----------------------
"Rob?"
His friend was leaning against the doorframe, mumbling
incoherently. He looked up at Skid's face.
"Skid! Skid, I'm in shit, I'm so fucked. You
know...you...where did you go? You were at home, and now you're
here. You hit me. Why did you hit me? You're the only friend I
got..." He was getting mad. Sensing an impending scene, Skid
reached behind him and pulled the door closed, pushing Rob back
further on the porch.
"What are you doing here, Rob?"
"I came...to find you. Stop changing subject, I said you hit
me. You're not meant to hit me. You're meant to be my friend.
Ohhhh, Skid."
"What?" Despite his pity for his friend, Skid was
angry. Really angry. His drunk, stupid, fucked-up friend had just
turned up on the doorstep of this family home, this protected
little world. He had no right to be there.
"Uhhh. My report card came through, Skid. I am soooo fucked.
I can't...I got, like, D's, an' F's and shit and I'not gonna go
to college..."
"Look man, what did you expect?" Skid tried to move Rob
further back, away from the windows through which Rob's language
could be heard loud and clear. As he put an arm out to move him,
Rob swung his arm in a loose attack for this trespass on his
personal space and smacked Skid around the head. Loosing all
control, Skid grabbed Rob by the collar of his soaked jacket and
wrestled with him, dodging thw wildly swinging punches that kept
coming his way. They fell to the ground in a tussle and dropped
off the edge of the porch onto the wet grass, the rain still
falling in massive droplets onto their adrenaline-fuelled bodies.
Getting himself up off the ground, Skid gave an almighty heave
and pulled Rob up too, bring him face to face before he felt a
heavy punch land in his stomach, winding him. He bent over
slightly, grabbing Rob around teh waist to prevent him doing any
more damage until he recovered and they went round in a circle of
flailing limbs, the rain pouring from the heavens as they did. As
Skid moved and grabbed the back of Rob's neck, bending him over
to land a punch, he felt his grip on his prey loosen and slip
away as a force between their two bodies split them apart.
Straightening up with some difficulty and breathing hard, he saw
Doug standing in the rain, looking wildly back and forth between
him and Rob. Rob was staggering a little opposite Skid, also
breathing hard and clutching one side.
"I don't know what this is about guys but if you're going to
fight, don't do it here."
Skid dropped his head, bending over and resting his hands on his
knees out of both embarrassment and the need for air. Rob swayed
a little more, giving Skid a straight look before bending down
shakily and sitting on the wet grass.
"You okay now?" Doug asked, more in reference to
whether he could leave them than to whether they were feeling
good.
"Yeah. Sorry Doug."
"That's okay."
He went back inside. The two of them stayed in their positions
for what felt like an eternity, until Rob's head dropped and he
mumbled something. Skid didn't say anything but kept his view
fixed on the blade of grass below him that dripped regularly once
every three seconds. It wasn't until he could feel Rob's eyes
looking at him that he looked up too.
"What am I doing here, Skid?" The fighting and
adrenaline seemed to have worn away the effects of the alcohol on
Rob and his eyes, although slightly glazed, were bright and
piercing but showed a strange despair that Skid wasn't sure he'd
ever seen before.
"I don't know, Rob."
"I got my report card. I hid it, it's in my room in an old
shoe box so my parents won't find it. No college in their right
mind is going to accept me."
"Sorry."
"Not your fault. It's just..." he picked up a pebble
and threw it down again, repeating this several times before
picking it up and lobbing it down the lawn as far as he could, at
the same time as saying "...I don't give a fuck any
more."
"Why not? I don't understand you. You have so much to play
for and you're throwing it all away."
Rob stayed silent, but the light of the moon reflected off his
jawline and it was clenched hard. He had found a bgger pebble and
was picking it up, holding it, then throwing it into the ground
harder and harder.
"You know what, Skid? You just don't get it at all. You
think that just because I never read her books, or took her to
the zoo, or built her a crappy treehouse," he looked towards
the wooden structure on his left, clearly visable in the dim
light, "you think that because I didn't show it, I didn't
love her and that I didn't care. But you're wrong, you are SO
wrong. You're the one that's fucked, buddy. You couldn't be more
wrong and you don't even KNOW IT." Taking the stone, he
threw it even further down the lawn this time, his long arm
flicking the pebble out of his hand and through the air at the
speed of a pro pitcher.
