Warning: language & sexual humor...

Declaimer: Not my characters so no sue I am just using them for my plot.

/Blah/ Naruto talking to Kyuubi through their mind link.

/Blah/ Kyuubi talking to Naruto through their mind link.

Japanese terms:

Ojiisan- grandfather

Nani- what?

Dobe- dead last

Baka- idiot/stupid

Teme-bastard

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu- Shadow clones

"Oh, gods... why my little Naruto," Iruka burst into a fit of tears. The Chunin teacher blew his nose in a flimsy handkerchief gulping down the last of his warm sake; Umino Iruka had his upper torso hunched over the bar counter as he did so. His friend Hatake Kakashi rolled his eyes heavenwards at the brunt's reaction.

"More Sake?" he offered holding up a half-empty bottle toward his weeping friend. Iruka paused in his weeping long enough to send a heated glare at the silver-hair Jonin. He then snatched the bottle out of Kakashi's hands popping it into his mouth and clucking it down greedily.

Kakashi chuckled he knew Iruka would act this way. The guy may have been Naruto's chunin teacher, but somehow both student and teacher grew attached they had a deep unbreakable bond. Kakashi knew the right thing to do was let his companion cry it out, so to give Iruka time, Kakashi flipped open his Ichi Ichi Paradise book.

"Can you believe it? What was Rin thinking? Those boys are going to kill each other. Oh, gods, and their wedding night! Kakashi we got to save him. He is just a boy he does not need to know about the birds and the bees not until he's at least thirty-five."

At this point, Iruka was clenching Kakashi's flak jacket for dear life, his brown eyes wide with growing realization.

If it weren't for Kakashi's wool mask that successfully covered his nose and mouth the brunet would have seen the amused smirk that was playing on the silver-haired jounin's face. Naruto was not a little anymore and that kid was far from innocent and sweet.

"Let's be rational 'Ruka you can't just go barging into someone's home and kidnapping the bride." The word bride seemed foreign coming from Kakashi's tongue especially when it was being referred to by Naruto as such. Those two did not fit in the same category.

Kakashi watched as the brunette slammed the empty sake bottle down on the well polish countertop, and stumbled off of the stool.

"Fine, I'll do it myself." Iruka started to stumble away from Kakashi until the older man's voice stopped him, "'Ruka that's the bathroom, not the exit."

It was around 9:30 at night and Haruno Sakura was tired her feet, lower back, and outer thighs ache from constant running about the hidden village of stone she could not understand for the life of her why she'd volunteered to take some stupid 'C' rank mission.

She never would have guessed the important secret scroll was a damn recipe Tsunade had promised to deliver to one of the ally villages. However; she couldn't seem to get angry over it come that morning she was going to go to Rin to be matched.

She was confident with the right bribery she could even snag a certain Uchiha instinctively she patted her pouch stuff with ryō. I've been saving up for this for so long-

"Sakura thank the gods I found you!"

Before she had even the faintest clue of what was going on her ash-blond-haired friend was running up to her in a cerulean-colored yukata with silver trimming which help with bringing out her icy blue orbs. She looked as if she'd come from a ceremony of some sort. Ino Yamanaka came to a sudden halt just a few feet away from her childhood friend/rival

"Is everything alright? You look as if you saw Nara-san naked or something." Sakura joked trying to make lighten the mood her friend was a shade or two paler than usual almost sickly being the medic-nin that she was Sakura felt a hard tug at the pit of her stomach something was not right.

Ino gulp for air she raised one hand using it to fan herself.

"What's wrong?" Sakura was panicking by now something bad must have happened while she was for those gone three whole days.

She saw Ino so worked up the girl looked as if she was going to faint. Ino clenched her eyes shut stubbornly holding back the stinging of tears, "S-S-Sasuke..." she paused and took another gulp of air before continuing, "Sasuke he's... he's...Married!"

Sakura felt as if a bucket of ice water was dumped upon her. This had to be a trick Ino was pulling! "You think you are so funny Ino pig!" Sure, when one of them was thoroughly pissed they would revert to their childhood nicknames/insults they just assumed it was because of their rivalry.

Ino's eyes narrowed into slits, "Why on earth would I make up something like this about Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura froze if this was true that would mean... on instincts she grabbed Ino by the front of her yukata, "who is she? I am going to mop the floor with the little hussy?"

