Chapter 4: Emotions Rising

Monday morning, the doctors of Seattle Grace were on edge. Word quickly spread about the new head of directors and the changes he was making. It didn't help that Burke's resignation as chief came at the same time, causing the rumor mill to spin more. Meredith was able to find Cristina and talk before the other interns arrived. Meredith noticed her friend calmed considerably from her initial freak out the day before.

Several hours later, Meredith finished checking on her patients and couldn't ignore the rumble in her stomach. She thought about paging Derek, but glancing at the OR board, she noticed he was in the middle of an ependymoma craniotomy. She silently scratched that plan and debated whether or not to page George or Izzie, as she dropped off her charts at the nurse's station.

Making up her mind, she retrieved her pager from her pocket and looked down at it as she turned around and ran into something solid. Meredith stumbled a little and almost fell, but a man reached out and caught her arms, steadying her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me." Meredith spoke, trying to ignore the way her skin crawled where the man's large hands gripped her firm, small biceps.

"It was my mistake; I wasn't watching where I was going… Dr. Grey…is it?" The man kept his hands on Meredith and flashed a charming smile showing perfect white teeth.

Meredith could imagine his smile persuaded many a woman, but for some reason, he was making her uncomfortable. He was a tall man, probably a few inches over six feet and had brown hair that was gelled perfectly in place. His deep-set brown eyes rounded out his perfect features, down to his chiseled jaw.

Meredith took a few steps back, causing him to release the hold he had on her. She could have sworn a hint of amusement flashed through his eyes before he cleared his throat and offered his hand.

"I don't believe we've met. I'm Jon Luckabee. You didn't answer my question. You're Meredith Grey, aren't you?"

Meredith reluctantly took his hand and offered a polite shake, before retrieving her hand back and answering. "Oh, um ya…sorry…yes, I'm Dr. Grey. It's nice to um… meet you Mr. Luckabee."

Meredith politely smiled at the man who apparently was now one of her bosses, but her eyes searched the hall, desperate for an excuse to walk away. She immediately understood what Callie and Izzie had been talking about the day before. She hadn't been in this man's presence more than two minutes, and she was already feeling very uneasy.

"Please, call me Jon. You'll find I do things quite differently than your former head of the board. I like to get to know the doctors that work at my hospital. On a more personal level."

"Oh, okay. Sure… Jon." Meredith took another step back under his piercing gaze. Her heart started beating rapidly in her chest and she knew she wasn't imagining the way he was looking at her.

"So, Grey? As in Ellis Grey the great?" Mr. Luckabee folded his arms across his chest and leaned his back against the counter, not taking his eyes off the beautiful doctor once.

"Um, yep. Same Grey." Meredith shifted uneasy, silently urging her pager to go off. She'd willingly do rectals over standing here making small talk with this man.

"Hmmm." He seemed to study her a moment before continuing. "I noticed in your chart you're five years behind where you should be in the program. You were let back in under special circumstances? I can only assume your mother had some pull there, right? Seattle Grace is a prestigious hospital; medical graduates apply from all over the country to get into this competitive program. It seemed a little odd to me at first that they'd decide to start making special circumstances, but now I'm starting to understand."

Anger started to boil inside Meredith and threatened to surface, but she forced herself to stay calm as she answered. "Actually, my mother passed away a few years back Mr. Luckabee. My special circumstances were understood to remain private, and I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind. Now if you'll excuse me." Meredith brushed passed the man she had grown to hate and hurried down the hall, not bothering to look back.

She didn't see the smile that slowly crossed Mr. Luckabee's face as he watched her small form and attractive curves quickly fleeing; making his mind up then and there that he would definitely be getting to know this doctor on a more personal level.

Meredith skipped lunch and dove into her work to pass the remaining hours of her shift. She kept her mind off Mr. Luckabee and on the endless pile of pre-op notes she volunteered to do. She heard two of her fellow interns, a Dr. Harris and a Dr. Ware, whispering about her sucking up to the residents and attendings who already seemed to favor her.

Meredith easily ignored the comment, already accustomed to the two young doctors talking about her behind her back. Dr. Harris, Shannon, as her friends called her, was a young ditzy blond. She almost reminded Meredith of a younger version of Izzie, though not nearly as pretty or half as smart. Dr. Ware, on the other hand was terribly intelligent. Meredith couldn't be sure, but she thought his first name was Allen. He was short, standing at a little over five and a half feet, and had dark hair and olive skin. On their first meeting, Meredith had quickly determined he was the most promising of the bunch. He was quick and precise and knew his medicine. That's why it was so strange to Meredith that as quick as he was to jump in with the right answer, he was also the first to jump in on any gossip.

