It was there, in the back of my mind. A feeling, a, I don't know how to describe it. A knowing. I knew what it meant of course. Darkspawn. Welcome to your new life as a Grey Warden, Bethany Ha- Amell. That was another thing I needed to get used to. Using mother's maiden name that is. In the spur of the moment I'd given it in hope that if Maker forbid something should happen and I drew the attention of the Chantry it would be harder for them to trace it back to my family.
I spent the day after my Joining (as I learned the ritual was called) learning the layout of the camp. Duncan was busy most of the day in meetings with the king and various other nobles and army commanders so it was left to Alistair to accompany me. I didn't think I needed it, but truly it wasn't unwelcome to have someone new who wasn't afraid of magic to talk with. At least that way I wouldn't be humming unknown songs under my breath like I usually find myself doing when it gets too silent. Speaking of talking though...
"Yes I told you," I made Alistair say again, "It doesn't matter that you're technically an apostate. You're a Grey Warden now, and neither the Chantry nor their templars will bother you anymore. We've always been sort of above the law that way," he made a fluttering motion with one of his hands here. "In matters of darkspawn, and especially the Blight, we're given free reign to do whatever we deem necessary, including recruiting apostates or using blood magic. Though just between us," he grimaced, "I'd really prefer if you didn't."
"That is one thing you definitely don't need to worry about. My father always cautioned against blood magic and I have no intention of disregarding his warnings," I nodded while fingering the collar of my new outfit.
My clothes had been mostly beyond repair after my first tussle with the darkspawn, and truth be told they probably wouldn't have held up well in any future fights either. Luckily Duncan had brought along a selection of Grey Warden armor and weapons for any possible recruits he'd managed to find, and I picked out a decent looking set of battlemage robes. They were heavier than the clothes I normally wore due to the addition of some light scale armor on the tabard, but they would serve well in combat I'm sure.
As we walked past the contingent sent from the Mages' Circle at Lake Calenhad I had to force myself to repress a shudder. Even with the reassurances from Alistair it was still somewhat unnerving to see what my life could have been if I had been unluckier. I stopped and let out a breath. This wouldn't do. If I was going to be forced into battle with these people I couldn't afford to spend time worrying about what might have been.
"Hmm?" Alistair raised an eyebrow as he pulled to a stop alongside me. He followed my gaze. "Ah. Did you want to…?" he asked leadingly.
I nodded. "I can't be scared of them forever." Spying an older mage who was leaning against a tree off to the side I decided to introduce myself to a hopefully less-threatening target.
As it tuned out she noticed us as well. "Greetings Grey Wardens," she said while inclining her head slightly. "My name is Wynne, one of the mages summoned by the king." She focused a little on me, and I did my best to ignore the undercurrent of nervousness. "Ah, the garb fits you well so I didn't notice at first but you are Duncan's newest recruit, yes? You should be proud, he is not a man easily impressed," she said in a warm tone of voice.
What could almost be called a chuckle escaped from my lips. "I rather think it was more necessity than anything else that led to my recruitment."
"No no," off to the side, Alistair shook his head. "I can attest we were both impressed with how you handled the darkspawn scouting party. To be honest I think he would have offered you the spot even if you weren't infected."
"Oh." I looked away, unused to praise coming from outside my family.
This time it was Wynne's turn to chuckle. "There, you see? Anyways, what brings you over to this old woman, hmm?" she wondered.
I exhaled softly. Best to just get it out there I suppose. "I came to, that is, you might have noticed… I mean I want to talk. About magic," I stuttered lamely.
A fleshy sound signaled Alistair's palm hitting his face. Wynne only smiled. "Yes I thought that might be it. Tell me, what circle are you from? Somewhere in the Free Marches? I don't recognize you from Kinloch Hold, and I'm not old enough yet that I'd forget," she said with a grin.
A small frown found its way to my lips. Just get it out Bethany! "I'm not. From a circle, that is. My father taught me," the words rushed out.
A matching frown grew on Wynne's face. "I see. An apostate then," she said, and I could detect the disapproval in her voice. But she didn't make any threatening movements, so I guess it could be worse? "I suppose it's the Grey Wardens' right to recruit whoever they please."
"Yes, it is," Alistair interrupted sternly. I suppose I should thank him for standing up for me later.
Nodding in his direction (not mine, I noticed but didn't mention), Wynne replied, "Apologies, I meant no offense." She then turned back to me and continued, "It's clear at least that you are no abomination, so I will refrain from commenting on the matter further. Now if you'll excuse me, I really must check in on my fellows." I didn't try to stop her as I watched her walk away.
My head jerked back to Alistair at the sound of a loud clap. "I think that went well!" he exclaimed with his hands still pressed together.
"Did it?" I responded, bemused. Had we been talking to the same person…?
"Oh yes," he said cheerily. "You'll notice there was no screaming, no calling for templars, no running away-"
"There was some walking away though," I interjected dejectedly as I lightly kicked a small stone. I watched it rolled a short distance before coming to a stop against the very tree Wynne had previously been leaning on.
