Chapter 10: Making Amends
Meredith enjoyed the rare quietness that filled the old house. Izzie and Alex were working late, and Carwyn was next door, helping Callie get things ready for the approaching arrival of her and George's baby. Meredith sprawled on the couch, her legs hanging over the armrest, socked foot moving to the rhythm of an old Snow Patrol song coming from the stereo. Her day was bad. Awful. It felt good to just sit still and not think, like she had uselessly tried earlier in the hospital basement.
The doorbell chime echoed through the house and Meredith temporarily considered ignoring it. Figuring it could be Callie and Carwyn, she forced herself up and padded to the door.
Meredith threw the door opened and froze in surprise. This was definitely the last person she expected to be showing up on her doorstep.
"Hello Meredith. I'm sorry to come over uninvited. I wanted to formally introduce myself. I know we got off on the wrong foot today, and for that I apologize. I am truly sorry. I had no idea… anyways, hi, I'm Carolyn. Carolyn Shepherd."
Derek's mother offered out her hand and Meredith eyed it cautiously before accepting it in a quick, light handshake. Meredith shifted back and forth uncomfortably, not sure what to say. Not sure of what was expected of her.
"Oh… um…. please come in… Mrs. Shepherd." She held the door open for the gray-haired woman to enter and suddenly wished she wasn't alone. She'd do anything for someone, anyone, to help her through the inevitable awkward conversation that was sure to follow.
Meredith offered the older woman one of the tall armchairs that sat on either side of a small, round, antique table in the living room. Meredith stood uncomfortable, wondering if she should offer coffee or tea. There wasn't much else she could handle on her own in the kitchen.
"Um… would you like… coffee… or something?" She wrung her hands, scared to death of the proper woman, perched perfectly on the chair in front of her.
"No thank you dear. I would like if you'd care sitting, so we might have a bit of a chat." She gestured towards the matching chair on the other side of the table with her blue eyes.
"Sure." Meredith said unsure, slowly lowering herself in the seat. She fidgeted with a string that was coming from the unraveled end of her t-shirt, as she waited for Derek's mom to take the lead.
"So, Derek said you won't take his calls. He's been trying to get a hold of you all day." Carolyn watched the younger woman, her expression unreadable.
Meredith shot her head up in surprise. She knew she was avoiding Derek? She immediately figured Derek's mom must certainly consider her immature and childish, surely Addison never behaved this way.
"Oh. Ya… I'm sorry. It's just…." Meredith wasn't sure what to say. Derek had hurt her, again, and she wasn't ready to pretend it was fine between them.
"Meredith. I know what he did."
Again, Meredith looked up in surprise. Her voice wasn't judgmental, condemning. It was kind and compassionate. Understanding.
Carolyn continuing before Meredith was able to say anything. "Derek is a foolish man. He didn't tell his own mother that he was now a father. That he had found the woman of his dreams, until I came barging into Seattle, and ran into you first. He's never been very good at relationships… Now, in no way do I commend what Addison did… betraying Derek with his own brother… Truth be told, he was distant. He had forgotten to be a husband first, doctor second." She shook her head, suddenly sad.
"It's my fault really. I didn't know how to raise a boy. Derek's father died when he was young. I had four other daughters; I suppose he sort of just slipped through the cracks. I never remarried. He never had a male role model. He never saw for himself how a successful marriage was achieved; the correct way for a supportive,productive partner to act. He's just kind of winged it. Now it's all catching up to him. He's finding, for the first time in his life, there's something more important than his job. Now he's scared to death that he can't do it both. He can't be Chief, and he can't be the man you need. You know what Meredith? He'd give up chief in a heartbeat if he had to. You and Carwyn are what matter to him now. Not his career anymore. He didn't say that in so many words. But I know Derek. I know my boy. It was written all over his face. Screaming from his heart."
Meredith sat back floored. She couldn't believe everything this wise woman just shared. It was a completely new experience for Meredith. She couldn't remember ever sitting down with a motherly figure and having a heart to heart. Something ached inside Meredith, suddenly aware of missing something she never had.