Meredith pushed aside her notes and glanced at the growing stack of labs that needed to be taken downstairs. Eager to get away from the whispering and stares, she collected the papers and stood, fighting the urge to throw a snark comment at the gossiping duo, she turned and headed down the hall.

She wasn't paying attention to anything except the fact that she had two hours left, and if she took the stairs instead of the elevator and then took the back hallway to the east wing instead of the left route, it would shave an extra ten minutes from the one hundred and twenty remaining.

Meredith was so lost in her thoughts that when she looked up and noticed a figure in dark blue walking next to her, she jumped and nearly called out in surprise. She met Derek's amused eyes and crossed her arms, holding her paperwork protectively to her chest, as she tried to glare at the beaming doctor.

"You know you really shouldn't scare people. It's not nice."

"It's not my fault you were spacing out. I've been walking next to you since you exited the stairwell." Derek eyes were twinkling, and he battled to keep his boyish grin from splitting his face.

"I do not space out! I was just thinking…about a patient." Meredith nodded, as if her own explanation satisfied her, then noticing Derek was still grinning, she went on curiously. "Why are you so happy?"

Derek's eyes shone with excitement as he glanced up and down the hallway. Meredith furrowed her brows. Derek was acting weird.

Before Meredith could press him further, he pressed a finger to his lips and motioned for her to follow him. They walked quickly down the hall to a more deserted one and Derek led her into an empty on call room. He ushered her in and closed the door quickly behind him, locking it.

She couldn't help but think how cute he was when he was excited about something, but she was really beginning to wonder what it could be. "Derek, what is it?"

He leaned against the closed door, staring at her, his indigo eyes dancing, before he spoke.

"I got chief."

"Wh... What?" Even though, really deep inside, Meredith knew since yesterday there was a small possibility, she still was taken by surprise.

"I got Chief, Mer! Mr. Luckabee, I just came from his office." Derek started pacing, the smile never leaving his face. "I mean, I can't believe… It's what I've always dreamt of. Its…. Years ago, that's why I came to Seattle." Derek shook his head, as if still trying to process everything for himself. "I'd given up on the possibility. I never even imagined…" Derek stopped pacing and let his voice trail off in awe.

He stared off for a moment before turning back to Meredith who hadn't said anything yet. He quickly crossed the room until he was standing in front of her and took both of her hands in his.

"I haven't agreed to anything yet, Mer. I told him I needed to discuss it with my family first. I'd never make a decision like this without you Mer, you know that right?" Derek searched her face, trying to get a hint of what she was thinking.

"Oh, so you told him… about us?" Meredith looked up, strangely feeling a little relieved.

"No! No, I promise. I know it's important to you that we keep us a secret for a while. I only said family and he didn't ask further. You and Carwyn are my family. And you guys come first." Derek didn't break his eyes away from her, and shifted nervously. "So, what do you think? What's going through your mind?"

Meredith looked back into his hopeful eyes. He looked so vulnerable, as if realizing his lifelong dream hung on the next words out of her mouth. So, she took a breath and pushed away her earlier thoughts of Mr. Luckabee, she pushed aside the nagging feeling of fear and dread of what this would mean to their new family. This meant a lot to Derek, and she loved him more than anything else in the world. She was extremely proud that he was chosen for this prestigious promotion, and so she clung on to that.

"I am so proud of you Der. You're going to make a wonderful chief." She let her smile reach her eyes as Derek let out the breath he was holding.

"Really Mer? Are you sure?"

Meredith nodded back, her eyes shining from his pure joy. Derek grabbed her in his strong arms and swung her around once, before setting her back down and holding her close. He breathed in the flowery smell of her hair as he spoke. "I promise nothing's going to change. You and Carwyn will always come first. I can do this. You'll see. I can do this." He repeated.

She wasn't sure who he was reassuring, her or himself. She nodded into his chest and answered. "I know you can Derek. I know."

They held each other for a minute longer, each lost in thought, before they were separated by the shrieking of her pager. Meredith remembered she was still working, and pulled it out of her pocket, reading the screen.

"I gotta go." She frowned.

Derek smiled and nodded understanding. "I'm already off, so I'll pick up Carwyn and meet you at home. How about we go out and celebrate tonight? Just the three of us, as a family?"

