Author: Caroline CarolineEJ@Bolt.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: Logan/Max romance
Spoilers: Takes place after AJBAC...
Summary: Max returns from Manticore to see Logan
Distribution: I don't really care where it goes, just as long as you drop
me a line and let me know where it's headed :)
Dedication: To all my Eye Spy sisters!
Notes: The title is from a Cyndi Thompson song called 'What I really meant
to say' It's really pretty :) And this is actually my very first DA fic
that I've written. I've written tons of other stories for other shows, but
never a DA one before this :)
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Four years, four years of hell, well that would be putting it lightly. I
was at Manticore for four hellhole years. I went through all the training,
all the lectures, all the lessons, and all the brainwashing techniques they
could scheme up. Lucky for me, nothing worked on me. With each pill and
IV they popped into me, I just thought of the one place I wanted to be.
I wanted to be in Logan's apartment, sitting there with him, while his classical
music was playing, and me and him would be playing chess, and of course,
I would be kicking his ass at it too.
So here I sit on the rooftop of a building across from the Fogle Towers.
After four years I was able to convince the people at Manticore that I was
a 100% soldier again. That I had a duty in life, to do as I am told, and
to act accordingly to the orders I am assigned. But all my work had eventually
paid off, and I have them all fooled. All I was supposed to do was go on
a simple re-con mission. Execute some fool who owed a substantial amount
of money to Manticore, and come back to them. The moment I was let out of
the gated prison, I ripped off my tracking device, my ear-piece, and any
thing else that Manticore could track down or contact me on.
So here I continuously sit. Waiting for some sort of life to emerge in Logan's
apartment. My anxiousness is more painful now than it has been during my
years at Manticore. I want to see Logan's face; I want to run up to him
and hug him for all the times I wasn't able to do that. I want rest my head
on his shoulder, telling him all of my troubles and all that I went through
at that place, and have him stroke my hair and tell me that I'm back and
everything is going to be ok. I want the happy ending in the fairy-tale.
I would actually go into his apartment, but how do you barge in on the one
person you love totally and completely and tell them "Hey, I'm back from
the dead!" I mean, Logan may not even remember me. Maybe he moved on, married
some average girl who cooks him dinner, laughs at his jokes, and does the
wifely duties around the apartment.
Well, I guess that actually finding out would be better than the suspense
of sitting up here and waiting for some sign of life to show up. It's only
8:30pm...Logan couldn't be sleeping. Well, I'll take my chances…
Logan, who was sitting in absolute silence listening to the radio, had heard
the knocking that was coming at his door. "And that must be dinner." Max
heard him say from the other side of the door.
As Max saw the doorknob begin to turn, her heart leapt, wondering whether
this was going to be the happiest or saddest moment of her entire life.
Logan didn't even look to see who was at the door, instead he dug into his
pockets, searching for his wallet to pay the delivery man. "So, Logan Cale
has lost his culinary miracle gift. Because I know that if that wasn't true,
then he would not be ordering take-out food from a local restaurant. Tell
me the world hasn't gone mad while I was away."
Logan slowly gulped. Afraid to look up for fear the woman in front of him
would instantly vanish, he kept his head hanging down. "Please look up."
Max pleaded with him. Desperately seeking the comfort in his eyes.
Slowly his eyes rose to meet hers. And for an instant, all the crime and
scum in the world disappeared. There was no hatred, no violence. There was
just Logan and Max.
"Max..." Logan wracked his brain for something to say. Something witty,
yet expressing everything he had wanted to say to her over the past years.
"How can you be here. You're dead, you died in my arms! That night... that
night you got shot and you died right before my eyes. And I was helpless.
I couldn't do anything to save you, I tried, but Lydecker knocked me out,
and I had to leave you. But you died!"
"Nope, I'm here, in the flesh. And you have Zack to thank for that. He lived
the life of a soldier, and he died like a soldier." Max expressed solemnly.
Logan's look of disbelief soon changed to confusion. "I don't get it. Zack
is dead? We were all led to believe that he was still trapped in Manticore."
"No, apparently when he found out that my heart had failed me because of
the bullet, well, he became my heart donor. But, I really don't want to
talk about it. It's just one of those subjects that I prefer not to get
into."
"Yeah, sure" Logan asked, still feeling awkward about having Max right in
front of him.
Grabbing Logan's hands and intertwining his fingers with her own. "There's
something I have to ask you before I do the one thing in the world I have
only dreamed about doing."
"Ok" Logan answered, partially excited, and partially fearful of her approaching
question.
Max smiled at the look of Logan's face. He looked anxious and so afraid.
"Is there a Mrs. Eyes Only that I should know about. Or maybe a pending Mrs.
Eyes Only?"
"Max, you know me better than that. When you died out there in those woods,
I was a complete mess. I had to tell Cindy what had happened to you, then
I had to make up a story for your friends, and all the while I was slowly
going insane. Bling threatened to kick my ass a good few times in the process.
He told me to stop moping around, that being a cynic and cursing the world
was not going to bring you back to me. I even visited the Space Needle more
than a few times, because when I was up there, I felt so close to you. And
despite my extreme fear of heights, I found it a comfort zone for me. I
tried to let you go, and I tried to get along with life, but I never stopped
loving you. And I knew that if I were to move on, it wouldn't be fair to
them, because you would always be in my heart."
Logan saw a single tear stream down Max's face. "What? The indestructible,
invincible Max, crying?" Max lightly punched him on the arm, while Logan
managed a slight laugh and wiped her tear away.
Max reached up her hand to grasp his hand. "I can't believe I'm really touching
you. So many times I would have dreams about moments like this, and you
and me just living a regular life. But I would always wake up and see the
cold and grayness of Manticore."
Logan and Max both knew that they wanted Manticore to be the furthest thing
in their minds. "So what was the thing you had dreamed about doing?" Logan
asked while that sneaky, sexy grin played across his face.
Max had meant for the kiss to be sweet and simple. But in that moment, both
of them realized that it wasn't enough. Before breaking apart, the kiss
had deepened, and all the bottled-up feelings had come out in those few
moments.
Later that night, Max lay comforted in Logan's arms on the couch, just as
she had always dreamed of during her years away from him. Neither needed
to say anything. They just needed to be with each other.
"Logan, do you remember that night, when I died?" Max asked, lifting her
head from Logan's shoulder to look at his face.
"How could I ever forget. That was the worst night of my life." Logan answered.
"Do you remember what I said to you, as you held me?" Max said, searching
Logan's eyes for an answer.
"You said that you needed to tell me something, something you should have
said a long time ago. But I told you that it could wait...Yeah, I remember."
Logan shuddered at the remembrance of that moment.
"I love you."
"I love you too Max."
Max smiled "No, I love you, that's what I really meant to say that night.
And I do. Course it took a hell of a lot for me to finally admit to myself,
and more so you. But, now it's out there."
"Well, I still love you all the same." Logan tightened his grip around Max,
still fearful that at any moment she would slip out of his grasp, and he
would be all alone again.
"You better!" Max joked playfully. Both of them smiled as they enjoyed the
night that brought them back together again.
The End