"Don't get me wrong Meredith. I did not come over to apologize for him or make excuses for the sometimes frustratingly dense man. I came because I really do want to get to know you. And I love my son, as stupid as he can be, and I see how happy you make him. And how happy Carwyn makes him. And I thought maybe you could take Derek's past into consideration and find it in your heart to forgive him. Not today… you can make him sweat it a little. That's always good. But when you're ready. Listen to him. Make him tell you what you mean to him. True love is a rare gem. Something that shouldn't be tossed to the side like yesterday's paper."
Meredith nodded. She decided quickly that she really liked Derek's mother. Whatever happened between her and Derek, she knew she wanted this woman to be a part of Carwyn's life. They both could learn so much from this smart, respectable woman.
"Have you met Carwyn yet?" Meredith wasn't sure how long Carolyn had hung around the hospital and if Derek had introduced his mother to his daughter yet.
Carolyn smiled, knowing Meredith was slightly changing the subject, but respected the fact that she had just given this young woman a lot to digest. Her eyes twinkled at the thought of her new granddaughter.
"I have. This afternoon. We had lunch together. I must say Meredith, you did an amazing job raising her on your own. Under such horrific circumstances. It shows what incredible character you possess. Carwyn is the most delightful, intelligent little four-year-old I have ever met. She was painfully shy when we first met, but she came around by the end of our meal and I'd like to think that she now considers me at least a friend. Which is better than I even hoped for."
Meredith smiled and blushed at the sincere compliments. She also realized that Derek had told her the whole story. The amnesia, the five years of Carwyn, and her wandering around. She knew it all, and still seemed to like her.
Before Meredith could think of anything else to say, the front door banged open and Carwyn excitedly rushed in.
"Hello?! Mama! I'm home!" Carwyn ran through the foyer and found Meredith and her new Nana sitting in the living room.
The young child immediately turned shy and sank into Meredith's side when she noticed the woman from earlier. She didn't hide her face though. Instead, she watched the woman carefully from the protection of her mother's arms.
"Carwyn, do you remember… um, your grandmother from earlier? Can you say hello?" Meredith gently coaxed, knowing not to push too much too fast.
"Hi Nana." Carwyn replied softly, slowly gaining courage.
"Hello Carwyn. It's so nice to see you again. You have a beautiful house here sweetheart." Carolyn smiled, her compliment genuine.
Carwyn looked back a minute more, clearly debating something inside her small head, before she spoke, still soft but surer of herself. "Do you want to see my toys, Nana?"
Derek's mother's face lit up and her eyes shone, thrilled that her shy granddaughter was beginning to open up to her. "I'd love to Carwyn!" She held out her hand and, with only a split-second hesitation, Carwyn grabbed the wrinkled hand with her own small, smooth one and eagerly headed for the stairs.
"That is…if it's okay with your mother Carwyn?" Carolyn looked over to Meredith, her eyes raised worried, not wanting to overstep her welcome.
"Of course." Meredith replied, her own eyes shining now. "It would mean a lot to her to show her new grandma her room. Also, it will mean a lot to the both of us if you'd stay for dinner."
The older woman smiled back, letting out a sigh of relief. Sudden emotion consumed her, so she nodded, accepting the invitation, not trusting herself to speak. She followed Carwyn up the stairs, hopelessly trying to keep up with the youthful legs of a four-year-old.
Carolyn Shepherd considered herself a practical woman. She had always believed in fate. Meeting Meredith and Carwyn had only confirmed what she had initially concluded earlier as she talked to Derek. This was what her family was missing for all those years. Meredith. She and Carwyn now filled the mysterious gap in the Shepherd clan. Their family was finally complete. Now, not only did she have four wonderful daughters who each shared their life with a kind man and a house full of children. She had her son back, with a beautiful granddaughter and an amazing woman that made him whole.
Meredith smiled as she watched the two hurry upstairs and disappear around the corner. She let herself revel in gratitude that her daughter would not grow up without a grandmother for a minute, before frowning.
Crap. What was she thinking? Had she really asked her to stay for dinner? As if she could make dinner. She sighed and hurried to the kitchen. She silently prayed she'd find one of Izzie's frozen meals in the freezer and that she'd be able to figure out how to thaw and heat it without burning anything. That would be a small miracle in itself.