"Sounds good. I'll meet you at home in a couple hours." Meredith reached on her tip toes and kissed him quick, before hurrying out of the room.

She let Derek's words echo in her head. Nothing's going to change. I can do this. You and Carwyn will always come first. She believed him. She let that feeling drown out the uncertainty and anxiety that swam around inside her.

Their dinner was nice and relaxing. Derek took them to a quiet little Italian restaurant, not far off the shore, that had an amazing view of the ocean.

Not long after they finished the chocolate pie Derek ordered, they drove home, stuffed, and satisfied. Even though it was late, and they were all tired, Carwyn chattered nonstop from the back seat. Meredith and Derek exchanged amused glances as their four-year-old daughter that jumped from topic to topic.

Meredith turned in her seat and laughed at her energetic girl. "Why don't you tell us about pre-school Carwyn? What did you do today?"

Carwyn's eyes widened. "Mama! Ashley P. said that I couldn't come to her birthday because Billy picked me to help pass out the glue sticks and not her and so I said that she couldn't be my best friend anymore and that only Jane and Robin could come to my birthday and then Peter said that none of us can come to his birthday because we're girls and his birthday is for only boys and I said that my birthday is for only girls and Ashley P. said hers was only girls too so we decided to be best friends again and I told her she could come to my birthday if I could go to hers and she said okay."

Derek's eyes went wide and Meredith bit back her laugh. "Well, I'm glad you and Ashley P. made up. But Carwyn, your birthday is still a few months away."

"Can I have a party mama? I've never had a birthday party before!"

Meredith looked out the window for a moment before answering. Derek didn't miss the look that flashed through her eyes before smiling and turning back to her daughter.

"Of course you can have a birthday party. Turning 5 is a big deal." Meredith laughed as her daughter clapped her hands in pure joy and bounced in her pink booster chair.

"Yay! Thank you thank you thank you mama! I'm going to tell Robin and Jane and Ashley P. and Ashley W. tomorrow…"

Carwyn went on and on about what they would do at her party and what she would wear, and when it became clear that she was clearly talking to herself, Meredith turned back around in her seat and stared quietly out the window, lost in her own thought.

She felt Derek reach over and grab her hand, intertwining his fingers in hers. She turned her attention from the black night to the handsome man, staring at her concerned.

"What's wrong Mer?"

"Nothing." She smiled reassuring. "I was just thinking about birthdays actually." She laughed a sort of humorless laugh. With all that was going on, she found it irritating that something so dumb sparked forgotten feelings of pain.

"Birthdays huh? Your birthday is coming soon. Are you worrying about getting old?" Derek squeezed her hand and looked at her teasingly.

Meredith let out a real chuckle. "No. It's nothing like that. It's just…. Never mind it's dumb." Meredith shook her head hoping Derek would forget it.

"Come on Mer, what is it?" Derek stole quick, curious glances at her, as he watched the road ahead of him.

Meredith sighed and lowered her voice. "It's just that I feel bad that Carwyn hasn't had a real birthday. When we were alone, we never had any money, so I could never buy her anything special, and we barely had enough food to survive, let alone even dream about getting her a birthday cake…." Meredith's voice trailed off and she had to blink fast to keep her emotions in check.

"When I was little, my mother never did anything special for my birthday either. Sometimes I'd get something small. I could always tell it came from the hospital gift shop though. As I got older, she'd just leave some cash on the table. No card. No cake. Some years she'd completely forget. I pretended it didn't bother me. However, when you're young, and you hear the other little girls giggling about what they're going to do at their slumber party, you can't help but feel a little sad." Meredith turned back, looking out the window.

"I told myself that if I ever had a kid, I would make birthdays special. Make them feel like the day they came into the world was a day worth celebrating." She shrugged and kept her face turned so Derek couldn't see the hurt in her eyes.

Derek knew this wasn't just about feeling bad about Carwyn. He understood Meredith has unresolved issues with her mother.

"I'm sorry Mer. No kid should have to go through that. I can't believe you've never had a birthday party…"

Meredith tried to laugh but it came out as a scoff. "No, no birthday party. I've never even been sung the happy birthday song." Meredith cleared her throat and regained her composure, turning back to Derek. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is that Carwyn has an amazing birthday and never has to go through what I did."

Meredith smiled and returned the squeeze to Derek's hand. He nodded and smiled back, not at all fooled by her fake resolution. His heart broke for the pain she experienced. Derek vowed that now that he was in her life, he would repair the damage and do everything in his power to make sure she was never hurt again.