Skid sat, confused, but not wanting to make Rob anymore irate.
"You think I didn't know you loved your sister?" He
said it quietly.
The stony silence from opposite him only confirmed what he said.
The silence broke as Rob stared downwards, semi-consciously
ripping up grassblades by the handful next to him.
"I DID love her. And I didn't want her to die. I'm crap at
showing what I feel and now...I don't know that she ever thought
I loved her."
Those few words almost made an audible click in Skid's head as he
finally understood what had been the cause of his friend's
behaviour for the past few months. Rob thought that Becka
believed he didn't love her. And now she was gone, he could never
tell her or show her.
What he looked up at Rob, whose face still pointed down. But he
was certain that what he had just seen fall from his best
friend's face was not just rainwater.
Skid stood up slowly, ignoring the protests from his ribcage and
shoulder. Looking towards the house, he turned back to Rob.
"C'mon." He tipped his head in the direction of the
house and started walking back. A few seconds later, he heard Rob
get up behind and follow him. They walked into the house,
dripping on the laminated hall floor until Carol passed them the
rugs that hung from the back of the couch. In silence, she went
out of the room, before returning a few moments later with some
dressings. She put one against Rob's right cheekbone, where a
bright gash had seperated the skin, and the other to Skid's jaw
where Rob had clipped him with a ring. They took the dressings
and held them in place, still silent. Carol left again, busying
herself in the kitchen, unsure what else to do in such a
situation. Some minutes later, she heard Doug come down the
stairs and join the two boys in the lounge. Sticking her head
around the doorframe to see what was going on, she heard Doug's
voice talking quietly and saw him check the dressings.
"You can stay here for the night - Skid you got a pull-out
mattress under you bed, if you can share a room."
"We can. Thanks Doug."
Doug nodded, not wanting to pry in whatever had just happened.
All three of them stood up and Skid and Rob went up the stairs,
Doug heading towards the kitchen to talk to Carol.
"What happened?"
"I don't know. But I don't they're going to fight again
tonight."
The next morning, having sacrificed his bed to Rob and slept on
the pull-out mattress himself, Skid awoke slightly earlier than
normal and went down for breakfast in a t-shirt and boxers. In a
more sobre mood than normal, he poured some fruit loops into a
bowl and sat down at the table. Doug watched, and sat down
opposite him, shooing Kate away gently when she pleaded for the
tenth time to put the TV on.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
"And Rob?"
"He's still asleep."
Doug nodded and pointed to the fruit loops. "They're gonna
get soggy if you don't eat them."
"Yeah..." Skid swirled his spoon around in the bowl,
not particularly hungry.
"So you gonna tell me what all that was about last
night?"
Skid stayed silent. Did he really want to tell Doug all that
stuff? He felt bad talking about his friend while he was in the
same house, but even worse he was still humiliated that his
friend had turned up drunk. It wasn't the way to go about making
a good impression.
"C'mon. You don't strike me as the sort of guy who just
flies of the handle at anything."
Skid sighed. He decided to let it fly. "I went to move him
off the porch, and he took it the wrong way and flew at me. I was
angry that he showed up so I hit him back...after you came out
and stopped us, we talked a bit and I think...well, Rob's afraid
that his sister didn't know he loved her."
Doug's eyebrows raised. Before he could say anything, they heard
the sound of footsteps on the landing and Rob came down the
stairs. Looking around a little wildly to figure out where he was
and holding his head with one hand, he saw Skid and Doug and went
to join them.
"Morning."
"Mornin'"
"Want an asprin? I'm Doug, by the way."
"An asprin would be great, thanks. I'm Rob. I guess I've got
to apologise for pitching up here last night like that,
sorry."
"Okay. Here." Doug passed him a glass of water with two
asprin. Rob put them in his mouth and washed them down with the
water. He turned back to Doug, a more earnest expression on his
face now the sleep had been wiped away.
"Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or anything.
You were great to let me stay here last night, I'm going home
today - you can just pretend it never happened."
Skid played with his cereal some more, it was started to
decompose in the milk now. Doug, standing by the worktop, dropped
his head to one side.
