silently adjusting the red mass atop my head. For once, I don't struggle against the face paint she's applying. I haven't got enough energy to do it.
"Beautiful," she whispers, grabbing my arm and tearing up a little. "No matter
what…"
I shake my head. I don't want to hear the rest of that sentence. Wordlessly,
she gives me a hug and opens the door, checking to make sure no one's there to see
me. "Good luck," she whispers as I trudge towards Neal's room. Mithros knows I
need all the help I can get.
I raise my hand to knock on the door, but I can't quite bring myself to knock
just yet. I know I look stupid, standing there with my hand raised, but I can't
muster the emotion to care. After all, I'm about to have my heart cut out, too.
I'd better just do it and get it over with. I pound once. No one could have
heard that. I hit the door again, a little more forcefully. "Nealan of Queenscove?"
The door opens and there he is. His whole face comes alive when he sees me.
"Loreanne?" he whispers, catching me around the waist and lifting me off the ground, spinning me around. I'll bet I weigh a lot more than he was expecting.
Gods, this is wonderful! I don' know whether it's the motion or his touch that's making me this dizzy…
He sets me down and I know I'll have to come back to reality. The air is coming
hard. I can manage only shallow little breaths. It's making me very lightheaded,
but I can't seem to stop. I kick the door shut. "Neal, there's something I have
to tell you," I say without preamble. After all, what possible introduction could
I make?
I walk over to his washbasin and throw some of the tepid leftovers on my face, scrubbing a little so the paint will come off. All of a sudden I'm several shades darker.
Goddess, it's hard to breathe. "Do I... does this... do I look familiar?" There.
I managed it.
He shakes his head, mystified. "You're beautiful without all of the trappings,"
he whispers. I blush, letting myself forget why I'm here for a second. If only...
Moment over. I'm about to ruin both of our lives. Might as well get on with it. One hand reaches for the clasp of my cloak, the other for the loosely pinned wig. I pull both of them off at the same time. I resist the temptation to stare at the pile they make on the floor, forcing myself to look him right in the eye. "So now you know," I choke out somehow. He doesn't say anything at all, just sits there looking shocked. I don't even think he's breathing. I wouldn't be, either.
Great. The latent coward in me has come out. I can't stay her to face my actions,
so instead I'm skittering away as fast as I can like the yellow belly that I am. I can feel myself starting to cry. Goddess! Why do I have to be so weak! The tears
are making my vision blurry, forcing me to slow down a little. Then, I feel a hand
on my arm. I whirl around to see who it is. Goddess. It's Neal.
a fork so it's not so noticeable. He's faraway all the time, staring at nothing
and sighing. He doesn't talk to anyone, really, not even me. He even stopped showing up to study group. This has gone far enough. I can't believe I let it get to this point.
I asked Lalasa if she'd put the wig on me, and a little bit of paint, and let
me borrow the bulky winter cloak she's making for some lady or other. I feel like someone is dying as I pull on my uniform and throw the cloak over it. Lalasa is
solemn, too, silently adjusting the red mass atop my head. For once, I don't struggle against the face paint she's applying. I haven't got enough energy to do it.
"Beautiful," she whispers, grabbing my arm and tearing up a little. "No matter
what…"
I shake my head. I don't want to hear the rest of that sentence. Wordlessly,
she gives me a hug and opens the door, checking to make sure no one's there to see
me. "Good luck," she whispers as I trudge towards Neal's room. Mithros knows I
need all the help I can get.
I raise my hand to knock on the door, but I can't quite bring myself to knock
just yet. I know I look stupid, standing there with my hand raised, but I can't
muster the emotion to care. After all, I'm about to have my heart cut out, too.
I'd better just do it and get it over with. I pound once. No one could have
heard that. I hit the door again, a little more forcefully. "Nealan of Queenscove?"
The door opens and there he is. His whole face comes alive when he sees me.
"Loreanne?" he whispers, catching me around the waist and lifting me off the ground, spinning me around. I'll bet I weigh a lot more than he was expecting.
Gods, this is wonderful! I don' know whether it's the motion or his touch that's making me this dizzy…
He sets me down and I know I'll have to come back to reality. The air is coming
hard. I can manage only shallow little breaths. It's making me very lightheaded,
but I can't seem to stop. I kick the door shut. "Neal, there's something I have
to tell you," I say without preamble. After all, what possible introduction could
I make?
I walk over to his washbasin and throw some of the tepid leftovers on my face, scrubbing a little so the paint will come off. All of a sudden I'm several shades darker.
Goddess, it's hard to breathe. "Do I... does this... do I look familiar?" There.
I managed it.
He shakes his head, mystified. "You're beautiful without all of the trappings,"
he whispers. I blush, letting myself forget why I'm here for a second. If only...
Moment over. I'm about to ruin both of our lives. Might as well get on with it. One hand reaches for the clasp of my cloak, the other for the loosely pinned wig. I pull both of them off at the same time. I resist the temptation to stare at the pile they make on the floor, forcing myself to look him right in the eye. "So now you know," I choke out somehow. He doesn't say anything at all, just sits there looking shocked. I don't even think he's breathing. I wouldn't be, either.
Great. The latent coward in me has come out. I can't stay her to face my actions,
so instead I'm skittering away as fast as I can like the yellow belly that I am. I can feel myself starting to cry. Goddess! Why do I have to be so weak! The tears
are making my vision blurry, forcing me to slow down a little. Then, I feel a hand
on my arm. I whirl around to see who it is. Goddess. It's Neal.