Ino flinch at the She part Sakura was in for a rude awakening, "Naruto."

"What the hell Ino Naruto is a boy's name..." It took some time but as on cue, her emerald green eyes harden to jade with realization.

"You can't be serious." Sakura felt her face scrunching in disgust. Nevertheless, the woman she held in her grasp gave and hesitant nod. Sakura's inner self started to shout different kinds of awful profanities. She was going to do horrible things to a certain Kitsune heir, not one threat of anything nice.

"We have to stop this! My future with Sasuke-kun is at stake this is an outrage they are both boys, hello has this village gone blind overnight!"

"You are far too late Sakura! It's already their wedding night. What the hell can we do about it?"

"Their wedding night! We have to stop this from happening that is what we can do, come on." Sakura released her friend's yukata only to latch a hand onto Ino's wrist dragging her along for the ride.

"Sakura are you nuts? We can't just go barging into Sasuke's home in an attempt at murdering the bride!" Gods that felt foreign to the mouth especially when it's referred to as Naruto.

Maybe she was crazy maybe she was just a young lady in love but she knew for a fact her future husband was not going to be married to the village idiot for long. She wasn't going to give up without a fight damn it!

Meanwhile, at the Uchiha's residence, Sasuke had his sun-kissed bride pinned beneath him as he straddle his waist. He felt a sudden rush of smugness until something popped into his head, will it hurt?

He looked down at Naruto's closed eyes. They both had the same equipment. Hmm, this was going to be a problem. He wasn't prepared to sleep with another man.

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for winter," Naruto's canines were poking out from his upper lip he was back to growling again. He was getting uneasy Sasuke could tell.

"Just shut up I can't hear myself think!"

"Don't yell at me! I'm not your bitch-" his blue eyes darkening to an intense violet-blue, at his own words, technically he was the bitch.

Like hell I am!

Naruto started to thrash again. No way was he going to let that damn asshole put his grimy hands on him, husband or not!

"Shush!"

"Why should I the gods gave me a mouth so I am going to keep talking with it!"

"Can you keep that big mouth of yours shut for five minutes? I'm sure that'll please the gods!"

Naruto paused in his thrashing both boys turned to the window. If they weren't trained shinobi they would have messed up that sound it was similar to a whip of wind.

"Don't tell me some pervert is watching us." Naruto suddenly felt naked. The nerve he knew this village had its share of sick people, but this was taking it a bit too far.

"It couldn't be..." Without thinking which was kind of out of character to Sasuke since the boy was always analyzing things, he released his blond captive he then took very discreet steps across his room to his bedroom window.

Naruto felt around in his neatly folded scorched wedding robes next to the futon for his hidden shuriken but was having trouble locating them. He patted the near his ankle than his upper thigh, but there was no such luck... He had forgotten he was disrobed earlier.

The figure was still outside of the window peering in it was too dark outside to make out who exactly this person was and they were trying to hide all charka signals, hopefully, they would leave before either boy got their hands on him or her.

"Naruto I need you to-"

"-Ahh!" The Kitsune had rushed towards the window bursting through the glass and screen to tackle the corrupt there was a loud screech from the stranger as both individuals hit the grass below in a loud thud. Both were wrestling on the ground no one seemed fatally injured from falling a story.

While the two wrestled, another appeared from the bushes trying to break the two apart.

Sasuke shook his head watching the event take place on his family estate why was he forced to marry the one idiot who reacted on impose?

The blond paused after getting a good whiff of the corrupt, "Sakura-chan? Ouch," Sakura gave a good punch to his lower jaw thank the gods she didn't use what Tsunade taught her, or he might not have a jaw anymore. Ino who was trying to pry the two apart gave the pair a fair distance.

"You-you hoe-bag! Just couldn't wait to get your grimy little demon claws on Sasuke could you!"

"What I never asked to be with Sasuke. I am just as shocked as the rest of this damn village. Rin was the one who set the whole engagement up go punch her!" He retorted. There was an inner struggle on the other hand he was thankful she came. The other part of him was curious about what would have been.

/ She seems different to me child/ Kyuubi growled.

/ How so gramps/

/The bitch is pregnant/

/What?/

Well... this is gonna get messy hahaha I'm sending loving vibes dear reader.