"Actually, it looks like you guys have to sort some things
out between yourselves. If you don't mind the sleeping
arrangements, you're welcome to stay longer." Skid looked at
Doug, questioningly. Doug replied before he could even say
anything. "I talked to Carol this morning, and she agrees as
long as there are no repeats of last night, okay? Skid could
probably do with some company of his own age anyway, suprised
he's lasted this long with those two..." He looked over his
shoulder at the twins, who seemed to be arguing about who got to
sit on the beanbag.
"You know I don't mind them. But it would be cool if you
could stay, Rob."
"Yeah. It's real nice up here. I'm not sure my parents are
going to be delighted to see me right now anyway."
"Do they know where you are?"
"Not exactly...no."
"I think you should call them. Just let them know you're
okay. I'm not going to pretend I know the situation, but I'm
pretty sure they'll be worried about you."
Rob shrugged.
"Go on, Rob. You know your mom, she'll be out of her mind
now. They won't be mad if you just call - how long have you been
gone anyway?"
"I don't know...I went out the day the report card came
in...did some drinking...I guess you knew that. That was maybe
three, four days ago?"
"Here." Doug handed him the telephone. Gesturing to
Skid, he beckoned him away from Rob so he could have a little
privacy and went with his son to the den where Tess and Kate were
sharing the beanbag noisily and playing some sort of game with
three dolls and a giant stuffed giraffe.
"Girls? Skid's got a friend over today, so you two are going
to have to go to nursery for the afternoo..."
"No, Doug. Don't put them in the nursery, we can look after
them fine. Please?"
Skid's words were echoed by the twins, who wanted to stay at
home.
"Alright, alright. But you have to behave youselves,"
he was interrupted with "Yay!" and "We ALWAYS
behave ourselves!", before continuing, "and if Skid and
Rob want some time to themselves, you have to let them." He
turned to Skid, "Just make sure they're in your sight,
especially if you're outside, okay? Okay."
Skid nodded, and picked Kate up, who was about to scale his leg
if he didn't.
"Can we go to the playground today?"
"Yeah, I don't see why not..."
"How about we go now, kiddo? All five of us!"
"Four, Daddy, Mommy's at work."
"Yeah, but we can get Rob to come. That makes five - you,
me, Tess, Skid and Rob. See?"
"Oh yeah. Okay! Can I go on my bike?"
"I wanna go on my bike too!"
"Yes, you can go on your bikes. I'll go and get them
out..."
"I'll go get dressed. I think Rob's gone into the shower,
but I'll go tell him we're leaving soon."
"Okay."
Half an hour later, the troop left the house and headed towards
the small playground at the end of the road. There weren't a
great amount of facilities, but it was enough to keep Tess and
Kate happy - all they needed was a couple of swings and a jungle
gym. There was a roundabout too, but apparently Tess had thrown
up once after being on it, and now they both kept away. They had
raced away on their stabilised bikes as son as they had left the
driveway, with Doug behind them at a safe distance. Skid and Rob
walked behind him silently.
"Your dad's a pretty cool guy."
"You think?"
"Yeah. He didn't throw me out last night, did he? And he
didn't tell me to get lost when I showed up. That's what my dad
would have done."
"I guess. He understands a lot of stuff, y'know? That's
cool."
"Yeah. Cute sisters you got too. What are their names
again?"
"Kate, and Tess. Kate's the louder one, in the red cap. Tess
is quieter, she's wearing the blue sneakers."
"They always dress differently?"
"Dunno. They have done while I've been here, Carol says it's
so I can tell them apart, and so she can too sometimes!"
"'k. You had a good time here then?"
"Yeah. I have."
"When you going home?"
"Sunday morning. You know, you might as well stay till then
and we can travel back together."
"Can't do that, I got my car too."
"Travel in convoy then. Bet I can beat you down the
Interstate, your car has jackshit injection."
"Yeah, right, check out your great big heavy truck! My
injection's shot but my maximum speed must be way above
yours."
"Don't bet on that, buster."
They had reached the playground and Rob helped Doug pick up the
discarded bikes and prop them up against the fence that protected
the park from unwanted intruders. In the meantime, Skid
obligingly went to push Tess on the swings, while Kate seemingly
ran right up the jungle gym and hung upside down from the monkey
bars. From her position, she still managed to notice that Tess
was on the swings having a great time and after calling to Doug
to help her get down, she made a beeline to where Skid and Tess
were.
