unbreakable

part 1

~~~~~HEERO~~~~~~

the deserted school corridor was dark except for where bars of faint light scattered across the hall each stemming from its respective dorm room. the whole effect seemed to remind me of an eerie temple, no more like a tomb. but Im not scared, gundam pilots can't get scared, or sad, or happy. We just cant, it would jeprodize the mission. well at least we cant show them, and ive become perfect at hiding them behind a blank face. I had to to become the perfect soldier. They all think im emotionless....and on the outside i am. inside im a mass of seething emotions, pain, happyness, love. but gundam pilots cant feel these emotions, they cant feel pain, nor can they be happy, and they most certainly cant love, love life, or love for others. That would get in the way of the mission, or as wufei would say-its a weakness. And besides the war has seemilgly numbed us soldiers of piece....we dont feel any more than necessary, nor do we think anymore than is vital. Thats how we survive. If i showed emotion, or weakness i would lose my gundam, my job, my life.

At least the others have something to live for. Wufei has his honour to defend, his dead wife to avenge and the justice that he fights for. Duo has his fun, and he has to avenge the death of solo, his first friend and the destruction of the maxwell church, his first real home. Trowa, a mercinary before he had lost his baby teeth, he has his colony to protect, his past to find...as he is Nanashi, the nameless one. And from careful observation I know that he also lives for quatre, his koi. And even quatre has his fight for peace and love, his family to protect and fourtune to inhearit. The pilot of sandrock also loves and lives for trowa, but me I live for the war to end, and yes i live for duo, my only love. but duo would never want to be anything more than a friend to me, afterall he's only ever seen one side of me, the stoic, perfect soldier/perfect arse hole mask. All things considered i cant believe he doesn't hate me, in fact he probably does. I have only myself to blame for that. and after the war has ended where will I be then, I know that duo wont have time for me, not in the way i want him to. He'll have his own life to live.With me around all it would do is stir up bad memories of the war anyway, and so after the war i'll have no cause, no reason to live. I'll be the perfect soldier, rendered missionless. like a lost child.

So you can see why I am less hesitant than the others to take my own life, if it is needed in order for a mission to sucseed. Yes it was a part of the training, or should I say the brainwashing I endured as a child, but it is also because I see no better option. I shouldn't be thinking about the future like this anyway. Thats for thinkers and philosophers, and Heero Yuy is neither, he is a doer. I see something and I act upon it. I live for the Now, the present. Because in my opinion, if you live in the future, you neglect the present, and without the present you cannot have a future. Oh lord there I go again, thinking...I cant help it. I mean honestly what a stupid thing to think about: why not to think. Its just not logical.

The sound of a gun being cocked breakes into my daydreams and snap to attention. Duo Maxwell, my partner in this mission is peering round the corner into yet another empty school corridor. We are in St Bernard's Boys High School. This is where we will be spending the next two months, during our mission. I cannot think about the details of this right now as Duo is motioning for me to follow him into the dimly lit hall. We stalk along until we come to a large wooden door. A large brass plate is on the front of it, A brass plate that screams importance and superiority. I hate to see that sort of waste, when I know how much the other half of the world, the poorer half, is living of it makes me want to scream. of course I don't, remember I'm the perfect soldier, incabable of feeling.

On the plate is engraved in prestigious elegant lettering *HEADMASTERS"S OFFICE* and then underneath the plate a simple yet still elegant wooden plate, reads *please knock* in large bold black letters. Duo turns and winks at me. "You wanna do the honours" he wisphers. I smirk, "hn" I shake my head. "We cant afford to muck around with your stupid games duo, just open the damn door baka" his bright face changes suddenly and I realise that he has accidently let the mask drop. He looks at me, violet eyes shining with hurt at my harsh words. I curse myself silently and turn away, the hurt in his unguarded eyes is so painfully clear. I hate to adimit it but I do have one weakness, and thats him. I build up the courage to turn back to him, and I see that his usual Happy-Go-Lucky cheerful self again. But I know I hurt him, and I'll never forgive myself.

"Well heero, mission aside it would still be impolite not to do as the sign says and knock first" The stupidity of the baka's remark is so blatant. But to refuse him would hurt him more, so I'll let him have his fun. I'll use my favourite frase "hn" he grins...but its closer to the maniac, shinigami grin than a real smile. However much duo smiles and laughs and bounces around it is very rare to ever see him truly smile. Nowhe raises his fist to the door.

"BANG BANG BANG" he only taps lightly but still I have to resist the urge to wince. In the silence the sound seems to echo so loudly down the corridors that It seems to have been loud enough to wake the dead. No answer. Well duh, I mean what principle in his right mind would still be in his office at 3 in the morning. Mind you this principle isn't in his right mind I remind myself. He's in with the Oz lot. I snicker at this thought and Duo turns to look at me, eyebrow raised in a questioning manner. I glare at him, angry that he caught me showing emotion. He jumps back slightly and then regains control over himself. "Well looks like no ones answering" he says as this as if he wasn't expecting it "how rude" I just snicker, if duo wants to play these childish games I'll let him. After all he never really had a childhood. Perhaps he's making up for it all now.

sighing he pulles a pick out from his braid. His hair its so thick and such a gorgeous shade, higlighted in the moonlight it shines almost a golden red. Restraining a giggle I wonder if the numerous objects, picks and knives etc. dont fall out or scratch him from time to time. I've never truly seen him with his hair down. But I've thought about, oh I've dreamt and fantisised about it alright...running my hands through the luxurious locks. But dreams are just dreams and it is foolish to hope. Hope brings the possibility of dissapointment, but a more pessimistic veiw on things is much more practical. Its realistic.

But I have no time to run this idea properly through my head as duo has already unlocked the door and it swings open. He motions for me and I step forward, he follows and shuts the door behind me softly. I turn to look at him, The baka is so childishly sweet and innocent at times. He's staring around in awe like a small child, mouth hanging open. I mean for gods sakes its only a typical office. I grunt and turn to the computer, bending down to turn it on. duo's still standing there staring at, well at me apparently, but he must be lost in thought. Thats the only thing that could explain that dreamy look in his eyes. I tell him to look through the file cabnet and I begin the tedious job of hacking into the schools system.