Alistair grew more serious, something which I was coming to figure out didn't happen too often. "I know what it looks like when people are going to report apostates. She won't turn you in. Besides, remember? It doesn't matter anyway," he finished in a lighter tone.
I felt a wry smile turn a corner of my mouth up. "Well I suppose that's something at least."
We walked a little more in companionable silence, before it was broken by another exclamation from Alistair. "Oh! Your dog! In all the excitement I forgot to show you where he was."
"Mouse!" I almost shouted as my eyes widened. I can't believe it took this long to remember! True a lot had happened but that's no excuse. "Yes please, take me there," I agreed. "I should have thought of him sooner, he's going to hate me," I moaned in dread.
"Not a mabari," Alistair chuckled as we changed direction. "He'll never turn on you if he chose you for a partner. Not unless you do something truly evil, and call me crazy but I don't think you've got that in you."
"You've only known me for basically a day," I said in embarrassment, "but thanks. And thank you for earlier with Wynne as well."
Waving off my response, Alistair said, "Well you know we Grey Wardens need to stick together. But tell me about Mouse, I think you called him? If you don't mind, how does an apostate from just outside Lothering come to own a purebred mabari?"
I let out a small "Heh," before continuing. "By chance, if you can believe it. My father brought him back as a puppy from, he wouldn't say where. We asked but he would only say it was his payment from a job." I smiled as I thought about how cute Mouse was when he was small. "Everybody assumed he was going to be my sister's, she's the eldest," I added. "I think she was actually the only one who wasn't surprised when he waddled past everyone else and parked himself in front of me. Molly just nodded and claimed that as a mage of course I would need a guard dog."
Molly. How was she doing? And how were Carver and mother? She'd better be looking after them. Had they heard the warnings? Did they know about the darkspawn yet? If there was time [if I survived] maybe I would try to make sure they were ok after all. Assuming the Grey Warden diplomatic immunity wasn't all a load of hogwash.
I rolled my eyes upward and blinked a few times like I normally do when trying not to tear up. I can't let this get to me now, I have to concentrate on the upcoming battle or I definitely wouldn't be able to see them again.
Perhaps wisely, Alistair let me have this little moment to myself without disturbing me. Though if I'm honest I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. Luckily that was also about the time we reached the kennel, and not a few seconds later I was nearly bowled over by a big pile of brown fur.
"Awww, hi puppy," I said while pulling Mouse into a big hug and burying my face in his neck. I pulled back after a time and watched with a smile as he bounced up and down in excitement.
"That's quite the dog you have there," the kennel master commented as he walked up to us. "He could show the boys a thing or two I'd bet." He jerked a thumb back at the other dogs in the enclosure. A few short barks announced Mouse's agreement with the sentiment.
"Yes, isn't he just the greatest," I cooed and patted the smug mabari's head. Maybe Carver was right when he said I spoiled Mouse, but bah. I've always loved dogs and what did it matter, really?
Alistair decided to take the initiative and introduce himself. He knelt down and looked right at my best friend. "So, Mouse eh? I can only assume that's an ironic name because you're a big one, aren't you?" I removed my hand when he reached out his. Being the magnanimous sort he was, Mouse shoved his head forward under Alistair's hand.
"Oh, a demanding sort I see," Alistair grinned as he rubbed behind the mabari's ears. Mouse's tongue lolled out and he panted, before turning it into a whine when Alistair stood back up.
"Oh hush you," I said while lightly tapping Mouse on the nose. "You can't get away with that with anyone else."
Like flipping a switch, Mouse sat back on his haunches and broke out a big doggy grin. I sighed in fond exasperation and cocked a head at the kennel master. He understood the unspoken question and flipped a treat to the satisfied dog, who snapped it up out of the air.
A small chuckle from Alistair drew my attention. "I think we'll get along just fine," he said and I couldn't help myself.
"You do seem like a big puppy so I'm not too surprised," I said slyly and fought back a laugh. I wouldn't normally say something like that but Alistair just seemed so friendly that it almost felt like talking with family, even though we'd only really just met.
Wide eyed, Alistair jerked his head to me. "Did you just make a joke at my expense? You? I'm so proud," he wiped a fake tear away from his eye.
"I'll try not to do it too often," I said, eyes dancing with repressed mirth. Our good mood was interrupted by the sound of footfalls approaching. We turned in unison (yes, even Mouse) to see Duncan walking steadily up to us.
"Ah, good, you're both here," the senior Grey Warden said with a nod. "We have almost finalized the plan for tonight's assault, and I would like you to accompany me to the next meeting with the king."
My eyes flew open and questions raced through my mind. "The king! What, I mean why could he possibly want to meet with me, us?" I said haltingly.
Inclining his head in acknowledgment Duncan replied, "I'm not sure. Perhaps he will explain at the meeting." He held out an arm in gesture. I traded a worried look with Alistair as we fell into step with the warden commander, my mind filled with thoughts of darkspawn once again.