"Me too, push me too, Skid!"
"I can't push you both at once. Wait a moment..."
But Kate had had a better idea. "No, here, you sit down on
the swing and I'll push you!"
"I'm not sure that'll work, Kate..."
"Yes it will! Please?"
Grudgingly he sat down on the swing, his legs alomost folded
double. "Okay Kate, give it your best shot!"
He felt small hands on his back, and he lifted his feet as far
off the ground as possible so that he might move. Indeed, he did
move. But only about five centimeters. Tess saw what was going on
and joined Kate, giggling as they tried to push their brother,
who was at least double the height of them, high into the air.
From his place about a meter abpve the ground, Skid called to
Rob.
"Hey! Get over here! You gotta join in too, 'cause I don't
want you going home and telling everyone!"
For the first time in four months, Rob smiled his old smile and
got up slowly from his seat on a bench. Doug watched him go from
the jungle gym that he was leaning against. What a stroke of luck
he happened to have Skid's camera in his pocket. As both of the
boys reached a maximum height on the swings, with Tess and Kate
behind them, Doug pulled out the camera, shouting "Say
cheese!" and took a snapshot. The howls of horror were
probably heard for miles around.
After Doug left for work that afternoon, the two boys and two
girls decided they would make a meal for Carol when she arrived
home. Surprisingly, it was Rob's idea initially. Tess disappeared
to another room and returned with a heap of cookbooks when Rob
suggested the idea, and while Skid tried to talk Kate out of
wanting to cook chicken nuggets, Rob had to break it to tess that
they couldn't make veal picatta with an asparagus sauce.
Eventually settling on lasagne as a good dish, they set about
making it. Fortunately there were two recipe books that listed
lasagne and so while Rob and Kate worked on making the white
sauce and cooking the pasta, Skid helped Tess create a rich
bolognaise. They managed to pile it all up in layers into one
giant dish just before they heard the key turn in the door lock,
and Skid shoved it into the oven as the girls made a dash for the
door, vying over who got to tell first.
The meal was a huge success. Carol had been expecting to see the
kitchen covered with tomatoes, bits of minced meat, flour and
broken pasta, but was pleasantly surprised when all she
encountered was a spilt tin of plum tomatoes. They had made
enough for them all, plus an extra portion that could be
microwaved when Doug got home later. Halfway through the meal,
Kate remembered she didn't like mushroom very much and spent a
lot of time picking them out, while Tess ate them from the side
of her plate. After dinner, Carol took the twins to the bath
while Rob and Skid watched 'The Simpsons'. As the girls came back
down the stairs half an hour later, Doug arrived home, and after
some bargaining they agreed that Tess and Kate were allowed to
stay up twenty minutes later than normal so that they could all
play Candy Land together. They were about halfway through the
game, with Doug winning but being chased by Tess, when Skid went
to get the dice from under Rob's knee and noticed his head was
bowed. Before he could figure out what was wrong, or even ask if
he was okay, Doug tapped Rob's elbow and stood him up.
"C'mon, buddy."
They moved out of the room, and Skid looked at Carol, who seemed
just about as mystifaed as he felt. He knew Rob was upset but
nothing had happened. He wasn't even losing the game - he was
ahead of both Skid and Carol. Fighting the desperate urge to go
and find him, he rolled the dice as Kate watched.
"What's wrong with Rob?"
"I don't know, Tess."
"Did he do something bad?"
"No, honey," Carol said, passing the dice on, "I
think he's just sad."
"Why?"
Choosing not to answer this directly, Carol said, "Maybe
he's just not feeling very well. Come on, it's your turn."
Bedtime came for the twins, and still there was no sign of Doug
or Rob. Carol took them to bed, promising to send Doug to see
them when he came back. She went into the kitchen when she came
downstairs again, calling out to Skid,
"You want a beer?"
"I'd love one, thanks."
Coming back to the den with two bottles of Michelob, she passed
one to him and sat down.
"Where do you think they are?"
"I don't know, Skid."
"How come Doug took him out?"