~~~~~~DUO~~~~~~

Were creeping along the hallway. I know he's behind me, Im going to have to spend the next two months with Mr Stick Up My Arrogant Arse. At least I tell myself that I'm not looking forward to it. I mean so much for hoping for a real conversation in the next few months. And thats what I tell myself over and over. God I've tried and tried but I can't help looking forward to it. Any time I spend with heero is amazing. Even if he's typing on that goddam laptop of his. And right now he's behind me....around 2 metres away. And thats as close as I can ever hope to get to the man that haunts me in my dreams. I've come to accept the fact that I'm in love with the arse hole, though I can't for the life of me figure out how, why, or when it happend. All I know is that It did. And its out of control....Its not like love anymore, its more like a dangerous obsession. Every spare moment of my thoughts is taken up with him, but he never seems to notice me. No i'll refrase that, he notices me alright. He hates my guts. Its my own fault. Im the weakest of the pilots (well maybe not quatre) and I show emotions more than the others (again maybe not quatre) which he considers things that can jepordize the mission. The mission is all he really cares about. Anyway I give him special attention alright, and yes he notices me. But seeing as annoying him is the only way I can hope to get any attention out of him, its what I do. No wonder he hates me. I've done everything to deserve it too. I mean I spend every walking moment trying to get him pissed off. What can I accept, and still I wish he'd let me love him. He's my life...I would die for him.

But I'm afraid too, even if i did manage to get close to him, all the people I've ever cared about me have left. They all died. And I couldn't stop it, No refrase again, I didn't stop it! And they died all of them. Solo, Fr Maxwell, Sister Anne. How can I believe in a great creator, a giver of love and goodness when all Ive ever seen is death. I've seen love and kindness, but death always took it away from me. So the god of death is what i must be. The bringer of death to all that love me. I cant let that happen to Heero. I will not let him die too. I wont let him leave me too.