"He'll talk to him, find out what's wrong. Don't look so
worried, that's what Doug does. It's part of his job, and he's
very good at it. Rob'll be fine."
"I thought Doug was a doctor?"
"He is. But patient care is a big part of being a doctor. I
think Doug's aim is to be like a big brother to every patient he
sees sometimes."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Sometimes he cares too much. But I'm glad he
does."
"Me too. He said he left Chicago because he cared about a
patient too much...I kinda thought, well, I thought maybe he'd
had an affair with a patient or something. I know you're not
meant to do that..."
Carol laughed. "Nope. He's a paediatrician. It's
complicated, but he was resposible for a lethal dose of pain
killer being given to a very sick little boy that wanted to die.
He resigned before he could be fired."
"Wow. Isn't that illegal, euthanasia?"
"Yeah, it is. But because he didn't issue the dose himself
and because he wasn't fired, he was allowed to keep his license
to practise medicine. He can't work in an emergency room again
though."
"So he work's on a children's ward instead?"
"Yup. It's a specialist children's hospital, and he works on
a couple of the wards there."
"But you work in a different place?"
"Yeah, at a state hospital in the Intensive Care Unit. It's
a lot like the ER but the hours aren't so long, which means I can
have more time with Tess and Kate."
Skid nodded, and looked out of the window, trying to see if there
was anyone out there. Instead, the front door opened behind them
and Rob came in, followed by Doug.
"You both okay?" Carol got there before Skid.
"Yeah, we're okay." Doug said, looking at Rob, who
nodded.
"I'm going to take a shower if that's okay."
"No problem, you know where it is right? There's a clean
towel on the rail."
"Yeah, thanks." He disappeared upstairs, and Doug
ambled over and sat down on the couch next to Skid.
"Is he really okay? Where did you guys go?"
"He's not great but he's going to be fine. We just went out
for a walk for a while. You know, you weren't far off the mark
with your guess." He rubbed the back of Skid's head, then
turned to Carol.
"Got another beer left?"
"Yup, in the fridge."
He helped himself and returned, also with his plate of re-heated
lasagne.
"What is this exactly?"
"It's lasagne, Tees, Kate me and Rob cooked it this
afternoon."
"And the kitchen's still intact?!"
"Yup, wouldn't you know it!"
"Hey!" Skid said, pretending to be hurt, but failing.
On Sunday morning, Skid stood at the front of the house and
ordered Doug, Carol, Kate and Tess to stand in a nice position by
the treehouse. Using up his final exposure, he took a shot of the
four of them, with the lake in the background. Rob sat in his own
car, with the seat next to him filled with snacks, crayoned
pictures, and a spare T shirt. Finished taking his photo, Skid
went to say goodbye properly. He hugged each of the girls,
promised he'd come back and visit again soon, and told them to
take care. Carol hugged him too and said he had been great and
was welcome back any time. Finally, he turned to Doug, hand
outstretched for a handshake. Clasping hands, they grinned.
"Aw, what the hell, c'mere," Doug said and bear-hugged
his son. "Keep writing, okay? I know I'm not good at writing
back very quickly, but I always read them."
"I know you do. Thanks Doug."
Waving, he walked to his truck and got in, nodding at Rob that
they were off. As they drove down the road, with Rob in the lead,
Skid saw his new family waving until he turned the corner and
they slipped out of his view. As they drove further away, Skid
was glad that Rob had his own car with him. Right now he wanted
to be by himself.
It was late the next evening when he finally pulled into his own
driveway at home. His mom was waiting on the doorstep, holding a
dishcloth in one hand as if she'd been pretending to do something
else other than waiting for him to return home. She came down the
steps slowly when he pulled in, and tentitvely walked to the
truck. Skid jumped out and walked to meet her halfway. They
stopped, facing each other in the dusk.
"You had a good time?"
"Yeah." He smiled back at her.
"The journey okay?"
"Yup."
"What was Seattle like?"
"Cool."
"And the twins?"
"Mom. They're great. They're all really nice and I love them
all. But they're not you." He smiled some more and Angel's
face cracked into a grin of her own as she stretched up and
hugged her son to within an inch of his life.
-------------------
To stand out in the rain
So no one sees me cryin'
Trying to wash away the pain"