Now were at the door to the headmasters office. I don't even bother trying to open it, I can already tell its locked. The sign on it reads please knock. so of course it wouldn't be polite not to. I ask heero to do the honours, I was only trying to lighten a serious situation slightly. But he seems to take it as a personal insult. Because you know what he says to me then? he tells me "We cant afford to muck around with your stupid games duo, just open the door baka" I couldn't help it, even though I try to numb myself to the little scathing comments he seems to researve just as a vent for his hatred toward me. It still hurts. I look up at him. Oh geez was that a mistake. The perfect soldier glare just affirms for me what he had just said. I mean who was I trying to kid. He said it and he never says anything without good cause. In other words he ment every god dam word he said. And geezus did that hurt. no matter how much i try to block it...his little snide remarks and scathing insults always hurt me. but im very good at hiding it. I put on my happy face and pretend that I don't care, while he has his back to me. Oh god now he can't even stand looking at me, see what i ment He Hates me....well, My mask is back on now so I decide im not going to let him win that easy. I knock on the door instead. No answer. Well duh. guess i'll just have to resort to the old tried and true methods. reaching back into my braid, I feel around with my fingers until cold wire digs into my thumb. grinning I pull out the pick and get to work. quick as a flash the door is open and I step inside.

Looking around like an idiot. I know it will irritate heero. sure enough he twitches slightly in the corner of one eye. Next he's bending down to turn on the computer, giving me THE BEST veiw of a certain sexy spandex arse. Oh no ya don't. Mr Happy down there is getting a little too excited if ya know what i mean. think unsexy thoughts, don't look at his arse...don't look. but despite me yelling at myself inside my head....I cant tear my eyes away from that beautifully shaped bum. He's sitting up now. Thank god, that was getting a little out of control 0_o. Im sorta outa place here, he's the computer nerd not me, and so i sit there and stare at his.....perfect form, hehe. "duo, stop wasting time and go through the filing cabnet, it will save time later."

"k" I say, glad that I have something to do.

The cabnet in the corner has a big leefy plant sitting on top....its leaves look kinda juicy, and I havent had lunch yet, let alone dinner....ya know, I wont know that it does taste disgusting until I try. Wait what am I thinking, I cant eat a PLANT...it might be poisioness! But then how did people first find out what was poision and what wasn't, they tasted it of course! sooo the only way to know if the plant is safe is to taste it, RIGHT. my loud stomach settles the debate, I mean...we wouldn't want to give our position away because my empty stomach spoke up at the wrong moment. I lean closer, closer, closer and gingerly take one leaf into my hand. Can I really do it? HELL YEA....and so I take a little nibble...mmmmm, I need a big chewey bit to get the taste properly. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. Heero stops typing. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. Heero turns around slowly. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. Heero looks up at me. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. Heero gives me a look that says plainly "what the fuck are you doing you stupid baka!!!" its a look I'll always remember, a hatred that seems to peirce right into my very soul. And I freeze, unable to feel anything but pain. Then the actuall taste brings me back to my senses, and the first word that comes to mind i blurt out. YUK!!!!!! heero just shakes his head "duo no baka" he mutters and turns back to his keyboard and continues typing. I spit out the green mulch into my palm. Im not thinking about the taste, Im not thinking about anything, All I know is three words running over and over through my brain. HE HATES ME, HE HATES ME, HE HATES ME, HE HATES ME!

it won't change Duo, your just going to have to deal with it! Pulling myself together, I pull out a pick and silently get to work on the filing cabnet. Easy! HE HATES ME, HE HATES ME. No! I have to forget about that, I can wallow in selfpity later. I'll just have to focus compleately on the mission. Alright then, that can't be to hard.

I begin to rumage throught the cabnet.

~~~~~~~HEERO~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I was nearly into the system, and I heard a munching noise behind my back. I stopped and looked around cautiously. Then I looked up at duo, and you'll never guess what the adorable baka was doing! he was munching happily away, with a thoughtful frown on his face, as if he couldn't make up his mind wheather he liked the taste or not. But you'll never guess what he was eating! He had taken a bite out of a plant that was sitting on top of the cabnet! A PLANT!!!!!!!! thats sooo duo, the idiotic baka. I have no idea why in the world he had decided to taste the plant, but it was sooo kawaii!!!!! the look on his face when he realised I had caught him, it was like a frightened dear frozen in the headlights. I just called him a baka and went back to typing.